


Whilst I, My Sovereign

by anonymouschupacabra (accordingtomyresearch)



Series: The Sum of Its Parts [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Angst, Doctor!Oikawa, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, One-Sided Attraction, Past Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Tattoo Artist!Iwaizumi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-05-13 16:51:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 110,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5709889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accordingtomyresearch/pseuds/anonymouschupacabra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“There’s actually someone else I like right now and he’s kind of too amazing and I’m petrified that I’m going to fuck it up because I can’t let go of my feelings for Kageyama,” Oikawa rushed out; Yaku just blinked up at him.<br/>“Well, that’s good right?” Yaku said. “You’re moving on. Pursuing someone new.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really excited about this fic!! it's my first iwaoi fic but i've kind of been planning it for a while. 
> 
> this fic takes place in my The Sum of Its Parts AU and I highly highly highly suggest reading it first just to get a kind of idea of the story, because this fic takes place immediately after chapter 52 and goes through all the way up to the epilogue. (i can totally do a brief summation of the previous story if you want).
> 
> to those of you guys returning from my other fic thank you so so so so much!!

            With two coffees in hand, Oikawa pushed the door to the tattoo shop open with his shoulder. Stepping up to the main desk, he placed the two coffee cups on the counter and took a step toward the hallway. Looking down the hall Oikawa pouted when he saw that all the lights were off.

            _So much for staying in the shop and working-_

            “Can I help you?” Iwaizumi asked from behind Oikawa, startling him. Jumping in place slightly, Oikawa turned around to see Iwaizumi looking at him with his eyebrow raised in question.

            “Oh um,” Oikawa cleared his throat. “I uh, I’m Kageyama’s friend. The doctor.”

            “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said nodding. “I remember you.”

            “Oh go-good,” Oikawa laughed nervously.

            “How is Hinata? And Aiko?” Iwaizumi asked moving further around the front desk and sitting down at the chair. “When I spoke with Kageyama he said she was okay, but Hinata is still in the hospital right?”

            “Uh yeah he is,” Oikawa said watching Iwaizumi’s tattooed arms as he pulled himself in the chair towards the computer. “I mean, yeah he’s ok. Well he’s going to be ok. He’s still in the hospital and he’s kind of beat up but yeah, he’s going to be fine.”

            “He’ll be fine. Is that your medical opinion?” Iwaizumi smirked, and Oikawa could feel his cheeks heat up instantly.

            “Um, yes-no,” Oikawa stumbled. “I mean, in my professional opinion he will heal over a period of about 6 to 8 weeks and with some physical therapy, his arm it will probably heal almost completely.” Swallowing, Oikawa tried to put on his most professional face.

            “Well that’s good then,” Iwaizumi smiled turning to the computer. Oikawa could feel his cheeks heat up slightly. “So what brings you here at,” Iwaizumi glanced down at his watch, “7pm, an hour after closing. Looking to get a tattoo?”

            “Um, no,” Oikawa said stepping closer to the desk. “I actually came here to see you.” Iwaizumi glanced over at him with raised eyebrows and a slight smirk. Mentally cursing himself, Oikawa tried to backtrack. “I meant I- well I did come to see you but I didn’t mean it like- I brought coffee.” He picked up the coffee cups and held them up. Iwaizumi looked between them before looking back at Oikawa. “I didn’t know how you took it so I guessed.”

            “Oh thank you,” Iwaizumi said taking a cup. He brought the cup to his lips and took a small sip. “Black, two sugars. That’s really close.”

            “Was it really?” Oikawa asked surprised. “So how do you actually take your coffee?”

            “Black, four sugars,” Iwaizumi said taking another sip. “I like it really sweet.”

            “No cream?” Oikawa asked leaning on the desk.

            “I’m lactose intolerant,” Iwaizumi shrugged. Oikawa smiled softly as he watched Iwaizumi drink his coffee and turn to his computer.

            “Well that’s good to know,” Oikawa smiled. “For next time.”

            “Next time?” Iwaizumi asked glancing over at Oikawa as he pulled up the main schedule on the computer.

            “Yeah,” Oikawa said. “The next time I bring you coffee.” He saw the slight smirk cross Iwaizumi’s face.

            “I’m still not sure what I did to deserve coffee,” Iwaizumi asked typing into the schedule. “Not that I’m complaining.” He picked up the cup to take a drink.

            “You didn’t do anything,” Oikawa smiled. “You’re just cute.” Iwaizumi choked on the coffee spiting some of it on the computer screen.

            “Um...” Iwaizumi began looking at the coffee dripping down the screen. Oikawa just grinned and handed him a pad of napkins that he pulled out of his back pocket. “Thanks,” Iwaizumi said not meeting Oikawa’s eyes. He wiped the coffee off the screen and tossed the napkin into the garbage behind him.

            “You’re welcome,” Oikawa grinned. Iwaizumi looked up at Oikawa with a slight reddening in his cheeks. “For the coffee.” Picking up his cup, Oikawa smiled and turned around. Taking a small sip of his coffee, Oikawa walked out of the shop.

* * *

 

            “Ok so I got it completely right this time,” Oikawa said opening the door with his shoulder carrying in two cups of coffee. He looked over at the front desk where Iwaizumi sat looking at Oikawa who walked in. “It took me a few days to find a place that understood that black, with four sugars didn’t also mean a buttload of cream.”

            “Oh thanks,” Iwaizumi said as Oikawa walked over. “You’re earlier today,” he said glancing down at his watch. “It’s only 6:30.”

            “My shift ended earlier today,” Oikawa said placing a cup in front of Iwaizumi and taking a sip from his cup.

            “Well then,” Iwaizumi said taking the cup. He sipped it and nodded his head up at Oikawa. “It’s perfect.”

            “Good, I’m glad I got it perfect today,” Oikawa said sipping his coffee.

            “It is,” Iwaizumi smiled. “Thanks for the coffee. Again.”

            “You’re welcome,” Oikawa smiled. “Again.” Iwaizumi smiled and turned back to the computer. “So,” Oikawa began fingering the rim of his cup “when does this place actually close or what?”

            “Um,” Iwaizumi began glancing over at Oikawa, “6 on weekdays. And 2 on Saturdays.”

            “You’re open on Saturdays?” Oikawa asked.

            “Sort of,” Iwaizumi said turning his chair towards Oikawa. “I only do consults on Saturday. Plus, it usually just me. Sometimes Kuroo, the piercer.”

            “So you’re here alone on Saturdays?” Oikawa queried.

            “Is that all you heard?” Iwaizumi asked shaking his head.

            “Well yeah, duh,” Oikawa smirked. “So why didn’t you tell me this sooner? I could have been here last Saturday.”

            “I’m sorry?” Iwaizumi said like it was a question. “Don’t you have work on Saturdays too?”

            “Eh, yeah sometimes, but not all day,” Oikawa shrugged. He picked up his cup and took a long sip, watching Iwaizumi out of the corner of his eye.

            “Oh really?” Iwaizumi said spinning his chair to face Oikawa. “I didn’t know ER resident doctors got to make their own hours.”

            “Oh yeah,” Oikawa joked. “I get to come and go as a please. I run that place.”

            “Oh do you know?” Iwaizumi smirked, crossing his tattooed muscular arms.

            “Mhm,” Oikawa hummed.

            “Because I was under the impression that doctors don’t run hospitals single handedly. I thought that there was much more of a hierarchy,” Iwaizumi said.

            “Common mistake,” Oikawa grinned. “Well, what about you?”

            “What about me?” Iwaizumi asked.

            “I thought it took a lot more artists to run a tattoo shop,” Oikawa said glancing around the shop.

            “It takes a few, yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded. “But it’s mine so I’m here a lot. Plus most places only really have 3-5 artists and someone there for body modifications. We’re average.”

            “What exactly do you do here Mr. Boss-Man?” Oikawa asked sipping his coffee.

            “Well I am one of the tattoo artists, besides running all the clerical and accounting work, I even clean the place,” Iwaizumi said looking around. “I just don’t run the website. I make Kuroo do that. Honestly it’s too complex for me.”

            “Seems fair,” Oikawa nodded. “Although you seem to do an awful lot. Why don’t you make your wonderful employees do something. Like Tobio. Make him clean or something.”

            “He’s my most requested artist,” Iwaizumi shrugged. “More than me, I think actually. He’s actually usually really busy, plus he’s got the little girl so I don’t like to pull him away from that. But when he’s here, if he’s not tattooing, he’s meeting with a client or drawing.”

            “I don’t think I’ve seen your drawings yet,” Oikawa said thoughtfully.

            “Of course you have, you’re staring at them,” Iwaizumi said stretching out his arms. “I design all my own tattoos.” He stood up from the chair and leaned his arms on the desk so Oikawa could see them better. Oikawa looked down at his arms, lifting his hand slightly to trace the designs that wrap around Iwaizumi’s arms.

            “Snakes?” Oikawa asked moving his finger up Iwaizumi’s arm, tracing the design of the twisting and swirling snake pit that covered his left arm.

            “Some of it,” Iwaizumi said looking down at his arm. “See when you’re first starting out as a tattoo artist the only person who will sit for a long time for you is you,” he laughed sheepishly. “I was 20, I had a snake and a lot of drawings of him.”

            “What was his name?” Oikawa asked looking up at him.

            “Godzilla,” Iwaizumi said embarrassed.

            “What?” Oikawa laughed. “Godzilla?”

            “Yeah, and he was a pretty small Kingsnake too which made it kind of funny,” Iwaizumi said rubbing the back of neck with his hand and placing the other on his hip. “But he was like the perfect greenish brown so obviously, Godzilla.”

            “Of course, obviously,” Oikawa smiled. He could see the slight tint of red in Iwaizumi’s cheeks.

            “So um,” Iwaizumi coughed clearing his throat. “Do you have any tattoos?”

            “Uh, no,” Oikawa said waving his hand dismissively. “I don’t even have the obligatory ‘I’m in my twenties and away from my parents’ rebellious tattoo.”

            “Aw really?” Iwaizumi asked interested. “Why not?”

            “I don’t know,” Oikawa shrugged leaning his hip on the desk. “I never really thought about getting one.”

            “Seriously?” Iwaizumi asked surprised, crossing his arms. “Not even in passing?” Oikawa shook his head. “I don’t even think I understand.”

            “It’s not like I don’t know a lot of people with tattoos,” Oikawa said. “It’s just that I never really thought about getting one.”

            “Well what about now?” Iwaizumi asked.

            “What do you mean?” Oikawa questioned, raising his eyebrow.

            “If you had to think about getting one now, what would it be?” Iwaizumi asked.

            “Um,” oikawa just stared blankly at Iwaizumi. “I don’t know.”

            “Hmm,” Iwaizumi hummed. “I’m going to design you something.”

            “Oh that-that’s not necessary,” Oikawa stumbled. “Honestly you really don’t have to.”

            “No, no I’m going to,” Iwaizumi said shaking his hand dismissively. “And I’m not going to force you to get it, obviously. But I think it’d be an interesting exercise.”

            “Are you going to draw me something pretty?” Oikawa teased jokingly.

            “Do you want me to?” Iwaizumi asked with a hint of a smirk.

            “You can design whatever you think would look best on me,” Oikawa said delicately, leaning his face closer to Iwaizumi. He could hear him take in a small breath. Oikawa picked up his coffee cup and leaned back, taking a long sip from it.

            “I’ll get right on that,” Iwaizumi said watching Oikawa drink his coffee.

* * *

 

            Oikawa closed the car door behind him and took a deep breath. He looked up at the front door to Sovereign Tattoo just as Kageyama walked out. Feeling the heat building in his cheeks, Oikawa pulled up his scarf tighter around his face and neck trying to cover up the blush that had nothing to do with the cold December wind.

            “Tobio,” Oikawa waved as he walked over. Kageyama looked over at him, obviously not surprised that he was there at closing, with a tray of two coffees in hand.

            “Hey,” Kageyama said walking over stopping by the curb, pulling his coat tightly around him. Oikawa locked his car and shoved his keys in his pocket with one hand and grasped the tray of drinks that he had placed on top of his car with the other. He walked over to Kageyama who was curling in on himself trying to keep warm in the cold December evening. The lights of the stores glowed around him creating a soft halo of light that Oikawa found himself mesmerized by. Even still, Oikawa couldn’t stop the almost involuntary impulse to just stop and stare at the magnificence that was Kageyama. Oikawa knew that Kageyama had no idea of how truly picturesque he looked; standing with his head tilted to the side in waiting as he watched Oikawa walk towards him, the tattoos on his hands peeking out from the sleeves of his coat that he had pulled tightly around himself. Kageyama looked at him with such a soft expectant expression that Oikawa felt the familiar tinge of jealousy that Hinata got to see that look everyday, but it was fleeting enough that by the time that he walked over to Kageyama it was gone.

            “I thought you’d left,” Oikawa said coming to stand in front of Kageyama. “You’re usually not here around 7.”

            “Yeah,” Kageyama sighed. “There was this one piece I was working on and the guy wanted it done all today so I had to stay late. It was like a 6 hour piece.”

            “Oh wow, damn,” Oikawa said. “That sounds intense.”

            “I don’t like doing long pieces like that,” Kageyama said running his fingers through his hair. Oikawa watched as the locks fell back into the same spots as they were released from his fingers. “I mean, I can sit for hours and concentrate. It’s the people I’m tattooing. They always want to...talk.”

            “You say it like it’s a bad thing,” Oikawa laughed. “People just get bored.”

            “Whatever,” Kageyama huffed pulling his coat tighter. “I also hate when a customer makes me change my schedule like that. I had to come in early to set up for an early morning appointment and then I had to stay late for a long afternoon one. Hinata had to drop off Aiko at school this morning and he had to go pick up Aiko from school cause I couldn’t leave.”

            “Well, that good right,” Oikawa said. “That you have him to do that for you.”

            “I know I just...” Kageyama trailed off, biting his lip. “I don’t like asking him to go pick her up for me. Especially since...” Kageyama looked down, furrowing his brow. Oikawa could see him biting the inside of his cheek.

            “I understand,” Oikawa said putting his hand on Kageyama’s shoulder.

            “Yeah, and he’s still got that cast on his arm,” Kageyama said pulling himself out of the emotional pit he led himself into. “But it’s his left so he’s good to drive it’s just...I...the last time...”

            “You can always call me you know,” Oikawa said quietly.

            “I-I know,” Kageyama huffed. Oikawa could see his breath rush out like a billowed white cloud from his pouty mouth. “I just...I don’t really want to ask anyone.”

            “Tobio,” Oikawa sighed. “We’ve talked about this.”

            “Yeah I know,” Kageyama sighed. “It’s ok to ask for help, blah blah blah.”

            “As long as you know,” Oikawa smiled.

            “Yeah, yeah, I do,” Kageyama shook his head. “Look, it’s Friday, I’m tired, I’m fucking freezing, and I haven’t seen Aiko all day, I’m going to go. I’ll text you later ok?”

            “Of course,” Oikawa nodded, giving him a small smile. “I’ll talk to you later.” Kageyama waves him goodbye as he walks down the street towards his car, and Oikawa exhales softly watching him go. Shaking out the thoughts in his head, Oikawa squares his shoulders and walks into the tattoo shop. Glancing around and seeing no sign of Iwaizumi, Oikawa placed the tray of coffees on the desk and pulled off his gloves stuffing them into the pockets. “Iwa?” he called out with still no sign of him. Unbuttoning his peacoat, Oikawa walked further into the shop going to the hall until he got to Iwaizumi’s workroom. Poking his head in, he saw that Iwaizumi was drawing diligently on a large drawing pad with his headphones in. Smiling to himself, Oikawa watched him bob his head to the music for a few moments before he knocked on the door. Startled, Iwaizumi looked up; his look of surprise melting into happiness when he saw that Oikawa was standing in the doorway.

            “Oh hey,” Iwaizumi said pulling out the earbuds from his ears. Oikawa could hear the distant sound of heavy metal coming from the headphones. “Sorry I got really into the drawing, I forgot to check the time.”

            “No, it’s ok,” Oikawa smiled, leaning on the door. “I like watching you draw.”

            “Really?” Iwaizumi asked surprised. “I’d think it’d be pretty boring to watch me draw.” He wrapped up his headphones around his iPod and placed it on his drawing station.

            “Not at all,” Oikawa shook. “You’re really expressive actually.”

            “Huh,” Iwaizumi hummed, nodding his head. “I didn’t know that.” Oikawa just smiled watching him lean back in his chair, as he furrowed his brow in thought.

            “So do you want your coffee or...?” Oikawa asked, gesturing behind him with his thumb.

            “Oh yeah, I actually do,” Iwaizumi said getting up and following Oikawa back out the front desk. “I know it’s only been a few weeks, but you’ve kind of gotten me addicted to this evening coffee now.”

            “Have I really?” Oikawa asked laughing. He picked up Iwaizumi’s cup and handed it to him, taking his own and tossing the tray in the recycling.

            “Yeah actually,” Iwaizumi said taking a sip. “And now anytime I smell coffee I think of you.” Oikawa felt his cheeks flush as he tried to contain his smile.

            “Well that’s practically Pavlovian,” Oikawa smirked. Setting the cup next to him, he hoisted himself up to sit on the desk. Iwaizumi walked over to the front door and locked it, turning the over the closed sign.

            “It is, isn’t,” Iwaizumi nodded, walking back and coming to stand in front of Oikawa. “Although, it feels like that might have been your plan.”

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Oikawa said innocently.

            “Sure you don’t,” Iwaizumi said raising an eyebrow skeptically. Oikawa just grinned and took another sip of his coffee. “You can’t tell me you’re not someone who has a plan.”

            “Iwa, that sounds so sinister,” Oikawa chided. “Me? Have some master plan? I’m only bringing you coffee. How could you see malicious intent in that?”

            “Not _malicious_ intent,” Iwaizumi said squinting at Oikawa suspiciously.  

            “So mean,” Oikawa said feigning hurt.

            “Yeah ok,” Iwaizumi smiled, taking another sip of his coffee. Oikawa just watched him and Iwaizumi tried to look away, but kept glancing back catching Oikawa’s eye each time. Trying to keep back an embarrassed smile Iwaizumi turned his head away but it didn’t work. “What?” he asked the smile breaking it’s way onto his face.

            “How often do you smell coffee?” Oikawa asked, tilting his head and settling the cup on the desk between his legs.

            “What?” Iwaizumi asked confused.

            “You said that every time you smell coffee you think of me,” Oikawa said, his finger tracing the rim of the coffee cup. “I was just wondering how often you smell coffee.”

            “All the time,” Iwaizumi said with a slight smile. Oikawa’s grin grew.

            “Maybe you’re just developing a caffeine addiction,” Oikawa shrugged, like his heart wasn’t beating a mile a minute. “Maybe I should stop bringing you coffee. I could be fostering a bad habit.”

            “I don’t think I want to break this habit,” Iwaizumi said softly, taking the slightest step closer to Oikawa. Feeling the breath leave his lungs, Oikawa could only watch as Iwaizumi gaze dropped from his eyes to his lips before quickly looking back up at his eyes again. “I’m feeling self indulgent.”

            “Well,” Oikawa said slyly, “normally as a doctor I’d tell you not to feed a bad habit.”

            “But?” Iwaizumi prompted, taking the slightest step closer again. Oikawa could feel his leg brush against his.

            “But,” Oikawa continued swallowing. “This habit doesn’t seem so abhorrent.”

            “No, it doesn’t,” Iwaizumi said, tilting his chin up. “I rather like it actually.”

            “Well if it makes you happy,” Oikawa breathed, not looking away from Iwaizumi’s gaze.

            “It kind of do-” Iwaizumi began, but was cut off by a loud tapping on the front door. Turning around to the door, he forcibly exhaled and placed his cup on the desk next to Oikawa. As he walked to the door, Oikawa let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Kuroo, I hope you have an excellent reason for coming back so late,” he growled wrenching the door open.

            “Um, it’s a reason,” Kuroo said. “It might not be a great reason, but it’s a reason.”

            “Whatever,” Iwaizumi said stepping aside and gesturing inside. “Go get whatever stupid shit you needed.”

            “Damn, I just need my charger,” Kuroo grumbled as he walked in past Iwaizumi. He looked up and made eye contact with Oikawa who immediately felt awkward and exposed. “Hello?” he said like it was a question stopping in his tracks.

            “Hi,” Oikawa said, giving a small wave.

            “Charger, now,” Iwaizumi instructed giving Kuroo a shove.

            “I’m going, I’m going,” Kuroo said walking down the hallway to his workroom.

            “Sorry about that.”

            “I should go.”

            They both began at the same time. Oikawa’s face went from red to redder as he saw the look of resignment on Iwaizumi’s face. Moving his cup aside, he hopped down from the desk. Iwaizumi stood silently watching from below his brow as Oikawa wrapped his scarf around his neck again.

            “You don’t have to go,” Iwaizumi muttered after a few moments. Oikawa paused in his motions to button up his coat.

            “It’s fine,” Oikawa said, clearing his throat. “I have an early morning shift tomorrow anyway. I should be getting home soon.”

            “Ok,” Iwaizumi said quietly, nodding his head. Oikawa grabbed his cup and finished what was left before tossing it into the garbage. “Thanks for coming again,” he said softy. Oikawa turned his head to look at Iwaizumi, who was giving him a soft smile. He was standing a lot closer than Oikawa thought he was, and he could feel his arm against his own.

            “No problem,” Oikawa nodded.

            “See all I needed was my charger, you grumpy old m-” Kuroo cut himself off as he walked into the room. Oikawa took a step back, uncomfortable under the attention. “Ok then, I’ll see you tomorrow boss,” Kuroo said, swiftly walking out through the entrance. Oikawa could hear Iwaizumi exhale as the door closed behind him.

            “I’ll see you later,” Oikawa said going for the door. He felt a gentle tug at his sleeve that made he turn his head back to Iwaizumi.

            “Are you, um,” Iwaizumi began. “Are you coming tomorrow? You haven’t been here on a Saturday yet.”

            “Oh, uh,” Oikawa said surprised. “I have a long shift, it’s 36 hours I don’t think-”

            “Sorry, you’re right, I’m sorry,” Iwaizumi said shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have...sorry.” Oikawa wasn’t sure what to do. Normally Iwaizumi was tough and stoic, if just a bit grumpy. But today he seemed like he was off balance somehow.

            _Did I throw him off? Make him uneasy in someway?_

“No it’s ok,” Oikawa said, smiling gently. “I’ll be here Monday though.” He gave Iwaizumi a quick smile.

            “Yeah, of course,” Iwaizumi said taking his hand back. “I’ll see...I’ll see you Monday.” With a slight nod, Oikawa walked out and into the cold of the December night. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he rushed over to his car, unlocking it quickly before getting in. With a sigh, he turned the key in the ignition. Feeling unsteady, Oikawa tried to ignore the feeling while he turned on the heat in his car.

            _Was that something back there? Like, I know I was flirting with him, but I always flirt with him. Was he actually flirting back?_

            Running a hand down his face, Oikawa took a deep breath. He knew he was attracted to Iwaizumi that much was obvious; he had been since the moment he saw him. And he knew he liked him, genuinely liked him as a person and as... a friend Oikawa liked to think. But...

            _Ugh why did I have to see Kageyama when I was walking in there? Why couldn’t he have left just a few minutes earlier? He’s so..._

Oikawa rubbed his face, trying to abandon that train of thought. There was no use in thinking that way, not anymore. He knew that he had held on to the hope that something would happen between them for far too long, especially since Kageyama and Hinata had been back together for about 3 weeks now with no signs of slowing down. And he was happy for his best friend, he really was. Kageyama and Hinata were perfect for each other and he knew that, in theory. But in the recesses of his mind he couldn’t help but picture a second outcome to the events; an outcome that swung more favorably in his direction. One where Kageyama saw that the parts of his and Hinata’s relationship were too broken to mend, and he fell hard and fast for the helpful and very available Oikawa who was there to pick up the pieces. Where he was the one dropping off and picking up Aiko from school. And he was the one who got to see Kageyama’s soft expressions daily. Oikawa was still painfully in love with Kageyama and it hurt, sometimes more than he could bear.

            Shaking his head free of those thoughts, he put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking spot, trying to leave behind both his sense of unease with his situation with Iwaizumi, and his feelings for Kageyama. Both of which followed him all the way home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i was not expecting this kind of amazing response right off the bat. i'm kind of overwhelmed actually
> 
> thanks to London who i made edit my muddled words so she could spit out actual english for everyone to read (i don't think she realizes that i'm going to have her edit the whole story) 
> 
> also, if you are coming into this fic fresh, i suggest reading The Sum of Its Parts first. I don't really do a lot of recapping in the text itself (i don't mind doing a summary) it's just that some things may be confusing if you don't know the other story.

* * *

            Oikawa stared at his phone hoping it would make the decision for him. The unsent text to Iwaizumi’s number was starting at him. Every time he went to press send he just couldn’t bring himself to. He had had Iwaizumi’s number for almost a month, and though he had badgered Kageyama for it, he found that he was reluctant to use it. But now sitting in his living room on a Monday evening, Oikawa found himself staring at the text he had typed out over half an hour ago, still debating on sending it. Taking a deep breath, Oikawa pressed send and tossed his phone aside.

**< How about we have our evening coffee after we have dinner?**

            Hopeful that Iwaizumi would decipher who it’s from based on context clues, Oikawa sent the text hoping Iwaizumi was actually someone who checks his phone at work. Getting up from his couch, Oikawa stretched as he headed for the kitchen. Looking at the microwave, he saw that it was barely 4pm, and yet he was restless to go over to the tattoo shop. After finishing a grueling 36-hour shift in the ER over the weekend, all Oikawa knew was that he wanted to graduate past “having coffee” and fast. As he peered into the fridge he heard the vibration of his phone in the living room. He rushed into the living room, slamming the fridge closed behind him and grabbed his phone.

**> I happen to have a very capable French press and the skills to cook a delicious dinner for two**

Oikawa felt his heart start beating out of his chest. Running his fingers over his phone in his rush to answer, Oikawa sent back his response as quickly as he could.

**< That’s so much better than my plan of actually buying you dinner and coffee**

Iwaizumi’s replay came back almost instantly, giving Oikawa a new rush of heart pounding.

**> I knew you were a man with a plan**

Oikawa could help the giddy smile that took over his face. He sat down on the couch cradling the phone in his hands as he typed out his response.

**< Fine, I’ll admit I have a plan. Just not an evil plan**

**> I get the feeling that any plan from you would be evil**

**< Not true. I make non-evil plans. Like tonight. Non-evil**

**> We’ll see. **

Smirking, Oikawa went to slide his phone into his pocket before he felt it vibrate for a second time.

**> Come at your normal time? With beer?**

**< Absolutely **

Pocketing his phone in his joggers, Oikawa smiled happy as he got up. He walked quickly into his room to put on some warmer clothes, pulling on his jeans and a thick pullover. Fighting with his socks, Oikawa tripped his way back into the living room to pull on his boots. Stuffing his phone and wallet into his peacoat pocket, Oikawa locked the door behind him and headed down to his car.

            When he arrived at the liquor store he checked the time, glad that it was just past 4:30. Walking through the seemingly endless isles of beer, Oikawa was at a loss of what to buy. With his phone already in his hand, it wasn’t a hard choice to scroll through his contacts and click on Kageyama’s number; it rung a few times before he picked up.

            “-No Aiko just please buckle up- Hello?” Kageyama said flustered into the phone.

            “Hey, sorry are you busy?” Oikawa asked hearing the sounds of movement on the other end.

            “No, I’m just- Aiko buckle up, I don’t want to have to say it again- I’m just picking Aiko up from school,” Kageyama huffed into the phone. “She wanted to stay at school cause they were having some holiday-fair-thing so now I’m driving home and every fuc-freaking parent is also driving home at the same time. So there’s so much traffic, which is lovely.”

            “Oh ok, “oikawa said shifting the phone to his other hand so he could pick up a basket. “I just was going to ask you something but it’s not important really.”

            “No, no ask me, it’s fine,” Kageyama said. “I’m all ears, Oikawa.”

            “Ok so if-” Oikawa began.

            “Wait, Aiko wants to say hello, hold on,” Kageyama said cutting him off. Oikawa could hear the sound of rustling before he heard a small bright voice.

            “Hi Dr. Oikawa,” Aiko said happily into the phone.

            “Hey Aiko,” Oikawa smiled. “How was school?”

            “It was really good actually,” Aiko said cheerfully. “Ms. Shimizu read us a book about this green guy who wanted the most presents or something, and then Emi and I colored this huge Christmas Tree, but she’s not very good at coloring so I had to do a lot of her parts. And then after school, there was this huge holiday festival for the whole school and there was games and stuff and there’s going to be things’ going on all week cause it’s right before Christmas and everyday there’s more holiday stuff and I’m really excited.” Oikawa listened as Aiko explained without taking a breath.

            “Wow, that sounds like you did a lot today and you’ve got a lot planned,” Oikawa said leaning against a wall of cases of beer.

            “Yeah, I’m really excited for Christmas because it’s going to be my first Christmas with Hinata,” Aiko said.

            “Ah, yeah,” Oikawa faltered. “That’s very exciting,” he recovered.

            “It is,” she continued unaware of Oikawa’s unease. “I know daddy’s excited because he was saying something about buying something super special for Hinata but I’m not supposed to know what it is.”

            “Oh really?” Oikawa laughed. “Ask your dad if it’s something lacy.”

            “Daddy?” Aiko called. “Dr. Oikawa wants to know if you’re buying something lacy? What does that mean?” Oikawa could hear the sounds of the phone being passed quickly back up to Kageyama.

            “And that’s enough now,” Kageyama said.

            “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” Oikawa laughed.

            “You’re corrupting my child,” Kageyama reprimanded. “Now, I’m going to have to deal with a bunch of probing questions.”

            “I’m not even sorry,” Oikawa smiled.

            “Ok what did you call me for besides to mess with my kid?” Kageyama asked.

            “Ok so if your were going on a first date-” Kageyama huffed, “no listen, I don’t care that you’ve been on like two first dates in your whole life.”

            “Not true, I’ve been on more than that,” Kageyama grumbled.

            “Well you’re going to have to tell me about them later because I absolutely need to hear about them, but anyway,” Oikawa continued. “Ok so lets say you are and the guy you’re about to go on a first date with asks you to bring beer, what would you bring?”

            “I would bring Asahi Gold,” Kageyama said confidently.

            “That was quick,” Oikawa said surprised, looking for it on the shelves.

            “Well that’s what Iwaizumi likes to drink,” Kageyama said nonchalantly. Oikawa felt his face heat up and he was glad for once that he wasn’t standing next to Kageyama.

            “Th-thanks,” Oikawa muttered.

            “No problem,” Kageyama said. There was a pause as Oikawa placed the 6-pack in his basket. “So...you guys are going on a date huh?”

            “Um, yeah it seems so,” Oikawa said clearing his throat. “I mean it wasn’t so explicitly put but... yeah, it feels like that. Like a first date.”

            “I happy for you man,” Kageyama said genuinely. “I’m glad you see you...um...”

            “Yeah I get it,” Oikawa exhaled. “Thanks,” he said trying to sound sincere.

            “Of course,” Kageyama said awkwardly. “And tell me...you know, how it goes and stuff.”

            “I’ll make sure to tell you all the gory details tomorrow,” Oikawa joked.

            “Please don’t,” Kageyama grimaced. “I meant like, good, bad, or really bad.”

            “Don’t worry, I don’t kiss and tell,” Oikawa smirked.

            “Ok, I’m going to hang up now,” Kageyama said. “Goodbye.”

            “Bye,” Oikawa laughed. He still felt the residual giddy feeling in his gut he often felt during a conversation with Kageyama. Squashing those feelings down, Oikawa placed his phone in his pocket and walked over to the counter to pay.

* * *

 

            Standing outside the tattoo shop, bundled up for the cold and only holding a shopping bag with a 6-pack of beer, he realized that he had no idea where Iwaizumi’s apartment was. Looking at the empty tattoo shop, Oikawa cursed himself for being an idiot and not bothering to find out where he lived before he traveled, he felt his phone vibrate with a text. Ripping off his glove with his teeth, Oikawa fished into his pocket and pulled out his phone and unlocking it in one motion.

**> Are you going to just stand around outside or are you going to come up?**

Oikawa looked around trying to see were Iwaizumi could possibly be watching him from. Taking a few backwards steps he looked up above the tattoo shop and saw Iwaizumi standing in the large arched windows holding the curtains aside. He was pointing to the left indicating for Oikawa to walk around the corner to go up to the resident level. With a smirk, Oikawa walked around to the resident entrance that led up a flight of stairs. Just as he arrived at the apartment, the door swung open. Iwaizumi stood there in a warm looking red flannel shirt buttoned almost all the way up and nice but comfortable looking jeans.

            “Hi,” Oikawa breathed.

            “Hey,” Iwaizumi smiled. He stepped aside for Oikawa to walk in. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner that I live above the shop. I just honestly forget that most people don’t know.”

            “No it’s fine,” Oikawa said, toeing off his shoes. “Here I brought you beer.”

            “Oh awesome thanks,” Iwaizumi said taking the bag that Oikawa handed to him. He stuck his hand in and pulled out the six-pack. “Oh wow, Asahi Gold that’s my favorite, how’d you know?”

            “Lucky guess,” Oikawa said smugly.

            “You asked Kageyama.”

            “I did.” Iwaizumi laughed as he locked the door.

“Well you went out of your way to find out what beer I like that’s...”

            “Resourceful?” Oikawa offered.

            “Cute,” Iwaizumi completed, making Oikawa’s stomach flutter. He turned and walked towards the kitchen. Oikawa followed, looking around the apartment. It was a lot different than he’d imagined it being, and he had practically spent the entire afternoon imagining being inside this apartment.

            As he walked in he immediately realized it was a very spacious loft that seemed to be the same footprint of the tattoo shop. The walls were exposed brick, and almost two stories high to accommodate the bedroom that Oikawa could see above the kitchen area, which was reached by a spiraling staircase. All of Iwaizumi’s furniture looked warm and inviting in a generally neutral palette. His living room area consisted of a large gray sectional and a charcoal armchair that faced an enormous bookcase that housed his television. Next to that was his dinning area with a long solid wooded slab table that sat about eight. In the corner by one of the three large arched windows that spanned the length of the apartment, was an expansive drawing table with drawers of supplies. Oikawa looked over at the kitchen that Iwaizumi had just walked into. It was separated from the rest of the space by a small bar that jutted out from the wall on the right that had two stools. All the appliances were a clean stainless steel that all glowed a bit golden under the hanging lamps.

            “Whoa,” Oikawa exhaled looking around as he unbuttoned his coat. His eyes traced the visible copper piping that lead up to the exposed wooden beams in the ceiling that matched the dark hard wood of the floor. “This place is amazing.”

            “Oh wow, thanks,” Iwaizumi said setting the six pack in the freezer. “The landlady who owns this building complex gave me a ridiculously good deal on the shop and the above loft apartment. She’s this crazy 60-year-old lady with like 7 cats and 3 ex-husbands. And I think she has a crush on me.”

            “It’s incredible,” Oikawa said coming to sit on one of the stool at the breakfast bar while he watched Iwaizumi return to his cooking. “And who doesn’t have a crush on you.” He placed his coat and scarf on the stool next to him as he watched as the tips of Iwaizumi’s ears turned red as he opened the carton of eggs.

            “Do you want something to drink?” Iwaizumi asked turning to Oikawa.

            “Um, no I’m ok thanks,” Oikawa said pulling in his stool. “So what are you making me?”

            “Um, breakfast,” Iwaizumi said cracking an egg in a bowl.

            “Breakfast for dinner?” Oikawa asked excitedly. “How did you know that’s my favorite?”

            “You’re not the only one who has Kageyama’s number,” Iwaizumi said . Oikawa paused in his motions to pull his seat closer. He watched as Iwaizumi continued to crack eggs into the bowl.

            _Shit. He’s so perfect._

            “Do you want any help?” Oikawa asked.

            “Um, yeah,” Iwaizumi said, nodding his head. “Would you like to chop the vegetables for the omelet?”

            “Of course,” Oikawa nodded, getting up and moving around the bar.

            “Here,” Iwaizumi said handing him the cutting board. “Can you start on the onions, peppers and mushrooms?”

            “Sure,” Oikawa said taking a knife from the knife block. He began chopping the vegetables with quick efficiency, making short work of it. “All done,” he said while Iwaizumi was warming up the pan and placing a dab of butter in the middle.

            “You’re fast,” Iwaizumi said impressed, looking over at the neatly chopped vegetables.

            “Not for all things,” Oikawa grinned. Iwaizumi just rolled his eyes but smiled anyway. “You want me to start cooking it?”

            “No that’s ok, I can do it,” Iwaizumi said picking up the cutting board and sliding the onions and peppers into the pan. “I promised you I’d cook you dinner didn’t I?”

            “You did,” Oikawa smirked leaning against the counter. He watched Iwaizumi cook the omelet, easily moving around the kitchen added spices and herbs as he added more ingredients.

            “Hey could you turn the flame on for that back burner with the other pan on it?” Iwaizumi asked as he poured the egg mixture in with the vegetables. “I made some home fries before you got here, I just want to make sure they’re warm enough.”

            “Home fries? Omelets?” Oikawa said turning on the flame. “What next you’re going to tell me you’re going to fry up some bacon too?”

            “Well if you take it out of the fridge I can,” Iwaizumi smirked looking up at Oikawa. Fighting a smile that threatened to take over his face, Oikawa walked over to the fridge and pulled out the fresh packet of bacon. He walked it back over to Iwaizumi who was just expertly flipping the omelet.

            “Wow look at you, that looked practically professional,” Oikawa complimented.

            “What can I say? I’m talented,” Iwaizumi said flatly. Oikawa could help but start laughing.

            “I’m sorry,” he said through his laughs. “You were just so serious it was funny.”

            “You don’t believe I’m talented?” Iwaizumi asked tilting his head towards Oikawa.

            “Oh I think you’re very talented, in a lot of respects,” Oikawa nodded, smirking.

            “Go set the table,” Iwaizumi said rolling his eyes at him. By the time that Oikawa found all of the plates, cups and silverware and arranged them on the table across from each other on one end, Iwaizumi announced that he was done. He helped Iwaizumi bring the plates of home fries, bacon and the large omelet to the table.

            “Wow that’s a lot of food,” Oikawa said sitting down at the table.

            “Yes, but to be perfectly honest I can put away a lot of food,” Iwaizumi said sitting down across from him, sliding him a beer. Oikawa watched him crack open the beer and down a large gulp. “Yeah, that’s definitely my favorite beer. I haven’t had it in awhile too.”

            “Really?” Oikawa said opening up his beer.

            “Yeah, I just don’t really drink that often anymore,” Iwaizumi said cutting into the omelet. “I mean I used to, when I was younger. But yeah, I don’t know, I guess I just don’t see the appeal of drinking all the time now.”

            “That’s fine,” Oikawa said as Iwaizumi served him a huge slice of omelet. “That’s just part of getting older.”

            “Please don’t even get me started,” Iwaizumi said placing his own huge slice of omelet in front of himself. “I know I’m not even that old, but it feels like I’m that old you know?”

            “I totally know what you mean,” Oikawa nodded serving himself some home fries. “I feel the exact same way sometimes.”

            “Please,” Iwaizumi said dismissively. “You’re like what, 25? 26?”

            “Um, 32,” Oikawa clarified awkwardly.

            “Seriously?” Iwaizumi sputtered.

            “Mhm,” Oikawa hummed, slowly placing some bacon on his plate.

            “I...” Iwaizumi began, blinking owlishly at him. “...I would have never guess that. At all.”

            “Thank you?” Oikawa said, smiling feeling both flattered and embarrassed.

            “You do not look 32,” Iwaizumi said furrowing his brow as he looked at Oikawa.

            “How old do I look?” Oikawa asked smirking, placing his fork down.

            “Like 25 honestly, 27 at the max,” Iwaizumi said tilting his hand from side to side.

            “Sorry to burst your fantasy bubble of some cute 25 year old bringing you coffee every afternoon,” Oikawa laughed taking a bite of the omelet

            “I didn’t say I wanted some 25 year old bringing me coffee,” Iwaizumi shrugged.

            “How old are you?”

            “32,” Iwaizumi said picking up a slice of bacon.

            “Oh we’re the same age?” Oikawa said slightly surprised.

            “Why so surprised?” Iwaizumi asked sipping his beer.

            “I thought you were younger that me,” Oikawa shrugged.

            “Seriously?” Iwaizumi laughed. “Me? Younger than you?”

            “Well I am taller than you,” Oikawa said smugly, eating a slice of bacon.

            “Shut up, no you’re not.”

            “Yeah I am,” Oikawa insisted. He wiped his hands on a napkin before throwing in on the table. “Here, stand up,” Oikawa said gesturing for Iwaizumi to stand up. Iwaizumi just looked up at him mid bite. “I’m serious, get up come here,” Oikawa motioned for him to come over. Setting down his fork, Iwaizumi got up from the table and walked over to Oikawa with a dubious expression.

            “I don’t think you’re actually...” Iwaizumi trailed off as he stepped up to Oikawa.

            “See I told you,” Oikawa said smugly. He stood about a whole 4 centimeters taller than Iwaizumi. He looked down at him with a slight smirk while Iwaizumi stared up at him contemptuously. “I’m taller than you.”

            “I’m going to punch you,” Iwaizumi said gruffly.

            “For being taller?” Oikawa laughed.

            “No, for being annoying,” Iwaizumi said turning around and walking back to his seat.

            “Iwa, so mean,” Oikawa tsked sitting back down in his seat. “I can’t believe you didn’t notice earlier.”

            “Well, you’re always standing when I’m sitting or I’m standing when you’re sitting,” Iwaizumi mumbled taking a bite of food. “Not like I care.”

            “I didn’t mean to hit a sore spot for you,” Oikawa laughed watching Iwaizumi pout.

            “It’s not a sore spot,” Iwaizumi insisted. Oikawa raised his eyebrow skeptically at him. “Well, not exactly. Shut up.”

            “But if it’s any consolation,” Oikawa began in a low voice. Iwaizumi looked up at him, his fork hovering just by his mouth. “You’re so much stronger than I am. I mean, with those arms I’m sure you could easily lift me up no problem and no one would ever notice I’m taller.” Iwaizumi swallowed and set down his fork.

            “If I’m lifting you up and carrying you around, it’s not going to be in a situation where people are watching us,” Iwaizumi said leaning in close. Oikawa felt a chill go down his spine that had nothing to do with being scared. “And I _can_ pick you up. Easily.”

            “I’m looking forward to a demonstration,” Oikawa breathed not breaking eye contact with Iwaizumi. He could feel his beat beating a mile a minute. Iwaizumi’s eyes dropped down from his eyes to his mouth before quickly meeting his eyes again. Feeling like he couldn’t breathe, Oikawa only waited with baited breath for Iwaizumi to do something. But after what felt like years, Iwaizumi only leaned back in his seat and continued eating, his cheeks tinted slightly red.

            The rest of their dinner was marginally uneventful. They talked easily as they ate and drank. Oikawa felt himself being pleasantly full after awhile of them working through all the food that Iwaizumi had prepared.

            “Hey, I know it’s a bit later than normal, but do you still want that coffee?” Iwaizumi asked as he began to clear the table.

            “Sure,” Oikawa said helping him bring plates back to the kitchen. They quietly cleared the table and put away the small amount of leftovers, placing all the dirty dishes in the sink.

            “Here go sit, I’ll prepare the coffee,” Iwaizumi said softly, gesturing towards the warm looking sectional.

            “Ok,” Oikawa nodded. He walked over to the living room section of the apartment, sitting down on one end of the couch. The entire living room portion had a soft green area rug that was a pleasant change from the cold hardwood. He looked around this part of the room, taking it is comfortable yet simplistic feel. There was something about it that seemed to contradict the hard exterior of Iwaizumi.

            “Here you go,” Iwaizumi said handing him a steaming mug. Oikawa pulled himself out of his trance and looked up at Iwaizumi, taking the mug and thanking him.

            “Thanks,” Oikawa said kindly. He held the mug between his two hands. He took a sip of the caramel colored liquid. “It’s perfect thank you,” he smiled at Iwaizumi who settled in next to him.

            “Your welcome,” Iwaizumi said, bringing the mug of black liquid up to his mouth. Oikawa looked down into his cup as he came to a realization.

            “This has cream in it,” Oikawa said matter-of-factly.

            “Yeah,” Iwaizumi said like it was obvious. “Three sugars, cream until caramel. That’s how you take your coffee right?”

            “It is,” Oikawa said blinking down at his mug. “But you had cream. In your fridge.” He looked up at Iwaizumi who was determinedly not looking at him. “You’re lactose intolerant.”

            “I...I bought it,” Iwaizumi mumbled, hiding his face in his mug. “You know, for you. Since you were coming over.” Not for the first or the last time that night, Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi with a giddy fluttering in his chest and gut. His face breaking out into a genuinely happy smile, Oikawa sat back, leaning against Iwaizumi comfortably. Feeling Iwaizumi go stiff for a moment, Oikawa was beyond happy when he felt him pull out his arm from behind him and settle it around his shoulders. “Do you want to watch a movie?” Iwaizumi murmured, tilting his head down.

            “Yeah sure,” Oikawa breathed. Cradling his mug, he lifted his feet and pulled his leg up and tucked them underneath himself, resting his head more firmly against Iwaizumi’s muscular chest. Moving forward gingerly so as not to disturb Oikawa, Iwaizumi placed his mug on the coffee table and grabbed the remote.

            “I’m going to find something on Netflix,” he said turning on his television. “Anything in particular you want to see?”

            “Nope, what ever you want,” Oikawa shook. He felt Iwaizumi’s hand slip down a bit further on his shoulders and rest there a bit more comfortably. Oikawa tilted his head up to look at Iwaizumi’s strong profile as he went through his Netflix.

            _He’s so handsome. Like incredibly handsome. And he’s been so fucking sweet, I wasn’t expecting him to be sweet. I was ready for aloof, and stoic; I was even ready for mean. But not this level of thoughtfulness. Hot guys are never this thoughtful and sweet. Well... that’s not entirely true there’s one other guy but, I can’t think about that while I’m here. I mean, Iwa is being so cute on this date. Wait...this is a date right? We’re on a date right?_

            Oikawa looked down at his mug, trying to ignore the niggling feeling in the back of his head that was telling him that Iwaizumi didn’t see this as date and it’s all in Oikawa’s head. Shaking those thoughts from his head, he looked back up at Iwaizumi as he selected a movie for them to watch.

            “Here I picked something,” Iwaizumi said setting the remote next to him. “It’s like a psychological thriller. I hear it was good, but we’ll see.” Oikawa took one last sip from his mug before leaning forward at setting it on the coffee table.

            “Sounds good,” Oikawa said leaning back against Iwaizumi. He draped his arm over lwaizumi’s lap as he got comfortable. With his head resting against Iwaizumi’s chest he could hear his heart beating with the rise and fall of his breath. Though they were just sitting together on the couch, Oikawa felt the most comfortable he’s been in a while. Oikawa tilted his head to look up at Iwaizumi. His eyes were focused on the screen, but even in the dim glow coming from the TV Oikawa could see the faint hint of red on his cheeks. Smiling softly, Oikawa turned his head to the screen settling more comfortably against Iwaizumi.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the comments that i've gotten so far are amazing and you guys are amazing and iwaoi is amazing and everything is amazing 
> 
> (i just want to say that the updates for this fic are going to erratic af because school is ridiculous this semester)

* * *

            It was the urge to sneeze that awoke Oikawa. Lifting his head from the warmth beneath him, he quickly brought his arm up to his nose and sneezed into his elbow. Wiping his nose and face on the inside of his sweater, he propped himself up into a seated position. Rubbing his eyes trying to relieve his discomfort. He felt something stirring next to him and a light weight drop on to his lap. Opening his eyes in the bright early morning sun, Oikawa saw the fluffiest, smallest, almost entirely ginger cat sitting on his lap staring up at him. Oikawa took one look at him before erupting in another sneeze, scaring the cat off.

            “Oh I see you’ve met Yamarashi,” Iwaizumi mumbled sleepily. Oikawa turned his head to see Iwaizumi sitting up on the couch next to him. With his normally spikey hair extra spikey from sleep, Iwaizumi ran his fingers through his trying to flatten it out a bit. His flannel was slightly spun around and a few of the buttons were undone revealing the tattoos on his chest. Yawning, Iwaizumi stretched his arms above him, cracking his neck before laying back down on the sectional.

            “Yamarashi?” Oikawa asked rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. His eyes traced the lines of Iwaizumi’s tattoos in his arm. The sleeves of his shirt were pushed up to his forearm and Oikawa could see his muscles flex as he rested his head on his arm.

            “Yeah he’s my cat,” Iwaizumi said tilting his head to look at him from his position.

            “I got that much,” Oikawa said preparing to sneeze again. “I didn’t know you had a cat,” he said after he sneezed, rubbing his nose with his arm.

            “I put him in his carrier up on the loft,” Iwaizumi said scratching his chest. Oikawa rigorously rubbed his eyes. “Are...are you allergic to cats?”

            “A little bit yeah,” Oikawa said sniffling his already runny nose.

            “Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” Iwaizumi said sitting up immediately. “I completely forgot to ask. I just put him up there cause he’s not usually good with new people.”

            “And you vacuumed,” Oikawa pointed out, rubbing his nose.

            “I did,” Iwaizumi nodded. “I’m sorry, he must have gotten out of his carrier somehow.”

            “It’s...it’s...” Oikawa sneezed again. Holding his finger under his nose, he tried to keep himself from sneezing again. “It’s fine,” he mumbled.

            “God, I’m so sorry,” Iwaizumi said getting up. “Here let me make you some tea. It’ll help with the running nose and the itchy throat.”

            “Thanks,” Oikawa said, watching the cat jump up on to the sectional and sit next to him. He looked down at the cat, squinting his eyes in dislike. The cat simply looked up at him, it’s fluffy orange fur sticking out in all directions.

            “He seems to like you,” Iwaizumi said coming to stand behind him.

            “Fantastic,” Oikawa muttered, staring down the cat. “Just what I need. A cat friend.”

            “I’m sorry, again,” Iwaizumi said. Oikawa turned his head to look at him.

            “It’s fine,” Oikawa said rubbing his eyes.

            “Are your eyes itchy? I may have some eye drops or something,” Iwaizumi said walking towards his bathroom behind the spiraled steps.

            “Yeah a bit actually,” Oikawa said standing up. “It’ because I slept with my contacts in, so don’t worry about it, I just have to remove them when I go home.”

            “You wear glasses?” Iwaizumi asked.

            “Well, I wear contacts,” Oikawa laughed sitting at the breakfast bar. “I need glasses.”

            “Oh you should have told me,” Iwaizumi said walking around the breakfast bar, into the kitchen. “I wouldn’t have let you fall asleep with them on.”

            “It’s ok,” Oikawa shrugged. “I shouldn’t have fallen asleep at all. And I’m sorry I fell asleep on you.”

            “Don’t be,” Iwaizumi smirked, leaning on the breakfast bar. Oikawa could feel his cheeks start to heat up. “So do you want breakfast?” he asked standing up straight. “I think I went through my eggs last night but I have,” he opened up the cabinet closest to him, “cereal.”

            “Cereal sounds great,” Oikawa smiled.

            They ate their breakfast in relative silence at the breakfast bar. It wasn’t uncomfortable silence, to the contrary, it felt peaceful even if it was regularly interrupted by Oikawa sneezing. By the time they finished eating and washed the bowls, Oikawa’s allergies had gone from a handful of sneezes to a full-blown reaction with red itchy eyes, a runny nose and wheezy cough.

            “You dumbass,” Iwaizumi said gruffly after Oikawa had yet another coughing fit. “You clearly are having an allergic reaction. Why are you still here? Go get some medication.”  

            “Ok,” Oikawa smiled softly. “I guess I have to get going now since it’s...wow, 10:30.”

            “Oh shit is it really?” Iwaizumi said looking at Oikawa’s phone screen. “I was supposed to open the shop for them 2 hours ago.”

            “Oh wow seriously?” Oikawa asked, feeling partially responsible.

            “Yeah,” Iwaizumi sighed. “But Kuroo usually gets in real early so I’m sure he opened up for me.” Oikawa nodded watching him walk towards the spiraled stairs. “Just give me a second to change my clothes and we’ll leave together ok?”

            “Mhm,” Oikawa hummed agreeing, trying desperately not to picture Iwaizumi getting undressed above him. Listening to the sounds of his ascending the stairs, Oikawa let out a heavy breath. He grabbed his coat and scarf, wrapping himself up tightly as he sat back down on the sectional. Almost instantly Yamarashi jumped up and sat in his lap. “You’re trying to kill me aren’t you?” he asked the small orange cat. “Because if I’m dead they’ll be no one here to cause Iwa to lock you up in your carrier.” The cat just stared up at him with it’s big golden eyes. “Wait didn’t he say you weren’t good with strangers?” Oikawa realized. “How many strangers is he bring up he-”

            “All dressed,” Iwaizumi said descending the stairs. Oikawa turned around just as he was adjusting the bottom of his pullover, catching a small glimpse of the hard muscle underneath. “Oh you’re ready.”

            “Yeah,” Oikawa stood up quickly, Yamarashi scampering off. “You ready?”

            “Give me a second,” Iwaizumi said grabbing his coat from the coat stand. He grabbed his keys, phone and wallet as Oikawa pulled on his shoes. “Ok, let’s go.” He opened the door for Oikawa and then locked it behind them. They quickly made their way outside into the cold December morning.

            “My car’s just over this way,” Oikawa said pointing around the corner front of the entrance to the tattoo shop.

            “I’ll walk you,” Iwaizumi said not looking over at Oikawa. With a slight smile on his face, Oikawa walked silently over to his car. With his scarf wrapped tight around his face and his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, Oikawa approached the car with Iwaizumi in tow.

            “Um, thanks for...” Oikawa began unsure how to continue. “...um last night. Like for dinner. And letting me sleep. And for breakfast again this morning.”

            “It was no problem,” Iwaizumi shrugged, coming to stand in front of Oikawa. “I...I had a nice time,” he added awkwardly.

            “M-me too,” Oikawa stuttered. He looked down at his feet unable to look at Iwaizumi. “I’ll see you later then? For our normal coffee time?”

            “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded. Oikawa felt like they were standing so close. He could heat from Iwaizumi’s breath on his face.

            “Ok, I’ll um, see you later,” Oikawa said quickly before turning around and getting in the drivers seat. He thought he saw Iwaizumi deflate slightly, but he assumed it was him just letting out a rush of air because he was cold.

            “See you,” Iwaizumi waved slightly as Oikawa turned on the car. Giving him a half smile, Oikawa didn’t even wait for the car to warm up fully before he peeled out of there.

* * *

            “Wait so you didn’t kiss him?” Kageyama asked in somewhat disbelief.

            “Shut up,” Oikawa whispered threateningly. He thumbed the lid on his coffee cup as he sat cross-legged on the front desk. Oikawa had walked in a bit early the next day at 6pm with his usual two cups of coffee, but Iwaizumi had been extremely busy with a large back piece he had been working on since early that afternoon. Kageyama offered to stay with him while he waited for Hinata and Aiko to meet him. Kageyama stared up at him from his seat on the desk chair that he sat in swiveling back and forth as he listened to Oikawa recount his “date” with Iwaizumi.

            “But did he try to kiss you?” Kageyama asked, swiveling his chair all the way around.

            “No,” Oikawa sighed. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

            “You don’t know if Iwaizumi tried to kiss you?” Kageyama asked skeptically, bringing his chair to a stop.

            “There may have been a few moments where he might have tried to, and maybe he did and I wasn’t reading the moment right, I just don’t know,” Oikawa shrugged. Kageyama looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. “What?”  

            “Nothing,” Kageyama said shaking his head. “It’s just that, I don’t know. A month ago you were negotiating for his number and now you can’t even tell if he tried to kiss you? What wrong with you man? You’re usually Flirt Central.” Oikawa looked away from Kageyama preferring to stare at his cup in front of his crossed legs.

            “Maybe I’m not feeling it anymore,” Oikawa shrugged.

            “Well that’s just not true,” Kageyama chuckled. Oikawa gave him an annoyed look.  “If that were the case you wouldn’t be here. Look as your best friend, I know that you don’t exactly extend yourself unless you care. And you care. I know you do.” Oikawa looked up at him, smiling wide.

            “You called me your best friend,” Oikawa beamed.

            “Oh god forget it,” Kageyama groaned rolling his eyes.

            “I’m your best friend,” Oikawa smiled teasingly.

            “I’m going to take it back,” Kageyama threatened.

            “Nope, it’s too late,” Oikawa grinned. “Best friend.”

            “You’re such a dick,” Kageyama mumbled, fighting the urge to smile.

            “We should get best friend charms, like those necklaces that are heart shaped and they are broken in two and one half says best and the others says friends and we could wear them to-” Oikawa was cut off by the sound of the door opening behind him.

            Oikawa turned behind slightly to see a very bundled up Aiko running in followed by a sling-wearing Hinata whose winter-bitten red nose matched his vibrant hair.

            “Hi Dr. Oikawa!” Aiko said happily running up to him.

            “Hey you,” he smiled. He bent down to press a small kiss to the top of her head.

            “Daddy!” Aiko cheered running around the desk.  

            “Hey Belly,” Kageyama said happily, rolling his chair out from behind the desk. Aiko ran and jumped into his lap, throwing her tiny arms around his neck.

            “Hey babe,” Hinata said softly leaning down and giving Kageyama a quick peck. Oikawa glanced away. “Hey Oikawa,” Hinata greeted, coming to lean on the desk. He rolled his left shoulder experimentally, trying not to disturb his arm in the sling.

            “Hey,” Oikawa said giving him a small smile. “How’s the arm?”

            “Better,” Hinata said non-convincingly. “I’m so freaking ready to get rid of this cast though.”

            “Why do you still have the sling?” Oikawa asked pointing to the piece of cloth Hinata was currently fiddling with.

            “My elbow was bothering me, and I didn’t want to aggravate it anymore,” Hinata explained, adjusting it on his shoulder.

            “Tell him why,” Kageyama said accusingly gesturing to Oikawa.

            “Because I was just doing my job and the universe hates me,” Hinata sighed.

            “No,” Kageyama warned.

            “Fine,” Hinata groaned. “Because...I tried to lift a 50 pound bag of flour.”

            “Using your bad arm?” Oikawa asked.

            “Yes,” Kageyama answered for him. Oikawa glanced between them as Hinata gave Kageyama a soft glare.

            “Yeah, fine. With my bad arm,” Hinata rolled his eyes. “But I wont be doing that again.”

            “I should hope not, dumbass,” Kageyama grumbled, situating Aiko more comfortably on his lap. “You’re really going to hurt yourself. Be more careful.” Hinata’s glare melted into a soft smile. He looked at Kageyama with such love and affection that Oikawa had to look away. Feeling uneasy, Oikawa moved to get off the desk when Iwaizumi walked in, customer in toe.

            “Now just keep that bandage over it for a couple hours then clean it carefully and put a healing salve on it,” Iwaizumi instructed the shorter, more muscular man as he walked him out the door. “See you next time, have a happy holidays and happy New Year,” he told the man as he walked out.  With the click of the door, his whole body sagged and he turned to everyone gathered around the desk. “Hey guys,” he waved, walking over.

            “All done?” Kageyama asked adjusting Aiko on his lap.

            “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded standing next to were Oikawa was sitting on the desk. “Thank god too. I’m so tired, and I have a headache. That piece was so draining. And he has a secondary appointment for color work in February, which even then still feels too soon.”

            “Well now you have a bit of a break to relax a bit,” Hinata said putting his hand on Iwaizumi’s arm comfortingly. Oikawa watched him rub Iwaizumi’s arm slightly and all he wanted to do was remove it off him.  

            “Yeah thanks,” Iwaizumi sighed. “Is that my coffee?” he asked Oikawa, pointing to the full cup of coffee still in the tray on the desk.

            “Uh yeah,” Oikawa nodded. “I can’t guarantee it’s going to be warm though.”

            “I don’t even care right now,” Iwaizumi said taking a few gulps. “Ah, lukewarm. Perfect.”

            “I warned you,” Oikawa laughed. He watched Iwaizumi drink down his coffee nonetheless. Putting down his cup on the counter next to Oikawa’s legs, he leaned his body slightly into Oikawa’s.

            “It’s fine,” Iwaizumi sighed, giving Oikawa a brief smile. “I’m actually glad for holiday break. I think I need a few days to vegetate.”

            “The shop is going to be closed for the holidays?” Oikawa asked surprised.

            “Yeah, didn’t I tell you?” Iwaizumi said turning his head to look at Oikawa. He shook his head looking between Iwaizumi and Kageyama. “Oh,” Iwaizumi said surprised. “I’m sorry. Yeah, after today, we’re closed until January 2nd.”

            “Oh,” Oikawa blinked. “Do...do you guys have Christmas plans?”

            “I have to go to my parents,” Iwaizumi sighed. “My plane leaves tomorrow morning. I hate flying.”

            “That’s nice,” Oikawa said quietly, looking down at his cup at his feet.

            “Daddy, I need the bathroom,” Aiko said tugging on his shirt.

            “Oh I hate flying too,” Kageyama said getting Aiko off his lap. Hinata took her hand and walked her down the hall to bathroom. “But we’re actually driving up to Hinata’s mom’s house for Christmas Eve.”

            “You’re going to be gone too?” Oikawa asked trying to sound indifferent.

            “Yeah, but just for Christmas Eve,” Kageyama said standing up from the chair. “We’ll be back on Christmas. Then Aiko is going to spend Boxing Day through the New Year with her mom.”

            “So just you and Hinata until New Years? That’ll be fun for you,” Iwaizumi smirked. Kageyama returned the grin. Oikawa felt like he was going to be sick. “What about you? What are your Christmas plans, Oikawa?”

            “Oh um,” Oikawa glanced away from Iwaizumi. “My mom is with her new husband in Bora Bora...” he bit out. “And my sister just moved to France for her new job. So I’ll probably have a Skype session with her and my nephew. Maybe marathon the Twilight Zone or something, I don’t know.”

            “You’re going to be by yourself?” Iwaizumi asked concerned. Oikawa shrugged and nodded. “You dumbass,” Iwaizumi scolded, smacking Oikawa’s leg.

            “Ouch!” Oikawa squeaked in pain.

            “Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Iwaizumi asked. “You shouldn’t be alone for Christmas.”

            “It’s not a big deal,” Oikawa said rubbing his leg. He looked over at Iwaizumi who was just frowning at him. “Seriously it’s not a big deal.” Iwaizumi continued to scowl at him.

            “Well you’re coming to Iwaizumi’s New Years party thing right?” Kageyama asked pulling on his coat.

            “Um,” Oikawa hummed. “I don’t...know about any party thing...”

            “Of course you’re invited,” Iwaizumi said gruffly. Oikawa turned to look at him expectantly, feeling Iwaizumi’s hand settle on his leg. “You’re coming right? It’s a New Year’s party. I have it every year. You’ll...you’ll come right?”

            “Sure,” Oikawa smiled. Hinata walked over with Aiko who ran over saying she was hungry. Iwaizumi turned to her as she came to stand next to him, bending down to pick her up. Oikawa glanced over at Kageyama who leaned down to whisper in Hinata’s ear. Feeling his chest constrict uncomfortably, he turned his attention back to Iwaizumi.

            “Hey my little artist,” he said putting her on her hip. “Are you excited for Christmas?”

            “I’m so excited,” Aiko said shaking Iwaizumi’s shoulders. “I’m going to see Natsu again and we’re going to draw and she’s so good. And the cookies, Iwa. The cookies,” she squished his cheeks together with both hands, forcing him to look her directly in the eye.  

            “The cookies,” Iwaizumi nodded seriously. “I totally get it.” Oikawa watched him interact so easily with Aiko and felt a tugging in his gut.

            “Hey muffin,” Hinata said walking over. “Say goodbye to everyone. We’re going to get dinner, remember?”

            “Oh yeah,” Aiko said remembering. “It’s daddy’s birthday you know?”

            “What?” Oikawa said, snapping his neck around to look at Kageyama who was trying to make himself disappear. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

            “Don’t feel bad,” Hinata sighed. “I only found out because Aiko told me,” he turned to glare at Kageyama, “this morning.”

            “We’re going out to have dinner for daddy’s birthday,” Aiko said gleefully.

            “Why didn’t you say anything?” Oikawa shook his head in disbelief.

            “I just don’t like making a big deal about things,” Kageyama said putting his hands up in surrender. “And I just don’t really celebrate my birthday.”

            “Yeah, well that’s not happening this year,” Hinata smiled threateningly.

            “Of course, Shou,” Kageyama sighed, placating his boyfriend.

            “You know, he’s being unfair,” Hinata complained, turning to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. “He had all this time to plan for my birthday and he bought me this gorgeous gift, and he couldn’t even give me 24 hours notice on his.”

            “Oh my god,” Kageyama groaned, putting his hands over his face. “This is way I didn’t tell you. I don’t even like celebrating.”

            “You have to mark the day! You can’t just pretend like- you know, what forget it,” Hinata stopped himself. Oikawa looked uncomfortably between them. “We’re not having this discussion again. We are going to go out and have a nice dinner, then go home watch a movie and then have se-” Hinata glanced down at Aiko who was smiling up at him innocently, “sleep,” he recovered lamely.

            “Birthday sleep,” Oikawa nodded slowly. “Of course.” He could hear Iwaizumi struggling not to laugh next to him. Kageyama was chewing the inside of his cheek to keep himself from bursting out.

            “Yeah, we’re going to go now,” Hinata blushed. “Say goodbye Aiko.”

            “Bye Iwa!” she said, running over and jumping on him.

            “Bye Aiko,” Iwaizumi smiled. Aiko turned over to Oikawa with her arms raised up.

            “Bye Dr. Oikawa,” Aiko said as Oikawa set her on his lap.

            “Bye Aiko,” he said tucking her hair behind her ear. “Merry Christmas.”

            “Merry Christmas Dr. Oikawa,” Aiko said happily. He gave he a small kiss on her head and set her down on the ground so Hinata could get her coat on.

            “Hey um, Oikawa,” Hinata said as he zipped up Aiko’s coat. “I was wondering if you’d like to spend Christmas with us?” Aiko snapped her head up to look at Oikawa with the most excited face he’d ever seen.

            “Dr. Oikawa you have to come to Christmas!” Aiko shouted happily. “You have to! Please come, please, please, please.”

            “Oh I don’t know,” Oikawa said looking between Aiko and Kageyama and Hinata.  

            “Please Dr. Oikawa,” Aiko begging putting her tiny hands together. “Pleeeease.”

            “We would love to have you over for Christmas,” Hinata smiled. Oikawa felt like he wanted to disappear. He looked over at Kageyama who was smiling at him so earnestly that Oikawa wanted time to stop forever so he would never have to look away.

            “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your...family time,” Oikawa swallowed.

            “Seriously,” Kageyama nodded. “Please come over.” Oikawa felt his heart racing at the thought that Kageyama legitimately wanted him there spending the holiday with his family.

            “Sure,” Oikawa shrugged.

            “YAY!!” Aiko cheered jumping up and down. Oikawa looked over at Iwaizumi who was smiling. Aiko ran over to Kageyama frantically planning for Oikawa to come for Christmas.

            “Hey muffin, if you want to eat we got to go now,” Hinata said running his good hand through her hair.

            “Ok, you’re right,” Aiko nodded. “Bye Iwa! Bye Dr. Oikawa!”

            “See you later, guys,” Kageyama waved, taking Aiko’s hand in his. Hinata waved and followed them out leaving Oikawa and Iwaizumi alone.

            “Hey, um,” Iwaizumi said after a few moments. “I honestly forgot to tell you about the new years thing.” He looked up and met Oikawa’s eyes. “I never would have intentionally neglected to tell you.”

            “I believe you Iwa,” Oikawa smiled.

            “Good,” he smiled back. He then swiftly punched Oikawa in the arm.

            “Ow, what was that for!?” Oikawa shouted rubbing his arm.

            “For trying to spend Christmas alone,” Iwaizumi said wagging his finger in Oikawa’s face. “You know if you do nice things for people, you have to let them return the favor.”

            “I’m sorry?” Oikawa said, unsure what he was apologizing for. Iwaizumi picked up his coffee cup and leaned back against the desk. “So...”

            “So...” Iwaizumi repeated.

            “I guess I won’t see you until New Years Eve?” Oikawa said carefully, looking down at the empty coffee cup in his hands.

            “Yeah,” Iwaizumi said gruffly. “I-” he cut himself off, Oikawa looked up at him to see him biting his lip.

            “You what?” Oikawa prompted.

            “I’m going to miss you,” he mumbled. Oikawa couldn’t help the feeling of a warmth growing in his chest, as smile spread across his face.

            “I’m...going to miss you too,” Oikawa said through his giddy smile. “I like coming here and hanging out with you.”

            “Yeah, I...” Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck. “I like when you’re here too.”

            “Remember that next time you call me annoying,” Oikawa smirked.

            “You are annoying,” Iwaizumi huffed.

            “But you like my annoyingness,” Oikawa grinned.

            “I...you’re alright,” Iwaizumi shrugged.

            “Iwa,” Oikawa warned, with a smirk. “Just alright?”

            “Shut it,” Iwaizumi threatened. Oikawa could only laugh. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw how late it had gotten.

            “Hey, I actually do have work in the morning so I’m going to go,” Oikawa sighed sliding down from the desk.

            “Oh ok,” Iwaizumi nodded. Oikawa pulled on his coat and wrapped his scarf around his neck. He went to pull his gloves on but as he took them out of his pocket one fell to the floor. “Here I got it,” Iwaizumi said bending down to pick it up. Watching him as if in slow motion, Iwaizumi picked up the glove and took Oikawa’s hand in his and slid on the glove entirely. With a slight caress of his hand, Iwaizumi didn’t let go of the Oikawa’s hand once he slid the glove on. Oikawa watched him with baited breath, as Iwaizumi looked up at him.

            “Thanks,” Oikawa breathed, not removing his hand from Iwaizumi’s grasp.

            “No problem,” Iwaizumi said softly. He pulled Oikawa’s hand, bringing him closer to himself. Leaning forward, Iwaizumi brought his face close, just as Oikawa leaned forward as well. Turning his head so his lips hovered right above Oikawa’s cheek, he whispered “Merry Christmas,” just before placing a kiss there.  Oikawa felt his face burn red, as Iwaizumi pulled back, with a final squeeze to his hand.

            “M-Merry Christmas,” Oikawa stuttered, completely flustered. Quickly shoving his other glove on, he turned and without looking back, made a beeline for the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual the comments are amazing (and i'm actually keeping up with them this time... or at least, i'm gonna try to) 
> 
> a lot of you guys have mentioned how you are enjoying the fluff and you're waiting for the shoe to drop and get hit with a ton of angst. well i'm here to tell you, that's going to be really really soon. like in a few chapters soon. be ready

 

* * *

            With the slam of his locker, Oikawa was officially done for the day. Christmas was always an extremely busy day in the ER but today it seemed more so. With every snow caused broken leg, Christmas-surprise provoked heart attack, and every holiday treat induced allergic reaction, Oikawa counted down the hours until he was done with his shift in the ER and could leave.

            “Got any plans for what’s left of Christmas Day?” Yaku asked him as he hung his lab coat in his locker.

            “Yeah I do actually,” Oikawa smirked adjusting his sweater. “I’m actually going over to Kageyama’s apartment for Christmas dinner.”

            “Oh really?” Yaku questioned. “He’s the one dating the short guy right? The one we went to bar with that one time?”

            “Yes, Hinata; his boyfriend,” Oikawa sighed pulling on his coat. “His wonderful boyfriend who I can’t find it in me to hate, even though I try. So very hard, I try.”

            “I’m sorry that you can’t hate him?” Yaku said like he wasn’t sure what he was saying. “He seemed nice enough. Maybe a little weird.”

            “Yeah he’s just wonderful,” Oikawa mumbled wrapping his scarf around his neck. “So kind and caring and perfect.”

            “Um, ok?” Yaku said looking down at his sneakers that he was tying. “I’m getting the impression that you actually do hate your friends boyfriend.”

            “Ugh it’s not that,” Oikawa sighed throwing his head back, leaning against the lockers behind him. “Just never mind. I’m being immature.”

            “What about?” Yaku asked, genuinely interested. Oikawa glanced down at him and decided, against his better judgment, that he no longer wanted to keep everything bottled inside.

            “About Hinata,” Oikawa sighed. “And Kageyama. And Kageyama and Hinata together. And their relationship. And me.”

            “Because you’re in love with Kageyama?” Yaku said like he already knew.

            “Um...” Oikawa turned to look at him confused and caught off guard. “Yeah. How did you know?”

            “Oikawa, please,” Yaku waved. “I’m not an idiot.”

            “Just don’t tell anyone, please,” Oikawa pleaded.

            “Who am I going to tell?” Yaku said gesturing to the empty doctor’s locker room.

            “Yeah you’re right,” Oikawa smirked, standing up from the wall. He bent down to pick up his bag when he heard Yaku speak quietly.

            “Does he know?” Oikawa stood up straight slowly and put the strap of his bag over his shoulder.

            “Yeah,” Oikawa responded quietly. “Yeah, he does.” Yaku nodded, looking down at his hands in his lap. “He’s known for a while now.”

            “Don’t...”Yaku trailed off, considering his words carefully. “Don’t do anything stupid.” Oikawa nodded solemnly. “And that’s not just limited to Kageyama. I’m talking in general.”

            “I understand,” Oikawa said.

            “Good,” Yaku nodded. “And look, just because you love Kageyama right now, doesn’t mean that there won’t be someone in the future that you’ll-”

            “There’s actually someone else I like right now and he’s kind of too amazing and I’m petrified that I’m going to fuck it up because I can’t let go of my feelings for Kageyama,” Oikawa rushed out; Yaku just blink up at him.

            “Well, that’s good right?” Yaku said. “You’re moving on. Pursuing someone new.”

            “Well...” Oikawa sighed. “I guess... I mean I like him, but also...I don’t really know, I’m just feeling kind of confused to be perfectly honest. Plus it doesn’t help that every freaking time I take one step forward with this guy, Kageyama’s there and it’s like I take two leaps back,” Oikawa huffed.

            “Wait,” Yaku stopped him, confused. “What do you mean Kageyama’s there? Like he shows up when you’re with this new guy?”

            “Not exactly,” Oikawa squirmed. “The guy is actually Kageyama’s...boss. So they work together. He’s there sometimes when I go to see him at work.”

            “Oh Oikawa,” Yaku shook his head. “You’re just setting your self up for failure.”

            “Ugh, I know,” Oikawa groaned, running a hand down his face. “And I think...” he took a deep breath, “And I don’t really know what to do about this...but...I think this guy might actually really like me.”

            “That’s great,” Yaku smiled.

            “Yeah, it’s great,” Oikawa tried to smile back. “I’m going to fuck it up.”

            “On purpose!?” Yaku asked appalled.

            “No! Not on purpose,” Oikawa shook his head. “Well, not intentionally at least. But somehow.”

            “Then don’t,” Yaku shrugged. Oikawa frowned at him. “No, I’m serious, just don’t. Don’t fuck it up.”

            “I’m fucking trying,” Oikawa sighed. “Merry Christmas,” he said as he walked out of the locker room.

* * *

 

            Oikawa had barely just knocked on the door before it swung open. Not seeing anyone at eye level, he quickly looked down and saw a beaming Aiko holding the door open. Her dark hair was twisted up into two buns on the top of her head, each pinned up with a silver clip that matched her silver and navy dress that pooffed around her. Her big blue eyes were full of excitement as she stared up at Oikawa with her tiny hand still on the door.

            “Dr. Oikawa, you’re here!” she cheered happy, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

            “I’m here!” he smiled down at her.

            “Aiko, you know you can’t just open the door,” Kageyama scolded, running over. He picked her up and set her on his hip, careful not to let the tulle of her skirt get caught on the hem of his charcoal colored pullover. Aiko wrapped her arms around the side of Kageyama’s neck just above where the top of his shirt was pulled down showing his tattoos underneath.

            _I haven’t even been here one minute. Fucking hell._

“It’s ok,” Oikawa said at Aiko. “It’s just me.”

            “Yeah daddy, it’s just Dr. Oikawa,” Aiko said mimicking Oikawa. Kageyama frowned at her, which caused her to giggle.

            “Thanks for coming,” Kageyama said stepping aside so Oikawa could walk into the apartment.

            “Well, thanks to you guys for inviting me,” Oikawa said, setting down the large canvas bag he brought with him on the couch.

            “It’s no problem, really,” Kageyama said walking over with Aiko.

            “Are those presents Dr. Oikawa?” Aiko asked pointing at the bag.

            “Nothing gets past you,” he laughed. “Yes, they’re presents.”

            “For me?” Aiko said carefully.

            “Some of it,” Oikawa nodded. Aiko oohed as she tried to get down from Kageyama’s hold as fast as she could.

            “Belly, why don’t you go get Dr. Oikawa’s gift first before you start opening yours?” Kageyama suggested, placing his hand on top of her head to stop her from grabbing at the bag.

            “Ok daddy,” Aiko nodded as she ran toward the Christmas tree.

            “Where’s Hinata?” Oikawa asked glancing around the apartment.

            “Well, my boyfriend the super genius,” Kageyama began, crossing his arms. “He made all of these desserts for Christmas dinner. Which he promptly left at the bakery.” Kageyama rolled his eyes smiling. “He’s an idiot.”

            “But he’s your idiot,” Oikawa smiled, patting Kageyama’s shoulder.

            “Dr. Oikawa, here this is for you,” Aiko said dragging over a box almost larger than she was.

            “Wow, thank you,” He said bending down and taking the neatly wrapped box from her tiny hands. “Jeez, what could you have gotten me that was this big?”

            “Oh daddy picked it out!” Aiko shouted excitedly. “He got you this super cool tele-”

            “Hey Muffin, why don’t you let him open it before you ruin the surprise?” Hinata said as he walked in, carrying two trays stacked on top of each other on his good arm.

            “You dumbass. Why didn’t you tell me there was so much, I would have gotten it for you,” Kageyama chided as he walked over and helped him carry in the two large trays into the apartment, Aiko trailing excitedly behind him.

“They’re not even that heavy,” Hinata rolled his eyes. “Hey Oikawa, sorry I just had to run out and get the desserts,” he said looking over at Oikawa who stood in the living awkwardly.

            “It’s no problem,” Oikawa smiled, watching Kageyama carry both trays in his arms into the kitchen. “Thank you for inviting me over for Christmas.”

            “Oh it’s no problem, really,” Hinata said pulling off his coat. “Honestly, no one should be alone for Christmas.”

            “Of course,” Oikawa agreed, watching Hinata hang his coat.

            “Dr. Oikawa, Hinata made two different pies, and Christmas cake!” Aiko cried running over to him from the kitchen.

            “I’m very excited about the Christmas cake,” Oikawa smiled down at her. “I’ve probably been thinking about Christmas Cake since last Christmas.”

            “Me too,” Aiko said dreamily.

            “Well, be glad we even have one,” Hinata said, adjusting the sleeve of his forest green button down over his cast. “At the bakery, we sold out of those in a few hours. I was lucky Daichi was able to make extra.”

            “But it wouldn’t be Christmas without Christmas cake,” Kageyama said walking back in from the kitchen.

            “Or presents,” Aiko added, eyeing the boxes in Oikawa’s bag.

            “We can do presents after dinner ok?” Kageyama said, placing his hand on her head and tilting it back so she would look up at him. She nodded as best she could in that position.

            “So, dinner?” Hinata prompted. “I’m starving.”

* * *

            “Wow,” Oikawa said in awe. “I’ve never seen someone so serious about coloring.” He, Hinata and Kageyama watched from the doorway into the living room as Aiko lay on the floor, furiously coloring in the thick coloring book Oikawa had bought her.

            “You should see how she gets about painting,” Kageyama huffed. Hinata nodded in gravely agreement. “That coloring book was a really great idea, Oikawa.”

            “Yeah, it’s looks so professional,” Hinata commented looking at the intricate ink drawings that filled the page waiting to be colored in. “And expensive.”

            “Well, by coloring book standards, yeah sure. I guess it was expensive,” Oikawa shrugged. “But whatever. I’m a grown man with disposable income and only one child to splurge on.”

            “Lucky you,” Kageyama laughed. “If you want to buy things for her buy this: hair clips and hair ties.” Oikawa gave him a quizzical look. “No I’m serious. She goes through them like nothing I’ve ever seen before. They go in her hair, they come out of her hair, and they disappear.” Hinata nodded in gravely in agreement again. “There must be at least hundreds of bobby pins littered in this apartment that I just, I cant find.”

            “Bobby pins, got it,” Oikawa nodded. They all turned their heads at the sound of a thud and the rustling of paper.

            “I knew she was tired,” Kageyama sighed, looking at Aiko who fell asleep face down in her book. “She always tries to stay up,” he said shaking his head and walking over to her. Gingerly picking her up, he placed her over his shoulder. “I’m going to put her to bed, I’ll be right back,” he mouthed, making sure not to wake up the tiny 5 year old. They both watched him walk down the hall and into Aiko’s bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him.

            “Want a drink?” Hinata asked once the door was closed. “I’m pretty sure Kageyama actually has some whiskey here somewhere.”

            “Oh, yes please,” Oikawa agreed, following Hinata into the kitchen. Finding the bottle in the back of a cabinet, Hinata poured them both about a finger of whiskey. He dropped a few ice cubes in each tumbler before handing one to Oikawa. “Thank you.”

            “Yeah,” Hinata took a deep breath, “I kind of needed it.” Oikawa watched him drink half of his cup.

            “For what?” Oikawa asked warily.

            “For what I’m about to say,” Hinata exhaled, setting his cup on the counter behind him. He leaned back on the counter, his hands gripping on either side. Oikawa tightened his grasp on his cup and prepared for the worst. “I never got to properly thank you. For everything you did. When I got into the accident.”

            “Oh,” Oikawa swallowed, caught off guard. “It’s nothing, it was my job.”

            “Yes, of course,” Hinata flustered. “Everything you did at the hospital was, still...” he took another breath, “I’m thankful for you taking care of Aiko when she was there, and me of course.”

            “It was my job, so,” Oikawa looked away. “Don’t worry about it.”

            “Also,” Hinata added quietly. Oikawa glanced at him in the corner of his eye. “Also everything you did while...after Kageyama and I...” Feeling the usual churning in his gut at the mention of Hinata and Kageyama’s relationship, Oikawa had to work to fight back a grimace. “Well, just thanks for making sure he didn’t go off the deep end.”

            “I wasn’t going to let that happen,” Oikawa said, a bit colder than he’d intended.

            “I know,” Hinata smiled kindly, making Oikawa feel inherently uneasy.

            “He’s my friend so, you know...” Oikawa gestured vaguely with his tumbler of whiskey.

            “No I mean, _I know_ ,” Hinata said emphasizing the last words. Oikawa felt his body go cold and he fought the impulse to run. “Kageyama told me everything. When we worked everything out about a month ago. I told him all about what really happened between me and Kenma and where we stand now, and he told me all about his relationship with you.”

            “All about?” Oikawa said shakily, trying not to convey the anxiety he was feeling.

            “He told me about _that_ months ago,” Hinata waved off. “He told me how you said that _that_ relationship couldn’t continue between the both of you, not unless you both wanted it to. And how you never pressured him, or forced him into an uncomfortable situation and how you were– and are– his best friend.”

            “H-he did?” Oikawa asked in watery voice.

            “Yeah,” Hinata nodded. “So I’m... I want to thank you. Kageyama... he needs people in his life who care about him. Or actually, he needs reassurance that people care about him. And it’s gives me some peace of mind to know that there are multiple people out there that love him and will protect him; even from himself.”

            “I-I do,” Oikawa whispered. “I love him.” It hurt to say it. It hurt to even think it. But what was the worst pain was seeing the acknowledgement in Hinata’s eyes; as if Hinata was part of the same miserable club whose sole purpose was to love Kageyama unconditionally.

            “I know,” Hinata sighed. He took a step over and handed Oikawa a paper towel. Oikawa took it and wiped his eyes that he didn’t realize had started tearing. “You deserve happiness too, Oikawa. And love.”

            “Yeah,” Oikawa huffed sarcastically.

            “No, you do,” Hinata affirmed. “And one day you’ll find it.”

            “God I hope so, because this is torture,” Oikawa exhaled. Hinata laughed quietly, taking another sip of his drink. Oikawa eyed him carefully. “Do you love him? Truly, love him?”

            “I truly do,” Hinata whispered. “I love him so much it frightens me. But I know that’s the scariest thing because it’s the most wonderful thing. I’ll never stop loving him.”

            “Good,” Oikawa said, giving Hinata a small smile. “That’s what he needs so...good.”

            “Good,” Hinata smiled back. They each brought their cups up, and clicked them against each other before each chugging down the rest of their drinks.

            “Alright, Aiko’s asleep in bed and- what are you guys drinking?” Kageyama asked seeing the tumblers in their hands.

            “Whiskey,” Hinata said turning and grabbing a third glass for Kageyama. “Want some?”

            “Yes please,” Kageyama nodded walking over to him. Oikawa took the opportunity of Kageyama’s back to him to rub his eyes to get rid of all the evidence of him crying. “So, what were you guys talking about?”

            “You,” they both said in unison. Kageyama paused bringing his glass to his mouth, but with an accepting shrug, he took a sip anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to know what Kageyama got Oikawa it was a telescope. so he could look out for UFOs.  
> Oikawa got Aiko a set of Johanna Basford coloring books (they are amazing I have 2)  
> He bought Kageyama a personalized leather bound sketchbook (inside he slipped in a subscription to a sex toys website, just to fuck with him)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok first off i'm soooo sorry it's taken me so long to update. if you guys knew the hell i just had to go through with my college over the past 3 weeks you would understand why i couldn't even think about fanfic, let alone write and update mine. piece of advice kids, don't got to college. become a woodland mage and create potions in the forest and live amongst the trees. it's way better than college AKA: the eternal hell. 
> 
> so since i haven't updated in a while and i'm very awesome, i'm going to do a double update. that may be good for this chapter....but the next one...well, it's going to hurt, i'll leave it at that. 
> 
> also i've read through all the comments and of course they're amazing and i'm going to try to go answer them all right now-ish. i haven't been ignoring you guys, i've just been dealing with the most evil people known to mankind; College Internship """""""Advisors"""""""
> 
> but i really love this chapter so i hope you guys enjoy!!!

* * *

            Oikawa, Hinata, and Kageyama were very, very drunk. They were sitting, or more like slumped over, around Kageyama and Hinata’s kitchen table, each with too much whiskey in them. True to form, Kageyama was face down on table his hand still curl weakly around his glass, having just fallen asleep, Oikawa was slouched in his chair, idly swirling the liquor in glass watching with a smirk on his face as Hinata drunkenly attempted to retell his Christmas Eve with Kageyama to Oikawa.

            “So I was like, what?” Hinata shrugged, cup still in hand, spilling some of the amber liquid on the floor. “Hows you are going– like, he’s so weird some time. And I ask him, ‘what are you sayin’?’ and hes just kisses me, you know. On my mouths.” Oikawa snorted into his glass as he went to take another drink. “And his mouth is so good, you know? On my faces. I love it.” Hinata brought his glass up to his mouth as if to take a sip, but then moves it quickly away to talk again. “But hes so...fuckin’...tall. Like a fuckin’...fuckin’...giant. With tattoos and a piercing on his dick.” Oikawa coughed into his cup, spitting whiskey into his lap. Trying not to choke, Oikawa dropped his glass on the table and patted his chest as he coughed. “Didn’t, didn’t you know about that?”

            “I–” Oikawa coughed again, “I did.” He tried to regain his breathing.

            “Anyways,” Hinata continued. “So hes like, kissing my mouths n’ stuff, and its super awesome, like always.” Oikawa hummed in agreement. “And moves back, and says somethin’ sappy like, uh ‘oh’” Hinata began, drunkenly imitating Kageyama’s deep, gruff voice. “‘Your hair is like the red of a thousand reds’ or somethin’ like I that. I can’t remember.”

            “A thousand reds,” Oikawa chuckled into his cup.

            “I don’t know man,” Hinata shrugged. “He’s always sayin’ shit like that all the time. And it sucks cause I can never come up with nothin’ you know?”

            “You–” Oikawa cuts himself off giggling, “you should tell him his eyes are like the color of a thousand blues.”

            “What the fuck is a thousand blues?” Hinata laughs.

            “What the fuck is a thousand reds?” Oikawa giggles. They both fall into uncontrollable laughter, mumbling “a thousand reds” and “a thousand blues” as they snickered.

            “You know,” Hinata sighed after they finished giggling, “maybe it’s ‘cause I’m like, really, really drunk, but you’re fun, kind of.”

            “Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m drunk really too,” Oikawa slurred, “but you’re kind of fun too, as well.”

            “Hey, you know, when I met you I hated you?” Hinata asked gesturing to Oikawa with his glass. “Like, super, super hated you. With my whole everything. _Hate._ ”

            “You know when I me-met you,” Oikawa said, hiccupping midway through, “I hated you too. I hated you so much. I still kinda’ hate you.”

            “Same,” Hinata agreed. “I know I shouldn’- shouldn’ hate you. But I do. I mean like, I don’t, but I do. You know?”

            “I totally know man,” Oikawa nodded. “Like, you’re so fuckin’...fuckin’ nice. And you’re like, happy all the time. And you kinda’ smell like bread a lot, and I like that about you?”

            “Thank you man,” Hinata bobbed happily. “You’re like really cool, and like so fuckin’... I don’t even know man. You’re like just, I don’t know, I see you, and like, I feel like you just got somethin’ to say? You know? Like you’re smart, and that’s awesome cause I’m not. And I like lookin’ at you, cause you’re hot.”

            “Thanks man,” Oikawa smiled drunkenly. “Part of me kinda’ feels bad for hatin’ you.”

            “Same.”

            “But also,” Oikawa added, “another part of me still wants to hate you.”

            “Same.”

            “Like when I see you guys bein’ all happy n’ shit,” Oikawa explained. “It makes me so mad, you know?”

            “Well, can I tell you somethin’? I’m gonna’ tell you somethin’,” Hinata said in a stage whisper. “When I see you and Kageyama talkin’ and shit, it makes me want to go over to him and kiss or somethin’. Like right in front of you. Just to make you mad.”

            “Dick move man,” Oikawa said approvingly.

            “What can I say?” Hinata shrugged smugly. “I’m actually an asshole.”

            “Nah I get it,” Oikawa nodded. “If I was you I’d do the same thing.”

            “I know you would,” Hinata said knowingly. “But you’re an asshole too you know. I’m mean who flirts with a guy who’s arm is bleedin’? What’s wrong with you?”

            “I don’t know man,” Oikawa shrugged dismissively. “I got issues.”

            “Apparently,” Hinata laughed. “Hey, aren’t you tryin’ to fuck Iwaizumi or somethin’?”

            “Yeah, or somethin’,” Oikawa said. “I mean, kinda’ yeah, but also like maybe not? I don’t know.”

            “Ok, go. Lay it on me,” Hinata said waving for him to continue talking. “I’m sure you’ve probably tried talkin’ to Kageyama about this and he’s about as good at listening as he is at math.”

            “True,” Oikawa giggled. “Ok, you really wanna’ hear it?”

            “Spare me no details,” Hinata nodded, setting his glass down and making a show of folding his hands and showing that he was listening.

            “Alright,” Oikawa said warily. “So. I’m in love with your boyfriend, right?” Hinata nodded. “And so that’s not exactly the ideal romantic life– or sexual life for that matter.  And so I’m really over being in love with him. Like it’s kinda’ ruinin’ my life here. Because I’ve been trying to, I don’t know, pursue Iwaizumi I guess, but also like I can’t stop thinking about a certain fuckin’ someone. But also like, I mean... ok I’m _me_ right? And I’m not exactly a beat-around-the-bush kinda’ guy. If there's something I want I’m gonna’ go after it.”

            “Don’t I know it,” Hinata huffed.

            “Yeah well,” Oikawa looked down sheepishly. “Anyway, so I like, kinda’ really want to sleep with Iwaizumi. Basically that’s my goal. I want to fuck him. Into a mattress, and in everywhere else that I can. I want scratches and bites that last for days afterward. I want to not be able to walk properly. I want come so many times that I literally cannot move at all. The whole nine yards.”

            “Damn,” Hinata smirked.

            “But here’s the thing,” Oikawa continued. “I think he’s like, ‘taking it slow’ you know? Like I went to his apartment Monday and nothing happened. We didn’t even kiss.”

            “Really?” Hinata said surprised.

            “Yeah,” Oikawa nodded. “Not one small kiss. And it’s not like there wasn’t sexual tension. He basically told me he was going to throw me around, but he never actually did.”

            “That’s so weird,” Hinata shook his head. “I mean, not like not having sex on a first date is weird. But like, not even one kiss? Kageyama and I kissed on our first date. Actually...” he trailed off remembering something that made him smile.

            “Actually what?” Oikawa asked curious.

            “He finger fucked me the next morning on this table,” Hinata smiled.

            “Oh,” Oikawa said, pulling his hands immediately off the table. “Well that’s’ definitely... something.”

            “Yeah,” Hinata smirked. “He’s good at that.”

            “I’m sure he is.”

            “I’m sorry, you were saying,” Hinata said pulling himself out of his memories.

            “Right, anyway,” Oikawa laughed. “So yeah, he’s taking it slow. I want to fuck him. Plus I’m in love with someone else. And I think I’m courting him.”

            “Well do you want to?” Hinata asked.

            “Do I want to what?”

            “Court him.”

            “Um,” Oikawa began, furrowing his brow in thought. “I don’t know.”

            “Well do you want to date him or just sleep with him?”

            “I don’t really...date,” Oikawa said, like he wasn’t sure of the words.

            “Like ever?” Hinata asked surprised.

            “I mean I go on dates,” Oikawa said. “But once I sleep with them I kind of...” he gestured vaguely.

            “So you don’t want to date him,” Hinata clarified.

            “I guess I didn’t think past the ‘have sex with him’ part,” Oikawa shrugged.

            “Would you date Kageyama?” Hinata asked carefully.

            “What?”

            “Like if I were to break up with him tomorrow, and he totally wanted to, would you date him?” Hinata asked seriously.

            “I...” Oikawa didn’t know how to answer. “I don’t know.”

            “Ok.”

            “Well what does that mean for me?” Oikawa asked impatiently.

            “I don’t know,” Hinata shrugged. “Maybe you only go for unavailable guys.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “Like, if a guy is giving you all the ‘ hey I’m totally into you and willing to give this a try’ signals, you’re put off,” Hinata explained. “But if there’s a guy who is completely unattainable for whatever reason, that’s the one you fixate on.”

            “That does sound like me,” Oikawa agreed.

            “So, just try to focus on Iwaizumi, who clearly likes you, and not other people who aren’t interested,” Hinata said rationally.

            “I’m too drunk for this,” Oikawa shook.

            “Me too,” Hinata nodded.

            “I’m gonna’ go pass out on your couch now, ok?” Oikawa said standing up slowly from the table.

            “Good idea,” Hinata smiled. Oikawa carefully walked into the living and face first collapsed on the couch. With a groan he removed his pants and pullover, tossing them on the floor next to him. Placing his phone on top, he grabbed the blanket that was on the couch and dragged it over on top of his body. It wasn’t even a few minutes before he was completely asleep.

* * *

 

            It was the sounds on the door unlocking that awoke Oikawa with a jolt. Instantly regretting moving so quickly, Oikawa brought his hand up to his head, groaning in pain.  The contents of his stomach sloshed uncomfortably as he moved to try to sit up. He tried blinking away the sleep from his eyes as he slowly sat up on the couch. Opening his eyes, he saw a petite blonde girl standing in front of his watching him curiously.

            “Hello?” he said, his voice raspy from sleep.

            “Hello,” she smiled. Her eyes traveled around his torso and back up to his hair, which he was self-consciously patting. “You must be Oikawa.”

            “Uh,” he mumbled stunned for a moment, trying to place her. “I am. Are you, um, Yachi?”

            “The one and only,” she nodded. Oikawa felt completely uncomfortable and very hung-over; possible too hung-over for introductions. “Well, if you’re like this I can only imagine what Tobio and Shouyou are like right now.”

            “If they’re anything like how I’m feeling,” Oikawa mumbled, cradling his head in his hands. “They’re probably dead.”

            “Probably,” Yachi laughed dropping her coat and purse on the side of the couch and walking further into the apartment. Looking through his fingers, he watched as she walked down the hall and into their bedroom. Cursing himself for falling asleep again with his contacts, he tried to blink his eyes to alleviate some discomfort. Trying to rub away his growing headache, Oikawa listened as he heard tired groans coming from the bedroom followed by Yachi laughing. A few moments later, Yachi walked back out looking smug.

            “Dead?” Oikawa asked, running his hand through his hair.

            “Very,” she laughed, going into the kitchen.

            With a sigh, Oikawa reached over to the floor and picked up his phone. He let out an annoyed groan when he realized it was completely dead. He tossed it on the couch next to him and reached down for his pullover as he heard a crash from the bedroom. Craning his neck to look down the hall, he saw a mostly nude Hinata run towards the bathroom, slamming the door closed behind him. Grateful that he didn’t feel that nauseous, Oikawa pulled on his sweater but left his jeans on the floor.

            “Coffee?” Yachi offered as she stuck her head into the living room.

            “Um, yes please,” he said. He stood up carefully and walked into the kitchen to see her preparing three large mugs of coffee.

            “Milk and sugar?” she asked.

            “Both yeah.” He looked around the kitchen. “You don’t happen to have a phone charger with you?”

            “I do actually,” she nodded. “Hold on it’s in my bag.” Yachi put down the container of milk and stepped out of the kitchen momentarily, coming back with a long white cord. “Here you go.”

            “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver,” Oikawa thanked, quickly plugging his phone into charge in the living room.

            “Yachi, I feel like I’m dying,” Kageyama groaned as he shuffled into the kitchen. His hair was completely disheveled and his skin had a distinct sick-pale look that clearly spelled out hangover. Though all he wore were pajama bottoms, he seemed to be radiating heat despite the December morning chill.

            “You’re not dying,” she huffed, handing him his prepared coffee.

            “You look like shit,” Oikawa commented, taking his own cup of coffee. Kageyama sent him a weak glare.

            “Is that your medical opinion?” Kageyama asked sarcastically.

            “Mhm,” Oikawa hummed, taking a sip of the coffee. “Hey is Hinata done puking? Cause I really need to pee.”

            “He’s a puker, he’ll be there for a while,” Kageyama sighed.

            “Ew,” Oikawa made a face.

            “Yeah don’t let him fool you, he’s a whiner,” Yachi smirked, smacking Kageyama on the back making him choke on his coffee. “You should have seen him college.” Oikawa practically snorted his coffee in his excitement to hear the rest of the story. Kageyama looked at her with a mix of annoyance and silent pleading.

            “Please tell me everything,” Oikawa said excitedly. He could hear Kageyama groan next to him.

            “Well, he can’t hold his alcohol,” Yachi smirked glancing at Kageyama who was trying to hide inside his mug. “He tends to get really emotional and then he just falls asleep. Once we went out drinking at this really swanky bar after one of my classmates gallery show, and this nerd got so nervous he drank himself into a clingy stupor and then he started crying about how much he loved me and how pretty my hair was and how tiny I was compared to him.” Grinning, Oikawa looked over at Kageyama who was determinedly ignoring them by pouring himself more coffee. “It was hilarious, but I had to take him home after like an hour. He cute but he is _heavy,_ and I am small.”

            “That sounds amazing and I wish I was there,” Oikawa sighed.

            “You’re an asshole,” Kageyama said from the other side of the kitchen. The slow, heavy sounds of shuffling feet approached and Oikawa turned to see a miserable looking Hinata walking into the kitchen.

            “Why are there so many people here so early in the morning,” he grumbled shuffling over and taking the mug that Kageyama was handing him.

            “It’s not that early in the morning,” Yachi said. “It’s 11am.”

            “Ugh, early,” Hinata groaned.

            “And I’m the whiny one,” Kageyama mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of Hinata’s head.

            “You are,” Yachi said dismissively. “So where’s my daughter? Still asleep?”

            “She’s asleep in her room, I just checked on her,” Hinata nodded. Yachi walked out of the kitchen and towards Aiko’s room.

            “Hey, this is my shirt,” Kageyama said pulling at Hinata’s shirt. He wore a black t-shirt with a large “The Clash” and skull and crossbones on it.

            “I got puke on mine,” Hinata admitted sheepishly. “And I knew this was one is small on you, I didn’t think you’d mind.”

            “I don’t,” Kageyama said quickly, shaking his head with a slight blush on his face. “You just...you look good in it.” Oikawa tried not to roll his eyes. The level of cuteness and “perfect relationship” was too much for him to handle hung-over and on an empty stomach. Even though he could remember his heart to heart and then subsequent drunken conversation with Hinata, it hadn’t seem to cure him of his knee jerk reaction to gag with jealousy. Hearing his phone vibrate, he was grateful for the excuse to leave the room.

            With his phone finally charged enough to turn on, Oikawa watched as his phone vibrated while he received a litany of text messages. Slightly surprised, Oikawa unlocked it to see that they were almost all from Iwaizumi. Involuntarily smiling to himself, he scrolled through all the messages that he hadn’t seen when he was drunk the night before.

**> my entire family is at my parents house and I’ve never wanted to be tattooing a gross hairy old man’s ass more in my entire life**

**> well that’s not entirely true, but I don’t want to be here**

**> I was fine for a few days when it was just me and my brother but now there’s so many people here**

**> at this pointing I'm just texting you so I don’t have to interact with my family**

**> I just remembered alcohol**

Oikawa laughed, thinking about how he had a similar thought last night.

**> my plan is to get so drunk I pass out**

**> I hope you’re having a more fun Christmas than I am**

**> wow typin is hard when your drunk**

**> I think Im almost at the drunk enough to be Aesop**

**> A sloth***

**> asleep****

**> I’m very drunk**

**> I think next time you come over we have to have some of this whatever I’m drinking is**

**> it’s kinda fruity and it looks like blood and I like you**

**> it***

**> hopefully I'm gonna sleep soon because I am drunkn**

**> I’ve been smelling coffee a lot**

**> Merry Christmas**

            Oikawa felt like his chest was constricting and he was having trouble breathing. Hinata’s words from last night rang in his head; _try to focus on Iwaizumi, who clearly likes you._ There was no way out now, he knew that he and Iwaizumi were obviously headed towards something. What that was though, still eluded Oikawa. But as he read through the texts again and again, he knew part of him felt beyond happy. And he knew another part of him wanted to cry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update!!! ok so this chapter kicks of the angst with a bang. it's all downhill from here.  
>  i'm so excited

 

* * *

            “Thanks for coming early,” Iwaizumi said empty a bag of ice into large tin bucket. “Setting up is always easier when there’s an extra pair of hands.”

            “Oh yeah no problem,” Oikawa said nonchalantly, as he arranged the platters of food on the bar. “I don’t mind at all.” He glanced over at Iwaizumi who lifted the large bucket over his shoulder and walked it over to his coffee table where he set it down gently.

            “Hey can you bring me that case of beers in the freezer?” Iwaizumi asked gesturing towards the kitchen. Sliding off the bar stool, Oikawa walked over and grabbed the case of beer.

            “Jesus Christ that’s heavy,” Oikawa said, struggling with the box.

            “It’s not you big baby,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to do it instead?”

            “No, no, I got this,” Oikawa huffed walking over with the case as fast as he could. Once he ran over to Iwaizumi he dropped the case on the couch watching it bounce in place. “There, did it.”

            “Look at you, so strong,” Iwaizumi laughed, opening up the case.

            “Don’t patronize me,” Oikawa pouted watching Iwaizumi bend over to fill the bucket on the table with cans of beer. He let his eyes wander from his strong shoulders down to his backside to just where Iwaizumi’s shirt met his jeans.

            “I’m not patronizing you I’m–” Iwaizumi turned just as Oikawa lifted his eyes from his butt up to his face. Rolling his eyes at the innocent smile Oikawa gave him, he returned to placing the rest of the beers in the ice bucket Just as the doorbell rang. “Can you get that?”

            “Sure.” Adjusting his pristine navy button down that was tucked in neatly into his belted maroon pants, Oikawa walked over to the front door and opened it.

            “Iwaizu–oh, um...” The tall, lanky guy in the doorway blinked awkwardly at Oikawa, tightening his grasp on the box in his hand. “Is Iwaizumi there?”

            “Hey! Kindaichi,” Iwaizumi called out from the living room area. “I’m over here, you can bring that in here.” The guy gave Oikawa a quick glance before clumsily walking into the apartment. “Oh, Oikawa leave the door open so the others can just come in.” Nodding, Oikawa opened the door fully, watching Kindaichi’s lanky body stand uncomfortably next to Iwaizumi.

            “I um, I brought you that paper you like,” Kindaichi said. “I just brought it over now since I was coming here anyway.” He glanced over at Oikawa who was watching him with a raised eyebrow. “Am I too early or...?”

            “Not at all,” Iwaizumi said happily. “Also thank you so much for the paper. You always get me the best stuff for my shop,” he thanked taking what appeared to be a box full of sheets of vellum paper. He walked over and dropped it on his desk and turned back to Kindaichi. “You didn’t have to bring it over, I could have gotten it from you later.”

            “Oh um,” Kindaichi flushed. Oikawa frowned, watching him fluster around Iwaizumi. “It was no trouble and I was coming here anyway.”

            “Of course,” Iwaizumi patted his shoulder. He smiled at Kindaichi and his eyes lifted upward to Oikawa as if he remembered he was there. “Oh Kindaichi you got to meet Oikawa.”

            “Uh,” Kindaichi mumbled awkwardly. He followed Iwaizumi over to Oikawa who was standing by the door still feeling a weird combination of jealousy and aggression towards Kindaichi.

            “Oikawa this is my neighbor Kindaichi,” Iwaizumi said gesturing to the practically trembling guy. “He works at his mom’s incredible art store and he always brings me the best vellum for my tattoo shop.”

            “That’s nice,” Oikawa smiled coldly; Iwaizumi hadn’t noticed, but Kindaichi did.

            “Kindaichi lives the apartment a few doors down, above the art store,” Iwaizumi continued. “And he’s an incredibly talented artist too. I’d be more than willing to take him in for his apprenticeship.”

            “No, no I couldn’t...not on people’s skin. You don’t know how much time I spend erasing,” Kindaichi blushed. “I’ll stick to paper and paints.”

            “Suit yourself,” Iwaizumi smiled. Practically scowling, Oikawa watched as Kindaichi turned redder by the second. Iwaizumi finally turned his attention to Oikawa, who dropped his frown immediately. “Kindaichi, this is my... friend Oikawa,” he said faltering on friend. “He’s an ER doctor.”

            “Wow that’s amazing,” Kindaichi said, sounding genuinely impressed, which only served to pissed Oikawa off even more.

            “It’s nothing,” Oikawa sneered, trying for unaffected confidence but coming up short.

            “He’s being modest,” Iwaizumi frowned, placing his hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. “Which is not usually like him.”

            “Oh I see,” Kindaichi said uncomfortably. “But being a doctor, especially an ER doctor, you must see a lot of crazy things right?” Glaring further, Oikawa was angry that he seemed to be playing at the one thing Oikawa couldn’t resist; showing off.

            “Well, naturally as a doctor in a fairly central metropolitan hospital, I see a lot of interesting cases come into the ER,” Oikawa said, arrogantly. “I also get to see a lot of blood and gore from accidents and the like.” He paused to look at Kindaichi’s horrified reaction. “People’s insides on their outsides...”

“Hey!” Hinata said excitedly, cutting off Oikawa’s horrific description. “Happy New Year,” he cheered bouncing in place. Next to him a bemused Kageyama rolled his eyes with a small smile at his boyfriend.

            “Happy New Year,” Iwaizumi said, taking a step towards the door, moving between Oikawa and Kindaichi. He gave Oikawa a slightly disappointed look before he turned to Hinata and Kageyama walking in. An apathetic looking guy followed them in. with dual toned hair pulled back into a messy bun, who only looked up from his phone to watch his step.

            “This is my best friend Kenma,” Hinata introduced, pulling the guy closer to him by the arm. He looked between Oikawa and Iwaizumi, looking uncomfortable and self-conscious. “He came over for New Years so I thought he could tag along, I hope you don’t mind,” Hinata said towards Iwaizumi.

            “Not at all,” Iwaizumi shook his head. “The more the merrier.”

            “Good cause I brought my own entourage,” Kuroo sang from behind them. They all turned to see Kuroo standing dramatically in the doorway with his arms over the shoulder of two guys; one with spikey white and black hair who looked just as excited to be there as Kuroo, and the other a slightly shorter, but more stoic looking guy, with a beautiful face but an expression of resigned frustration.

            “Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi come every year, this isn’t a surprise,” Iwaizumi sighed, clearly exasperated.

            “I know,” Kuroo shrugged, taking his arms back from around the guy’s necks. “Why do you have to try to ruin my dramatic entrance though?”

            “It wasn’t that dramatic,” Kageyama said which only seemed to annoy Kuroo.

            “Shut up,” Kuroo said walking into the apartment and pulling off his coat. As he turned to put his coat on the coat rack that Iwaizumi and had placed near the door, he noticed Oikawa and gave him a knowing smirk. “Hey,” he grinned.

            “Hey,” Oikawa smiled, trying not to squirm under Kuroo’s piercing stare.

            “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced,” he said, smoothly hanging up his coat on a hook before turning to face Oikawa. “Kuroo.”

            “Oikawa.” He felt a warm weight on his right hip. Kuroo gave him a slow smirk.

            “No,” Iwaizumi said, to Oikawa’s left. It took Oikawa a few heart pounding moments to realize the warm weight on his hip was Iwaizumi’s hand.

            “What?” Kuroo asked as if he knew exactly what Iwaizumi meant. “I’m just saying hello.”

            “No,” Iwaizumi repeated flatly. “Go over there and go drink.” Rolling his eyes, Kuroo walked over towards the coffee table to the bucket of beer, greeting Kindaichi as he walked over. Oikawa felt Iwaizumi’s warm hand slip away; he instantly missed it.

            “Bokuto, nice to meet you,” Introduced the spikey-haired guy, smiling at everyone. “I’m Kuroo’s best friend.” Oikawa gave him an acknowledging smile, which was more than Kenma’s quick glance up from his phone.

            “Hinata, Kageyama’s boyfriend,” Hinata introduced happily.

            “Oh! I didn’t know you finally found someone,” Bokuto said excitedly, slapping Kageyama on his chest with the back of his hand. Caught by surprise, Kageyama let out a rushed gasp of air before nodding weakly. “This is my partner, Akaashi.” He wound his arm around the other guy’s waist and pulled his close to his side.

            “Nice to meet you,” Akaashi said gently, looking almost apologetic for his boyfriend’s boisterous behavior.

            “Yo! Bokuto! I bet you I can drink this beer faster than you,” Kuroo called to him from the other side of the room. “Kindaichi is going to time us!” An apprehensive looking Kindaichi held his phone out in his hand waiting to time them.

            “You’re on!” Bokuto shouted, rushing towards Kuroo. Iwaizumi exhaled, looking like he had anticipated this exact scenario. With another apologetic nod, Akaashi followed Bokuto.

            “You have anything besides beer?” Hinata asked.

            “Ugh, how can you even think about drinking after what happened on Christmas,” Kageyama grimaced.

            “Shut up,” Hinata scoffed. “Yachi was right, you are the whiner. Oikawa agrees.” Kageyama looked at Oikawa who gave him a reluctant nod.

            “Yeah, there’s liquor on the breakfast bar,” Iwaizumi said gesturing behind him towards the kitchen.

            “Come on Kenma, let's get some alcohol in you,” Hinata smirked dragging his apprehensive friend over to the kitchen.

            “I’m going to make sure that dumbass doesn’t... I don’t even know, do something stupid I guess,” Kageyama sighed fondly, following Hinata.

            “What an interesting group of people,” Oikawa laughed looking at Iwaizumi who seemed to already be regretting having a party as he watched Kuroo and Bokuto race to chug an entire beer.

            “Oh you don’t even know,” Iwaizumi sighed. “And Tanaka isn’t even here yet, just wa–”

            “YOOOO!” Tanaka yelled as he practically danced in. Iwaizumi motioned to the flurry of activity in the doorway, giving Oikawa an ‘I-told-you-so’ look.

            “Must you be so loud?” a slightly taller, but incredibly gorgeous lady asked him in an exasperated tone.

            “Sorry, my love,” Tanaka apologized, looking instantly regretful. “I’m just excited! I love parties.”

            “It’s ok, Shimizu,” Iwaizumi said walking over and taking her coat.  “I deal with him everyday, I’m used to it by now.” She just gave him a small acknowledging nod.

            “Oh hey, Oikawa,” Tanaka said hanging up his coat. “I didn’t know you’d be here too.”

            “Yeah, Iwaizumi invited me,” Oikawa said gesturing to Iwaizumi next to him.

            “Ooh,” Tanaka hummed knowingly, “Iwaizumi invited you.” He raised his eyebrows with a smirk, looking between Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Feeling like he was out of the loop, Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi who was staring menacingly at Tanaka. “I meant,” Tanaka began, trying to backtrack. “Like, ‘oh, Iwaizumi invited you? I thought you came with Kageyama’ I meant it like that.”

            “Of course you did,” Iwaizumi said flatly. Not risking saying anything else, Tanaka followed Shimizu further into the apartment. “That should be almost everyone,” he said to Oikawa once they had walked away.

            “Almost?” Oikawa asked looking around. Though they did not completely fill the spacious apartment, the noise level was already quite impressive. He could only imagine what it would be like after they all had a few drinks in them.

            “Well, usually Kuroo finds more people to invite,” Iwaizumi shrugged. “But I guess not this year. Plus I think he finally broke up with his on-again/off-again boyfriend Tsukki.”

            “Aw damn, that would have made for interesting drama,” Oikawa joked. “I guess if it’s going to be boring I’ll just leave then–”

            “Don’t even think about it,” Iwaizumi growled, grabbing Oikawa’s arm and pulling him back towards him. “You think you’re going to leave me here alone with this lot?”

            “Aw Iwa, I’m flattered,” Oikawa cooed. “Ok I guess I’ll stay. I’ll just have to create my own drama to keep things interesting.”

            “Or we could just do some shots?” Iwaizumi suggested.

            “Oh yeah, let's do that.”

* * *

 

            “Ok, truth or dare?” Kuroo setting aside his beer can on the floor next to him.

            “Is this really how we want to close out the year?” Iwaizumi asked for what felt like the thousandth time. “I mean, we’re adults right?” he looked around the living room at everyone. He and Oikawa were seated on the couch portion of the sectional, Iwaizumi’s arm slung just slightly around Oikawa’s shoulders. He could feel the strong muscle of Iwaizumi’s biceps on the back of his neck and it sent a warm buzzing deep into his gut.  Which was almost completely replaced by the unpleasant churning in his stomach each time he looked over at Kageyama and Hinata. Kageyama, who was sat slightly slumped in an armchair, had his legs spread to accommodate Hinata sitting on the floor between them as he laughed with Bokuto. Annoyed with himself that his conversations with Hinata were not enough to dissuade his heart from fluttering at Kageyama, Oikawa tried his best not to look towards the pair of them. He turned toward Kuroo whose  head was leaning back against the chair that Shimizu and Tanaka were both sharing, sitting cross-legged on the floor next to a quite unimpressed looking Kenma. Akaashi sat almost directly across from his partner, shaking his head slightly whenever he would say something particularly childish.

            “Well some of us are,” Oikawa laughed, watching Bokuto and Hinata who were building The Leaning Tower of Beer Cans. He watched the cans fall and roll on the floor, several of which rolled towards the one person Oikawa had been actively looking at the least: Kindaichi. He wasn’t sure why but he felt a petty irrational dislike of him. He seemed nice enough and on multiple occasions tried to engage Oikawa in conversation. But each time Oikawa grew more and more annoyed with the spiky haired lanky man.

            “Just let him choose,” Kuroo insisted, motioning to Tanaka who was sitting restlessly in his seat.

            “Dare! I choose dare,” he practically shouted, earning him a quelling look from Shimizu.

            “Oh god here we go,” Kageyama sighed, sinking further into his chair.

            “Ok I dare you to...” Kuroo tapped his lip in deep thought. “Oh I know! Ok, I dare you to–”

            “It’s almost midnight,” Kenma interrupted looking up from his phone.

            “Ooh! We have to get the champagne ready,” Hinata said excitedly jumping up and rushing over to the kitchen. Hearing a metal crash, Iwaizumi got up from the couch to go help. Cold air hit Oikawa’s neck once Iwaizumi removed his arm, and Oikawa instantly missed the warmth.

            “How much time until midnight?” Bokuto asked standing up and brushing off the back of his pants.

            “About 6 minutes,” Kenma said stretching out his legs and setting his phone on the floor next to him.

            “We didn’t even say our resolutions,” Kuroo said looking around at everyone. “Look, we’ll go around the room and everyone will say our new year's’ resolution. And none of that eat healthy go to the gym more nonsense. Thing you actually mean.” He looked around at apprehensive faces. “Fine I’ll go first: my new year's resolution is to take myself more seriously.” There was a small lull as everyone processed the surprising resolution coming from Kuroo. Oikawa watched as everyone blinked in surprise while Kuroo grabbed his beer and finished it to ignore the silence.

            “I’ll go,” Kindaichi said, clearing his throat awkwardly to get everyone’s attention. “Mine is to be more c-confident,” he stuttered, marring the impact somewhat.

            “That’s a good one Kindaichi,” Iwaizumi said walking over with several champagne glasses on a tray. Kindaichi took one off the tray, giving Iwaizumi a quick half smile before looking away. “Mine’s simple. I resolve to be more patient.”

            “You did that one last year,” Tanaka chided.

            “Yeah, well I got impatient and it didn’t last,” Iwaizumi shrugged. “But I mean it this year...hopefully.”

            “Well mine is to be more adventurous,” Tanaka smiled, looking over at Shimizu.

            “I want to be more expressive,” Shimizu said softly, glancing at Tanaka whose smile grew as he looked at her. Oikawa couldn’t help but smile to himself watching the pair interact so surprisingly delicately.

            “Mine is to be responsible,” Bokuto said looking at Akaashi who gave him a dubious look that was softened by the small smile on his face.

            “Well mine is to be more... lighthearted,” Akaashi said not looking away from Bokuto.  Oikawa could tell the were having some sort of silent telepathic conversation that only a couple that have been together for a long time could have.

            “My new years resolution is to bake more!” Hinata cheered sitting on the armrest of Kageyama’s chair handing Kageyama a glass.

            “You own a bakery that’s not a resolution, that’s a business plan,” Kageyama reproached, smacking Hinata’s leg with the back of his hand.

            “Ow, fine,” Hinata pouted rubbing his leg with his casted hand. “I vow to have sex more.”

            “You can’t come up with a resolution that depends on another person,” Kageyama scolded again, smacking Hinata leg. “You can’t include me in your resolution.”

            “Who said anything about it being you?” Hinata joked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Kageyama whose frown only seemed to deepen. “Oh my god I’m joking you big baby.”

            “Yeah well, my resolution is to get away with a murder,” Kageyama said smugly at Hinata who only laughed in response.

            “What about you?” Kuroo said rolling his eyes at the two of them and looking down at Kenma. He seemed to swallow uncomfortably, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

            “I didn’t come up with one,” Kenma shrugged.

            “Well, come up with something now,” Kuroo said nudging Kenma’s shoulder. Kenma eye’s quickly glanced from Kuroo, to Hinata and Kageyama on the chair next to him and back down to his lap.

            “Um... my resolution is to not care so much about the opinions of others, and do things because I want to,” Kenma murmured. Kuroo smiled softly and nodded in agreement.

            “And that just leaves you Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said sliding back into his seat. “With one minute to spare, tell us your new years resolution.”

            “Oh um,” Oikawa said, he mind suddenly going blank. He had spent the entire time trying to come up with a viable resolution but was still only grasping at straws. In his periphery he could see Iwaizumi staring at him with anticipation; his normally serious, impenetrable face now soft and open. “My resolution is to...” he eyes caught Kageyama’s who was watching him with the same look and he had to look down at his lap immediately. “To... to find happiness.”

            “A worthy resolution,” Hinata said earnestly. Oikawa couldn’t bring himself to answer and just settled for nodding back with a half smile. “Ok guys only 30 seconds left.”

            “Wait turn on the TV!” Tanaka said excitedly turning slightly to face the TV. “Lets see the ball drop.”

            “Oh right,” Iwaizumi said leaning forward and quickly grabbing the remote. “Here I think I set it up earlier.” He turned on the TV and it went directly to the last 20 seconds of the count down. As the people around him started to count down the last seconds of the year, what felt like every moment of it flashed through Oikawa’s head. Everything that led up to him meeting Kageyama in that club. How he couldn’t get that odd, semi-mysterious man out of his head. Their chance meeting and the friendship that developed afterward. How he fell head over heels for him in a matter of weeks. How it felt to have his heart simultaneously crushed and coddled by Kageyama on a regular basis. How he still can’t see that stopping anytime soon.

            As they counted in the last 10 seconds, Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi who was chanting the countdown along with everyone else. He couldn’t believe he’d only met this man a little over a month ago. Oikawa felt like somehow he’d known him his whole life. Iwaizumi just felt... well Oikawa didn’t exactly know. And that’s what scared him most. Part of him just wanted to give into the carnal desire to just fuck the living daylights out of Iwaizumi; throw caution to the wind and have at him, consequences be damned. He knew that a good fuck was his usual M.O. and why should he abandon that? Because of some pesky feelings? Feelings he didn’t know if he actually trusted? Feelings that made it hard to think straight around him. Or that gave him the occasional hot tightness in his chest. That made him just want to be next to Iwaizumi, just to be close to him. Unfortunately, Oikawa knew those types of feelings all too well. He also knew how well that turned out the last time. But still, as he sat on the couch watching Iwaizumi count down the last few seconds of what has turned out to be the most life altering year of his life, he found himself thinking that the hot tightness in his chest wasn’t so bad after all.

            “Five! Four!”

            “Iwa I–” Oikawa began.

            “Three!”

            “Um I think–”

            “Two!”

            “I’m–”

            “One! Happy New Year!” everyone cheered at once, clinking their glasses together. Pulling himself out of his head, Oikawa leaned forward and clinked his glass with the others before tilting his head back and downing it in one go. Setting it on the coffee table, Oikawa felt a warm hand at his back. Leaning back into his seat, he turned his head to see Iwaizumi facing him.

            Oikawa’s whole body went warm. Iwaizumi’s hand slid gently up his back and came to rest at the nape of Oikawa’s neck. Feeling himself unconsciously leaning in, Oikawa took a moment to look at the Iwaizumi’s heavy-lidded stare at his lips before letting his own eyes close just as they closed the distance between them. His hands automatically found Iwaizumi’s chest, fisting his hands in the fabric of his shirt. Their lips slid together just barely as Oikawa felt Iwaizumi place his hand tenderly on his thigh. Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa’s lower lip between his lips and nipped at it gently, earning a soft sigh from Oikawa. Unfurling his hands from Iwaizumi’s shirt, he moved his hands up to Iwaizumi’s neck thumbing his jawline. Oikawa could feel Iwaizumi’s hand on his thigh lightly kneading his skin as they kissed. With a small intake of breath, Iwaizumi pulled back, their lips separating wetly. Oikawa’s eyes fluttered open to see Iwaizumi looking at him with a soft smile.

            “Happy New Year,” Iwaizumi whispered against Oikawa’s lips.

            “Ha-Happy New Year Iwa,” Oikawa said, his voice cracking slightly with nerves.

            “I finally kissed you,” Iwaizumi purred, his fingers playing with the hair at the back of Oikawa’s head. “Finally.”

            “You did,” Oikawa smiled, lightly moving his thumb on Iwaizumi’s neck. His gut was churning under Iwaizumi’s gaze.

            “I’m going to go get us a drink,” Iwaizumi said softly. He pressed a small kiss to Oikawa’s lips before getting up from the couch. Oikawa’s hands fell into his lap as he watched Iwaizumi walk into the kitchen. His face felt hot and his chest felt tight. He ran his tongue over his lip trying to memorize the feeling of Iwaizumi’s lips on his.

            “Akaashi, look you can see the fireworks out the window,” Bokuto said somewhere from Oikawa’s side breaking him out of his thoughts. Looking up, Oikawa remembered that there were other people in the room. He wiped his mouth, which was still tilted up in a soft smile.

            “I’m coming,” Akaashi said walking over to his partner who was bouncing in front of the window where the fireworks were exploding in the distance. He came to stand next Bokuto, winding his arm around his waist. Bokuto immediately stopped bouncing and placed his arm around Akaashi’s shoulders pulling him close.  Oikawa watched as their dynamic changed almost instantly. Bokuto stopped watching the fireworks outside and had his eyes only on Akaashi. His face melted as the colors of the fireworks danced across Akaashi’s face. As Bokuto leaned in close to his partner, Oikawa looked away not wanting to intrude on their moment.

_I wonder if people looked away from me and Iwa when he kissed me...he kissed me. He finally kissed me. A month of flirting and he finally kissed me. A New Years Eve kiss. I’m just so–_

            “Oh my god guys, get a room,” Tanaka booed, snapping Oikawa back into reality. Tanaka sat with his arm around Shimizu’s shoulders, and they both had expressions of disgust and interest. Turning to see what they were watching, Oikawa saw their attention was on Kageyama and Hinata and he could see why. Completely oblivious to their growing audience, Hinata and Kageyama were completely enwrapped in each other, both literally and figuratively. Kneeling in Kageyama’s lap, Hinata had his arms circling Kageyama’s shoulder, his hands twisting in Kageyama’s hair. Kageyama’s hands rested low on Hinata’s waist pulling Hinata’s groin down as he licked into his mouth.

            Oikawa could feel his smile slid off his face. The exuberant high he felt from his kiss with Iwaizumi was almost instantly shattered by seeing them together. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that he didn’t want Kageyama anymore, and he was happy for the both of them and that Hinata was perfect for him, it still hurt just as bad every time. This time was no different. Oikawa felt like his body was no longer there. He could hear Tanaka and Kuroo talking and people laughing and the noises of the party around him but all he could see was the small smirk on Kageyama’s face as his kissed Hinata. The deep emptiness in his gut started to engulf him and he felt the numb nothingness spread throughout his body. Oikawa couldn’t pretend he was ok, not anymore.

            “Here you go,” Iwaizumi said sliding on to the couch next to him. Oikawa tore his eyes away from Kageyama to look at the glass that Iwaizumi was handing him. “I know you said you didn’t want to get drunk so I made a virgin version of the punch.”

            “Th-thank you,” Oikawa swallowed taking the glass from Iwaizumi who settled in comfortably, placing his arm around his shoulders again.

            “I see that Kageyama and Hinata are trying to start the New Year off with a bang,” Iwaizumi joked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

            “I guess they are,” Oikawa forced out, trying to come off lighthearted but failing miserably.

            “Someone always ends up making an idiot of themselves on New Year,” Iwaizumi continued not noticing Oikawa’s awkwardness. “Though usually it’s Kuroo. But, I don’t see him around... hmm, strange.” Iwaizumi shrugged and settled his hand on Oikawa’s arm, rubbing it lightly. Opting out of answering for fear of Iwaizumi realizing that he was shaken, Oikawa took a long sip of the punch. “Hey are you alright?” Iwaizumi asked pulling his arm back slightly and looking down at Oikawa with concern.

            “Yeah I am, sorry,” Oikawa’s smile not quite reaching up to his eyes. “I’m tired maybe, but I’m fine I promise.”

            “Ok,” Iwaizumi said apprehensively. “Am I... is it me? Am I doing something wrong here?”

            “Oh no no, not at all,” Oikawa shook his head pulling Iwaizumi’s arm tighter around his shoulders. “No, you’re not doing anything wrong you’re... you’re perfect Iwa.” Oikawa sighed taking in the truth of that statement and feeling guilty about it.

            “Alright,” Iwaizumi smiled back. He leaned over and pressed kiss to Oikawa’s forehead. “I just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

            “I’m–I’m great,” Oikawa stumbled. But Iwaizumi didn’t seem to notice anything further wrong. Exhaling deeply, Oikawa turned his head to look away from Iwaizumi just to try to relax for a moment when he caught Kindaichi’s eye. Standing slightly off from the rest of the group, Kindaichi had his eyes on Oikawa and Iwaizumi watching the both of them interact. Oikawa’s whole body went numb when he saw Kindaichi’s face. In it he could see exactly what he felt went he looked at Kageyama and Hinata. The mix of hurt and despair and longing all combined with cold jealousy and pining was evident on Kindaichi’s face. Oikawa knew now exactly why he felt threatened by Kindaichi; it was written all over his face. They only held their eye contact for a split second before Kindaichi looked away. But it was more than enough time for Oikawa feel empty again.

            _Is that what I look like?_

The rest of the party dwindled down fairly quickly. Kindaichi left soon after midnight, apologizing to Iwaizumi and claiming to have early morning plans. A drunken Hinata was practically carried out by Kageyama somewhere past one. Bokuto and Akaashi left with Tanaka and Kiyoko after a few minutes of trying to relocate Kuroo and receiving and text message that just said “busy” with a few suggestive emojis. By the time that everyone else had cleared out, Oikawa had worked himself up from a small uncomfortable realization to a trembling panic.

            “Ugh, finally,” Iwaizumi sighed, closing the door and sliding against it. “I must be getting old because I swear every year I get more tired earlier.”

            “It’s almost like you get older every year,” Oikawa joked, picking up the empty beer cans from the floor and tossing them into a large garbage bag.

            “Almost,” Iwaizumi laughed walking over. “You don’t have to do that,” he said taking the bag from Oikawa’s hands and placing it on the floor. “We can clean it up in the morning.”

            “We?” Oikawa smirked trying not to let the tight excitement in his chest overwhelm him.

            “Yeah, we,” Iwaizumi whispered, placing his hand on the nape of Oikawa’s neck and closing the distance between them. Instantly Oikawa could feel the difference in this kiss. No longer careful and hesitant, Iwaizumi kissed him like he had a mission, and that mission was to make Oikawa melt underneath him.

            Oikawa tried to lose himself in the feeling of Iwaizumi kissing him. As their lips met, he couldn’t help melt against him a bit. He had wanted for so long to be kissed and held by Iwaizumi and now that he finally had what he wanted, he wanted to enjoy it was much as he could. And now feeling Iwaizumi’s arms around his waist, his strong body pressed up against his own as Iwaizumi licked his way into his mouth, Oikawa tried so hard to just stop thinking and just feel. But he couldn’t.

            He couldn’t turn his brain off. He couldn’t stop thinking about watching Kageyama and Hinata kiss so passionately. He couldn’t stop think about how in love Bokuto and Akaashi looked. But mostly, he couldn’t stop thinking about Kindaichi’s face and how he looked at Iwaizumi they way Oikawa knew he looked at Kageyama. Just the thought of it made his skin crawl with guilt. He felt his breath start to shorten into pathetic gasps that he knew had nothing to do with the way Iwaizumi was kissing him. He could feel the pressure building at the back of his throat and he knew it was only a matter of seconds before he exploded. Without thinking, Oikawa blurted out the first coherent sentence that came to mind.

            “I’m in love with Kageyama.”

            It’s instantaneous Oikawa’s realization that he fucked up royally. Horror and panic floods Oikawa’s veins and Iwaizumi immediately freezes. Dreading the moment of eye contact when Iwaizumi looks up, Oikawa can see layers of hurt and confusion. The silence stretches between them as Iwaizumi pulls his arms and takes a step back.

            “I...I...” Oikawa stutters, his hands now trembling. “I d-didn’t mean to just blur-blurt it out like that.”

            “You mean,” Iwaizumi begins flatly. “That there was a way that you wanted to say that?”

            “N-no, I mean, yes,” Oikawa stumbled, letting his panic get the best of him. Iwaizumi take a deep breath, and turns around rubbing his mouth with his hand thoughtfully. “Iwa I–” Oikawa could barely stand let alone talk but he knew he had to explain himself as quickly as possible. “I’m so, so sorry. I... I never meant to just say it like that I–I–I’m really, really sorry. I n–never meant to...to hurt you in anyway. I–I’m just so... so confused right now. And I know that’s a shitty excuse but, please you have to believe me. I ne-never meant to hurt you.”

            “Why did you even start coming to the shop to see me?” Iwaizumi asked quietly. Too nervous to answer, Oikawa couldn’t say anything. “Why did you...lead me on like you did? Why did you make me think you liked me?”

            “Bu-but I didn’t– I did– I’m... I’m,” Oikawa babbled.

            “Were...” Iwaizumi began, his voice thick. “Were you only coming to see me to make Kageyama jealous?” Horrified, Oikawa couldn’t respond fast enough.

            “No, no of course not,” Oikawa shook his head. “Never did I think to use you to make him jealous– no, I came because I liked you– no, like you. I like you. I like you a lot. An-and that’s why I panicked, I didn’t want to lie to you anymore. Iwa,” he put his hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder who immediately shrugged it off. Letting the tears fall freely down his face, Oikawa looked on in horror as Iwaizumi walked over to the coat rack and grabbed Oikawa’s jacket. “Iwaizumi wait, I want to talk to you about–”

            “There’s nothing to talk about,” Iwaizumi said flatly not lifting his eyes up to look at Oikawa. “I think you should go.” He held out Oikawa’s coat and scarf without looking up. Hesitantly Oikawa walked over and took it from him.

            “Are you su–”

            “Yes, goodbye,” Iwaizumi said flatly opening the door. Blinking away tears, Oikawa stepped out into the hallway. He turned around and opened his mouth to say something when the door was slammed right in his face. Shrugging on his coat, Oikawa made his way down to his car, crying the whole way.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um...ok, so i feel kinda bad that after so long i bring a slightly short chapter that is this painful, but basically the reason it's so late is because it was that painful to write. like it had to be done, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt to do it. 
> 
> some of you guys might hate me after this, but like if you read the epilogue you know everything gets worked out. just not right now lol
> 
> so yeah i cried while writing this, have fun!

* * *

It’s the sound of heavy pounding that wakes Oikawa up. Blinking, confused and exhausted, Oikawa stumbled out of bed, not even bothering to pull on pants or a shirt over his boxers as he shuffled over to the front door. He opened the door to a furious looking Kageyama who pushed his way into the apartment. Sighing with a combination of annoyance and acceptance, Oikawa closed the front door.

“I can’t believe you,” Kageyama began angrily. Oikawa just braces for what Kageyama has prepared to say. “Two weeks. Two whole fucking weeks. You don’t answer my texts. You don’t return my calls. You don’t talk to me at all. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you holed up in your apartment, ignoring me? What happened to you?”

Not in the mood to have that conversation, Oikawa just walked past Kageyama into the kitchen. He pulled out the coffee pot and began to fill it with water from the sink when he heard Kageyama stomp in after him.

“Dude, what the fuck? Are you seriously ignoring me?” Kageyama asked irately. Oikawa didn’t say anything; he just turned off the sink and poured the water into the coffee maker.

“Seriously, I don’t understand. Am I bothering you?” Still not answering, Oikawa scoffed as he filled the top of the coffee maker with coffee grounds. This seemed only to make Kageyama angrier.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Kageyama pressed, growing more irate by the second. Oikawa still didn’t say anything as he turned the coffee maker on. “FUCKING ANSWER ME.” Not even reacting to Kageyama’s sudden shout, Oikawa only turned to Kageyama with a resigned face.

“Nothing,” Oikawa shrugged. “It means nothing. Nothing is wrong. Just nothing.”

“Nothing,” Kageyama repeated disbelievingly. “You’re telling me nothing is wrong and nothing happened and nothing made you ignore me for two fucking weeks!?”

“Yup,” Oikawa said turning to the coffee pot and watching it brew. He could hear Kageyama take a deep calming breath before continuing.

“Look, I’m... I’m sorry for whatever I did that made you mad at me or whatever. And I’m sorry for upsetting you; I obviously didn’t know that I did something that bothered you, and honestly I wish I could remember. I really do,” Kageyama apologized. Oikawa looked up at him surprised but silent. “But please just, do-don’t ignore me anymore, ok? I didn’t mean to make you mad or whatever it is that I did. I’m sorry just stop...stop not...talking to me.”

“You...you don’t have to apologize,” Oikawa mumbled looking back the coffee pot so he didn’t have to look at Kageyama.

“But if I did–”

“You didn’t,” Oikawa said firmly.

“So...so what happened?” Kageyama asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Oikawa sighed.

“But it must have been something really horrible for you to ignore me for so long.”

“Seriously, don’t worry about,” Oikawa gritted his teeth.

“Oikawa! You at least owe me an explanation!” Kageyama shouted growing angry again.

“NO, I don’t!” Oikawa shouted back. Kageyama looked at him in shock.

“I... but you... we’re best friends...” Kageyama said lamely. “I thought you’d want to talk to me about it. I thought I could help.”

“I don’t want your help. I don’t need your help. And I don’t need you,” Oikawa yelled bitterly. “Maybe I was ignoring you for a reason? Hmm? Did you think about that? No, of course not, because why would you ever think beyond yourself. Everything you say and do you somehow make it about yourself and maybe, just maybe, I didn’t want to think or talk about you for once!” Oikawa could feel his blood rising in his face and his heart pound out of his chest. The look on Kageyama’s face was complete shock and betrayal, but now that Oikawa began talking he couldn’t get himself to stop.

“Maybe I wanted to spend some time away from you. Hmm? Did you think about that? Maybe I don’t want to talk to you every fucking day. Maybe you’re not actually that important to me. Maybe I just wanted time away from you. Did you even consider what I could have wanted when you came storming over here? No, right? You just barge in, uninvited, like you just can, and started lecturing me about what I did wrong and how I have to explain myself? Fuck you!  Fuck you, and your entitlement. Don’t you think that if I wanted to talk to you, I would have just picked up the phone and called you? No, because why would you think? Instead you beat down my door and yell at me, which only pisses me off more. So understand this: I didn’t  _ want  _ to talk to you, or see you, or text you, or communicate with you at all in any form. But obviously, you didn’t understand the hint so I’m going to spell it out for you, ok?  _ Fuck. Off.  _  I’m done with you. I need my fucking space from you. I can’t even deal with you or be around you anymore. It’s suffocating. I literally hate being around you. And if I wasn’t being clear enough, consider this the end of our “best friendship” or whatever, if we actually ever even were. I’m done.”

Trembling, Kageyama stood completely still as Oikawa berated him. With fat, hot tears pouring down his face, he could barely breathe as he listened. Oikawa finished yelling with heavy, dry pants trying to regain his breathing. He could see how Kageyama was struggling to even continue to stand. Kageyama opened and closed his mouth several times like he was going to say something but nothing came out. After a few seconds, he turned in place and began to walk for the door. Just as Oikawa went to release all the tension in his body, Kageyama turned around and spoke in a wet, wavering voice.

“You were there for me in one of the worst times of my life,” Kageyama began trembling in place. A stream of thick, hot tears poured down his face as he spoke. “I only ever wanted to be there to help you when you needed it, the way you were for me. I just wanted to help you. And I thought that you would want me to help you, but I understand now that I was mistaken. More than anything I wish I could help you more, and I don’t know what happened or what I did to you to get you to hate me or what you’re going through right now, but if us not being friends anymore is going to help you, than I’m ok with that. I’m... I’m truly sorry for whatever I did to make you hate me the way you do. If I could change it I would in a heartbeat. You were ...you are still my best friend, Toru. I love you. But if this really is the end of our friendship then I just want to tell you that despite how things are ending, you are the best friend I’ve ever had and I’m going to miss you. And if you ever decide in the future that you want to talk to me, you can call and I will always pick up the phone. I really did just want to help. But I’ll leave. This...this is probably for the best. Goodbye, Oikawa.” And with that, Kageyama took the few steps to the front door in stiff, long strides and was out the door as fast as he came in.

Hearing the door lock shut, Oikawa crumbled into a heap onto the floor. He let out a loud, wet sob as he began to cry. Burning, thick tears poured down his face as he buried his face in his hands. Broken, gasping breaths ripped their way out of his throat and Oikawa struggled to breathe as he cried. He wasn’t sure how long he cried on the floor. He stayed there long after he ran out of tears and he was just dry heaving gasps. He stayed there well past when he regained his breathing again and his tears had dried uncomfortably on his cheeks. He stayed there until his body hurt and he had to move, the pain from crying making his whole body ache.

Oikawa knew what he did had to be done. He could see no other option than to sever all ties with Kageyama and then try his damnedest to move on. There was going to be no future for him, romantic or otherwise, until Kageyama was completely out of the picture. Oikawa knew that, and he knew it well, but it didn’t make what just happened any better.

There was a moment where Oikawa did receive a twisted pleasure from watching Kageyama cry. He almost felt vindicated, like Kageyama was finally starting to feel the constant pain he felt all the time. Like watching Kageyama cry was somehow making up for the months Oikawa had spent in agony, pining after him with no hope of ever having his feeling returned. For just that one moment, Oikawa felt empowered, and strong, and in control; but it was fleeting. And as soon as Kageyama opened his mouth, Oikawa knew he had made a huge mistake.

He had been building up to tell Kageyama that they couldn’t be friends anymore for over a week. Oikawa knew that he could never move on if he was constantly pining after Kageyama. His decision to cut ties off with Kageyama, was not only incredibly painful, but the only decision he felt he could make. But that didn’t make it any less painful.

* * *

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, you look like shit,” Yaku said sitting down at the cafeteria table next to Oikawa.

“Thanks,” Oikawa grunted into his coffee. “Exactly what I needed.”

“Seriously man, you look horrible,” Yaku said taking off the lid to his coffee. “Also where have you been for the past two weeks?”

“On vacation,” Oikawa mumbled sarcastically.

“I thought vacation was supposed to make people come back looking hot and well rested,” Yaku laughed, looking at Oikawa’s stubbly, pale face. “You look like death warmed up.”

“This isn’t better?” Oikawa snarked, gesturing to his face and rubbing his stubble.

“No,” Yaku laughed. He leaned back to look Oikawa up and down. “Are you wearing jeans? Oh my god, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear jeans at work before.”

“Hey, these are very expensive jeans,” Oikawa frowned.

“I would expect nothing else of you,” Yaku laughed, pouring sugar into his coffee.  “But seriously, where have you been? I asked Wakatoshi if maybe he knew where you went, but you know how much I got of him.” Yaku screwed up his face in a serious, blank way as he mimicked their other friend. “I heard he took two weeks vacation but I do not know of his actual whereabouts.”

“That’s pretty spot on,” Oikawa nodded.

“Thanks, I try,” Yaku smiled, closing the lid back onto his coffee. “Ok but seriously, now. Tell me what happened.” Oikawa sighed and thumbed the lid of his coffee cup.

“Remember when you told me not to do something stupid?” Oikawa began carefully.

“Yeah...”

“Well I did something stupid.” Taking a sip of his coffee, Oikawa tried to push back the emotions that were threatening to resurface.

“Oh you idiot,” Yaku groaned affectionately. “I had a feeling you were going to.”

“Yeah, well,” Oikawa shrugged. “It’s whatever now. I needed some time to deal with how I love to screw up my own life but I’m back now so...”

“Do...do you want to talk about it?” Yaku asked carefully?

“No, god no,” Oikawa shook.

“Alright, but you know, I’m here if you need me,” Yaku said patting his friends back.

“Thanks.” Oikawa looked down at his hands wrapped around the cup. He felt so tired, even though he had only been at work for less than a few hours he already wanted to go home. Nothing besides the promise of a paycheck was keeping Oikawa at work.

“Look, are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Yaku asked. “You look kind of down... and sad... and pathetic.”

“Wow, jeez thanks,” Oikawa said sarcastically. “I totally want to open myself up to you now.”

“Well, you know what I mean.”

“I... I just don’t want to dwell on it anymore. What’s done is done. It’s probably for the best.”

“Ok, as long as you think so.”

“I know so, in fact,” Oikawa smiled thoughtfully. “I don’t want to think about it anymore. In fact, let’s go out or something. Blow off some steam.”

“Uh, yeah sure,” Yaku agreed. “Are you sure you’re up for that? Going out and shit?”

“I so need it.” Oikawa downed the rest of his coffee in one gulp. He stood up with purpose and tossed the cup into the nearest garbage. “Let’s tell Wakatoshi and maybe some other people. We could go out and have real actual fun.”

“Ok sure, yeah sounds like a plan,” Yaku nodded. “Maybe you’ll feel better afterward.”

“Oh, I plan to.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can come yell at me on tumblr i don't mind


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am back from the dead. 
> 
> also all of your comments are AMAZING and i read every single one of them even if i haven't answered yet. i'm just crazy busy with my thesis but reading the comments are like the highlight to my day tbh. bless all of you

* * *

        “Ok so ground rules, no getting incredibly drunk. I’m not carrying you,” Yaku instructed to Oikawa as they took a seat at a booth in the bar.

“Don’t get drunk, got it,” Oikawa nodded pacifyingly.

“I’m being serious, and don’t just run off neither. Also don’t do anything else stupid– hello? Are you listening to me?” Yaku said, snapping his fingers in Oikawa’s face to get his attention as his eyes gazed around the bar. “Are you even paying attention?”

“Mhm,” Oikawa hummed vaguely as he made eye contact with a tall, slender man sitting at the bar.

“Oh if you’re paying attention then I have to tell you something very important, I’m pregnant,” Yaku said sarcastically.

“That’s awesome,” Oikawa said distantly as he checked out a group of guys standing at a table further away.

“It’s like you’re not even there,” Yaku frowned.

“Man I haven’t been to a gay bar in so long,” Oikawa said excitedly ignoring his friend’s obvious annoyance with him.

“Me neither,” Yaku said grimacing slightly. “I forgot about the ‘unc unc unc’ of it all. I don’t miss it.”

“What? This is awesome,” Oikawa smiled. “Hot guys, dance music, hot guys buying you free drinks, I mean... what more do you want?”

“You know you’re not in college anymore, right?” Yaku asked skeptically. “Plus you’ve passed the break off point. You’re over thirty–”

“You shut your mouth, nobody here needs to know that,” Oikawa silenced his friend. “And I can pass for under thirty, ok? In fact Iwa–” he cut himself off. “Um, n-nevermind.”

“Here, I have brought your drinks,” Ushijima said placing the glasses he was cradling in his hands on the table and sliding in next to Yaku.

“Thanks,” Oikawa said, quickly taking his jack and coke and gulping down half of it in one go.

“What in the fuck did I just say about drinking too much?” Yaku said slapping the table in front of Oikawa. “Fucking slow down, these drinks are expensive. Savor it.”

“Fuck off,” Oikawa said swallowing the liquor.

“Don’t choke,” Yaku said flatly.

“I’ve never been to a gay bar before,” Ushijima said looking around the bar. Oikawa and Yaku glanced at each other wondering if they should comment or not. “There are more women here than I thought there would be.”

“Yeah... they come here too,” Oikawa said trying not to laugh at his friends seriousness. “They come here to just hang out and dance without the pressure of guys trying to get into their pants.”

“Because the guys are all trying to get into each other pants?” Ushijima asked earnestly.

“Well, that’s one way to put it, yeah,” Oikawa laughed.

“You’ve really never been to one before?” Yaku asked sipping his beer. “Not even like in college or something?”

“I found no need to go to a bar looking for sex,” Ushijima said without malice. “It was easy enough to find without resorting to sitting for hours at a bar.”

“Oh lucky you,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. “For your information, you don’t always go just looking for sex, sometimes you go just to go.”

“Aren’t you here looking for sex?”

“That’s besides the point,” Oikawa answered quickly.

“What exactly is the point?” Yaku asked.

“I thought Oikawa’s motivation for coming here was to find someone to have sex with at the end of the night so he could forget about whatever caused him emotional trouble.”

“Wow,” Oikawa said in sarcastic awe. “This is just... so much fun.”

“Yes, I’m starting to relax,” Ushijima nodded picking up his drink. Oikawa and Yaku just shook their heads and glared at him.

“Why do we bring him?” Oikawa asked furrowing his brow at Ushijima.   

“Probably because–”

“Um, excuse me?” Oikawa and Yaku looked up at the source of the voice that interrupted Yaku. Standing nervously at the edge of the table was a young looking guy holding an incredibly frilly drink in his hand. He had short black hair that was parted slightly in the middle and he wore a small, embarrassed smile that made his cheeks blush; Oikawa immediately thought he was cute.

“Yes?” Oikawa asked putting on his most alluring voice.

“Uh, hi. I’m Yuki and I um...” he glanced he behind him at a table of about 3 other guys who all gave him a thumbs up, “my friends and I think you’re really hot and we bought you this drink. I hope you have a really good night.” He quickly set the glass on the table and made his way back to his friends without looking back. Oikawa watched him practically run back with a mix of flattered amusement and secondhand embarrassment.

“Seventeen minutes.” Yaku said. Oikawa glanced at him in confusion. “You’ve been sitting at this booth for seventeen minutes. And you already had someone buy you a drink. How?”

“Jealous?” Oikawa smirked pulling the drink close, looking inside and then pushing it towards the wall. “Too bad he brought it over, it looks interesting.”

“Good for a second there I thought you were actually going to drink it,” Yaku exhaled.

“No way,” Oikawa shook his head. “I prefer to have my wits about me. Not a fan of being roofied.”

“I doubt it’ll be your last drink that you’ll be bought,” Ushijima said looking around the bar. Oikawa glanced around, noticing more than a few guys looking at him. “You seem to be very popular here.”

‘What can I say? I’m incredibly attractive,” Oikawa shrugged smirking.

“Shut the fuck up,” Yaku shook his head, rolling his eyes.

“What? It’s true. And I’m going to put it to good use.”

“By finding meaningless sex with some rando?”

“By finding _amazing_ sex with some rando,” Oikawa said.

“Please get tested tomorrow,” Yaku said leaning forward on the table.

“Oh my god, like I would put myself in danger,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. “I’m a doctor too you know?”

“True,” Yaku shrugged. “Still, get tested. The last time I saw you pick up some random guy I swear I had to go get tested just from standing next to him. He looked so sticky.”

“He wasn’t sticky,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Plus if you’re talking about the super tall muscular guy, I didn’t sleep with him.”

“Why not?” Ushijima asked. Oikawa thought back to the last time that Yaku had seen him pick up some random guy in a bar.

It had been right at the beginning of November, and Yaku and him had gone out after a very hectic day at the hospital. They had gone to the bar closest to the hospital looking forward to drinking as much as they could as fast as they could. It didn’t take long for someone to catch Oikawa’s eye. He was tall, he was muscular, he had tattoos, and he wasn’t much for chatting; Oikawa was sold. Oikawa remembered leaving with him, being fairly drunk, and getting into the man’s car. But he felt uncomfortable as soon as he sat down, wanting to get out and be home, be somewhere safe. Wanting to get out, but not wanting to be alone, he remembered telling the man Kageyama’s address and then telling him that he couldn’t come up with him but instead thanking him for the ride. Oikawa remembered getting up to Kageyama’s apartment and crashing there on Kageyama’s couch for the night, thanking him in the morning for letting him stay after explaining what had happened. Oikawa remembered waking up to the sounds Kageyama making breakfast and the smell of a fresh pot of coffee and the sight of Kageyama cooking. He remembered thinking that waking up to that was worth giving up sex with strangers forever. He remembered thinking how much he loved Kageyama. He remembered a lot.

“Oh I didn’t feel well, he drove me home,” Oikawa shrugged, hoping that he’s demeanor hadn’t changed too much.

“I see,” Ushijima nodded. “That was nice of him.”

“Yeah it was,” Oikawa agreed, feeling like he wasn’t going to be able to shake the lingering feelings of Kageyama off him.

“Alright well, you guys can chat, but I’m going to get myself another beer and then go hit on some guy probably ten years younger than me,” Yaku said sliding out of the booth. “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck with that!” Oikawa waved as Yaku walked away. “What a strange little man he is.”

“He definitely has some interesting characteristics, but he’s mostly good,” Ushijima said.

“Yeah he is,” Oikawa smiled fondly as he watched Yaku chat with a tall, lanky guy who looked twice his height and half his age.

“I think that you’re about to get another free drink,” Ushijima said looking over at the bartender who was motioning over to Oikawa.

“And so it begins,” Oikawa smirked as he slid out of the booth and walked over to the bar.

Two hours, one and a half more drinks later, and one boring guy after another, Oikawa was ready to call it a night. He hadn’t spent his time at the bar in a state of suave sexual tension with all the most attractive guys there like he had hoped, but more bored to tears by bad pick up lines and comically bad attempts at seduction. After the last uninteresting guy tried the same pitiful line on him, Oikawa stepped away from the bar and walked back to the table where Ushijima had been sitting all night.

“Has no one really caught your fancy?” Ushijima asked as Oikawa slid in across from him into the booth.

“Not even a little bit,” Oikawa sighed.

“It’s a shame, some of the men who talked to you were relatively attractive.”

“But that’s the thing, they’re not men, they’re like... young boys. Well, guys. Like... they’re in college and yeah I guess that sounds fun in theory, but.... ugh hearing them talk...” Oikawa groaned. “I’m not in college anymore, you know? I don’t relate to that.”

“I thought you were here just looking for sex?” Ushijima asked.

“I mean I am... but... I don’t know,” Oikawa exhaled. “None of these guys interest me.”

“Not one?”

“Nope,” Oikawa frowned looking around the crowded bar. “I wish I had Yaku’s luck. He talked to that tall dude, then probably took him home to bang him.”

“They did leave together looking like that was their intention,” Ushijima nodded.

“Right,” Oikawa frowned. “Also it didn’t help that the guys that did come up to me are all like... twinks. And I’m not saying I’m looking for a bear, but like...I need... a man, you know? Someone who doesn’t look fragile, who can like throw me around or I can throw around. Someone who looks like they know a thing or two, you know?”

“I understand,” Ushijima nodded.

“Yeah,” Oikawa sighed, resting his chin on his hand. He looked over at Ushijima, who was sitting comfortably in the booth still nursing his second beer. After being in the hot bar for a few hours, Ushijima had removed his blazer and was sitting his white button down, with the top button undone and the sleeve folded up to his elbow. Oikawa watched as the muscles in his forearms flex each time his brought his beer bottle up to his lips, just as he watched the muscles in his neck and chest move as he would swallow and wipe his mouth. “Huh,” Oikawa thought aloud to himself.

“Did you say something?” Ushijima asked seeing Oikawa staring at him.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Oikawa asked in his most normal sounding voice. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update!!!!!!

* * *

      Oikawa hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until he woke up the next morning. Still groggy and achy from the night before, Oikawa shifted slightly on the bed noticing the unfamiliar sheets underneath him. Waking up in someone else’s’ bed was something that Oikawa wasn’t exactly not accustomed to, but he tried not to do it often. He much preferred bringing someone back to his own apartment, where he knew the sheets were clean. But as he shifted on the bed, feeling the clean sheets around him, Oikawa turned his head to the person sleeping next to him trying to think if it would be better to slip out now or wait until Ushijima had woken up.   
      However, Oikawa didn’t have to wait long and Ushijima made the decision for him as his eyes fluttered and he brought his hand up to rub his face. He yawned as he ran his fingers through his already sleep mussed hair. Oikawa just watched his slowly wake up, keeping the covers pulled up to his chin.   
      “Good morning,” Ushijima said, exhaling as he rubbed his eyes.   
      “Morning,” Oikawa said pulling the cover closer to him.   
      “Did you sleep ok?” Ushijima asked turning his head towards Oikawa.   
      “Yeah,” he nodded. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep here if you didn’t want me to, I can go–”  
      “No, don’t worry about it. I have no problem with it,” Ushijima shook his head.   
      “Oh ok,” Oikawa said nodding. “I got to be honest with you... I wasn’t sure about how... awkward this would be... you know like waking up in your bed and stuff, and I was kind of dreading it.”  
      “I never meant to give you the impression that I wanted to make things uncomfortable for you,” Ushijima said earnestly.   
      “It’s not so much you, as it is me...I’m awkward... you’re...well, you,” Oikawa shrugged.   
      “Well, I apologize if I even made you question yourself,” Ushijima said, and Oikawa could foresee them talking in circles if he didn’t end it somewhere.   
      “Seriously, don’t worry about,” Oikawa said moving to sit up and pushing the covers off himself. “I’m just going to use your bathroom.” He got out of the bed, ignoring the fact that he was still very much nude and his backside had a twinge of pain shooting up his spine, and headed straight for the bathroom. Grabbing his briefs that were tossed on the floor by the doorway of the bedroom, Oikawa walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.   
      It didn’t take very long for Oikawa to use the bathroom and wash his face and rinse his mouth out with some mouthwash, but he found himself stalling a bit. Not only was he still at somewhat of a loss of what to do, but also he was really not looking forward to doing it. He leaned on the sink, examining himself in the mirror. His reflection painted a much clearer picture of his choices last night than he cared more. All along his neck were deep purple bruises with a few bite marks scattered around his collarbone. Oikawa took a step back and saw that his hips had clear finger imprints on either side. And the slight pain from his backside told him all he needed to know about deciding to bottom after a while of not. Still, Oikawa hoped Ushijima did not come out unscathed.   
_So you slept with your friend. Again. Why do I have a habit of doing that? Is it really that hard to keep friends as friends, and not as “oh yeah this is my friend but I slept with him twice last year” kind of friend. And I wasn’t even drunk. I can’t even blame it on anyone but me._   
      Oikawa shook his head as he remembered the night before. He remembered the impulse decision he made at the bar to go home with Ushijima. And then getting in Ushijima’s car. And then kissing him. And then that leading them back to Ushijima’s apartment, ending with them taking each others clothes off as they kissed and stumbled into his bedroom, falling together onto the bed. It was all soberingly clear in his mind the way he writhed on the bed as Ushijima took his time and carefully and gently opened Oikawa up. They way Ushijima slowly slid into him careful not to go to fast, his strong hands gripping Oikawa’s hips creating the bruises that Oikawa could see on his hips today. How Oikawa flipped them over, straddling his waist as he rolling his hips and bringing the both of them to come, grasping onto one another. Then how Ushijima pressed him into the bed, holding him down and biting down on his neck as his fucked into him again. Oikawa remembered being able to be lost in the moment, not thinking past needing to come.   
      With a sigh, Oikawa pulled himself out of his thoughts and turned away from his reflection.  He knew that he made the decision to do what he did and he would deal with whatever came of it. Rubbing his eyes that were irritated from falling asleep with his contacts on again, Oikawa left the bathroom and walked back into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

* * *

      “Whoa, whoa, whoa, you look like shit,” Oikawa smirked as he walked into Yaku’s office. His friend had his head face down on the desk with a crude paper sign folded up in front of him that said “Do Not Disturb” on the desk.   
      “Ugh, fuck you,” Yaku groaned, not bothering to lift his head. Oikawa closed the door behind him with his foot and sat down on the chair in front of Yaku’s desk.   
      “Doesn’t feel so good on the other side huh?” Oikawa grinned placing the two cups of coffee he brought for them on the desk.   
      “No, no it does not,” Yaku grumbled as he lifted his head. He stuck his arm out weakly, and took one of the coffees in hand. Bringing it up to his mouth and taking a long drink, he let out a heavy sigh and set it back on the desk. “Thanks I needed that.”   
      “I thought you might,” Oikawa smirked. Yaku eyed him warily.   
      “So did you get laid, is that why you’re all cheery and back to your usual annoying self?”  
      “Um...” Oikawa began not sure how much he wanted to tell his friend.   
      “You obviously did because I can see the hickey the size of Texas on your neck,” Yaku said pointing to the bruise Oikawa had tried to cover up with a high collared shirt. “So spill, tell me. Was he hot?”  
      “He was... attractive, yes,” Oikawa began cautiously.   
      “Did you meet him after I left or was he one of those guys who brought you a drink?”   
      “Oh... he brought me a drink...”Oikawa said vaguely.   
      “Was he someone I saw there?”  
      “Ye-yeah you probably...probably saw him...”   
      “Ok, what’s wrong with you? You’re being really weird,” Yaku asked squinting his eyes at Oikawa. “You’re usually more forward with your conquests.”   
      “Because I’m not sure what sure what you’re going to say,” Oikawa said biting his lip.   
      “Come on, please it’s me,” Yaku said dismissively. “What am I going to say?” he laughed. Oikawa just gave him a dubious look. “So who did you sleep with?” Oikawa just looked at him. “Who?” Oikawa continued to look at him and he could see realization forming on Yaku’s face. “...Who?” Oikawa leaned back in his chair and looked at Yaku with a look that said he already knew the answer. “...No way...”   
      “Way,” Oikawa nodded.   
      “You went to a bar full of men, and you went home with the guy you came in with?” Yaku asked accusingly. “Are you an idiot?”   
      “It’s not like I planned to do that,” Oikawa sighed. “It just kind of happened...”  
      “No it didn’t!” Yaku said throwing his hands in the air. “There’s no... no possible way that...it’s just...no.”  
      “All I’m saying is I didn’t plan it,” Oikawa said slightly amused by his friends inability to form a coherent sentence. “It wasn’t like I went in there prepared to fuck Ushijima.”  
      “I don’t know if you’ve ever had gay sex before, but it’s like 20 minutes of preparation before you’re even close to fucking,” he added sarcastically.   
      “Yes, I have had sex before,” Oikawa said rolling his eyes. “Are you just going to yell at me the whole time? I was being nice, I brought you coffee, and all I get from you are yells.”  
      “I’m not–“ Yaku took a deep breath. “Thank you for the coffee.”  
      “You’re welcome.”  
      “Now are you going to explain why you fucked Ushijima?” Oikawa let out a heavy sigh.   
      “Because...I...wanted to?”  
      “No,” Yaku shook his head. “I said explanation.”   
      “Fine,” Oikawa exhaled, slumping in his chair. “Like I said, I didn’t plan on doing that. I just... wasn’t interested in anyone at the bar. They were all either too cheesy or not really that nice and after–” Oikawa stopped himself from revealing too much. “He was just nice, and I was just horny. I don’t know.”   
      “But out of all the guys...” Yaku shook his head. “So what now?”  
      “Well, we went and talked it over breakfast–”  
      “What?” Yaku interrupted surprised.   
      “What?” Oikawa asked confused.   
      “You...you got breakfast with him?” Yaku asked slowly. “Like... post coitus breakfast the next morning kind of normal breakfast?”   
      “Yeah...”   
      “I’m... surprised is all,” Yaku blinked. “You never ‘do’ breakfast with your... conquests.”  
      “I do breakfast,” Oikawa defended. “...sometimes. I guess. Shut up.”   
      “So yeah you guys talked over eggs, mhm and...”   
      “And we decided that this wasn’t going to ruin our friendship,” Oikawa said. “You know we’re just... just friends.”  
      “Right...” Yaku nodded.   
      “So yeah that’s about it,” Oikawa said reaching forward and taking his cup of coffee.    
      “I still can’t believe you fucked him...”  
      “Well, it was more of him...” Oikawa trailed off waiting for Yaku’s reaction.   
      “I didn’t...didn’t need that much of a picture,” Yaku shook his head, closing his eyes. “Was he like... any good?”  
      “I thought you didn’t want a picture?” Oikawa smirked.   
      “Well, now I’m curious,” Yaku said aggressively.  
      “Yes,” Oikawa nodded. “He was very good.”  
      “I’ve always kind of wondered, you know?” Yaku said rubbing his chin with his fingers. “I honestly couldn’t even figure out his sexuality. I know he’s had sex before because he’s mentioned it in passing and whatever, but like with whom? I guess now we know he’s at least into guys.”  
      “Honestly I don’t think even he has given it that much thought,” Oikawa shrugged. “He seems more like a ‘I like who I like’ kind of guy to me.”   
      “And apparently that ‘who’ is you,” Yaku smirked.   
      “Jealous?” Oikawa asked grinning mischievously.   
      “Not even a bit,” Yaku shook his head.   
      “So I’m guessing you too got yourself good and fucked, apparently with a lot more alcohol than I did,” Oikawa said smiling at Yaku’s lingering headache.   
      “Yeah, just a bit more,” Yaku frowned drinking from his coffee.   
      “So... are you going to tell me or?” Oikawa prompted.   
      “Ugh fine,” Yaku sighed. “He was really tall, and he was really cute and he was young and he was a good fuck. That’s basically it.”   
      “You going to call him?” Oikawa grinned enjoying his friend’s embarrassment.   
      “I might, shut up,” Yaku bit out looking embarrassed.   
      “Did you guys get breakfast?” Oikawa teased.   
      “As a matter of fact we did,” Yaku said. “He was very hyper and I was very hung over.”   
      “Sounds like fun,” Oikawa smirked.   
      “Well at least I didn’t fuck a coworker.”   
      “Yaku if you wanted to sleep with me, all you had to do was ask.”  
      “Get out of my office,” Yaku said pointing to the door.   
      “Alright, I’m leaving anyway,” Oikawa laughed getting up from the chair. “I actually have a shift in...” he looked down at his watch, “20 minutes.”   
      “Good, go. Save lives. Get out of my office. Don’t fuck anymore of our friends,” Yaku waved shooing him out of the office.   
      “No promises.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying to update more quickly, but goddamn do i have so much school work. also i've read through all of the comments and they are amazing and i'm going to try (try being the operative word) to answer as many as possible but i do read them!!! and i love them!!!  
> i know a lot of people are concerned about Oikawa and Ushijima but trust me everything will be resolved at some point
> 
> Also it's been about a month since new years
> 
> *warning* very brief description of nsfw at the begining

* * *

           “Fuc–fuck, right ther–yes,” Oikawa panted as gripped the top of the headboard behind him. Lifting his legs to hook around Ushijima’s back, he cried out as his hips weren’t lifted off the bed as Ushijima fucked into him. With a frightening concentration, Ushijima moved both his and Oikawa’s body so that the only thing Oikawa could hear besides his own ragged breathing was the angry slapping of flesh. He could barely hold his grip on the wooden headboard above Ushijima’s bed to keep his balance as his hips were lifted higher for a better and deeper position.

        “I’m– I’m... fu-fuck,” Oikawa breathed, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt his impending orgasm build in his gut. “I’m goi– fuck, I’m com–coming.”

        “C-come,” Ushijima whispered gruffly, his voice thick with exertion. Oikawa let out a gasping cry as he came, his hands releasing their grasp on the headboard and falling weakly on either side of him. As he tightened around Ushijima, he could feel his pace become faster and more erratic before he came with deep grunt, thrusting slowly into Oikawa until he wrung himself out. Exhaling, Ushijima fell forward, resting his head on Oikawa’s chest breathing heavily against his skin.

        Oikawa could barely concentrate through his post-orgasmic haze. He vaguely felt Ushijima pull out of him with a slick, wet sound from all the excess lube, and cleaned him up with a towel he had left by the bed. Closing his eyes, he could hear Ushijima tossing the condom in the garbage and then climbing back on to the bed besides him. Not wanting to move, but knowing his should, Oikawa cracked one eye open to look over at his friend. Lying nude on top of the covers, Ushijima had his eyes closed as he worked on regulating his breathing. His hair still wet and messy from sweat, laid against his forehead that, like the rest of his face, was a faint pink from the exercise. Oikawa watched him in his periphery, hoping didn’t have to break the silence first. Luckily his hopes were answered.

        “Did you want to use the shower first?” Ushijima asked, his voice still rough.

        “Yeah, I do,” Oikawa exhaled. “Just... just give me a minute to breathe.”

        “Of course,” Ushijima nodded. “Are you, alright?” he asked turning to look at Oikawa who was purposely not looking at him.

        “I’m fine, thanks,” Oikawa said, getting his breathing back to normal.

        “Ok,” Ushijima said turning his head to face the ceiling. “Are you feeling better?”

        “What?” Oikawa asked confused.

        “You have been upset for the past few weeks, and you said that you were looking for sex to relax and de-stress. I was wondering if you were starting to feel better.”

        “Oh,” Oikawa blinked. “Um, yeah I guess so. Thanks.”

        “No problem,” Ushijima said. “Did you want to talk about what made you upset?”

        “What? No,” Oikawa frowned sitting up and throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He could feel all the tension that he worked so hard to release coming back and flooding his muscles. Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, Oikawa reached forward on the ground and picked up his scattered clothes and piled them in a heap on the floor. “I’m going to go shower ok?”

        “Sure.”

        Not caring to even cover up, Oikawa stood up from the bed and padded over to the bathroom. Taking a fast shower, Oikawa didn’t want to give himself any more time alone with his own thoughts than he had to. With the towel slung low on his hips, he walked back into the bedroom. Ushijima had not bothered to redress, but was laying on the bed idly scrolling on his phone.

        “The bathroom’s all yours,” Oikawa said reaching down and grabbing his briefs wishing he had brought an extra pair.

        “Thank you,” Ushijima said setting aside his phone. “If you want, you can borrow some of my clothes if you want something clean. I know that you just got off a long shift.”

        “Oh” Oikawa blinked holding his clothes in hand. “Um yeah, thanks.”

        “Here,” Ushijima got off the bed and walked over to his drawers, pulling out the neatly folded articles and setting the clothes on the bed. “It might be a bit big for you but it is clean.”

        “That’s fine,” Oikawa thanked pulling on the clean clothes. The jeans were just slightly big but not too noticeable, and the sweater was slightly long but comfortable. He folded his dirty clothes and walked out of the bedroom and into the living room where he left his workbag, setting the clothes on top. As he waited for Ushijima to finished showering he sat on the plush couch in the living room.

        Ushijima’s apartment always seemed incongruous with his personality. When Oikawa first came over 2 weeks ago, he hadn’t really noticed the oddity of the style until the morning. Ushijima’s apartment was soft and warm in every sense of the word. His furniture was plush and soft and each of the rooms had a comforting feeling to them. Oikawa never thought he would use the word cozy to describe anything about his friend, yet as he sat in the sepia living room sprawled out on the deep violet couch covered by a warm fleece blanket, cozy was the only word coming to mind.

        Oikawa felt surprisingly comfortable in Ushijima’s apartment. The first time he came he didn’t think he’d be back, and definitely not so soon.  It wasn’t even a few days before Oikawa found himself back in Ushijima’s bed, blocking out his stress and thoughts with almost unfairly good sex. Each trip back, Oikawa would promise to himself would be the last one, only to himself there again a day or so later.

        “Are you hungry?” Oikawa turned his head to see Ushijima toweling his hair and walking over to him; he hadn’t even noticed that he had finished his shower. “It’s fairly early. We can get something to eat and then I can drive you home if you would like?”

        “Uh, yeah sure,” Oikawa nodded, getting up from the couch.

        “Unless, you would rather me drive you straight home,” Ushijima suggested. “I don’t want to put you in a situation where you are uncomfortable.”

        “Waka, shut the fuck up ok?” Oikawa rolled his eyes as he pulled on his socks and boots. “If I felt uncomfortable, I wouldn’t still be here.”

        “I understand,” Ushijima said folding his towel. “I just know that you are coming off of a break up of some sort.” Oikawa practically ripped the laces out of his boot he was so caught off guard.

        “What? No I’m not,” Oikawa said confused. “I didn’t... I didn’t break up with anyone.”

        “I thought you were looking for someone to take your mind off of whomever you are trying to move on from,” Ushijima said without malice. Oikawa ground his teeth, trying desperately not to lash out at his friend.

        “I’m...” he took a deep breath, “I didn’t break up with anyone, exactly. Things just...didn’t...work out. It was my fault so I have no reason to be upset. I wasn’t looking for someone to take my mind off anything, I was horny and I wanted to fuck.”

        “Ok,” Ushijima nodded. Oikawa had a feeling like he was being placated.

        “Are we going to get food or not?” Oikawa said turning back to his boots and lacing them back up with unnecessary force.

        “Yes, let me get my jacket.” Oikawa waited until Ushijima walked away to exhaled heavily.

* * *

 

        “Are you in the mood for something in particular?” Ushijima asked as he drove towards the main area of town.

        “Food,” Oikawa smirked, watching his friend scowl slightly at his vagueness. “Honestly I don’t really care. I’m just hungry and I want food.”

        “Ok, I think I know where we can go for dinner,” Ushijima said making a turn onto the main street. After a few minutes, he pulled in front of a nice, modern looking restaurant with fancy lighting and even fancier looking diners.

        “Oh, I don’t know if I’m up to a super fancy dinner,” Oikawa said looking through the car window into the restaurant. Normally he would jump at the chance of eating at some place refined and possibly pretentious. But sitting in Ushijima’s clothes while his head was filled with thoughts of tattooed arms and disappointed eyes, he felt like he wasn’t deserving of such refinement.

        “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for dinner since I picked the place,” Ushijima said turning off the car.

        “I wasn’t worried about...” he saw Ushijima’s completely unaware face, and he faltered in his complaint. “Ok, I’ll pick and buy next time then.”

        “Of course,” Ushijima agreed, stepping out of the car. Pulling his coat and scarf tighter around him, Oikawa got out of the car quickly and walked around onto the sidewalk. He held his arms tight around him as waited for Ushijima to pay the parking meter.

        “Hurry up,” Oikawa said watching him feed the quarters in incredibly slowly. “I’m growing old here. And it’s really co–” Oikawa’s eyes caught a painfully familiar shape in a store window across the street.

        Sitting alone at a small two person table directly in the window of the cafe across the street with a coffee cup in hand, Iwaizumi looked down at his phone. He looked as if he was waiting for someone by the way he would look up at the door every few seconds, his fingers on the table nervously. Oikawa hadn’t seen Iwaizumi in about a month and nothing could have prepared him for seeing him looking cleaned up and nice, sitting and waiting for someone who wasn’t ever going to be Oikawa to show up.

        “Are you ready to go inside?” Oikawa could hear Ushijima ask but he couldn’t make himself turn or even move at all. “Oikawa?” He couldn’t take his eyes off Iwaizumi. “Oikawa what’s wrong?” He couldn’t move at all.

        “That’s...that’s him,” he breathed, gesturing discreetly towards Iwaizumi across the street.

        “Who?” Ushijima asked looking over at Iwaizumi.

        “The guy,” Oikawa sighed dejectedly. “The one who...who...”

        “I understand,” Ushijima nodded, placing his hand on his back. “Are you ok?”

        “No,” Oikawa shook his head, not recognizing how thick his voice had become. Before Ushijima could answer, Iwaizumi looked up at the door just as a tall, thin brunette walked in. He stood up immediately as she approached him and Oikawa could feel all the air leave his lungs.

        “Maybe that’s a sibling or a cousin?” Ushijima suggested, feeling Oikawa’s tension. They watched as the girl walked over to him and pulled him into a tight hug before he pulled back, giving her a small but intimate kiss.

        “I don’t think so,” Oikawa said feeling his stomach churn.

        “We...we can go somewhere else if you would like?” Ushijima proposed, sounding uncharacteristically concerned. “If you’re uncomfo–”

        “No, no,” Oikawa cut him off, tearing his eyes from the beaming Iwaizumi. “No I’ll be ok. let’s go eat.” He forced down the bile rising in his throat as they walked into the restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> didn't you guys want to know how Iwaizumi has been? don't you feel better now? lol


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i know, that everyone was like all "AHHHHH" from the last chapter and everyone wanted to know what Iwaizumi was up to...well you're going to find out 
> 
> also everyone's comments have been amazing, and i know i haven't answered them cause i've been super busy with my thesis but i love reading them!!! thank you so much!!!!

* * *

        Squinting through one eye, Oikawa aimed his balled up napkin at the trash can, threw it and missed. Frowning, he immediately reached for another napkin on the small side table, ready to try again. With a furrowed brow, and great concentration, he aimed carefully and threw it missing again, adding to the growing pile of napkins surrounding the trashcan in the ER waiting room.

It had been a particularly slow night in the hospital. Not that Oikawa wanted some dramatic horrible accident that brought in bloodied up people and general excitement, far from it. Never did he want people to be hurt or ill, that’s why he got into medicine in the first place. But not even one melodramatic parent bringing in their kid with a cold fearing it was the plague. There had been almost no one all night, and now sometime in the early hours of the morning, Oikawa was bored.

“Wow, are you actually bored?” Oikawa turned his head to the approaching footsteps and the disbelieving voice. Yaku came to a stop right next to the chair Oikawa was sprawled out on. He had raised eyebrow and a disappointed look. “Seriously?”

“What are you evening doing here so late?” Oikawa asked ignoring his question, as he balled up another napkin to throw.

“I was working,” Yaku said like it was obvious.

“At–” Oikawa looked down at his phone, “–1:56 in the morning?”  

“Look,” Yaku sighed. “I had a lot of paperwork to do, ok? Why are you giving me shit for working past my shift when you’re here, supposedly working?”

“There’s nothing to do,” Oikawa exhaled rubbing his eyes. “No one has come into the ER and trust me I am super up to date with all of my paperwork. That was the first thing to go when I got bored.”

“So you decided to sit here and throw napkins at a trashcan?” Yaku asked looking over at the pile of napkins on the floor beneath the trashcan. Oikawa shrugged, balled up another napkin and threw it at the trashcan, actually getting it in this time.

“Nothin’ but net,” Oikawa smirked.

“Yeah says the 300 failed attempts on the floor,” Yaku huffed sitting in the chair across from him. “So why are you tossing napkins in the trash?”

“Because I’m bored,” Oikawa sighed, adjusting his button down sleeves under his lab coat. “So, why are you really here? You’re never late on your paperwork, at least come up with a more convincing lie.”

“I forget that you know me so well,” Yaku frowned crossing his arms.

“Of course I do,” Oikawa smirked. “Now, you here. Middle of the night. Why?”

“Because I’m stalling going back to my apartment,” Yaku admitted sighing.

“Why?”

“Because there’s something at my apartment I’m avoiding,” Yaku ran his hand through his hair.

“Something or some...one...?” Oikawa pressed smirking.

“Yeah,” Yaku exhaled. “Someone.” Oikawa raised his eyebrow, waiting for Yaku to continue. He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, wringing his hands. “Remember, a few weeks ago, when we went to that bar?”

“Uh, yeah I think I remember,” Oikawa smirked.

“Right,” Yaku nodded. “Well, remember how I told you I went home with that guy?”

“The young, hyper guy? The good fuck?” Oikawa asked.

“Uh yeah.” Yaku bit his lip, looking like he wasn’t sure where to go next. “Well we’ve kind of been dating for a few weeks.”

“Oh really?” Oikawa asked amused.

“Shut up,” Yaku growled. “Yeah we have been.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Tomorrow he has to leave to go back to college.” Oikawa blinked at him processing what he just heard. Yaku looked at him with an expression that he had just gone through the same internal conflict.

“College?” Oikawa asked carefully. “Yaku, how old is this guy?”

“He’s 20,” Yaku said quickly, waving his hand at Oikawa. “He’s 20, I swear.”

“Ok...” Oikawa said slowly. “So, you’re dating a college student.”

“Yeah,” Yaku sighed.

“You’re 32.”

“Yeah.”

“Ok,” Oikawa nodded. “So you’re avoiding your young boyfriend, mhm. And?”

“That’s...kind of the problem,” Yaku frowned. “He’s not my, you know, boyfriend.”

“Ah I see,” Oikawa looked at Yaku’s contemplative face. “So, do you want him to be?”

“I don’t know,” Yaku shook his head. “That’s why I’m avoiding going over there.” Yaku ran his hands down his face, letting out a low, frustrated groan. “I mean part of me wants to, which is weird you know? He’s like young and hyper and like the complete opposite of me. But I don’t know...”

“You like him,” Oikawa said knowingly.

“Yeah,” Yaku grimaced, as if the thought bothered him more than anything else he’d said. “But you know, another part of me, the more reasonable part of me, is saying ‘no, you old man, you can’t date some 20 year old. Let him go to college and have like a real college experience and not have him bound to some old man.’ That is probably what I should do.”

“But if you like him, you like him,” Oikawa shrugged. “Despite whether or not you’re robbing the cradle.” Yaku leaned over and smacked his arm.

“I’m not robbing the cradle, asshole,” Yaku frowned. “He’s an adult.”

“Of course he is.” Yaku sent Oikawa glare, and Oikawa only grinned back. “So what are you going to do? You have to go home eventually.”

“Yeah, I know,” Yaku slumped in his chair. “What would you do?”

“What would I do?” Oikawa repeated incredulously. “You’re asking me? The king of failed relationships? Me?”

“Well, when you put it that way,” Yaku laughed.

“Look man, I don’t...date...like ever,” Oikawa said painfully. “I’m not someone who exactly have the most healthy romantic life. I mean for fucks sake, I’m fucking my friend after I destroyed the best friendship I’ve ever had because I fell in love with him to which ruined me for probably the most perfect man I’ve ever met. I’m not someone to come to for advice.” Yaku stared at him with a blank face.

“You...you didn’t tell me all that,” Yaku whispered.

Oikawa looked down at his lap, feeling the hot burning of embarrassment crawl up the back of his neck. He wanted to take it all back. He didn’t want to deal with what had happened; the past 6 weeks he’d made it his mission to not deal with what had happened. But now, everything being out in the open, Oikawa realized just how much he fucked up. And he wanted nothing to do with it. He was scared.

“I–” Oikawa was cut off by his beeper sounding. Confused, he looked around at the empty ER waiting room where they were sitting. He looked down at his beeper and recognized the number at the hospital's front desk. “I’m being called to the front desk?”

“Maybe you have a visitor?” Yaku offered.

“At,” he looked at his phone, “2:15am?” Yaku just shrugged as Oikawa got to his feet. Brushing his clothes off, Oikawa walked out of the waiting room and through the hospital with a curious Yaku in tow. Rounding the corner into the main entrance of the hospital, Oikawa was struck by the scene at the large main desk.

Looking completely at ease, with two coffees in his hand, was Iwaizumi. Oikawa’s whole body went cold and his face drained of color. He could feel his heart rate pick up and his hands start to tremble.

“Hey Oikawa who’s that?” Yaku whispered.

Oikawa swallowed uncomfortably. “The most perfect man I’ve ever met,” he croaked. Taking one-step back, Oikawa turned around made a beeline for the bathroom. He could hear Yaku running after him, but he didn’t slow down or stop. He slammed the bathroom door open, waiting to hear the slam behind him. But instead he heard Yaku catch the door in his hand and close it gently behind him.

“Oikawa, talk to me, are you ok?” Oikawa heard him, but it sounded like he was underwater. The blood was rushing in his ears as he bent over the sink, trying to catch his breath. He could feel the panic rise in his chest, taking over his ability to talk, to breathe, to think.

“Oikawa, calm down, breathe,” Yaku said placing a gentle hand on his back.

“I–I can’t,” Oikawa trembled.

“Yes, you can. Just breathe; in and out,” Yaku said calmly.

“No, I mean,” Oikawa let out a shaky breath. “I can’t talk to him, I just can’t. I just can’t. Not after–after, what...what happened. I’m... I can’t.”

“You just have to calm down,” Yaku said softly. “You can talk to him. He obviously came here to talk to you. He didn’t look angry just, calm down ok?”

“Ok,” Oikawa nodded, taking deep breaths. “I’m...I’m calm.”

“Ok,” Yaku said, giving him a small smile. “Go talk to him.”

“I will.” Oikawa stood up straight and looked at himself in the mirror. He had managed to keep himself from crying, so his eyes weren’t red but he looked pale and uncomfortable from the panic. He adjusted his pale blue button down and straightened his dark blue tie, making sure that his lab coat sat clean and neat on his shoulders. “Do I look ok?” he asked uncharacteristically insecure.

“You look great,” Yaku smiled. “Breathe.”

“Ok,” Oikawa nodded. He walked out of the bathroom. Taking quiet, sure steps into the lobby, Oikawa walked over to where Iwaizumi was standing before he could change his mind. Looking at Iwaizumi’s back, he saw the broad slope of his shoulders as he leaned against the desk. He took a deep breath before he cleared his throat to get his attention. He saw Iwaizumi perk up at the sound.

        As he turned around, Oikawa felt his heart jump into his throat at the sight of Iwaizumi. Oikawa couldn’t believe he had forgotten how truly arresting his looks were. He had slightly windswept hair, which only seemed to make his naturally spikey hair look sexily disheveled. He wore a unzipped black leather jacket over a black shirt and a thick knitted red scarf that looked adorably out of place. Despite it being cold and the middle of the night, he didn’t seem to look either cold or tired. He offered Oikawa a small smile before he spoke.

        “I uh, was told that the coffee here was actually pretty good,” he said gently, offering Oikawa one of the hot cups in his hand. “Three sugars, cream until caramel.”

        “Thanks,” Oikawa said throatily, carefully taking the cup he was offered. He felt like he was floating, watching his body interact with Iwaizumi from afar. In no way did this feel real. He took a sip of the coffee to avoid talking, and of course it was perfect; exactly how he took his coffee. For some reason he felt bitter that Iwaizumi remembered how he took his coffee. Like he repeated the information back at him to prove that he remembered something small and trivial. Reminding him that they had shared things that warranted remembering. Reminding Oikawa of what he really missed out on.

        “Are you terribly busy?” Iwaizumi asked, uncharacteristically cautiously. “I asked the front desk if the you were busy, and it took awhile but eventually she told me ER had been slow. But I don’t want to take you away from work or anything.”

        “No um,” Oikawa quickly thought of a semi-secluded place for them to go. “We can go to the children’s garden in Pediatrics. Part of it is indoors, and no one should be there around now.”

        “Sure,” Iwaizumi agreed, gesturing for Oikawa to lead the way. Still feeling slightly uneasy, Oikawa lead Iwaizumi through the hospital, and towards Pediatrics. The entire time, Oikawa felt like he was falling apart. Never had felt this nervous before. He felt like his coffee cup would fall out of his hands any second from his hands trembling so much.

        Praying that he could concentrate enough on walking through the hospital to get to the children’s’ garden, Oikawa tried to ignore that fact that after over 6 weeks of separation, Iwaizumi was walking next to him ready to talk.

        They walked through the multi colored archway into the children’s garden. Even in the dim light that the hospital kept on at night in the non-especial areas, the garden still looked incredible. Play areas all around in various colors, separated by a labyrinth of translucent colored Plexiglas.  The seating was multicolored couches with plush cushioning all against the plexiglass in similar color schemes. Luckily, it was just as empty as Oikawa had hoped.

        “Here um, we can sit here,” Oikawa said going towards a violet colored couch that was against a magenta Plexiglas. Iwaizumi walked over and sat next to him. They sat in silence for a few minutes, wondering when the other was going to talk first.

        “Why–”

        “I’m–”

        They both spoke at the same time. Feeling embarrassed, Oikawa laughed nervously, and looked down at the cup in his hands.

        “You, um, you first,” Oikawa said quietly.

        “Uh, ok,” Iwaizumi said, with resolve. Oikawa could hear him take a fortifying breath but he couldn’t look up at him. “I’m sorry.” 

        All the air rushed out of Oikawa’s lungs as he whipped his head up to look at Iwaizumi. He was staring at him with a truly apologetic look, and he didn’t know how to handle it.

        “Wh-what for?” Oikawa asked confused.

        “For not trying to talk to you at all,” Iwaizumi said earnestly. “For not handling the situation properly.” Oikawa wanted to shake him. He wanted to tell him he was wrong, and he had every right to get angry. That he was surprised he didn’t receive worse. That he was confused as to why he was even here now when he definitely didn’t need to be. But none of that could come out.

        “You...” Oikawa searched for words as his mind went blank. “You don’t have to apologize. I’m the one who should be apologizing here. I’m the one who messed up. I’m the one who handled things poorly. It was me, I’m–”

        “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said stopping him with one quiet word. “It’s ok. I’ve,” he let out  a deep breath, “I’ve had a lot of time to think. About what happened. And I think a lot has changed since New Years– at least for me it has.”

        “I understand,” Oikawa nodded. He should have known it was going to be one of these conversations. He just didn’t know why it was taking place at his work at 2:30 in the morning. He knew that they were eventually going to meet and Iwaizumi was going to tell him all about his girlfriend and how they should just move past what happened between them. And knowing Iwaizumi, he’d want to remain friends because he didn’t want to do wrong by Oikawa by ignoring what happened, but nothing could ever come of it. Oikawa had been preparing for that conversation since 2 weeks prior when he saw Iwaizumi kiss that girl in the store window. He knew right then he’d lost.

        “Good,” Iwaizumi said. “Because I’ve... I’ve thought long and hard about what I’m about to say. And I think you deserve the truth. All of the truth. And once you hear it then you can decide.”

        “Ok,” Oikawa whispered. It didn’t matter; he already knew what his decision would be. He would gladly sacrifice whatever selfish happiness he could have, for Iwaizumi’s happiness and peace. Just like he did with Kageyama. He never felt stronger about his non-deservingness of love. How could someone like him, who cares only for himself, deserve love from someone else? It was simple: he didn’t.

        “Right,” Iwaizumi breathed, steadying himself. “Ok I’m going to start at the beginning.” Oikawa gave him a small nod, and then looked back down at his cup in his hands, unable to look at Iwaizumi’s face.

        “When I hired Kageyama,” Oikawa winced at the mention of his name so early in their conversation. He had hoped to last longer without him being brought up, but he was at the mercy of Iwaizumi. 

        “He was this, anxious young dad with an adorable baby and a willingness to work. I had actually been really excited for him to join my shop; he had done his apprenticeship with the same artist I apprenticed under so I knew that I was getting an awesome artist. In fact, I was so excited, I went out and bought him a welcome to the job cake. You know, just something to mark the day with. And being Kageyama, he ate it without complaint  despite hating the spectacle of it all. Actually he confessed that he loved the cake even though he wasn’t one who ate sweets often. And so I told him about the bakery I got the cake from, and I told him I’d bring him there.

        “So I would say maybe a week later, I finally bring him over to the bakery,” Iwaizumi let out a huge sigh. “And it was like something out of a movie. A cheesy, B-romantic comedy. Kageyama walks in, looking all broody and cross, and behind the counter his cute bubbly Hinata, and Kageyama just fucking  _ melts. _ And I mean, _ really  _ really melts. Like, I’ve never seen someone become that flustered that quickly. He looked like someone just turned all the lights on the most precious thing in the world and he couldn’t look away. And I knew, from right there, that there was no way that he wasn’t going to fall head over heels for him. That was love at first sight if I’ve ever seen it.”

        Oikawa felt a churning in his stomach. The distance from everyone had worked to lessen the intensity of the pain, but not its existence altogether. He still couldn’t bring himself to look up at Iwaizumi, and only stared down at his cup harder.

        “And it got me thinking, if I’d ever feel like that you know?” Iwaizumi continued. “Or if anyone would ever feel like that for me? That arresting feeling in your gut when it feels like the sky has opened up and heaven has shone down in front of you. Something big and grand and cheesy and dumb. But I wanted it. And I knew I never had it. And I thought I’d never have it.” He took a deep breath, and Oikawa waited for the worst. “And then you walked into my shop.”

        Oikawa couldn’t breathe. Not only was that not what he had been expecting to hear, but actually the complete opposite. Against his will, his head snapped up to look at Iwaizumi, his eyes filled with confusion and pleading, finding only certainty and resolve in Iwaizumi’s.

        “You walked into my shop, and I felt it all,” Iwaizumi chuckled softly. “The sky, and the heaven, and the light, and the cheese– all of it, I felt all of it. I fucking melted, Oikawa. I saw you and I fucking melted. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. And you were so flustered and so gorgeous and I just couldn’t even help myself. I didn’t even know if I’d ever see you again, but it didn’t matter; because I was done. In those two minutes you came into my shop the first time, I was completely and utterly done.”

        Oikawa couldn’t see Iwaizumi through his tears. Everything he saw was a blur of colors and dim lights. Distantly he thought to set his cup down before he dropped it because his hands were shaking so badly, but he couldn’t even bring himself to move. Iwaizumi was giving him a small, soft smile and he was talking with such honesty and care that oikawa felt like he wanted to die.

        “And for awhile, I let myself believe that maybe you had had that moment too,” Iwaizumi continued, but more somber. “You would come into the shop, and I would look forward to you coming to see me and bring me coffee, it would be my favorite part of the day sometimes. I loved talking with you and laughing with you and making stupid, shitty jokes and dealing with your sarcasm and attitude and it was amazing. And I was so convinced that we had shared a mutual B-romantic comedy movie moment, that I was completely blindsided on New Years.”

        The bile that Oikawa had been working so hard to keep down, was rapidly rising in his throat. He looked away from Iwaizumi, no longer able to look at his earnest, hurt face. Oikawa knew he was crying, but he couldn’t get himself to stop.

        “Oikawa, I was wrong to just kick you out,” Iwaizumi said. “I shouldn’t have done that, I reacted too quickly and I’m sorry.”

        “Don’t be,” Oikawa shook his head.

        “No, I am,” Iwaizumi continued. “I just felt hurt, and betrayed and vulnerable, but it was still wrong.”

        “I’m sorry,” Oikawa whispered, knowing it didn’t matter, that it was too late.

        “I tried to forget about you,” Iwaizumi continued. Despite Oikawa doing the exact something, it still hurt to hear. “I tried really fucking hard to forget about you. I went out, I talked to people, I actually went on dates.”

        Oikawa winced at the mention of the dates, remembering seeing Iwaizumi kiss that girl in the window, and how horrible he felt after that. How he couldn’t even fake a cheerfulness during dinner with Ushijima and how he spent more of the next two weeks in Ushijima’s apartment than he own, trying desperately to forget.

        “Actually, I met this one girl,” Iwaizumi said with a slight smile in his voice. “She’s really nice, very cute, super smart– you know, just basically the whole package.” Oikawa felt like he was going to throw up. “I’ve gone on a couple dates with her. I like her.” Oikawa wanted to scream. He wanted to run. He wanted to continue crying. “She has this soft brown hair, and these big brown eyes, and this laugh that’s just, contagious.”

        “I’m glad you’re happy, Iwa,” Oikawa said through his tears, glancing up at Iwaizumi. “I just want you to be happy.”

        “But,” Iwaizumi continued, ignoring Oikawa’s comment. “Her hair never felt right between my fingers, and the brown of her eyes never seemed to be the right color, and her laugh never seemed warm enough. And it took me a week or so, but I realized, that I was comparing her to you.”

        Oikawa's breathing was coming in short erratic pants, and he could barely see through the waterfall of tears streaming from his eyes.

        “I tried to forget you so bad, but it didn’t matter because all the time I was thinking about you.” Iwaizumi sighed and set his now cold coffee cup down on the floor and turned more completely towards Oikawa. He took his coffee cup too, and set it on the floor before taking one of Oikawa’s hand’s in his.

        “I know now, that I definitely had a love-at-first-sight moment when I saw you,” Iwaizumi said looking into Oikawa’s eyes. “I should have known that there was no moving on from that moment. You had me, and I was done for. And it took me almost two months to realize that I wasn’t going to be able to forget you, but more importantly, that I didn’t want to.” Oikawa saw that Iwaizumi was crying now too, a few small tears leaking from the side of his eyes. 

        “So, I’ve decided that I’m going to wait for you. I’m going to wait for when, and if you ever feel the same about me. I don’t care who you love, or who you’re with, or if you’re never with me, that’s fine too. But I just want to make perfectly clear that I’m there if you want me, because I’m not going anywhere. And you never have to want me, that’s ok. Because I’m perfectly happy being your friend, whatever that means to you. I won’t ask you to do anything, or be anything that you’re uncomfortable with, and I won’t ask who you love or like or go home to, or with. Even if nothing ever comes of us, and you never want to feel for me as I do for you, that’s ok. Just... stay in my life, ok?”

        Oikawa could barely process what Iwaizumi was saying. It took him a full minute to understand the weight of what Iwaizumi just promised him. To wait for him, even if he never felt the same. To never push him, or pressure him, or even want him to change anything about himself. Just to be there for him, always. Oikawa had never had anyone say those things to him. And he didn’t know how to respond.

        “Why?” Oikawa breathed. “Why me? Why are you doing this? I don’t deserve it.” Oikawa cried, more tears falling down his already flushed, and wet face.

        “Because,” Iwaizumi said like that was explanation enough. “Because you’re you, and I could never forget you. I’m willing to wait if there’s even a small chance, because I think I can love you if you’d let me. Because you deserve to find happiness, and I want to try to find it for you.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG all of the comments have been incredible and i have been so freaking busy that i don't know if i'll be able to answer them all but i do read them and love them!!! but if you really want to talk to me you can always get to me on my tumblr
> 
> I know that everyone was super emotional by Iwaizumi in the last chapter (so was I, I cried so much writing that) but this chapter...well, you'll see. (I cried while writing this chapter)

* * *

            Waking up in his own bed had become somewhat of a rarity to Oikawa as of recently. And because he hadn’t been sleeping at home that much, his sheets weren’t as fresh as he would normally want them to be. And that was his first thought when he woke up the next day. His second though was that he never shut his curtains so the afternoon sun wouldn’t get in his eyes. His third was Iwaizumi.

            That was the thought that really woke him up. Oikawa opened his eyes to his bedroom, which was filled with the golden light of late afternoon. Rubbing his eyes, he reached blindly on the night table for his glasses. Sliding them on to his face, Oikawa sat up gingerly in bed, memories of his conversation with Iwaizumi swimming into focus in his mind. As he kicked off the covers, he shuffled out of his bedroom and into the bathroom.

            As he brushed his teeth the memories of the previous night came flooding back to him. He remembered how Iwaizumi gave him that wonderful speech, and he could barely speak afterward. How Iwaizumi told him not to answer him just yet, and to think on it first, and come to him with a clear head. How he departed with a small, but emotional kiss on his cheek, leaving Oikawa completely overwhelmed. By the time he walked back to the ER, Yaku had left, but not without texting him several times that he was always available to talk if he needed it. But there was only one person Oikawa knew he had to talk to; Kageyama.

            Rising the shampoo from his hair, Oikawa sighed with resignation that it was time to try to apologize to Kageyama. They had been apart for far too long, and he missed his best friend. He would often find himself almost going to call him or send him a text, only to remember the poor terms they parted on– or at least the poor terms Oikawa had sent him away on; he still remembered that Kageyama told him that he would always want to be his friend. The thought of it made his heart hurt as Oikawa turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.

            Walking into his bedroom, he picked up his phone from his night table and scrolled through his notifications, as he got dressed. Several from Yaku asking again about what happened between Iwaizumi and him and another that just said “kill me” to which Oikawa just assumed was in reference to his college-student situation. Almost missing it, Oikawa spotted one from Iwaizumi.

**> I’m glad I got to talk to you last night, although I’m not sure how you do those late hours so often, I’m exhausted. **

Oikawa couldn’t help but smile. He was glad that Iwaizumi came to see him. Hearing about how he felt was beyond anything Oikawa could have ever imagined. All those things that Iwaizumi told him, it made his heart rate speed up just at the thought of it.

            _I still can’t believe he showed up at the hospital. In the middle of the night. I wonder why he did that and he didn’t wait until today to come talk to me. Although I did like touch of him bringing me coffee for a change, that was nice. He’s nice. He’s too nice. He’s going to wait for me, whatever that means._

            Fidgeting with the buttons on the sleeve of his gray shirt as he sat on his couch, Oikawa weighed what his next course of action should be. He knew there was one thing he _should_ do be he wasn’t sure if he could do it. Biting his lower lip, Oikawa glanced down at his phone in his hand to see the time.

            _It’s still fairly early, only late afternoon. And it’s Sunday._

            And without giving his actions anymore further thought, lest he psych himself out of it, Oikawa stood up, grabbed his coat, and car keys, and slipped on his shoes. With determination, Oikawa walked out of his apartment, down to his car and drove towards Kageyama’s apartment.

            He didn’t even let himself plan something to say on the drive there. He knew that if he overthought it, he would convince himself out of going, and he knew that, however painful it was going to be, this was the best course of action for him. Oikawa knew that apologizing to Kageyama was going to be the only way he could not let the guilt of Iwaizumi’s kindness eat away at him inside. There was going to be no solace in Iwaizumi if he continued to be selfish. He at least had himself convinced of that as he parked in front of the apartment building.

            Oikawa cleared his mind as he walked into the building and went up to the fourth floor. His hands deep in the pockets of his peacoat, Oikawa tried to build up whatever courage he could muster as the ding of the elevator sounded for his floor. Taking, heavy but sure steps towards the apartment door, he briefly considered turning around and going home before shaking his head free of those thoughts. With an unsteady hand, he knocked on the door before taking a slight step back, looking down at his shoes as he waited for the door to open. Oikawa could feel his heart climbing into his throat as he heard the sound of approaching footsteps.

            Just as the door swung open, Oikawa barely had enough time to lift his head and process the person standing in front of him before he felt a sudden and sharp pain in his face, accompanied by a sickeningly wet crunching sound. Thoroughly unprepared for the punch, Oikawa almost completely toppled over, stumbling backwards towards the wall on the other side of the hallway, clutching his nose with both hands as blood squirted out between his fingers.

            “Aw FUCK,” Oikawa cried out, his eyes scrunched in pain as he held his hands to his nose listening to the sound of his glasses hitting the floor. The sudden punch left Oikawa reeling, and his head felt dizzy. He tried to open his eyes only to find the world swimming in front of his eyes, and he shut them again. Blood from his nose spilled down his mouth and dripped onto his coat as it escaped through his fingers. Taking a deep breath, Oikawa lifted up his head and opened his eyes to see a fuming Hinata standing in the door way.

            “What the fuck is going on I heard a shou– what’s...what’s happening?” Kageyama asked as he ran up behind Hinata in the doorway and caught sight of Oikawa slightly hunched over, his face and hands bloody from the blood pouring out from his nose. Oikawa looked up at him, and he could see the blatant horrified confusion on Kageyama’s face.

            “I opened the door and found _him_ out here,” Hinata bite out venomously. He glared down at Oikawa like he might try for a second punch any second.

            “Wha–what’s... I don’t understand,” Kageyama stumbled, shaking his head.

            “I can– fuck,” Oikawa began, underestimating how painful it was going to be to talk. “I can... explain.”

            “The fuck you can,” Hinata growled. “How fucking dare you show up here today.”

            “I’m...I’m serious,” Oikawa said, muffled through his blood and his hands.

            “You fucking–”

            “Shou,” Kageyama interrupted. Hinata turned to look at him with confusion and anger.

            “No, no, no,” Hinata shook his head. “No, you’re not listening to him. Not after– just no.”

            “I said I would,” Kageyama said quietly.

            “No, that’s– that’s, no. Absolutely not,” Hinata said vehemently. “No, this is bullshit. He’s the problem, Tobio. You can’t just indulge him all the time, that’s what got you into this in the first place. You can tell him no, Tobio.”

            “Just,” Kageyama sighed. “Just let me hear what he has to say.” Hinata glared at Kageyama and then moved his glare to Oikawa where he became a thousand times more concentrated and dark. With a look of disgust, Hinata pivoted and walked back into the apartment. “Come on,” Kageyama said gesturing Oikawa to follow him. Tentatively, Oikawa picked up his glasses off the floor, slid them back onto his face and then followed inside. He walked behind him until they got into the kitchen, where Kageyama gestured to the seat across from him. Taking a seat at the table, Oikawa could barely look up at Kageyama who sat across from him. And only to make matters worse, Hinata came to stand in the doorway, arms crossed and looking murderous.

            “Why are you here Oikawa?” Kageyama asked softly, handing Oikawa several paper towels.

            “Thank you,” Oikawa said as he took the paper towels with one bloody hand and brought them up to his face. There was something so horrible in the fact that, despite being the one in the wrong and knowing that he was there for unpleasant reasons, he was so happy to see Kageyama again. “I’m here to apologize.”

            “He doesn’t want your apology,” Hinata snarled.

            “Shouyou, please,” Kageyama asked exasperated, looking over at Hinata who was staring daggers into Oikawa. “Continue please,” he said turning back to Oikawa.

            “I...” he glanced up at Hinata and quickly looked away feeling all the anxiety building up in his body. “I’m so sorry Kageyama.”

            “Amazing. Fucking amazing. Did you come up with all that by yourself?” Hinata bit out sarcastically.

            “Shouyou would you please,” Kageyama said annoyed.

            “It’s fine,” Oikawa said, willing himself not to cry.

            “Fuck you, I don’t need your permission,” Hinata yelled.

            “Seriously Shouyou, this isn’t helping,” Kageyama said forcefully.

            “No he’s right I’m–” Oikawa brought his other hand up to his face with the pretext of holding his nose, but in reality he was trying to keep himself from crying. “I don’t deserve to get to apologize to you. I fucked up, and it’s completely my fault. I never meant to hurt you Kageyama, I just thought that it would be better if I pushed you away.”

            “Pushed him away!?” Hinata shouted. “You didn’t push him away, you brought him to the edge of a cliff and gave him a hard shove!”

            “Shou...” Kageyama sighed.

            “No, no, he’s right.” Oikawa could feel his eyes start to water and he breath start to hitch. “I said all those things because I knew they would hurt you, and make you never want to see me again. I needed you to never want to see me again. I couldn’t...” he let out a breath, spitting more blood onto the paper towel. “I couldn’t let me and... and how I... well, I couldn’t myself slowly poison our friendship.” He looked up at Kageyama who was looking at him in melancholy understanding. “You’re just too important to me,” Oikawa whispered. “So I thought it would be best if I just...just... didn’t have a place in your life anymore.”

            “Why?” Kageyama croaked quietly. “Why like that though?”

            “I couldn’t let myself drag it out or I’d never do it,” Oikawa admitted. “It had to be quick, like ripping off a bandage.”

            “Ripping off a bandage!? Are you out of your mind!?” Hinata yelled. “You didn’t do it like you were ripping off a bandage, you did it like you were ripping out stitches!”

            “Shouyou,” Kageyama began, turning to stop him.

            “No, I’ve listen to enough of this,” Hinata shouted. “Now you’re going to listen to me, alright? You fucking asshole.” Oikawa gulped as Hinata loomed over him across the table. He never felt more like a fucking asshole in his entire life.

            “Shou,” Kageyama sighed. “Just–”

            “You are a selfish prick,” Hinata began grounding out each word, pointing his finger at Oikawa. “Don’t give me any bullshit about you trying to spare Kageyama anything. Your actions were to help _you_ , and no one else. Because _you_ don’t think about anyone else. How dare you come here, and think that he has any obligation to listen to a slimly word you have to say, you fucking piece of shit.”

            Oikawa had never felt lower; everything that Hinata was saying felt true and that is what felt the worst. The fact that Hinata could see what Oikawa could see about himself. That he was a selfish, self-important asshole. And he shouldn’t have come here.

            “Do you have any idea of the repercussions of your actions?” Hinata shouted with malice. Oikawa couldn’t respond in anyway. “No, you probably have no idea, because you probably didn’t even think of them. Or better yet, you probably rationalized the shit out of your actions thinking what you were doing was for the best in the long run. Well, good fucking job, you fucking idiot. You traumatized him.”

            His heart dropped into his stomach. His whole body went cold. All the feeling in his limbs turned numb. Trembling, Oikawa chanced a glance over at Kageyama. He was sitting hunched slightly in his chair, looking down at his lap. Oikawa never thought he could feel this awful.

            “He went to you, someone who he thought of as his best friend, and he went to help you. To find out why you were ignoring him. And all you could do was act like a bitter selfish asshole, and toss him aside like he was nothing,” Hinata roared, slamming his hand against the table. “You have no idea what the effects of your actions are, and judging by the fact that you thought you could just waltz in here and apologize, shows me you haven’t even given it any thought!” Hinata looked at him with disgust, and Oikawa knew he deserved it.

            “You, above anyone else, know what he’s been through,” Hinata bit out. “You, more than anyone else, should have known what your actions were going to do and what your choices meant for him. And you, more than anyone else, hurt him.” Oikawa was properly crying now, realizing all the damage he had done. “You know that he has fears of abandonment. Now what do you think your ‘ripping off the bandage’ did to those fears? Well, I’ll tell you. It exacerbated them.”

            Oikawa couldn’t look back at Kageyama; he was afraid that he would see hatred in his face. Because he felt he deserved it.

            “He came back _distraught,_ ” Hinata growled. “And he hasn’t been the same since. Everything we built, everything bit of trust and security I worked hard to cultivate over the past month was gone, and I was back to square one, and _worse_. The nightmares were back and then it got worse; panic attacks, isolation, distrust, all of that because of you!”

            “I’m so sorry,” Oikawa whispered.

            “Excuse me?” Hinata snarled. “Who cares if you’re sorry!? Do you have any idea of what it was like for him to even _try_ to talk to me about it? I have spent almost two months trying to rebuild the trust that you smashed in 2 minutes! So you can go fuck yourself with your ‘I’m sorry’s.”

            “Shouyou, can you please stop talking about me like I’m not in the room,” Kageyama asked softly. It was the first time he had spoken since Hinata began ranting and his voice had become thick and strained.

            “I’m sorry, I’m sorry babe,” Hinata breathed in apology, all of the fight draining out of him as he turned to Kageyama, who was staring down at his folded hands in his lap. Hinata knelt down so he could meet Kageyama’s eye line. “I didn’t mean to yell, I just let my emotions get out of control,” he whispered gently placing his hand on Kageyama’s cheek, his thumb brushing aside a thick tear running down his face.

            “It’s ok,” Kageyama nodded. “Thank you.” He lifted his gaze up to Hinata’s and gave him a thin, watery smile.

            “No, it-it’s not, I’m sorry,” Hinata said softly. “I love you, and I didn’t mean to lose control.”

            “I know,” Kageyama whispered. “I love you too.”

            “Good,” Hinata said giving him a bright smile. Had Oikawa not just received a violent tongue thrashing from him, he would have never guessed him angry. “How are you doing?”

            “Seven,” Kageyama said after thinking a moment.

            “Ok,” Hinata said looking slightly concerned. “Let’s get that down to a four, ok?”

            “I’m trying,” Kageyama said taking a deep breath.

            “Good, good,” Hinata whispered, leaning up and kissing Kageyama’s forehead. He kept his lips pressed against his forehead for a long moment, before taking a step back and exhaling. He turned back to Oikawa with a menacing glare that made Oikawa shrink down into his seat.

            “Shouyou do you mind going to pick up Aiko, so I can talk to Oikawa?” Kageyama asked.

            “What?” Hinata said distressed, looking at Kageyama. “Are you sure?”

            “Yeah,” Kageyama nodded. “I just want to talk to him without you, um, yelling.”

            “Ok,” Hinata agreed extremely reluctantly. “I’m a phone call away if you feel– just call ok?”

            “Of course,” Kageyama said quietly. “I’ll be fine.” Hinata gave him a disbelieving look but nodded anyway. Pressing one last kiss to Kageyama’s forehead, and pointedly not looking at Oikawa, Hinata turned and left. Oikawa sat in tormented silence as he listened to the sound of Hinata closing the door behind him.

            Before anyone spoke, Kageyama got up from his chair and turned around to the kitchen counter. Oikawa watched him prepare the kettle and two mugs with tea. Neither of them spoke as Kageyama pulled out an icepack from the freezer. Wrapping it in a clean dishtowel, Kageyama set it on the table for Oikawa before turning back to the kettle. He made two mugs and carefully placed them both on the table, sliding one over towards Oikawa, who had been watching him the whole time feeling on edge. Kageyama gabbed his chair, pulled it along the perimeter of the table closer to Oikawa, and sat down.

            “Let me see your nose,” Kageyama said softly, gesturing to the bloody mess of the paper towels on Oikawa’s face.

            Gingerly removing the stiff and sticky paper towels and his glasses, Oikawa winced as the pressure eased off his face. He looked down and saw that his hands were covered in blood and so were the lapels on his coat. He could taste the tinny metallic sweetness of blood on his lips. Oikawa knew he must have looked as bad, if not worse, than how he felt based on Kageyama’s reaction.

            “Here,” Kageyama reached over and ripped off a clean paper towel. “Let me clean your face.” Finding himself unable to speak, Oikawa nodded weakly. Kageyama leaned over and gently began cleaning the drying blood on Oikawa’s face. Wincing in pain, Oikawa tried not to jerk away as Kageyama pressed slightly too hard. “Sorry,” he said, removing his hand quickly.

            “It’s fine,” Oikawa said throatily. “Doctors are notoriously bad patients.” Kageyama managed a small smile, as he continued to clean his face.

            “He shouldn’t have punched you,” Kageyama said looking at Oikawa.

            “No, I deserved it,” Oikawa shrugged slightly.

            “Maybe,” Kageyama chuckled. Oikawa went to smile, but it caused a sharp pain in shooting up his nose and into his skull.

            “Fuck, I may have deserved it but damn does he have a really, really good arm,” Oikawa said in pain. “Good to know that his arm is fully recovered.”

            “No he’s right handed,” Kageyama smirked. “But his left is pretty strong too.”

            “Fantastic,” Oikawa groaned as Kageyama pulled back.

            “Well, that’s as clean as I can get it right now,” Kageyama sighed. “You should go to a hospital, see if it’s broken.”

            “No way, so my coworkers can laugh at me?” Oikawa shook his head. “No I’ll just check right now.” He lifted his fingers to his nose. “Ok, it’s not crooked or bent, I can breath through it– slightly, and there’s no grating sound. I’m pretty sure it’s not broken. Just really fucking bruised,” he laughed dryly.

            “Yeah, sorry about that,” Kageyama said looking responsible.

            “Don’t worry about it,” Oikawa said putting his glasses back on. “It was a fair punch so...”

            “Still,” Kageyama began, taking his mug in one hand, and sliding Oikawa the ice pack with the other. “Sorry, he punched you. And yelled at you.”

            “Trust me I’m more sorry that any of this even had to happen,” Oikawa sighed, picking up the ice pack and placing it gently on his face. “I really am sorry, Kageyama.”

            “I know,” Kageyama nodded. “Somehow, even when you were telling me...when you told me that you hated being around me, I knew– I hoped, that it wasn’t true.”

            “I wish I could hate being around you,” Oikawa said with a humorless laugh. “God that would make so many things so much easier.”

            “I know,” Kageyama smiled. “I wish I could hate you too. I wish we just hated each other.”

            “How simple life would be,” Oikawa grinned.

            “Yeah...” Kageyama trailed off, his smile fading. “You really did hurt me, you know.”

            “I know,” Oikawa said, his lip trembling. “I’m so, so sorry.”

            “And I don’t really–” Kageyama cut himself off, looking for the right way to phrase what he wanted to say. “I don’t really... open up to people. Very often. Or at all.”

            “I know, I know,” Oikawa breathed.

            “And um...” Kageyama bit is lower lip, as his hands tightened around the mug. “I, uh, I don’t deal with things really well. I know that about myself. Um...and uh... I know Shouyou wants me to try to express myself better so um... yeah, I’m going to try to uh... tell you, you know, how I feel.”

            “Ok,” Oikawa nodded.

            “Right,” Kageyama nodded, looking a bit lost. “So um, I’m really...fucking disappointed.” Somehow, that was incredibly painful for Oikawa to hear, and he immediately deflated, slumping his seat. “I mean, I don’t... make...friends. And you were um... well, you were my friend– you were my best friend. At least I thought of you as my best friend. And all I wanted to do was comfort you like you did for me when I um... when me and Shou were... I just–just wanted to know what was wrong.” Oikawa watched a tear slip down Kageyama’s face as he felt his own gather in front of his eyes.

            “It’s taken me a really long time to come to terms with the fact that I’m still affected by things that happened to me when I was younger. I know that now. I know that I’m never going to react properly when things go wrong. I know that I’m always going to fear that nobody wants me. I know that I’m not the most stable person. But you...you were supposed to know that too. You knew, and you promised to always be there to help me because you loved me– and I’m not even talking about _love_ love I just mean that you were my friend and I love you too and you’re the one who cause me pain and that’s why I’m hurt.”

            Oikawa could barely breathe as he watched Kageyama struggle to express himself.

            “And I spent weeks racking my mind, trying to figure out what I did wrong,” Kageyama trembled. “It took me a really long time before Shouyou could convince me that it wasn’t my fault. And still, part of me... I can’t help feeling like I did this to myself even though I know deep down that you... you’re the one who... Oikawa I’m just disappointed that you acted so selfishly. After everything.”

            “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say I’m sorry enough,” Oikawa whispered. “And if you never want to hear from me again I understand.”

            “Don’t be noble,” Kageyama frowned. “You’re not getting out of this that easily.”

            “It was worth a shot,” Oikawa smiled.

            “I missed you,” Kageyama admitted softly. “I really didn’t want to, but I did.”

            “Can we...can we go back to being friends?” Oikawa asked hesitantly.

            “Of course,” Kageyama nodded. “I can’t promise it’ll be the same but yes, we can be friends.”

            “Good,” Oikawa exhaled, feeling relieved. Kageyama gave him a small smile. “I should go before Hinata comes back and decides my nose needs to actually be broken.”

            “Good idea,” Kageyama laughed.

            “I’m sorry I came in randomly,” Oikawa said standing up, placing the ice pack on the table. “I just wasn’t sure if I could call you.”

            “I told you, you could call,” Kageyama said standing up.

            “No, I meant, _I_ wouldn’t be able to call you,” Oikawa clarified as he slipped on his coat, ignoring the blood for now. “Sorry again, for barging in.”

            “Don’t worry about it,” Kageyama said. “I’m just kind of glad Shou and I opted for a lunch instead of a dinner,” he laughed rubbing the back of his neck

            “What?” Oikawa asked confused. He really looked at Kageyama and took him in for the first time since he got there. Kageyama was dressed very nicely in a crisp white button down buttoned up to the collar, tucked neatly into tailored black pants with a black waistcoat. He suddenly remembered Hinata had been dressed similarly in a navy button down and a gray waistcoat and pants.

            “It’s Valentines Day,” Kageyama said obviously.

            “Oh shit,” Oikawa said, horrified. “I am so sorry.”

            “It’s whatever now,” Kageyama shrugged. “Not the weirdest Valentine’s Day I’ve had.”

            “I find that hard to believe,” Oikawa huffed. “Sorry.”

            “It’s ok,” Kageyama smiled. “I’ll make it up to him.”

            “Please do,” Oikawa sighed. “Ok, I’m going to go. I’ll...I’ll see you later, right?”

            “Of course,” Kageyama nodded. He reached his arms forward and pulled Oikawa into a tight hug.

            As soon as Kageyama’s arms were around him, Oikawa softened. He slowly wrapped his arms around Kageyama’s waist. Oikawa fought the impulse to bury his nose in Kageyama’s neck as felt Kageyama’s hand grasped his shoulders. Relishing the feeling of Kageyama’s silky hair against his cheek, he only allowed himself 5 seconds holding Kageyama before he forced himself to pull back.

            “I’ll see you later,” Oikawa said adjusting his coat, taking a step back.

            He made himself walk away, and with a small wave he walked out of the apartment. The walk to the elevator and out of the lobby and to his car was a blur. Oikawa could barely keep his head together as he unlocked his car and sat down in the drivers seat. There was a three second long silence before Oikawa started crying. He let himself have a good, and proper cry. Filled with wet, hot tears, heaving breaths, and plenty of cursing.

             Oikawa let himself have that cry knowing it had a time limit. He only allowed himself ten minutes to cry before he knew he had to stop. Getting his breathing back to normal, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Scrolling through his contacts, his finger pressed Iwaizumi’s number and he quickly brought the phone up to his ear.

            “Hello?” Iwaizumi answered, sounding very surprised to be hearing from him.

            “Hey,” Oikawa said, hopping he didn’t sound like he had just been crying. “Um, I have three questions for you.”

            “Um, ok. Sure, what’s up?” Iwaizumi said sounding caught off guard.

            “Are you busy right now?” Oikawa asked.

            “Uh, unless you call folding laundry busy, then no,” Iwaizumi chuckled.

            “Ah no, I don’t,” Oikawa laughed. “Do you have a first aid kit?”

            “Yeah,” Iwaizumi said sounding more concerned.

            “Cool,” Oikawa nodded. “And, can I come over?”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guess who's still alive? me

      Oikawa knocked on Iwaizumi’s apartment door with an excited hesitance. He didn’t even get to fully say hello when Iwaizumi’s face went from glad to see him, to horrified. 

      “Oh my god,” Iwaizumi said scrunching up his face, staring at the dried blood all over his face and coat.

      “Yeah,” Oikawa shrugged, with a small smile. Iwaizumi stepped aside slightly and Oikawa walked into the apartment. He stepped over to kitchen counter and unbuttoned his coat and draped it over the stool by the breakfast counter. 

      “What happened?” Iwaizumi asked with deep concern, closing the front door behind him. 

      “I got punched,” Oikawa said like it was no big deal. He began unbuttoning his shirt, as he glanced up at Iwaizumi who looked horrified and confused. 

      “What!?” Iwaizumi said. 

      “Don’t worry, it was well deserved,” Oikawa shrugged off his shirt. He looked up at Iwaizumi who was trying to keep his eyes on his bloody face, but kept glancing down at his bare chest. 

      “Well deserved?” Iwaizumi repeated, watching Oikawa fold his shirt. “How?”

      “Trust me that story would be better told over something alcoholic and greasy,” Oikawa sighed placing his glasses on the counter. 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi blinked. “Um...I have the first aid kit,” he said tearing his eyes away from Oikawa and walked over to the breakfast counter. He pulled the white metal box towards him and opened it up, rummaging through it until he found the rubbing alcohol. “Do you want to sit here?” Iwaizumi pointed to the other stool at the counter. Oikawa sat down, pulling his seat closer to Iwaizumi. 

      “Thank you,” Oikawa said softly as Iwaizumi began cleaning his face. 

      “I’m sure you could do a better job,” Iwaizumi said, furrowing his brow in concentration. 

      “You’re doing quite well,” Oikawa smiled as Iwaizumi set aside the bloodied cotton ball and grabbed another one. He watched him soak it in alcohol before applying to his face. Oikawa couldn’t help but smile faintly as he watched Iwaizumi concentrate so seriously on cleaning the dried blood off his face. 

      “Shut up,” Iwaizumi frowned, a slight tinting on his cheeks giving away how he really felt. 

      “Your bedside manner is incredible,” Oikawa said sarcastically. “Really, I’m so impressed.” 

      “I’m going to give you a black eye to match your fucked up nose,” Iwaizumi growled, setting aside the bloodied cotton ball. 

      “You wouldn’t,” Oikawa smirked. “How could you want to destroy this perfect face, Iwa?”  Iwaizumi just rolled his eyes as he pulled out the small tube of healing salve out from the first aid kit. 

      “I’ve decided to give you a split lip instead to dissuade you from speaking,” Iwaizumi said squeezing out a pea-sized amount of salve onto his finger. “Now shut up so I can put this on your face.” 

      “Damn, ok no need to be so aggressive,” Oikawa teased lifting his head so Iwaizumi could rub the salve where the skin broke by his nose. With a much gentler hand than Oikawa expected, Iwaizumi rubbed the salve into his skin. 

      “Ok all done,” Iwaizumi said standing up and wiping his finger on a paper towel. “Now are you going to tell me why you took off your shirt? Or did you just want to be shirtless?” 

      “I mean, well yeah,” Oikawa smirked, which earn him an unamused frown from Iwaizumi. “My shirt got blood on it,” Oikawa said picking up his gray shirt and showing him the blood covered collar. “I wanted to wash it.” 

      “Here give it to me,” Iwaizumi said taking it out of his hands, not waiting for Oikawa to hand it to him. Slightly confused, Oikawa watch him walk towards the bathroom. 

      “Ok...” Oikawa said aloud to the empty apartment around him. From the kitchen, he could hear the distant sounds of running water and muffled scrubbing, but he didn’t know whether or not to get up and follow him or to just wait. After a few minutes, his thought was answered for him when Iwaizumi walked out. 

      “It’s soaking,” Iwaizumi said as he turned and started up the metal spiral staircase. 

      “Um, thanks...” Oikawa said, still confused as to what he was supposed to do. He looked around the apartment not sure what he was looking for. Coming from above him were the sounds drawing opening and closing. Oikawa got up slowly from his stool and walked over carefully towards the metal stairs to see if he could get a glimpse of what Iwaizumi was doing. But just as he got to the edge of the spiral stairs, he heard Iwaizumi’s first step on the stairs, and Oikawa pivoted quickly and practically ran back towards the counter. 

      “Here,” Iwaizumi said walking over to him handing him a folded up shirt. “I had to go find one that was not covered in cat hair and that would be small enough to fit your petite frame.” 

      “I’m not petite,” Oikawa said offended. He unfolded the warm flannel shirt to look at what Iwaizumi meant by petite. The shirt was a deep midnight blue with a lighter navy pattern and was significantly smaller looking than the red and black flannel shirt that was unbuttoned over Iwaizumi’s black and white Godzilla t-shirt. But it looked warm and comfortable and Oikawa slid it on with no more complaints. “Thank you for the shirt,” Oikawa said buttoning up Iwaizumi’s flannel over his cold chest. 

      “No problem,” Iwaizumi said closing up the first aid kit. “It took me awhile to find one that would look like it would fit you.” 

      “Why do you insist that I’m so small, I’m literally not small at all,” Oikawa frowned adjusting the sleeves. “I have muscles. I work out.” 

      “Ok not small, but like...smaller than me,” Iwaizumi said putting away the kit. 

      “Well, sorry I’m not super fucking built,” Oikawa said sarcastically. 

      “I’m not super fucking built,” Iwaizumi said furrowing his eyebrows. “I’m just like regular muscular, like a normal amount.” 

      “Sure of course,” Oikawa nodded, placating him. Iwaizumi frowned but let the subject drop, walking around the counter and towards his laundry covered couch. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your chores.” 

      “It’s fine,” Iwaizumi shrugged, picking up the TV remote and shutting the TV that he had on mute. “I don’t mind. So do you want to get something alcoholic and greasy so you can tell me why you got punched in the face?” 

      “Of course,” Oikawa nodded jumping off the stool, sliding his glasses back on. 

      “There’s a place near-ish by that makes really good burgers and has really good beer,” Iwaizumi said turning towards him. “Does that count as greasy and alcoholic?” 

      “Sounds perfect,” Oikawa smiled.

* * *

 

      Iwaizumi sat with his hand curled loosely around his glass of water and slumped slightly leaning back in his chair. He had a look of overwhelmed processing as he stared at the space just above Oikawa’s head. Oikawa had his head tilted down, trying to pretend to be focused on eating the last few bites of his burger, but his appetite had suddenly left him. 

      “So that’s why Kageyama has been really...off lately,” Iwaizumi said in realization. Oikawa couldn’t look up at Iwaizumi, the guilt of what he had just explained was too much for him to handle. “That makes sense now.” 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa said throatily. Telling Iwaizumi everything that happened was harder than he had expected it to be. There was something about how trusting and understanding he was that made it almost impossible not to break down as he spoke. But as Oikawa explained everything that led up to him coming to his door with a bloody nose, he oddly started to feel marginally better. As if keeping that from Iwaizumi was worse than it happening. But the guilt of the entire situation was greater than any benefit he got from opening up. 

      “But you guys are ok now?” Iwaizumi asked carefully. 

      “I’m not sure,” Oikawa admitted quietly. “I don’t know if we ever will be. I can’t help but worry that I ruined any future friendship with him irreparably. I know that Hinata probably is going to hate me forever, but I understand, and deserve that.” 

      “Well...” Iwaizumi began, measuring his words. “I don’t know if he’ll hate you forever. Hinata isn’t exactly the fire and brimstone hatred type.”

      “He has every reason to,” Oikawa said looking up at Iwaizumi over his glasses. Iwaizumi opened his mouth as if to speak, but then closed it and said nothing. “I’m not.... I wouldn’t hold a grudge— or at least I’m not going to. I have no reason to, that would be really fucked up of me.” 

      “Of course,” Iwaizumi nodded. 

      “So yeah,” Oikawa said quietly, almost to himself. “That’s um... that’s why I got punched.” 

      “This is so stupid.” Oikawa almost snapped his neck looking up at Iwaizumi so fast.  Iwaizumi was staring at him with a disappointed frowned and Oikawa resigned himself to the fact that Iwaizumi now probably thought low of him. 

      “I know I just–”

      “This is probably my fault, I’m sorry,” Iwaizumi cut him off. “Had I not reacted like that I wouldn’t have pushed you to do something so drastic like that. I should have known that, I feel partly responsible.” 

      “Wha-no!?” Oikawa shook his head. “You’re not even– no way, it’s all me.”

      “No,” Iwaizumi shook his head gently. “I don’t think you would have done that if I hadn’t pushed you into that headspace, for which I’m sorry. So, I’m going to take some of the blame.” 

      “Seriously no,” Oikawa said shaking his head. 

      “Well, you did deserve that punch though,” Iwaizumi smiled. Oikawa couldn’t help but feel happy at seeing Iwaizumi smile again, even if it was at his expense. 

      “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Oikawa said with a feigned smugness, as he took a sip of his almost empty beer. “I can take a punch.” 

      “Oh really?” Iwaizumi scoffed. “I bet you fell to the ground in tears after one punch from that tiny little baker.” 

      “Hey! He’s like, really strong ok? You don’t expect it but he’s like all muscle,” Oikawa said, a little wounded that Iwaizumi was too close to the truth. “Plus I didn’t fall the to ground in tears... I swore and then fell to the ground.” Iwaizumi let out a laugh, almost spitting out his water on himself. “But he caught me off guard, that’s the only way he was able to get a good punch in.” 

      “Oh yeah, because had you known you would have been ready for it right?” Iwaizumi said sarcastically.  

      “Pfft, yeah I would have,” Oikawa said with confidence. Iwaizumi gave him a dubious look, but didn’t press the point. “Are you done?” Oikawa asked gesturing to Iwaizumi’s basically empty plate and cup. 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi said, popping the last fry in his mouth. “Now I’m done.” 

      “Ok, cool,” Oikawa said gesturing to the waitress for the check. She walked over and placed the check on the table and Oikawa grabbed it before Iwaizumi could reach over to look at it. 

      “What the fuck?” Iwaizumi said as Oikawa pulled out his wallet. “Can I see the bill please?” 

      “No way,” Oikawa said placing his card in the check envelope, and folding it over. 

      “You’re not even going to let me pay for my half?” Iwaizumi asked. 

      “Nope,” Oikawa said holding onto the check until the waitress came back over and took it from him. Oikawa gave him a shit-eating grin, and Iwaizumi only frowned harder. When the waitress came back over, Oikawa signed the bill and handed it back to her before Iwaizumi could even grab it. “You can get the next one,” Oikawa said pulling on his still somewhat bloodied coat. 

      “Oh can I?” Iwaizumi asked sarcastically, putting on his jacket and scarf. “Well thanks.” 

      “No problem,” Oikawa said as they walked out of the restaurant. 

      They walked in a comfortable silence back towards Iwaizumi’s apartment. It wasn’t as cold as it could have been for mid February, but Oikawa felt himself walking closer to Iwaizumi under the guise of being cold. Oikawa didn’t even know how to fathom how much he had missed Iwaizumi. He had spent the past 6 weeks telling himself that it was better for him to just move on, forget, not to think about him anymore. But walking along side him as their arms were pressed just slightly against each other, both of them quiet and comfortable, Oikawa didn’t know how he had gone 6 minutes without this, let alone 6 weeks. 

      “Our waitress was checking you out the whole time,” Oikawa said after a few minutes of quiet. 

      “Was she?” Iwaizumi laughed softly, glancing up at Oikawa. “I didn’t even realize.” 

      “Yeah she would give you, well, what I assume was her best and most alluring look, and she kept giving me the side eye.” 

      “Probably because of that gnarly shiner on your ugly mug,” Iwaizumi grinned.

      “Yeah...” Oikawa sighed shaking his head. “Deserved or not, this isn’t my best look.” 

      “How bad are you going to get made fun of tomorrow?” Iwaizumi asked. 

      “Oh god, I don’t even want to think about,” Oikawa said closing his eyes horrified. “Just so much probably. Leave it to me to get beaten up on Valentine’s Day.” Iwaizumi looked down and exhaled slowly, biting his lower lip. “Sorry this must has been a really odd Valentine’s Day.”

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi breathed, like hadn’t wanted to be the one to bring it up. “Though, not the weirdest Valentine’s Day I’ve had.”

      “Why does everyone keep saying that to me?” Oikawa asked, shaking his head. “This is definitely the weirdest one I’ve ever had. Am I boring?” 

      “No,” Iwaizumi laughed. “If there’s one thing you’re not, it’s boring.” 

      “Well that’s good,” Oikawa smiled, pushing his glasses up further on his nose. “I... I do have to wonder if...” Iwaizumi looked over at him like he knew exactly what he was going to ask. “If you knew that it was Valentine’s Day when you came to see me last night, or er– this morning?”

      “I...” Iwaizumi let out a heavy breath. “I did.” 

      “Did you do that on purpose or...?” Oikawa asked, not sure what he was hoping to find out. 

      “It’s was 50/50,” Iwaizumi admitted, looking a bit sheepish. 

      “Really? What was the other 50?” 

      “Well...” Iwaizumi began, looking down at his feet as they walked. “My friends and I kind of do this thing on the day before Valentines Day, where we basically get really drunk and curse our love life. It started back when we were all in college and single and dumb and getting rejected left right and center, and then it kind of just stuck. Even when they no longer had anything to curse about.” 

      “Wow,” Oikawa smirked. “That’s kind of what I thought you were going to say. But you didn’t seem drunk.” 

      “I wasn’t, no,” Iwaizumi laughed. “But they were. Drunk and very, very persuasive.” 

      “Persuasive?” Oikawa asked. 

      “Kind of,” Iwaizumi sighed rubbing the back of neck. “Sort of... well, they say I whined about you, I say unloaded.” 

      “Oh?” Oikawa said not sure whether or not to feel happy or bad about that. 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi said, not looking up at him. “Basically, long story short is they convinced me to go talk to you.” 

      “Really?” Oikawa breathed, flabbergasted. “I’m... I’m surprised. Especially after...” 

      “Yeah I told them,” Iwaizumi nodded. “And we had a good long bro moment about it.” 

      “That sounds...” 

      “No, it definitely was as gay as it sounds,” Iwaizumi laughed. “But yeah, after they chewed me out for not telling them sooner and all that stuff, they then spent a considerable amount of time convincing me to go talk to you.” 

      “Really? Even after they heard how horrible I am?” Oikawa asked with a self-deprecating smile. 

      “Don’t fish for compliments,” Iwaizumi frowned. 

      “Sorry,” Oikawa smirked, feeling properly told off. 

      “Yes, they told me to go speak to you even after they heard what a fucking dumbass you are,” Iwaizumi said looking over at Oikawa. “I made the mistake of implying that I liked you.” 

      “Ah, I see,” Oikawa nodded in understanding. “I see where they made their error. They were misinformed.” 

      “I wish,” Iwaizumi sighed, with a slight smile. Oikawa could feel himself feel that same tight twisting inside that he hadn’t felt since last he spoke with Iwaizumi. He was starting to associate it specifically with him. 

_       Maybe I’ll name it after him. The Iwa twist. It’s like a dance move but with much more anxiety.  _

      “I’m glad you came to see me though,” Oikawa said softly. “I missed you, Iwaizumi.” He saw Iwaizumi’s face stretch in surprise. “And I know I have no right to say that–”

      “No, you um... you do,” Iwaizumi said quickly. “It’s actually, kind of nice to hear.”

      “It’s kind of nice to say,” Oikawa chuckled. “You know, I didn’t really want to admit to myself that I did, you know, miss you because I well… fucked up so badly. But it’s nice to finally say it out loud.” 

      “I, um,” Iwaizumi began, trying to bite the smile out of his lower lip, “I’m glad to hear it.”  

      As they stepped onto the Iwaizumi’s block, Oikawa could sense himself losing time. He knew he wanted to say so many things to Iwaizumi but his mouth felt dry and his mind went blank. He could see his car parked under the orange sodium streetlamp and he desperately looked at it as if it had the answers to his amorphous questions. 

      “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi began, getting his attention immediately. They came to a stop just in front of his car, and Oikawa couldn’t have felt more nervous. “I just want to say, you know, again, that I’m really perfectly happy being your friend, whatever that means to you. And while I don’t think how I feel or whatever is going to go away anytime soon, I just want you to know that I never intend to pressure you or force you to make a decision, or whatever else. I mean, I can hope that maybe you’ll... one day... maybe feel something for me. But I’m not counting that a definite, I just want to make that clear.” 

      “I understand,” Oikawa nodded meeting his eyes. 

      “Good,” Iwaizumi said softly. “Ok, yeah.” 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa smiled. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Iwa.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just updates after months with no explanation


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel so bad for being away for so long i'm doing a massive update. this is 2/3 chapters going up today!!!!

**One month later**

      “So I think that’s all of your clothes,” Oikawa said zipping up the duffle bag on his bed. He looked up at Ushijima who was watching him with a slight frown on his face. “What’s with the face? I’m returning your clothes to you.” 

      “I never said I needed them back,” Ushijima said. 

      “I know,” Oikawa shrugged, thrusting the bag at Ushijima who caught it easily. “But I’m trying this new thing where I don’t sleep with all my friends, and it would be a lot more believable if I wasn’t lounging in your clothes.” 

      “But I gave them to you?” Ushijima responded, seemingly still confused. “I don’t need them back.” 

      “Why are you so frustrating?” Oikawa questioned with a deep sigh. “Just take your fucking clothes.” 

      “Ok,” Ushijima said without further protest. 

      “Let me walk you down to your car,” Oikawa said rolling his eyes at his friend. “I have to go buy some food anyway.” 

      “Alright,” Ushijima nodded following Oikawa out of his bedroom. 

      “Let me grab my phone incase he calls,” Oikawa mumbled mostly to himself. 

      “In case who calls?” Ushijima asked.

      “Um, Iwaizumi,” Oikawa said stuffing his phone in his jacket pocket. “He’s coming over today.” There was no change in expression on Ushijima’s face, but for some reason, Oikawa felt the need to elaborate. “We just hang and stuff. Watch movies, eat junk food, drink beer. We’re just friends.” 

      “I didn’t say anything,” Ushijima replied unaffected by Oikawa’s obvious nervousness. 

      “I know,” Oikawa countered. “I just... we’re just friends. I thought I just should clarify that.” 

      “It doesn’t matter to me–”

      “Ok, fine,” Oikawa interrupted feeling embarrassed. “Just come, you stupid… fucking… just lets go.” 

      He held the door for him as Ushijima walked out of his apartment. As they took the elevator down, Oikawa tried not to think about how unsure he was about describing what Iwaizumi was to him to another person, and even sometimes himself. Naturally, he usually went for the standard “he’s my friend” explanation. But he couldn’t ignore the fact that he knew Iwaizumi had feelings for him. And he couldn’t forget how he felt when he was around him, or talking to him, or even just thinking about him. Lastly he couldn’t ignore that each time he would say “we’re just friends” it sounded more and more like a lie. 

      “Are you coming out?”

      “Oh,” Oikawa said, blinking himself out of his thoughts to notice that they’d landed in the lobby of his apartment building. “Yeah, sorry.” They both walked out of the lobby and towards Ushijima’s car that was parked right down the block. 

      “Thank you for my clothes,” Ushijima said, holding the bag up slightly. “Even though I did not really need them back.” 

      “Just take the fucking clothes,” Oikawa chuckled softly. “I swear you are so goddamn diff–”

      “Oikawa?”

      He turned around to see Iwaizumi walking up the block towards him carrying two food bags in his hands. Despite it being moderately cold for March, Iwaizumi only wore a slick black bomber jacket over his white long sleeve shirt and jeans. The sight of him walking up to him, was enough to make Oikawa’s insides churn with excitement. 

      “Hey,” Oikawa smiled. “You’re early.” 

      “I was running early, so I decided to walk. My last consult got cancelled for the day so I thought I’d come over now. But I was actually moving a lot faster than I anticipated so I picked up some food on the way here,” Iwaizumi said gesturing to the bags of food in his hands. “Obviously I still got here too early,” glancing quickly at Ushijima. 

      “No worries,” Oikawa shook his head. “I just going to go pick us up some food, but you got that covered.” He stood for a few seconds in silence before he realized his two friends hadn’t been introduced. “Oh sorry, Iwa, this is Ushijima my–” he hesitated for a split second, “–friend.”

      “Hello,” Ushijima nodded. 

      “And Ushijima, this is Iwaizumi my–” he unconsciously hesitated again, “–friend.” 

      “It’s nice to meet one of Oikawa’s fellow friends,” Iwaizumi smiled congenially. 

      “Of course,” Ushijima said, not adding anything else. 

      “...Right,” Oikawa exhaled, feeling weirdly anxious, like he had done something wrong. “Well, I’ll see you later then, Ushijima.” 

      “Yes, see you on Monday,” Ushijima nodded getting into his car. Oikawa watched him pull out of the parking spot before turning to Iwaizumi who was also watching the car disappear down the street. 

      “You didn’t have to get food, you did it last time,” Oikawa said trying to quick move their focus. 

      “Oh,” Iwaizumi said looking down at the food he was carrying. “I don’t mind. Now you just have to buy me food twice.” 

      “Deal,” Oikawa smiled, feeling that twisting in his stomach he always got when Iwaizumi casually referred to making more future plans with him. 

      They walked into Oikawa’s building, taking the elevator up to his floor in a comfortable silence that Oikawa had grown to love. He found that so many people needed to fill the time with mindless chatter. But what he really liked about Iwaizumi was that he never talked just for the sake of making noise. They could just stand quietly next to each other and be totally comfortable. 

      “So what did you bring me?” Oikawa asked, opening up the door to his apartment. “Something delicious I hope.” 

      “Nope, I brought you dog shit and maggots,” Iwaizumi said with a straight face, kicking off his shoes and following Oikawa into the kitchen. Oikawa turned around and with a scrunched up disgusted frowned at him. “I’m joking,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, setting the bags of food on the kitchen counter. “I got ramen from that place you like by my shop. And soda. You never have any soda.” 

      “I’m a doctor, why would I drink that when water exists?” Oikawa shook his head disappointedly at Iwaizumi who only shrugged in response. 

      “Because water doesn’t taste like soda,” Iwaizumi said as if that was a valid enough argument. “ _ I’m a doctor _ , you’re so pretentious.” 

      “You’re just jealous,” Oikawa said smugly, helping Iwaizumi take out the large containers of ramen from the bags. “So which one is mine?” 

      “Uh good question,” Iwaizumi said looking between the two containers. “Whichever has more vegetables. So this one?... Yup this one, here you go,” he said sliding over the container closer to him. 

      “Ah thank you,” Oikawa said grabbing chopsticks and spoons from the bag for them. “Let me just get a glass of water, like a healthy person, and we will begin our movie marathon.” 

      “Cool, I’m going to take my soda, like a normal person who also drinks water but likes soda, to the living room,” Iwaizumi said back, mimicking Oikawa’s condescending tone. Oikawa rolled his eyes but smiled anyway.

* * *

 

      “Are you seriously crying?” Oikawa quickly rubbed his face, trying to hide the fact that he most definitely was crying. He could hear the smirk in Iwaizumi’s voice and in no way did he want to look over at him with tears in his eyes. “How could you possibly be crying?” 

      “Because it’s sad,” Oikawa said gesturing at the screen. “I always cry at this part.” 

      “Wait a minute,” Iwaizumi shook his head, trying to gather his thoughts. “You’re telling me that you have watched Two Towers multiple times and you’ve cried at the same part every time?” 

      “...Yes,” Oikawa said unwillingly. “But look Sam loves Frodo so much and he’s the one who snaps him out of the spell he’s under from the ring and reminds him that Sam is there for him and loves him. Sam loves Frodo so much and they are very gay and it just fills my gay little heart with gay joy, ok?” 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi smirked, putting his hands up and not continuing any further. “I’ll leave your gay little heart alone.” 

      “No more making fun of me,” Oikawa scolded. “My house, my rules. And the rules are: I get to cry as much as I want, and you can’t make fun of me in any capacity.” 

      “Fine,” Iwaizumi frowned. “But you’re an ugly crier.” 

      “Iwa! This is against the rules! You’re breaking the rules,” Oikawa shouted, shoving Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Iwaizumi, who had been sitting cross-legged on the couch next to Oikawa topped over from his shove. He kicked out his leg to balance himself, accidently knocking over the empty food containers they had placed on the floor sometime during the middle of Fellowship of the Ring. “And now you’re destroying my house. Give me those,” he instructed, pausing the movie. 

      “I’m not destroying your house,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, handing over the containers anyway. “And you shoved me.” 

      “Blah blah blah, semantics,” Oikawa said piling up the containers and bringing them into the kitchen. He dumped them into the sink with the thought that he’d wash them later and went back into the living room. Iwaizumi said righted himself on the couch but was now laying down on his phone, with his head resting on the armrest and his legs stretched out in front of him crossed at the ankles. “Comfortable?” he asked walking over. 

      “Actually, yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded, placing his phone down on his chest and resting his hands behind his head. 

      “Hmpf,” Oikawa hummed. He uncrossed Iwaizumi’s legs and spread them just enough so that he could kneel between them. 

      “Wha–” Iwaizumi began as Oikawa laid down against him, resting his head on Iwaizumi’s chest and hooking his feet on the other armrest. He shifted a bit until he found a position he was comfortable in, with his left hand tucked under his cheek on Iwaizumi’s chest and his right hand tucked under Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Letting out a deep exhale, Oikawa settled in comfortably. “Comfortable?”

      “Actually, yeah,” Oikawa grinned, tilting his head up to look at Iwaizumi’s face. 

      “Hmpf,” Iwaizumi hummed, with a small smirk. He wrapped his right arm slowly around Oikawa’s back as he grabbed the remote with his left. “Do you have all three here?” 

      “Yeah, I have the digital versions of all of them,” Oikawa nodded. 

      “I still think it’s weird that you would watch these so much,” Iwaizumi said. “I thought you were a sci-fy guy.” 

      “I’m not so one dimensional you know,” Oikawa chastised. “Now play the damn movie.” 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi said softly, pressing play. 

      Oikawa wasn’t sure how long through the Return of the King he actually lasted before he fell asleep. Not that it wasn’t strange for them to fall asleep midway through a movie or show. In fact, nearly every time in the past month since they had been regularly going to each other’s apartments to watch movies and “hang out,” one of them has fallen asleep at some point. The first time Iwaizumi came over to Oikawa’s apartment, Oikawa had just come off a very long grueling day in the ER and promptly fell asleep only 20 minutes into Alien, much to Iwaizumi’s surprise and Oikawa’s disappointment. And only last weekend, after staying late to work on a chest piece on a client, Iwaizumi had fallen asleep during in the middle of Godzilla to which, when he awoke during the credits, became so disappointed Oikawa went back and rewatched the scenes he fell asleep for with him. Needless to say, that when Oikawa awoke to the tail end of the credits of Return of the King, with a sleeping Iwaizumi under him, he wasn’t exactly surprised. 

      As quietly and carefully as possible, Oikawa reached over and grabbed the remote off the floor and turned off the TV. He then gingerly got up and sat back on his heels, stretching and cracking his neck from being twisted for hours. Even in the dark of the apartment, Oikawa could see Iwaizumi’s sleeping face in the glow from the streetlamps outside. 

_       He’s so beautiful. _

      Trying his best not to wake Iwaizumi up, Oikawa got up off the couch. Oikawa shuffled into the bathroom as quietly as he could. When he walked back into the living room, he grabbed his phone and saw that it was just past midnight. 

      “Shit,” Oikawa sighed under his breath. “I’m probably going to have to wake him.” 

      “It’s ok, I’m already awake,” Iwaizumi breathed stretching on the couch. “What time is it? It’s late right?”

      “Just past midnight,” Oikawa said quietly. 

      “Right,” Iwaizumi groaned sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “I should go.” 

      “But didn’t you walk here? You shouldn’t walk all the way back home now, it’s too late,” Oikawa said. 

      “I’m not a little kid, I can walk home, you know,” Iwaizumi smirked. 

      “I—I know,” Oikawa faltered. “But at least let me drive you home then.” 

      “No way, it’s fine,” Iwaizumi yawned. “You shouldn’t drive, you’re too tired.” 

      “But so are you,” Oikawa insisted. 

      “I’ll be fine,” Iwaizumi smiled standing up. “Seriously.”

      “No I—I...” Oikawa racked his brain searching for what he actually wanted to say. “Why don’t you just stay? I don’t have work tomorrow so I won’t be rushing you out.” 

      “Are...are you sure?” Iwaizumi asked cautiously. “I seriously can just walk home.” 

      “No, no. Stay, I’m serious,” Oikawa nodded. 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi agreed. “Uh, do have an extra blanket or something?”

      “What?”

      “Like for the couch?” Iwaizumi said gesturing to the couch behind him. “I get cold.” 

      “You could just share with me,” Oikawa said like it was obvious. 

      “Yeah...” 

      “Ok confession, my blankets are really dirty right now,” Oikawa laughed. “Like, not the ones on my bed. Those are like, my last clean sheets. I need to do so much laundry.” 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi chuckled. “I totally get that.” 

      “Yeah it’s kind of embarrassing, but it’s like I come home and I can go do laundry and cry, or eat and sleep,” Oikawa laughed. “It’s kind of a no brainer.” 

      “I’m the same,” Iwaizumi nodded with a small smile. 

      “Good to know,” Oikawa smiled softly. “So, I’m kind of exhausted. Want to go to sleep right now?” 

      “Yes please,” Iwaizumi responded.  

      Oikawa walked them towards his bedroom, glad he had put away the pile of clothes he had been sleeping next to for a week. He went into his dresser and pulled out a clean t-shirt and offered it to Iwaizumi who took it with a smile. 

      “Hopefully that one fits you,” Oikawa said pulling out one for himself as well. “You know how muscular you are and how petite I am.” 

      “You’re never going to let me live that down are you?” Iwaizumi sighed, unbuttoning his flannel shirt. 

      “Nope,” Oikawa smirked shaking his head. He pulled his sweater over his head and tossed it on the pile of dirty clothes in his overflowing hamper. “See I wasn’t kidding about all the laundry.” 

      “Oh I believe you. You should see how much dirty clothes I have piled up,” Iwaizumi said taking off his shirt and folding it. “I thought I would get more responsible after college. Turns out I just had more money to buy more clothes.” 

      “Totally,” Oikawa grinned pulling on the t-shirt. He unbuttoned his jeans and placed them in the hamper. “I’ll get you a spare toothbrush, I’m pretty sure I have one.” Averting his eyes when he saw Iwaizumi go for the zipper on his jeans, Oikawa walked into the bathroom. “Yeah I have one here,” he called setting the new toothbrush on the counter of the bathroom sink. 

      “Thanks, I’ll be there in a second,” Iwaizumi called from the bedroom. 

      Oikawa couldn’t help but feel a weird pang of domesticity as he began to brush his teeth. There was just something about them getting ready for bed without the subtext of having sex or even anything sexual that was so nice and comforting to Oikawa. And as Iwaizumi came into the bathroom and stood behind him in nothing but his boxers and the shirt he had given him to wear, and brushed his teeth making small eye contact with him in the mirror, Oikawa couldn’t help but feel like their actions and them doing little things like that, felt so normal and right.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY!!! finally updated!! i felt so bad that i hadn't updated in awhile that i was like "i'm gonna give three chapters"  
> now that i'm out of school (for good) i can have a waaaayyyyyy more regular updating pattern. no more months in between. again i'm really sorry about that.  
> but yay!! Oikawa and Iwa hanging out! and Kags and Hinata are in this chapter! and Aiko!!

     

* * *

      “You know you didn’t actually have to drive me home, I was more than happy to walk,” Iwaizumi said from the passenger seat in Oikawa’s car.

      “Nonsense,” Oikawa dismissed him for the tenth time. “I wasn’t going to make you walk home when I have a perfectly good car that is capable of driving you back.”

      “I know I’m just stating for the record, I would have walked,” Iwaizumi said.

      “It has been noted in the official record,” Oikawa said sarcastically as he stopped at a stoplight. “And now just enjoy the free ride.”

      “Ok, ok,” Iwaizumi said putting up his hands in surrender. Oikawa gave him a smug smile.

      “I knew you’d see it my way,” Oikawa smirked as he drove forward. “Plus I have to go over in that direction anyway. I have to do my biweekly ‘Hinata Apology’ since I missed yesterday.”

      “Ah, right. I forgot,” Iwaizumi laughed. “And how is that going for you?”

      “Well I’ve spent more on baked goods than I ever have in my entire life, I’ve actually gained 4 pounds because of it, and Hinata still hates me so...” Oikawa sighed, making a right turn onto Iwaizumi’s block. “About as well as I thought it was going to go, to be perfectly honest.”

      “It’s still nice that you’re even trying,” Iwaizumi said. “I’m sure he sees that.”

      “No he doesn’t,” Oikawa exhaled heavily. “He sees the guy who tried to steal his boyfriend and then sent said boyfriend into mental state of perpetual panic.”

      “Kageyama is not in a perpetual state of panic,” Iwaizumi said shaking his head. “He’s...just...a bit fragile.”

      “Luckily I’m like a sledgehammer,” Oikawa said sarcastically as he pulled up into front of Sovereign Tattoos. “A beautiful, but destructive sledgehammer.”

      “Yeah ok,” Iwaizumi laughed, unbuckling himself. “I’ll see you later sledgehammer.”

      “Of course,” Oikawa sighed watching him get out of the car. “See you later.”

      “I’ll call you,” Iwaizumi smiled as he closed the door behind him. Oikawa waited until he saw him round the corner and enter into his apartment before he let out a loud heavy sigh. Smacking his head forward, Oikawa hit his forehead against the horn on the steering wheel scaring himself with the sudden noise. He quickly lifted his head looking around to make sure no one saw him before he put the car back into drive and turned the car around.

      By the time he pulled up in front of Kageyama and Hinata’s apartment building, Oikawa didn’t want to go inside. Looking up at the looming building he contemplated turning the car around, showing up at Iwaizumi’s apartment, and kissing him into oblivion like he should have done last night, and this morning, and before Iwaizumi got out of the car and everyday before that since Valentine’s day.

      Getting out of the car, Oikawa took a deep breath before making his way to the front door. He hated admitting that sometimes his anxiety got the best of him, but there were a lot of instances where Oikawa felt like he'd rather deal with the fallout instead of trying to correct it. But most of the time, like today, he would push through the churning in his gut and do what he knew he had to. By the time he had gotten up to their floor and was knocking on the door, Oikawa was already dreading whatever interaction he was going to have with Hinata.

      “Hello—oh it's you,” Hinata frowned as he opened the door.

      “Hi, I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd just stop by. Say hello and stuff,” Oikawa said plastering on what he hoped was a friendly smile.

      “You said hello, duly noted. Goodbye now,” Hinata said going to close the door quickly.

      “Shou, who's at the door?” Kageyama's voice asked from inside. Oikawa could see the frustration bubble on Hinata's face as Kageyama walked over and opened the door more to look outside. “Oh hey, Oikawa.”

      “Hey,” Oikawa said, feeling his smile becoming more real.

      “Would you like to come in for a bit?” Kageyama offered gesturing inside.

      “Yeah sure,” Oikawa nodded stepping in past Hinata who was frowning heavily.

      “It's kinda messy because we've been helping Aiko with her project all weekend so just ignore the mess,” Kageyama said motioning to the stacks of construction paper and piles of paper chain links littering the floor of the living room.

      “It's totally fine,” Oikawa said taking off his shoes and unbuttoning his jacket.

      “Dr Oikawa!” Aiko shouted happily. He looked up to see Aiko running from her bedroom over to him, her short brown hair bouncing around her ears. Taking running jump, she leapt into his arms and he caught her easily, now entirely used to her exuberant hellos.

      “Hey Aiko,” Oikawa said sitting the five year old on his hip. “How are you?”

      “Perfect now that you're here,” she giggled wrapping her tiny arms around his neck.

      “You know I was thinking the same thing about you,” Oikawa smiled at her. “You're my favorite Kageyama.”

      “I know,” she grinned.

      “So did you come here for any particular reason or…?” Hinata said clearly not pleased that he was there.

      “Oh you know, just to say hello,” Oikawa said smiling at Aiko who beamed up at him.

      “Right,” Hinata said tightly before walking into the kitchen.

      “Wait dad! You said I could help with the cooking!” Aiko said climbing down from Oikawa's grasp and running into the kitchen after him.

      “He still hates me,” Oikawa sighed looking over at Kageyama.

      “No,” Kageyama said weakly. “Hate...is a strong word. Maybe… Dislike. A lot of dislike.”

      “Eh, getting better then,” Oikawa shrugged. “Maybe by this time next year he might actually tolerate me.”

      “I live and dream,” Kageyama chuckled. “Here sit,” he said gesturing to the couch that had little pieces of cut construction paper and two pairs of scissors on it. “Wait hold on let me move this.” Kageyama quickly gathered all the craft supplies and put them on a pile on the floor.

      “Making paper chains?” Oikawa said looking at the lengthy chain coiled on the floor.

      “Yeah,” Kageyama sighed looking at the paper. “Aiko's school is having some… Parents Night thing…” He shrugged sitting on the floor organizing the loose papers. “Honestly I'm not sure. Sometimes she comes home telling me all these things and if I paid strict attention to everything she said I'd lose my mind.”

      “Parent night huh?” Oikawa said watching Kageyama adjust the papers. “And you're making paper chains because…?”

      “Kiyoko— Aiko’s teacher, put each of them in charge of something else. Aiko was one of the kids in charge of decorations, that's why all this,” he gestured around at all the paper chains. “I wanted to buy some streamers and call it a day, but noooooo.”

      “No?” Oikawa smirked.

      “No,” Kageyama frowned. “ _We have to make it daddy_ ,” he said mimicking Aiko's tiny high pitched voice, rolling his eyes. “So this how I've spent my weekend.”

      “All weekend?” Oikawa laughed.

      “All weekend,” Kageyama said flatly closing his eyes in annoyance. “And we still have another 200 feet to make.”

      “Ok, give me a scissor,” Oikawa said moving to sit on the floor. He unbuttoned his coat and tossed it on the couch behind him.

      “What?” Kageyama said looking at him confused.

      “Give me the scissor,” Oikawa said again. “I'm gonna help.”

      “No, you don't have to,” Kageyama shook his head.

      “Dude, hand me the freaking the scissor,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. With a small smile, Kageyama handed him one of the scissors and a small stack of construction paper. “Thank you.”

      “Glue is over there when you need it,” Kageyama smirked, pointing the few glue bottles haphazardly placed on the floor. Taking his own pair of scissors and a piece of paper, Kageyama began working again. “Thanks,” he said quietly. Oikawa looked up at him above his nose.

      The picture in front of him was so heartwarmingly domestic that Oikawa actually felt his face blush. Large, heavily tattooed Kageyama with his piercings and superficially surly personality was sat in the floor cutting out paper chains for his kindergartener’s class. The juxtaposition was so incredible that Oikawa actually paused what he was doing to watch him for a moment.

      But for the first time, seeing Kageyama do something so endearing didn't make him absolutely melt with affection for him. Sure, Oikawa felt affection for him, he loved him. And yet, watching those deft tattooed hands carefully cut out strips of paper, only made him think of another pair of tattooed hands. Ones that he saw only this morning when he awoke from a deep sleep on the bed next to him. A pair of hands that carefully cracked eggs and cooked them breakfast. Hands that looked so rough and strong, but when they landed on the small of his back as they waited in the elevator he could feel how soft and delicate they were.

_I miss him_

      “Hello? Earth to Oikawa?” Kageyama said waving his scissor free hand in front of Oikawa's face. “Are you alive in there? I've been talking to you for like two minutes and you've just been staring at my hands doing nothing.”

      “Oh, sorry,” Oikawa blinked. “Sorry I spaced out for a second.”

      “I hope you don't do that during surgery,” Kageyama smirked.

      “I'm not completely incompetent,” Oikawa scowled going back to cutting the paper.

      “No, not completely,” Kageyama said.

      “Shut up,” Oikawa laughed rolling his eyes.

      “So anyway as I was saying,” Kageyama continued. “I thought you'd like to hear about me attending my first Parent Association meeting.”

      “I literally would love nothing more than to hear about that,” Oikawa said earnestly unable to contain his excitement. “Tell me everything.”

      “So as you know,” Kageyama began with a sigh glueing together the paper into links. “I've been avoiding going to one of those meetings.”

      “Yes,” Oikawa nodded reaching for a bottle of glue.

      “Well apparently this one had _strongly recommended attendance_ so Hinata forced me to go,” Kageyama frowned as he concentrated on making the links even in shape. “Because it was about…” He lifted his head and thought for a moment. “Actually, I still don't know what it was about.”

      “Amazing,” Oikawa chuckled creating a long link of chains.

      “Well anyway that doesn't matter,” Kageyama waved dismissively. “What matters is that I'm never going back to one.”

      “Aw why not?” Oikawa laughed.

      “Because it was horrible,” Kageyama grimaced. “All those moms eyeing me up like I was a piece of meat.” His body shook as if a chill had gone through him.

      “I thought you couldn't tell if people were flirting with you or not?” Oikawa smirked.

      “Normally, not really no,” Kageyama said grabbing more paper to cut up. “But these women…” he shook his head disappointedly.

      “I take it they were forward?” Oikawa said unable to contain his laughter.

      “No, forward is going up to someone and buying them a drink and then asking for their number,” Kageyama said. “Those moms were like… so… horny?”

      “Ew oh my god, please stop,” Oikawa said scrunching his face in disgust. “Tell me more.”

      “They just kept touching my shoulders and giving me compliments and all this weird creepy shit,” Kageyama frowned. “Plus that kept asking me if I was real Aiko's dad. Like what did they expect?”

      “Not someone as hot as you I guess,” Oikawa grinned. “Did you tell them you're gay?”

      “You try telling a bunch of horny older women that despite having a sex–created biological child, you have no interest in women,” Kageyama said.

      “Hard pass,” Oikawa said.

      “Exactly,” Kageyama exhaled heavily. “So yeah, I'm not going back. Too many people. Too many moms. Too much asking me if I _ever do tattoos on on anyone I'm interested in_. I thought I was gonna vomit.”

      “So you don't give Hinata tattoos as foreplay?” Oikawa joked.

      “No,” Kageyama laughed cutting more strips of paper for chain links. “He doesn't even have any tattoos.”

      “Really?” Oikawa asked surprised.

      “Yeah,” Kageyama said glancing up at Oikawa who was staring at him with mild surprise on his face. “What, does Iwaizumi give you tattoos before you guys bang?” he laughed.

      “No,” Oikawa frowned. “I don't have any tattoos. Plus we haven't banged yet,” he said tightly, mimicking Kageyama's word choice.

      “Seriously?” Kageyama asked incredulously.

      “Yeah,” Oikawa said not looking up from cutting the paper in his hands.

      “I would have thought that you guys would have been going at it like bunnies by now,” Kageyama shrugged. “I sure thought so by the way that Iwaizumi has been practically _giddy_ this past month.”

      “Iwa? Giddy?” Oikawa repeated dubiously.

      “Like a schoolgirl with a crush,” Kageyama teased.

      “Now I know you're lying,” Oikawa scoffed, his face betraying how much that image of Iwaizumi affected him.

      “He likes you I don't understand why you don't just tell him how you actually feel about him,” Kageyama sighed glueing more paper links together.

      “Because I… I can't just tell him _oh I like you and I want to have sex with you lots_ ,” Oikawa frowned. “Not after…” He gulped and pointedly did not look up at Kageyama.

      “I will never understand you,” Kageyama shook his head.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY it feels so good to be back! and with more regular updates!!   
> i've read all the comments so far i'm like drowning in my own tears because your kind words are too much for my tiny heart to handle. thank you guys so much!!!

* * *

      Oikawa had no intention of answering his phone. He had already ignored the five or six text messages he had gotten over the past half hour. There was nothing that could make Oikawa get up from where he was. 

      Sitting cross legged on Iwaizumi's couch, Oikawa was working through the tight muscles on the back of Iwaizumi's neck with his hands. Iwaizumi, who was sat on the floor in front of the couch, was reading aloud the descriptions of all the one star movies he found on Netflix. Gently working the tension out of his neck, Oikawa smiled as Iwaizumi read another synopsis off the television. 

      “So this film, it's apparently—oh shit yeah right there— it's apparently a documentary about bronies,” Iwaizumi said bending his head a bit forward so Oikawa could massage along his neck. 

      “Bronies?” Oikawa laughed. “There's a documentary on that already?”  Getting no response to his question, he tilted his head down to look at Iwaizumi's face, his hands stilling on his neck. “Iwa?” 

      “No, why'd you stop?” Iwaizumi whined nudging Oikawa's crossed legs with his elbow. “That felt really good.”

      “Thank you,” Oikawa smiled proudly. He continued gently massaging Iwaizumi's neck and shoulders. He felt Iwaizumi sigh happily under his hands. “Feeling better?”

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi breathed, rolling his neck to the side. “Thank you for this. My neck was killing me.”

      “Well that's what happens when you're hunched over all day,” Oikawa said working through a particularly tight knot at the base of his neck. He looked down at his fingers and trailed his thumb over the red tattoo lines extending out from under Iwaizumi’s flannel shirt and up his neck. 

_       I always want to ask him about his tattoos _

      “You're really good—ah shit— really good at this,” Iwaizumi said whining as Oikawa dug the flat of his thumb into the side of his neck under his ear. He glanced down at the snake tattoos winding up Iwaizumi’s forearms.  

_       I wonder how much of him is covered in tattoos _

      “Thanks,” Oikawa smiled. “I actually—” the sound of his phone vibrating on the coffee table cut him off. He looked at it hoping it would just stop vibrating because he didn't want a reason to let go of Iwaizumi. 

      “Aren't you gonna answer it?” Iwaizumi asked tilting his head back to look at Oikawa. 

      “Who is it?” Oikawa said motioning with his chin at the caller ID.

      “It's says uh...there’s a bald old man emoji then it says Yaku then a baby emoji,” Iwaizumi said leaning forward to look at the vibrating phone. 

      “Ugh oh my god give me the phone,” Oikawa sighed taking his hands off Iwaizumi's neck and reaching forward. Iwaizumi grabbed the phone and put it in his hand. With a frown, Oikawa swiped to answer and brought the phone up to his ear. “What do you want Yaku?”

      “Would a green tie work with a blue shirt? I'm in the mall and I have so many questions but I hate asking the staff,” Yaku said on the other end. 

      “Um...ok,” Oikawa said surprised by its randomness. “What kind of blue and what kind of green?”

      “Like a… Navy? I guess? And maybe a...it says it's dark forest green,” Yaku said. 

      “No they would not work together,” Oikawa shook his head. Iwaizumi turned around in place on the floor and was leaning his arm on Oikawa's crossed legs looking up at him. “Find a different tie. Red could work.”

      “But my suit is gray is that ok?” Yaku asked. Oikawa could hear the shuffling of Yaku walking around the department store. 

      “Yeah that's fine,” Oikawa sighed. He watched Iwaizumi roll his neck. Gesturing for him to spin around and sit back the way he was, Oikawa took the phone from his ear and put it on speaker, placing it on the couch next to him. “Yaku you're on speaker,” he said loud enough for him to hear as he began massaging Iwaizumi's neck again. 

      “Oh, why? What are you doing?” Yaku asked. 

      “My hands are busy,” Oikawa responded circling his thumbs on Iwaizumi's shoulders. 

      “Ew you're not masturbating right?” Yaku grimaced. 

      “No!” Oikawa cried. Iwaizumi let out a short laugh. 

      “Is there someone there with you?” Yaku questioned. 

      “Yeah it's Iwaizumi, I'm at his apartment.”

      “Hey,” Iwaizumi said leaning towards the phone. 

      “Now I really don't want to know why your hands are busy,” Yaku groaned. 

      “Oh my god, why are you asking about clothing advice?” Oikawa asked getting impatient. 

      “Cause this is the only time I have available to get clothes for the swanky fundraiser thingy,” Yaku said. 

      “The fundraiser?” Oikawa asked confused. “What swanky fundraiser?”

      “The Hospital Fundraiser? The casino night thing,” Yaku explained. 

      “I literally have no idea what you're talking about,” Oikawa said flatly, his hands paused on Iwaizumi's neck. Iwaizumi turned around looking at him curiously.  

      “Oikawa, where have you been?” Yaku huffed. “Akiteru has been non stop about it for weeks.”

      “I just I've been—” Oikawa caught Iwaizumi's eye for a split second, “busy.”

      “Well it's next next Saturday,” Yaku said. “Don't forget again.”

      “I can't forget again cause this is the first time hearing about it,” Oikawa frowned. 

      “Yeah ok,” Yaku laughed incredulously. “ _ Anyway _ , I have another question for you but you're not allowed to make fun of me or judge me or do that thing where you repeat what I say like a question laced with judgement and sarcasm.”

      “What— I don't do that!” Oikawa huffed offended. He looked down at Iwa for confirmation. Iwaizumi gave him a wincing smile and tilted his hand side to side with a shrug. “Unbelievable.”

      “Right so,” Yaku continued. “Do I get a matching tie that goes with my suit or do I not alter what he's wearing?”

      “What he’s wearing? Oh is this for your baby boyfriend?” Oikawa smirked waiting for Yaku’s eventual groan. 

      “That’s the thing, you’re doing it right now. And he's not a baby you asshole, he's an adult,” Yaku said dryly. Iwa looked at Oikawa with confusion. 

      “Yaku's dating a 20 year old,” Oikawa whispered to Iwaizumi who nodded in understanding. “Of course he is an adult,” Oikawa said loud enough so Yaku could hear, shaking his head at Iwaizumi who held back laughter. 

      “Are you gonna answer my question or what?” 

      “Get him a tie,” Oikawa said. “Lord knows what he has by way  of nice formal wear.”

      “Yeah good idea,” Yaku agreed. “Ok that's all I wanted. Maybe if you answered my thousand texts I wouldn't have to call you and interrupt your date.”

      “It's–it's not a date,” Oikawa stammered glancing at Iwaizumi who was smirking at his embarrassment. “You're  _ on speaker _ .” 

      “I know,” Yaku said smugly. “See you tomorrow.” Oikawa heard him hang up and he quickly reached over and grabbed the phone and locked it. 

      “I hate him,” Oikawa frowned turning his phone over in the couch. 

      “So a reason to get dressed up all fancy that you didn't know about?” Iwaizumi asked getting up from the floor. 

      “Yeah I really don't remember Akiteru telling me that at all,” Oikawa said uncrossing his legs. “But apparently it's in like…” he paused to count, “ten days.”

      “Akiteru?” Iwaizumi said adjusting the waistband of his sweatpants. 

      “Yeah he's the hospital director,” Oikawa said leaning back on the couch fighting the urge to look at the strip of skin between the waistband and the black Pacific Rim t-shirt Iwaizumi was wearing. 

      “Ah,” Iwaizumi nodded picking up their empty glasses from the coffee table. “So are you  gonna go? To the fundraiser casino thing I mean.”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa sighed. “If I don't, Akiteru will just look at me all sad like for like a month. Plus the interns are probably expecting me to go so I kind of have to I guess.”

      “Interns?” Iwaizumi asked with a smirk walking over into his kitchen. “You have interns?” 

      “Yup, in our internship program,” Oikawa said tilting his head back to look at Iwaizumi. “Medical school is still all fresh in their heads and they’re filled to the brim with textbook definitions and I hate them.” 

      “You must be a fun boss,” Iwaizumi chuckled rinsing out their glasses in the sink. 

      “The fun-est,” Oikawa grinned. 

      There was a long pause as Oikawa watched Iwaizumi put a way the leftover food he had made them for dinner. Wednesday nights weren’t their usual day for hanging especially since they both had work the next day. But right as Oikawa was coming off the end of a long 7–7 shift where he had been thrown up on, yelled at by several patients, and shoved by a very burly older woman, he received a phone call from a tired sounding Iwaizumi asking if he wanted to come over for dinner. It took him less than a second to accept. 

      By the time he had arrived at Iwaizumi’s apartment, the smell of food had begun drifting down the stairs leading up to the front door and Oikawa realized how hungry he really was. Still in his work clothes, Oikawa loosened his tie and sat down with Iwaizumi eating dinner, feeling the stress of the day melt off him. Coming back from work, able to just talk to him and relax, felt so amazing. And now, lounging in the comfy (if just a bit large on him) clothes that Iwaizumi gave him to wear, watching Iwaizumi make them some hot cocoa, Oikawa had a fleeting thought the he could definitely get used to this. 

      “So,” Oikawa said breaking the silence as he walked over to the breakfast counter. “Are you busy next Saturday?”

      “I work on Saturdays remember?” Iwaizumi said glancing over at him as he stirred in chocolate into the pot with milk. 

      “Yeah, I meant like after,” Oikawa said, carefully walking around the counter and coming to stand next to Iwaizumi as he stirred, leaning against the stove. “Like that night.” 

      “Well I usually hang out with you,” Iwaizumi said nonchalantly. Feeling that twisting in his gut again, Oikawa fought the urge to kiss him. 

      “Want to hang out with me at the Hospital Fundraiser?” Oikawa asked with a grin. Iwaizumi’s hand stilled for a moment. “It could be fun.”

      “You want me to go with you?” Iwaizumi asked turning off the stove. He looked up at Oikawa with a level of hesitance. Despite his reserved exterior, Oikawa could see the level nervousness that lay underneath.

      “Yeah,” Oikawa said hoping his unwavering smile showed Iwaizumi he was dead serious. Staring at him for a moment, Iwaizumi then turned away to grab two mugs from the mug rack on the counter. 

      “Do I have to dress up nice and stuff?” Iwaizumi asked pouring the hot cocoa into two mugs. 

      “Well, yeah,” Oikawa laughed. 

      “Hmph,” Iwaizumi grunted, sliding a mug over to Oikawa. 

      “So you’ll come?” Oikawa asked hopefully, taking the mug in his hands. He watched Iwaizumi frown as he took the other mug in his hand and brought it to his lips. 

      “I don’t have any nice fancy clothes,” Iwaizumi mumbled taking a sip. 

      “Then we’ll just have to go shopping on Saturday,” Oikawa grinned. 

      “Oh great. I’m so excited. I love clothes shopping,” Iwaizumi said dryly. He glared up at Oikawa who was smiling happily at him. “Fine. I’ll go. We’ll...go...clothes shopping.”

      “Yay,” Oikawa cheered watching Iwaizumi grumpily drink his hot cocoa. “Oh and, Lactaid pill.” 

      “Fuck,” Iwaizumi swore, spitting out the milk he had just drunk.

* * *

 

      “Are they going to have to like...take measurements or something?” Iwaizumi asked as they walked into the suit store. 

      “Yeah probably,” Oikawa smirked. He looked around the surprisingly busy store. It’s high ceilings were filled with wooden shelves and racks stacked neatly with blazers and ties and folded shirts in a variety of colors and patterns and fabrics. A quick glance at Iwaizumi told Oikawa all he needed to know about how uncomfortable he felt. Oikawa felt the now very familiar twisting in his gut as he thought about how Iwaizumi was doing this for him. 

      “Hi, can I help you?” They both turned to the sales clerk who walked up next to him. 

      “Actually yes,” Oikawa said before Iwaizumi could decline. “He needs a formal suit, something comfortable and not too restrictive but still sharp.” 

      “Not really a suit wearer?” the clerk asked smiling at Iwaizumi. Oikawa saw him glance down at Iwaizumi’s outfit of black boots, dark jeans, black Slayer pullover, and black bomber jacket 

      “No, not really,” Iwaizumi said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck self consciously. “Is it that obvious?” 

      “No,” Oikawa said placatingly, patting Iwaizumi’s shoulder lightly. “I mean, yeah kind of.” Iwaizumi frowned at him.

      “It’s ok,” the clerk smiled. “We’ll find you a suit that you’ll love.”

* * *

 

      “I hate this,” Iwaizumi said from inside of the changing room. 

      “Let me at least just see this one,” Oikawa said rolling his eyes. Sitting outside the dressing room on the plush bench just outside the door, Oikawa leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees with his chin in his hand. “It’s probably not bad at all.”

      “It is, I look ridiculous,” Iwaizumi said muffled by the door. 

      “I highly doubt that,” Oikawa said shaking his head. “Just show me.” There was a long pause. “Iwa?” 

      “Fine. Don’t laugh,” Iwaizumi said tightly. 

      “I won’t I promise,” Oikawa said sitting up. He heard the faint click of the dressing room door unlock before it slowly opened. Holding his breath in anticipation, he watched as Iwaizumi’s tattooed hands opened the door. Taking a tentative step out, Iwaizumi opened the door completely and stepped out towards Oikawa. “Fuck,” Oikawa breathed. 

      Feeling his mouth go dry, Oikawa’s eyes trailed up Iwaizumi’s legs up to his broad shoulders. Iwaizumi stood in front of Oikawa in slick, tailored black pants that hugged his waist and sat perfectly on his hips. Tucked in neatly into his pants was a crisp white shirt that stretched so temptingly across his muscular chest and arms. The collar was buttoned up all the way giving just a glimpse of the red lines of his tattoo peeking up the side of his neck. 

      “I look ridiculous,” Iwaizumi said embarrassed, fidgeting slightly in place. 

      “You…” Oikawa began, his voice low and rough. Coughing slightly to clear his throat, Oikawa tried to swallow but his mouth was as dry as his mind was blank. “You look really…” 

      “Stupid,” Iwaizumi frowned. “I’m going to take—”

      “Hot, you look really hot,” Oikawa blurted quickly before Iwaizumi could step back into the dressing room. Iwaizumi looked at him, blinking blankly. “Does it have a jacket?”

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi said distantly. Somewhat clumsily, Iwaizumi turned back around and reached into the dressing room and pulled out a dark green velvet blazer. “It’s um… this.” Slipping it on, the smooth rich material slid over him hugging the curves and valleys of his arms. Adjusting it on his shoulders, Iwaizumi carefully moved the satin lapels to sit flat against his chest, buttoning the sole button. Once he had finished pulling it on, he looked up at Oikawa was a hesitance that was like an arrow through Oikawa’s heart. “So…” 

      “Fuck,” Oikawa said nodding his head. “So what’s the reason you don’t wear suits every day? Because if money is the answer I would be willing to buy you a wardrobe of suits.” 

      “Fuck off,” Iwaizumi said blushing slightly. 

      “No I’m serious,” Oikawa chuckled. “Damn Iwaizumi. You look amazing.” 

      “I feel ridiculous,” Iwazumi pouted looking at himself in the large three way mirror in the dressing room. 

      “Ok but you look amazing,” Oikawa smirked, trailing his eyes down to the curve of Iwaizumi’s ass as he turned to look at himself. “Like seriously amazing.” Iwaizumi turned around to glare at Oikawa who had to quickly lift his eyes up to his face. 

      “And you’re not messing with me right?” Iwaizumi said suspiciously. 

      “Why would I do that?” Oikawa said incredulously. 

      “No, you’re right,” Iwaizumi sighed, turning back to the mirror. “I’ll get this one.” 

      “You don’t want to try a few others on?” Oikawa asked eyeing at the rack of clothes the clerk had pulled for him. 

      “Not even a little bit,” Iwaizumi said horrified. “No if this one looks fine, I’m getting it and we’re done.”  

      “You sure?” Oikawa asked. 

      “Completely,” Iwaizumi said. He closed the dressing room door and Oikawa could hear the muffled sounds of him undressing. 

      “So how is everything going?” the clerk asked walking over to Oikawa. 

      “Great, in fact he found the suit he wanted,” Oikawa said, hearing Iwaizumi huff quietly behind the closed door. 

      “Oh that’s fantastic,” he said happily. “So I’ll just see you over to the register when you’re ready.” 

      “Of course, thank you,” Oikawa smiled. He watched the clerk gather the other clothes on the rack and push them towards the store floor to put them back. After a few minutes, he faintly heard the dressing room door open again, and he turned to see Iwaizumi zipping up his jeans. 

      “Here,” Iwaizumi said tossing Oikawa his boots who barely just caught them. He walked over and shoved at Oikawa to move over on the plush bench. “I need to sit to put this on.” 

      “Don’t throw your nasty boots at me,” Oikawa said with a frown. Iwaizumi took them from him and began to pull them on, sending him a shit eating grin. 

      “Can we go buy something now that doesn’t require me to put on various constricting outfits?” Iwaizumi asked, tying the laces on his boots. 

      “Aw damn, there goes my idea of the sex shop,” Oikawa pouted facetiously, watching a spectacular eye roll from Iwaizumi. “Yes, food. I know you want food.”

      “I want food,” Iwaizumi nodded.

* * *

 

      “Ugh yes, finally. I’m starving,” Iwaizumi said taking a bite of his burger. Closing his eyes as he chewed, he leaned back against his couch chewing happily. 

      “And you say I’m obnoxious,” Oikawa frowned as he sat down on the floor. Crossing his legs, he pulled out the rest of their take out onto Iwaizumi’s coffee table. 

      “You are,” Iwaizumi said around the burger as he leaned forward and took another huge bite. “I was just really hungry.” 

      “You're always hungry,” Oikawa laughed taking out his salad container. 

      “True,” Iwaizumi shrugged. “But you also feed me all the time so…”

      “I do, or at least I try to,” Oikawa said grabbing a fork from the bag. 

      “You do, you're so good to me,” Iwaizumi said in an overly happy manner. The twisting in Oikawa's gut came back in full force. 

      “Well someone has to,” Oikawa said proudly, mixing his salad together. “I'm here for you, you know.” Smiling up at Iwaizumi Oikawa heard the sound he'd come to dread; a quiet meow. A soft nuzzling at his back told him it was exactly what he thought it was. 

      “It appears you're not the only one here,” Iwaizumi smirked watching his fluffy orange cat Yamarashi rub up against Oikawa. 

      “Ugh please don't do this you hairball,” Oikawa groaned. “You're going to make my throat close up.”  

      “No actually, here hold on,” Iwaizumi said setting down his burger. Quickly wiping his hands on a napkin and jogged over to his bathroom. Coming back a few seconds later he tossed Oikawa a small pill bottle as he plopped down on the couch. 

      “Allergy medication?” Oikawa said reading the label of the generic brand medication. He looked up at Iwaizumi who was smiling down at him. “You bought me this?”

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi said like it was no big deal. “I felt bad with you getting all stuffy and sneezy when you come here, and I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable when you're here. So you know...I mean I don't know if that'll work for you. And it just occurred to me that you're a doctor and I probably should have asked you first before—”

      “Thank you,” Oikawa said. “This is exactly what I needed.” He opened the bottle and took out two pills. Grabbing his water bottle, he easily downed the two pills. “Now Yamarashi isn’t going to kill me.” As if on cue, he crawled into Oikawa’s lap and nestled himself there. 

      “He likes you,” Iwaizumi smirked. 

      “Just my luck,” Oikawa exhaled, petting the cat in his lap. 

      “So… which movie today?” Iwaizumi asked watching Oikawa pet his cat. 

      “Whatever you want,” Oikawa hoisting the cat out of his lap. He stood up and moved his food over to the other side of the coffee table so he could sit next to Iwaizumi on the sectional. “You get to pick since you went through that trauma of shopping today.” 

      “That was traumatic,” Iwaizumi said shifting slightly so Oikawa could lean against his side. 

      “Well then I'll let you pick the movie, whatever you want,” Oikawa said reaching forward and grabbing his food before settling back against Iwaizumi, whose arm fell lightly over his shoulders. Yamarashi jumped onto the couch and curled up by Oikawa's feet. 

      “See? So good to me,” Iwaizumi smiled reaching over to grab the remote. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your comments have been so amazing!!!! I'm so happy there are people still reading this, i really thought i was going to lose readers for my long absence but thank you all for continuing to read!!

* * *

      “Since when do you own a Rolling Stones shirt?” Kageyama asked out of the blue, interrupting Oikawa mid story. They were sat at a small table in the SunFlour bakery just as there rush of people started to pick up in the early afternoon on Saturday. 

      “Oh this?” Oikawa said looking down at the white and red Rolling Stones shirt he was wearing. “It's not mine, it's Iwaizumi's.”

      “It's Iwaizumi's,” Kageyama repeated looking at him blankly. “So you guys are...together?”

      “What? No,” Oikawa shook his head. “No we're just friends.”

      “Just friends who... wear each other's clothes?” Kageyama said dubiously. 

      “Oh come on, you know me. I always steal people's clothes,” Oikawa defended.“I still have one of your sweaters. And somehow, even though I swore I gave everything back, I still have a shirt from Ushijima.”

      “Yeah but like…” Kageyama squinted at Oikawa. “You're just super casually wearing his clothes.”

      “Well I mean,” Oikawa looked for a way to defend himself. “It's just a shirt. Don't read so much into it.”

      “And those are his jeans,” Kageyama said looking under the table. 

      “Well, I needed pants,” Oikawa said obviously, self consciously covering the bleached ripped jeans he was wearing. 

      “And you guys aren't sleeping together?” Kageyama asked incredulously. 

      “Oh my god  _ no _ , we're not,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

      “Because Hinata wears my clothes all the time,” Kageyama said. “But we're fucking.”

      “Who's fucking?” Hinata asked walking over, setting a fresh cup of coffee on the small table. 

      “Not Iwaizumi and Oikawa,” Kageyama said placing his hand on his boyfriend's lower back. 

      “Hmm,” Hinata hummed noncommittally, making a knowing face. Oikawa could practically feel the dislike ebbing off Hinata towards him. 

      “No we're not,” Oikawa said trying to ignore Hinata's coldness. “We're just friends. Really good friends.”

      “Ok I'm sure you are,” Kageyama nodded sarcastically. “Tell me again what you're doing tonight.”

      “I'm…” Oikawa frowned heavily at him. “I'm going to the fundraiser for the Hospital.”

      “Ok, who's your plus one?”

      “...Iwaizumi,” Oikawa said reluctantly. 

      “Ah ok,” Kageyama nodded. “He bought a suit for you, the least you could do is suck his dick.”

      “Good lord,” Oikawa blinked. “I didn't think that was the rate of exchange nowadays.”

      “We always pay each other back in blow jobs,” Kageyama shrugged, rubbing Hinata's lower back with his hand. 

      “Please say that louder so my customers can hear you,” Hinata frowned looking down at Kageyama. 

      “Sorry,” Kageyama said sheepishly. 

      “I'm gonna take that as my cue to go,” Oikawa said getting up from the table. 

      “Here,” Hinata said sliding the coffee cup towards him. “It's for Iwaizumi.”

      “Oh, thank you,” Oikawa smiled at Hinata earning him, what he could only describe as not a frown. “I'll see you later guys,” Oikawa waved shrugging on his grey jacket and taking the cup. 

      It took him less than two minutes to walk over to Sovereign Tattoos, and in that time Oikawa grew more nervous than he had been all day. For the past week they had not only done their normal post-work coffee, but they've hung out every day. Either Oikawa or Iwaizumi would show up with dinner or food to cook at the others apartment, and they'd cook and eat and talk and watch movies and fall asleep on the couch with the movies still playing on the TV.

      Just that morning Oikawa had woken up facedown on Iwaizumi's chest on his sectional with the Netflix screen asking them if they were still watching the Twilight Zone. With no work and no where he needed to be until later that night, Oikawa lounged in Iwaizumi's apartment for awhile before coming down to hang out with him in his shop, dressed in whatever he found in the bin of clean laundry on top of Iwaizumi's dryer. Iwaizumi had given him an oddly happy smile when Oikawa had walked into the shop sometime in the mid morning wearing his Rolling Stones T-shirt and a pair of his ripped jeans folded up at the ankles. 

      By the time he had left to go do his biweekly Hinata apology, Iwaizumi had a consultation for a back piece and Oikawa told him he'd come back when he'd closed up. And just past closing, Oikawa pushed open the door and walked into the shop. 

      “He's still busy,” Kuroo said from behind the desk typing away at the computer. 

      “Oh ok,” Oikawa said walking over to the desk and setting the cup of coffee down. “Do you know when he'll be done?”

      “Um maybe like ten more minutes?” Kuroo said glancing up at him. 

      “Ok cool,” Oikawa nodded. He looked at the screen of the iMac that Kuroo was typing on. In a large window was dozens of lines of what looked like computer code. Looking down at Kuroo's fast typing fingers, Oikawa realized he was writing it all out himself. “Are you typing out code?”

      “Yeah it's for the website,” Kuroo said not lifting his eyes off the screen still typing away. 

      “Aren't there like...website or programs where you can build it with like...buttons or something? Widgets?” Oikawa asked. 

      “Yeah but where's the fun in that?” Kuroo smirked up at him. “This is a website building program, but you write out the code yourself.”

      “And it's that easy?” he said, looking at Kuroo’s fingers fly across the keyboard. 

      “Well for me, yeah,” Kuroo shrugged. 

      “Where did you learn how to write code?” Oikawa asked confused to how the piercer in Iwaizumi's shop would be able so knowledgeable about computer code. 

      “In college,” Kuroo said matter of factly. “I have a degree in computer engineering.”

      “Um what?” Oikawa asked flabbergasted. “Seriously?”

      “Yeah,” Kuroo said seriously looking up at him. “Surprised?”

      “I...yeah kinda,” Oikawa admitted. 

      “It's ok, I get it all the time,” Kuroo shrugged. “With all the piercings and tattoos people don't really think I graduated in the top ten of my class in computer engineering.”

      “I had no idea,” Oikawa said more than surprised. 

      “Don't worry about it,” Kuroo shrugged adjusting his septum. “I still do some freelance work here and there but body modification is where my heart truly lies,” Kuroo smirked. 

      “How much body modification do you even have?” Oikawa asked with morbid curiosity. 

      “A lot,” Kuroo grinned up at him. 

      “Don’t press any further or he’ll show you his dick,” Iwaizumi said walking out. 

      “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Kuroo said feigning hurt. 

      “Are you all done?” Oikawa asked ignoring Kuroo. 

      “Yeah, sorry the client left a little while ago but I had to finish the sketch while it was all still fresh in my head,” Iwaizumi said turning over the open sign to closed on the door. “Sorry you had to wait,” he apologized, coming over and placing his hand on the small of Oikawa’s back.

      “It’s fine,” Oikawa smiled, leaning into the touch. “I don’t mind waiting.” 

      “Oh my god, get a room,” Kuroo groaned. 

      “Go home,” Iwaizumi frowned at Kuroo. 

      “Oh trust me I am leaving,” he said saving his program and shutting down the computer. “I have my own someone waiting for me.” 

      “Yeah I’m sure,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Now get out of my shop.” 

      “You got it boss,” Kuroo nodded, grabbing his jacket off the coat rack. “See you Monday. Later Oikawa.” 

      “Bye,” Iwaizumi said closing the door behind him. Slumping against the door Iwaizumi let out a heavy sigh. “I love the guy, but I hate him you know?” 

      “I totally understand,” Oikawa agreed. 

      “So,” Iwaizumi began, standing up straight from the door. “When do we have to be ready for this thing?” 

      “Well, it starts a 8 but I’m thinking we could get there somewhere around 8:30ish,” Oikawa said, picking up the coffee cup off the desk. “This is for you by the way.” 

      “Oh god thank you,” Iwaizumi said taking the cup from his hands and drinking deeply from it. “So that gives us like what...7 hours to kill?” 

      “Thereabouts yeah,” Oikawa nodded propping himself up to sit on the desk. 

      “Want to take a nap?” Iwaizumi offered. 

      “Oh my god yes.”

* * *

 

      Waking up next to Iwaizumi was something that Oikawa had surprisingly gotten used to fairly quickly. Not once during one of their movie nights had they both stayed awake the entire time. Iwaizumi often joked about them being old men who can’t stay up past their bedtime. And waking up next to, or on top of, or just wrapped around each other had become their normal. 

      Opening his eyes to the sight of Yamarashi curled up on top of Iwaizumi’s chest who was sprawled out next to him on the large part of the sectional, immediately put Oikawa’s gut into a twist. It was so innocent; Iwaizumi's strong tattooed arms holding a small fluffy orange cat to his chest. Oikawa couldn’t help himself, he quietly pulled out his phone leaned over Iwaizumi, and took a picture of him. 

      “Oh my god, that’s perfect,” Oikawa whispered looking at the picture on his phone, as he at up on the couch. “It’s amazing.” 

      “What’s amazing?” Iwaizumi asked sleepily rubbing his eye lazily. 

      “Nothing,” Oikawa smiled innocently sliding his phone into the back pocket of Iwaizumi's jeans that he was still wearing. “Feeling better?” 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi said satisfiedly, petting Yamarashi on his chest. “I needed to sleep. I mean I love marathoning movies with you, but damn I need some sleep once in awhile.”

      “Sorry,” Oikawa said, worried that he was messing with Iwaizumi’s sleep. 

      “Wait no, that came out wrong,” Iwaizumi said sitting up, sliding Yamarashi into his lap. “I meant like, I keep trying to stay up with you because I want to spend time with you but in the process I’m not letting myself get the rest I need. Because I’m an idiot.”

      “Oh,” Oikawa said, feeling a small smile cross his face. “Then yeah, you’re an idiot.” 

      “Hey, you’re not supposed to agree,” Iwaizumi chided, shoving Oikawa’s arm. 

      “Sorry,” Oikawa laughed. 

      “It’s fine,” Iwaizumi sighed contently. “So what time is it?” 

      “It’s…” Oikawa grabbed his phone that had fallen on the floor. “It’s 6:40 right now, so we should probably start getting ready.” 

      “Yeah probably,” Iwaizumi nodded. “You have to go back home right? Get your clothes?” 

      “Um, yeah I thought it would be best if I just drove home and got ready there, then came to pick you up,” Oikawa said feeling oddly saddened by the prospect of leaving Iwaizumi even if for just an hour. He was so confused by the emotion of wanting to be with Iwaizumi constantly that it showed on his face. 

      “O-ok,” Iwaizumi said reluctantly. “So… in that case I’ll just go shower now so I’ll be ready when you come back.” 

      “Yeah ok,” Oikawa agreed, feeling ridiculous for being comforted by knowing that he’d be coming back. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

* * *

 

      Despite the urge to rush through his shower to get back to Iwaizumi as fast as he could, Oikawa forced himself to take his time. Getting ready normally took him a while, and he wanted to look his absolute best. He had bought special hair products and everything, preparing to go all out to make sure that he looked incredible. Because he needed Iwaizumi to become frustrated with him. 

      It was all well and good to know that Iwaizumi had feelings for him and told him he would wait for him forever and would never pressure him into anything. But Oikawa was realizing that Iwaizumi really meant it when he said he’d wait, because Oikawa felt like he’d been waiting forever just to get any sort of intimacy from Iwaizumi. Not to say they weren’t intimate with each other. Despite what he told Kageyama that they were just really good friends, Oikawa knew that most really good friends don’t regularly wear each other’s clothes, or give each other casual affectionate touches, or sleep with each other. 

      But that was the problem for Oikawa. They had become so close and so almost together without actually being together that it was driving Oikawa crazy. He knew he had no right to be pushy and impatient with Iwaizumi, especially after everything he’d put him through. Yet Oikawa couldn’t help but want more from him. Every time they would cuddle together on his couch as they watched a movie, Oikawa would long to kiss Iwaizumi’s neck tenderly. Each time he would sit on the desk in the shop and talk to Iwaizumi he restrained himself from pulling Iwaizumi by the hips to stand between his legs. And every time he’d wake up next to Iwaizumi he’d wish he could just lean and press their lips together. But he knew he couldn’t do that; it wouldn’t be fair to Iwaizumi he made it clear that he had real and proper feelings for Oikawa. 

      Oikawa knew he couldn’t make any moves yet, it wasn’t his place to do so. Iwaizumi said he’d wait until when and if Oikawa was absolutely sure about how he felt for him, and Oikawa understood it was going to take him a while before he could properly sort out those feelings. Never before had Oikawa really grasped the concept of being with someone as their partner. He was a serial dater who rarely held a boyfriend. Even with his love for Kageyama, he didn’t ever envision them “dating” but more just not with anyone else. 

      In the privacy of his own mind, Oikawa could admit he didn’t ever really know the feeling of wanting to be with someone forever and being in love with that person. And sometimes, when he’d let his mind wander the dangerous path of self doubt and interreflection, he’d worry that he’ll never truly love anyone; that he was destined to be selfish and alone forever. And then sometimes, he’d let his mind think about Iwaizumi. He’d think about how his favorite parts of the day are the times when he’s with him, and how he’d tolerate the worst of his cat allergies just to spend time with him, and how even only just earlier the prospect of them being separated from each other, if only just for an hour or so, was disheartening. 

      Yet, Oikawa couldn’t wrap his head around the feelings he was having. He knew he was attracted to Iwaizumi, and he knew that he wanted to spend a disproportionate amount of time with him, and he knew that he was disgustingly happy when he was with him. But in the back of his mind he couldn’t help but doubt himself. Oikawa wouldn’t let himself fully believe that he was developing deeper feelings for Iwaizumi. He couldn’t trust himself. His past ordeal with Kageyama and how hurt he’d gotten, and how much damage he caused, gave him great pause in the working through of his feelings. There was no way he wanted to hurt Iwaizumi again. Seeing the look of complete betrayal and pain on Iwaizumi’s face once was more than he needed in a lifetime. Never again would he let himself be the reason for Iwaizumi’s pain. Oikawa would rather spend the rest of his life in a blur of confusion than cause Iwaizumi to go through one more moment of hurt. 

      So as he got dressed and got ready to leave to pick Iwaizumi up, Oikawa tried to work through exactly what he wanted at the moment. He knew three things: The first being that he was so painfully attracted to Iwaizumi. The second, that he couldn’t wait to just be with Iwaizumi again. And the third that even though he was so frightened to hurt Iwaizumi, that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try to remind him of the reason he’s waiting for him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you guys might like this chapter ;)
> 
> *warning* descriptions of sexual situations

* * *

      Adjusting his blazer, Oikawa quickly knocked on Iwaizumi’s door. The fluttering nervousness in his gut had grown since he had gotten out of his car. Oikawa had tried to ignore the sensation as he drove to Iwaizumi’s apartment, but now as he wait for the door to open he had nothing to distract him from his own feelings. 

      “Hey can you— whoa,” Iwaizumi breathed, opening the front door. Dressed in his black shoes, pants, and white button down with a bowtie undone and hanging over his neck, Iwaizumi stood, mouth agape, eyes fluttering up and down Oikawa’s body. 

      “So how do I look?” Oikawa asked with a smirk, moving his shoulders from side to side. Designed to impress and amaze, Oikawa had decided to a slim fitted navy blue tuxedo cut suit, with a fitted cream button down shirt, and brown oxfords. Leaving the blazer unbuttoned, he wore the suit with a long thin skinny black tie. Judging by the silence of Iwaizumi’s reaction, he knew he looked as good as he thought. 

      “You um, you—you look...er,” Iwaizumi stumbled, coughing into his fist to cover his awkwardness. “You look very nice.” 

      “Just nice?” Oikawa smirked. “Because I thought I looked kind of hot.” 

      “Yeah, you um,” Iwaizumi said nodding vaguely, his eyes quickly looking across Oikawa’s body never stopping in one place for too long. “You look really...good—nice.” 

      “Right, thanks” Oikawa nodded, marginally disappointed that Iwaizumi didn’t fall into a babbling mess at the sight of him. Mostly, because Oikawa felt like he was lost for words on Iwaizumi’s appearance. He definitely was feeling a bit tongue tied at the sight of him in his tailored black trousers and white button down that gave just the faintest inclination of the map of tattoos underneath. Iwaizumi looked incredible and Oikawa was gasping for air. 

      “Um…” Iwaizumi began awkwardly. “Here uh, come in.” He took a step to the side, letting Oikawa walk into the apartment. “I tried to be ready in time,” he said closing the door behind Oikawa. 

      “But?” Oikawa smirked looking at the untied bow tie hanging from Iwaizumi's neck. 

      “I'm not sure how to tie this,” Iwaizumi admitted sheepishly, gesturing to the neck tie. 

      “Come here,” Oikawa smiled softly. Taking a small step closer, Iwaizumi stood looking up at Oikawa's face through his eyelashes as Oikawa tied the bow with ease. “There,” Oikawa said adjusting the bow and flattening the collar of his shirt. 

      “Thanks,” Iwaizumi breathed. Oikawa let his hands fall away from Iwaizumi's collar, his fingertips grazing his chest slightly as they fell. 

      “You look good with the bow tie,” Oikawa smirked. 

      “Thanks,” Iwaizumi said awkwardly. “I didn't know I needed one until Hinata told me to get one.”

      “Well it looks really good,” Oikawa said enjoying how embarrassed Iwaizumi was getting. “You look really good.”

      “Uh thanks,” Iwaizumi said, twisting the cuff of his sleeve uncomfortably. “I feel really…like I look ridiculous.”

      “Iwa, you look like a bunch of things but never ridiculous,” Oikawa shook his head. That seemed to ease Iwaizumi's nervousness enough. “So do you want to head out? It's just about 8 now, and when we get there it'll be like 8:30ish.”

      “Yeah sure, um hold  on,” Iwaizumi said walking up the metal spiral staircase. “I just have to grab my jacket,” he called from the loft bedroom above the kitchen. 

      “Ah yes,” Oikawa said remembering what Iwaizumi looked like in the full suit a week prior in the dressing room. 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi said, coming down the stairs pulling on the velvet blazer over his shirt. “I'm ready now.” 

      Oikawa took a second to allow the image to sink into his memory. He wanted to keep the sight of Iwaizumi pulling the blazer over his broad shoulders in his mind forever. The sight of him was so overwhelmingly breathtaking that Oikawa forced him to look away before he made any rash decisions about forgoing the event all together, and disrobing Iwaizumi once and for all. 

      “Right um, let's go."

* * *

 

      “Oh, this is not where I thought it was going to be,” Iwaizumi said as Oikawa pulled up into the parking garage of a towering steel building deep in the bustling downtown. The noise and traffic and crowd of people enjoying the first actually nice weekend of March was evident by the din of noise coming from outside the car. 

      “Where did you think it was going to be?” Oikawa asked as he pulled up in front of the valet parking. 

      “I don't know, the hospital?” Iwaizumi shrugged, as he got out of the car. 

      “It's not exactly event space,” Oikawa laughed handing the keys over to the valet. 

      “I know— I don't know, shut up,” Iwaizumi frowned coming to standing next to Oikawa as he waited for his ticket. 

      “Come on, you idiot,” Oikawa smiled motioning for him to follow as he walked towards the elevator. 

      “So where is this…?”

      “It on the top floor, the penthouse is event space,” Oikawa said as the elevator dinging for its arrival. “There, I believe, they have it set up like some chichy casino thing or whatever. I'm not exactly sure.” They stepped into the elevator and Oikawa pressed for the top floor. “It's probably going to be stupid but here is an open bar.”

      “That seems dumb for a fundraiser,” Iwaizumi pointed out. 

      “Trust me, they're raising their funds from all the obnoxious rush people who want a wing named after them and can't seem to get up from the Craps table.”

      “Are there really people like that?” Iwaizumi asked. 

      “You have no idea,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Uber rich people who think that just because they hand us a check with a ton of zeros at the end, they have a real say in how the hospital runs.”

      “And do they?”

      “Unfortunately yeah, sometimes they do,” Oikawa frowned. 

      “I had no idea hospitals dealt with such politics,” Iwaizumi said. “It sounds like it would make things difficult.”

      “It does sometimes get in the way,” Oikawa nodded. “We mostly just do what we think is best at the end of the day.”

      “So I guess you're not too happy about this whole fundraising event thing?” Iwaizumi smirked as the elevator arrived at the top floor. 

      “Of course I am,” Oikawa said with a shrug, adjusting his tie as the elevator came to a stop. “It pays for the open bar.” Rolling his eyes, Iwaizumi followed Oikawa out of the elevator and into a wide entryway, dimly light with soft red and cream lights glowing upward from the floor. 

      They came to a stop in front of the reception desk, where Oikawa handed over his and Iwaizumi’s tickets to the bored looking woman sitting with a nearly empty drink still in her hand. FInding that even his most alluring smile did nothing to endear her to Oikawa, he took their token for poker chips and ushered Iwaizumi quickly inside. Once through the archway, they walked into sprawling room lit only by strings and strings of cream and red lights, twisting around each pillar and corner. The room was divided by rows of casino games, with tables of card game after card game being surrounded by smaller set ups of various dice and chance games. Off to the side were a labyrinth of slick seating, each couch and chair connected like an intricate game of tetris around clear tables illuminated by oscillating red and cream lights. People filled all the nooks and crannies between the table games and the seating areas, populating the space by the bar creating a wall at least 2 people thick around it. It was filled with the noise of live music coming from far off on the other side of the room that was occasionally pierced by an excited shout or a disappointed groan. The smell of alcohol and expensive perfume was thick in the air and Oikawa felt surprisingly relaxed. Iwaizumi on the other hand…

      “Relax, why are you so tense?” Oikawa asked looking over at Iwaizumi who was looking around the room, shifting in his suit, looking like he had just swallowed a lemon. 

      “I’m not tense,” Iwaziumi said tensely. 

      “Oh yeah, you’re super relaxed,” Oikawa said sarcastically, earning him a glare from Iwaizumi. “Here come on, let’s get you a drink. Maybe you’ll loosen up a bit.” 

      They slowly made their way through the crowded room, squeezing past hordes of obnoxious wealthy hospital donors all playing various games trying to give away as much of their cash as they could. By the time they reached the outer ring of the people at the bar, the wall had grown to being 3 people thick and spilling out into the seating area. Craning his neck to see if he could get the bartender's attention from behind the throngs of people, Oikawa was startled by a shout of his name. 

      “Hey! Oikawa!” Turning his head next to him, he looked over to see Yaku approaching looking rather smart in his grey suit with a deep blood red tie. “Hey did you just get here?” Yaku asked coming over to where he was standing. 

      “Yeah we just arrived, I thought we could get a drink but apparently everyone else had the same idea,” Oikawa frowned, stretching up to see over the tops of people’s head. “Oh,” he turned to Iwaizumi who was standing awkwardly behind him. “Yaku, this is Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi, this is Yaku.” 

      “Hey,” Iwaizumi said giving Yaku a warm smile and a firm handshake. 

      “So you’re the Iwaizumi I’ve been hearing so much about,” Yaku nodded knowingly. “So nice to finally meet you.” 

      “Likewise,” Iwaizumi smiled.

      “When did you get here?” Oikawa asked, frowning slightly at Yaku.

      “We got here a little while ago,” Yaku said, gesturing towards the seating area.

      “Oh is your baby boyfriend here?” Oikawa smirked. 

      “Yes, and he’s not a baby he’s an adult,” Yaku frowned heavily at Oikawa. 

      “Whatever you say,” Oikawa grinned, turning his attention back to the bar. “Hey, why don’t we wait until the crowd dies down a bit and then we come get a drink? I”m not getting anywhere like this.” 

      “Yeah ok,” Iwaizumi agreed. 

      “Why don’t you guys come sit with us?” Yaku suggested.

      “Sure,” Oikawa nodded. Placing his hand on the small of Iwaizumi’s back, they followed Yaku back through the crowd of people and into the maze couches and loveseats and chairs where all of Oikawa’s fellow doctors and nurses sat drinking and laughing. 

      “Oh Yaku, you’re back! I was just telling your friend Ushijima here that I remembered him from that bar where we met.” 

      Oikawa looked over at where Ushijima was sitting comfortably on one end of a long black couch, looking perfectly manicured in his slick black suit and black tie that sat in great contrast against his ivory shirt. He was listening to a very tall, lanky ash colored haired guy talk excitedly at him, almost spilling the amber drink in Ushijima hand.  

      “Guys,” Yaku began gesturing to the guy. “This is my boyfriend—”

      “Lev?” Iwaizumi said. Oikawa quickly looked at him and saw a mix of recognition and confusion on his face. 

      “Oh, hey Iwaizumi!” Lev said rapidly standing up. Oikawa could see just how tall he was now that he practically towered over Yaku; the middle button on his burgundy suit reaching just about Yaku’s shoulder.  “I didn’t know you’d be here!”

      “Yeah, I… I didn’t know you’d be here either,” Iwaizumi said. 

      “Do you guys...know each other?” Oikawa asked looking between them, feeling slightly uneasy. 

      “Yeah, he works— well sometimes works, in Hinata’s bakery,” Iwaizumi explained. 

      “Seriously?” Oikawa blinked in amazement, looking back at the smiley guy who had his hand on Yaku's shoulder. 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded. “Small world.”

      “Do you know Hinata?” Lev asked Oikawa.  

      “Yes, I'm Kageyama's bes—best friend,” Oikawa faltered, unsure if he still earned the right to call himself that. 

      “Oh that makes sense,” Lev said as if it just dawned upon him. “You must be the Doctor Hinata was talking about.”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa exhaled feeling suddenly awful. “Yeah I probably am.” He felt Iwaizumi's hand come to rest on the small of his back, comforting him slightly. 

      “Right, well Lev why don't you use your long arms to get the bartender's attention and get us  all drinks,” Yaku said turning towards his boyfriend, cutting through the tension. “Rum and cokes for me and Oikawa and Iwaizumi…?”

      “Just a beer,” Iwaizumi said. 

      “Sure,” Lev smiled. He bent down and placed a kiss on the top of Yaku's head before walking over towards the bar. 

      “Sorry about that,” Yaku said once Lev was it of ear shot. “I had no idea.”

      “It's fine,” Oikawa shook his head. “Seriously. I'm more shocked that Iwa here knows him. Damn, you couldn't find a more unknown boyfriend?”

      “Completely accidental,” Yaku shrugged sitting down on the black love seat next to the couch. Oikawa and Iwa walked around the clear table to sit on the couch where Ushijima still was sitting. Taking the middle seat between Ushijima and Iwaizumi, Oikawa tried to appear as relaxed as possible between the two of them. This was made especially hard by Iwaizumi's arm draped around his shoulder while Oikawa tried to think of anything but the image of what Ushijima’s dick looked like. 

_       It's like when you're trying so hard not to think of something it's the only thing you can see. I would be in a much less awkward uncomfortable position if I just  _ **_didn't sleep with my friends_ ** _. Then there'd be nothing for Hinata to say to Lev to make me feel awkward. And sitting here would definitely be less awkward. Just act normal. Don't picture his dick. Don't picture his dick. Don't— _

      “Oikawa, you alright?” Iwaizumi asked looking at him with concern. 

      “Uh, yeah,” Oikawa nodded giving Iwaizumi a quick smile. Settling more against him, Oikawa rested his arm on Iwaizumi's thigh. 

      “So,” Yaku said glancing at Oikawa's arm placement. “It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you from Oikawa.”

      “Oh,” Iwaizumi said slightly surprised. “I–I've heard so much about all you doctors, I was actually a bit nervous to come.”

      “Really?” Oikawa said tilting his head towards him. 

      “Well I mean, yeah,” Iwaizumi shifted awkwardly. “You guys are all doctors and I'm…”

      “Perfect?” Oikawa supplied with a small smirk, earning him a frown from Iwaizumi. 

      “So are any of you planning on playing any of the games,” Yaku asked looking between the doctors and Iwaizumi. 

      “Not really,” Oikawa shook his head. “I don't exactly intend to give them back any of the money they pay me.”

      “Also the entering ante is anywhere from 500 to two grand,” Ushijima said. 

      “Jeez, why so much?” Iwaizumi said. 

      “Well it's not called a fund _ raiser _ for nothing,” Oikawa shrugged. “I'm mostly here for the free bar and because Akiteru guilted me into it.”

      “And I'd do it again,” said a voice from behind them. Oikawa twisted his head back to see the tall, lithe figure of the hospital director standing behind them. “I've got to see all my star doctors here so people can see what they're giving money for.”

      “Tsukishima, these people just want to see their name on a plaque on a wall in the cancer wing,” Yaku said sourly. “Not a bunch of middle aged doctors sitting around.”

      “I'm not middle aged, speak for yourself,” Oikawa admonished. 

      “We're the same age,” Yaku said. 

      “MInd if I join you very young doctors?” he asked walking around the couch and sitting in the only singular chair in the pod of seating. 

      “Of course,” Ushijima nodded. 

      “Thanks,” Akiteru said unbuttoning the button on his black blazer as he sat down. 

      “Well don’t you look spiffy,” Oikawa teased looking at his boss’s outfit of a sharp black suit with a patterned grey tie on top of his white shirt. 

      “Ah thank you,” he smirked running his hands through his slicked back hair. “Several older woman have already propositioned me and insinuated that I should sleep with them since they donated such large amounts of money.”

      “Take one for the team,” Yaku grinned. 

      “I'm not willing to go that far for the hospital,” Akiteru said. 

      “How far are you willing to go?” Yaku asked jokingly. 

      “Sex with a trustee?” Oikawa supplied wiggling his eyebrow. 

      “Um…” Akiteru began. 

      “Or what about a getting a tattoo?” Yaku said looking over at Iwaizumi who was watching the conversation with amusement. 

      “Yeah I could get a tattoo,” Akiteru nodded thoughtfully. 

      “Well I happen to know a great tattooist,” Oikawa said, lifting his right arm off Iwaizumi's thigh and patting the right side of Iwaizumi's face gently. 

      “Oh are you a tattooist?” Akiteru said enthusiastically. “I'm so glad. I was praying you weren't someone who worked at the hospital that I didn't recognize, I would have been so embarrassed.”

      “No, I'm just a tattoo artist,” Iwaizumi said removing Oikawa's hand from his face, placing it back on his thigh. 

      “Pleased to meet you…”

      “Iwaizumi,” he said leaning forward and shaking Akiteru’s outstretched hand. 

      “Do you work at a shop near here?” Akiteru asked. 

      “Actually I own my own shop,” Iwaizumi said. “Sovereign Tattoos.”

      “Oh—oh! That's where my brother got his tattoo,” Akiteru remembered. “It's amazing. You do amazing work.”

      “Really? What's his name?” Iwaizumi asked interested. 

      “Kei. Tsukishima,” Akiteru said. 

      “Oh right the dinosaur,” Iwaizumi nodded remembering. “Unfortunately I can't take the credit for it, his tattoo was done by another artist in my shop, Kageyama. Actually he's probably a better artist than me,” Iwaizumi added sheepishly. 

      “You're amazing,” Oikawa said, smiling at him. 

      “Thanks,” Iwaizumi smiled. 

      “Hey Yaku! I got your drinks!” Lev cried over the music and din of conversation. They all looked over and watched as the gangly guy held the drinks above his head as he walked through the crowd of people towards them. “Here you go,” he said placing the several drinks on the clear table between them. 

      “Thanks,” Yaku said reaching for the rum and coke Lev handed him as he sat down. 

      “No problem,” Lev said sitting down next to him crossing his long legs and placing his arm behind Yaku. “The bartender even gave me an extra drink,” he said holding up the glass of light amber liquid in his hand. 

      “Why?” Yaku asked. 

      “I don't know, he was really nice though,” Lev Shrugged innocently. “There were like a bunch of other people around me and he talked to me first.”

      “Did he also give you this napkin?” Oikawa asked reaching forward to the folded up napkin that was glowing from the lights under the table.

      “Yeah,” Lev nodded. 

      “Yeah he was flirting with you,” Oikawa said unfolding the napkin with one hand and revealing the quickly scrawled phone number on it. 

      “Really?” Lev asked with excited surprise. 

      “He most likely thought he was flirting with a doctor or a hospital patron,” Ushijima said logically. “Someone who has a lot of money.”

      “Oh,” Lev said deflated. 

      Why do you look so upset?” Yaku frowned. 

      “I'm not,” Lev said quickly, schooling his face and giving Yaku a beaming smile. 

      “Yeah that's what I thought,” Yaku said frostily, a coldness that was somewhat undermined by how he moved closer into Lev's side. 

      “Don't worry Lev,” Akiteru said sitting back in his chair. “You've got your own doctor.”

      “Yeah about that,” Iwaizumi said. “Is it like…safe to have so many doctors not at hospital?”

      “Oh this isn't the full staff,” Akiteru said gesturing around to the room of people. “No where near the full staff. Just a handful really. The staff that's basically not here is at the hospital. Most of the people who work the nights and afternoons anyway.”

      “Oh,” Iwaizumi nodded looking around the room.

      “For example there's more ER doctors,” Oikawa said. “Actually one of them, Tendou, he was trying to convince me to take his shift tonight so he could come here.”

      “He's always trying to rearrange his shift hours,” Akiteru sighed. “

      “I honestly have no idea how a hospital works,” Iwaizumi said. “I know that sick people go in and doctors work there. After that, it's a mystery.” 

      “It's a bit more complicated than that,” Oikawa smirked, patting Iwaizumi's thigh. 

      “Just a bit mo—”

      “She's not breathing! She's not breathing!” 

      Turning his head quickly to the sounds of the shout, Oikawa saw an older woman holding her hand to her chest as she struggled to breathe. Surrounding her, were several people all looking on in shock and fear as the woman suffocated. Oikawa jumped out of his seat and rushed over to the woman, taking off his blazer in the process and tossing in behind him. He rushed over to the woman and knelt beside her chair. 

      “Ma'am I need you to remain calm ok?” he said carefully pushing aside her large pearl necklace that was wrapped around her neck. He pressed an ear to her chest and heard her heart racing, but more importantly he couldn’t hear her breathing. Gently, but quickly, he placed his hands on his throat trying to feel her airways. “Her airways are blocked.” 

      “I–I think it’s an allergic reaction,” said an older man who looked particularly panicked. “She took a sip from my drink by mistake— it–it has soy.” 

      “Does she have an EpiPen?” Oikawa asked grabbing her purse. Vaguely the woman nodded as she gasped for air and tapped at the outermost pocket on her red purse. As quickly as possible, Oikawa zipped open the purse, grabbed the EpiPen and pulled out her leg in front of him. With one hand he pushed up the hem of the skirt of her dress and with the other he brought the EpiPen to his mouth ripping off the blue top. With a firm grip, he quickly brought down the orange side of the pen to her thigh and held it for ten seconds. Within seconds, the woman’s breathing began to slow and became less and less labored. 

      “Ma’am can you hear me? Are you breathing better?” Oikawa asked as he rubbed the spot where he punctured the needle into her thigh with the tips of his fingers. 

      “Yes,” she said raspily. “I’m— thank you so much.” 

      “Don’t worry,” Oikawa smiled. “This was probably the safest room to go into anaphylaxis in.” 

      “Darling are you ok? I”m so sorry, I can’t believe I–I’m so sorry,” the man said holding her face in his hands. “I can’t believe I froze. I was so worried.”  

      “It’s ok, she’s ok,” Oikawa said getting up from the floor. “But you need to take her to the hospital. When you get there tell the ER doctor, Dr. Tendou, that I had already administered her an epipen.” 

      “Yes— yes of course,” the man said helping his wife up from the chair. “Thank you so much.” 

      “You’re welcome,” Oikawa smiled. “Now get her to the hospital.” 

      The man took his wife carefully by the arm and waist and walked her out of the room with the help of one of the servers. Watching them walk away, Oikawa felt all of his adrenaline start to ebb as he took a deep breath. Showered in congratulations and words of praise, Oikawa walked back towards his friends who were all standing around, clumped together having been watching the entire thing. 

      “Oikawa that was amazing!” Akiteru said clapping him on the back as he walked over. “What a fast response, I’m so glad you work in my ER.” 

      “I think she is too,” Oikawa grinned, sliding his blazer back on after Iwaizumi handed it to him. 

      “That was a very professional and incredible response,” Ushijima said praisingly. “You saved that woman’s life.”

      “Just doing my job,” Oikawa said feigning smugness sitting back down with Iwaizumi on the couch. 

      “You really were amazing,” Iwaizumi said softly in awe. “I feel safer for knowing you.” 

      “Oh Iwa, I would never let anything happen to you,” Oikawa smiled. 

      “Well on that note, I think that just opened the gates for me to be able to get more people to donate more money,” Akiteru winked at him. “Now that they’ve seen the life saving work in action. Seeing where their money’s going to so to speak.” 

      “If I didn’t know you better,” Yaku began shrewdly. “I’d say you planned this.” 

      “I’ll take that as a compliment that you think I’m more cunning than I actually am,” Akiteru grinned. “But I encourage you to save more lives this evening. Bring up the gross intake.” 

      Nah, I’m tapped out,” Oikawa sighed, leaning more into Iwaizumi’s side. “I think I’m going to relax now.” He turned his head towards Iwaizumi who was smiling softly down at him. Feeling that usual twisting in his gut, Oikawa couldn’t help but think that the feeling was becoming more and more comforting the more he felt it.

* * *

 

      “Aw come on Iwaizumi one more game,” Yaku said as Oikawa and Iwaizumi got up from the table.

      “You’ve already taken me to the cleaners,” Iwaizumi said sliding his velvet blazer back on that he had taken off a bit after he lost the fourth hand of blackjack. “What more do you want?” 

      “Your first born,” Lev joked shuffling the cards. 

      “Yeah maybe next time,” Iwaizumi laughed. “It was really great meeting you all,” he said looking around the table. 

      “It was nice properly meeting you,” Ushijima said giving him a small nod. 

      “Bye guys, I’ll see you later,” Oikawa said waving goodbye to his friends as he took Iwaizumi’s hand to lead him out of the still crowded room of people. Dropping his hand once they reached the hallway, Oikawa felt the sounds and heat of the room melt away as they walk towards the elevator. 

      “So that was like...actually fun,” Iwaizumi said rubbing the back of his neck. 

      “I’m glad,” Oikawa smiled standing close to Iwaizumi. “Though more eventful than I originally intended.”

      “It was amazing the way you just swooped in and helped that woman,” Iwaizumi said pressing for the elevator. 

      “Oh that? Nah it was nothing,” Oikawa smiled. “EpiPen administration is super simple. I'm just glad she wasn't going into labor. I don't like delivering babies.”

      “Oh yeah, yikes,” Iwaizumi said. “But your friends, even they were impressed. It was impressive. You even have a good bedside manner.”

      “Hey don't act so surprised,” Oikawa said feigning hurt. “I have a great bedside manner.”

      “I'm not surprised,” Iwaizumi said smiling softly. 

      “Good, because I'm amazing,” Oikawa grinned leaning in towards him. “You should just start with that as a baseline.”

      “Of course,” Iwaizumi smirked softly. 

      “Also I'm—” 

      Oikawa was cut off by a pair of lips connecting with his own. It took him a full second before he realized they we're Iwaizumi's lips. Vaguely he felt a hand cradling his neck and a body pushing up against him. Oikawa's eyes slid close as he lost himself in the kiss. Everything that he'd imagined kissing Iwaizumi again to be like was thrown out the window; because the reality was so much better. 

      But far too soon, Iwaizumi's lips parted from his own leaving him to chase the sensation. His eyelids fluttering open, Oikawa's eyes came into focus on Iwaizumi standing in front of him looking panicked. He had his hand over his mouth, staring at Oikawa in absolute horror. 

      “I...I'm sorry,” Iwaizumi breathed. “I shouldn't have— I'm sorry. I was out of line. You...I'm sorry that...I should have just… I'm not—”

      “Iwa,” Oikawa breathed. 

      “Yeah?” Iwaizumi exhaled looking worriedly at him. 

      “Shut up and kiss me,” Oikawa said. Taking a step forward, Oikawa brought his hands up to the side of Iwaizumi's face and brought their mouths together. 

      Instantly, Iwaizumi set his hands on Oikawa's hips, pulling their bodies close together. They picked up their kiss right where they left off. Oikawa fit his lips between Iwaizumi's, taking soft nibbles at his lip. Licking gently at the seam of his mouth, Oikawa slipped his tongue into Iwaizumi's mouth. Letting out a soft moan, Iwaizumi moved his tongue along side Oikawa's, as his hands pulled them even closer together. 

      The ding of the elevator arriving pulled them from their kiss. With one last kiss, Oikawa slid his hands down Iwaizumi's sides and took his hand in his before turning and stepping into the elevator. As soon as Iwaizumi pressed for the garage floor and the doors slid closed, Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi and connected their lips once more. 

      Now secluded by the shut doors of the elevator, Iwaizumi pressed much more firmly against Oikawa, backing him against the side wall of the elevator. With a thud, Oikawa's back hit the wall. The small gasp of pain from hitting the wall was swallowed by Iwaizumi who licked his way into his mouth. His hands found their way to Oikawa's hips again, this time pulling their groins together. 

      All too quickly their kiss came to an end again as they arrived at the garage floor. Breaking apart with a heavy breath, Oikawa pulled his hands back to his sides from where they had found themselves between Iwaizumi's shirt and blazer. Threading their fingers together, Iwaizumi walked them out of the elevator and towards Oikawa's car. 

      “Are you good to drive?” Iwaizumi asked quietly as they came to Oikawa's dark blue Acura parked by the exit. Caught a bit off guard by how normal the question was, Oikawa blinked at him for a moment before answering. 

      “Yeah I'm good,” Oikawa said letting go of Iwaizumi's hand and pulling out his keys from his pocket. 

      Quietly, they both got into the car. The sudden silence felt like the loudest drum in Oikawa's ear as he pulled out of the spot and out of the garage. Still feeling the adrenaline in his veins, Oikawa tried so hard not to glance at Iwaizumi every few seconds. His grip on the steering wheel became tighter and tighter the further he drove away. And as the dense cityscape began to open up and form into smaller town, the restlessness inside Oikawa began to grow. 

_       So we kissed. Again. But this time without all the drama. Well maybe not, I'm not sure yet. We're not talking and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. God I want to kiss him again. But just don't look at him. Don't look. Don't l— _

      With a cautious glance, Oikawa looked over at Iwaizumi in the passenger seat. Leaning back in the seat, with his hair slightly disheveled and his shirt twisted just a bit and his lips still just a bit wet and full, Iwaizumi had the look of someone who had just been thoroughly kissed. Oikawa looked back at the road and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. 

_       Shit. Fuck. I want to kiss him again.  _

      Entirely on impulse, Oikawa make a sharp turn into the entrance of a walking trail along the forested road. Covered by the trees and the darkness of the night, Oikawa pulled the car as far in as he could so that it wouldn't be seen from the road. 

      “Wha–what are you doing?” Iwaizumi asked confusedly as Oikawa turned off the car. 

      “Something it shouldn't have taken me so long to do,” Oikawa said unbuckling his seat belt. 

      Turning to Iwaizumi, Oikawa wasted no time slotting their lips together. Climbing out of his seat, Oikawa unbuckled Iwaizumi before he maneuvered himself over the middle division and into Iwaizumi's lap with limited separation of their lips. He felt Iwaizumi's hands pull at his waist as he settled both legs on either side of Iwaizumi. Keeping one hand cradling Iwaizumi's cheek, he bent slightly so his other could find the seat lever. Pulling it up without warning, the seat collapsed back underneath them, throwing an unsuspecting Iwaizumi into a laying down position with Oikawa hovering over him. 

      “Fuck,” Iwaizumi groaned. 

      “You ok?” Oikawa breathed, bringing both hands up to rest of his chest. 

      “Yeah, you just startled me,” Iwaizumi laughed softly as Oikawa began to kiss down his chin and neck. 

      “But you're ok with...this?” Oikawa asked cautiously leaning back slightly. 

      “Very ok,” Iwaizumi smiled, his thumbs making small circles on Oikawa's hips. 

      As if on cue, the twisting in Oikawa's gut became more pronounced. But this time, instead of looking away and ignoring it until the urge to kiss Iwaizumi went away, Oikawa bent forward and pressed their lips together. As soon as their lips met, the twisting in his gut melted away and reformed into a growing need to be closer to him. Their kiss gradually became more and more desperate as the desire to be closer grew and grew. 

      With a panting breath, Oikawa leaned back, sitting up in Iwaizumi's lap and pulled his blazer off, tossing it on the back seat. Grabbing at the velvety lapels on Iwaizumi's jacket, Oikawa forced him up into a seated position and worked off his jacket and threw it with his own. Undoing the knot of Iwaizumi's bow tie, Oikawa pulled off the satiny cloth before his own tie followed suit. Once they were divested of these items of clothing, Oikawa crashed their lips back together with extra enthusiasm. 

      “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi gasped, separating their lips for a moment. 

      “Mhm?” Oikawa hummed in response, beginning to lick and suck a bruise on Iwaizumi's neck. 

      “Do you have a condom?” Iwaizumi asked as his hands made their way down Oikawa's back and onto his ass. 

      “Uh, yeah,” Oikawa said. Leaning back, Oikawa reached behind him towards the glove compartment. Opening it awkwardly, he pulled out condom and a few packets of individual use lube. Dropping it on Iwaizumi's chest before closing the glove compartment, he turned to see the incredulous face Iwaizumi was making. “The hospital gives them out like all the time,” Oikawa said defensively. 

      “I didn't say anything,” Iwaizumi smirked. 

      “You made a face,” Oikawa said moving the condom and the lube to the driver's seat. “But look it's coming in handy.”

      “I think I'd rather be coming in you-y,” Iwaizumi smirked slyly. 

      “Ha ha very funny,” Oikawa shook his head easing himself up onto his knees on either side of Iwaizumi. “Now you don't get to touch while I'll do this,” he said kicking off his shoes and undoing his pants. 

      “So that's my pun-ishment?” Iwaizumi grinned. 

      “You're going to be walking home with a hard on in a minute,” Oikawa threatened as he clumsily worked his pants off. 

      “Sorry,” Iwaizumi said watching as Oikawa straddled him in just his button down and briefs where was doing nothing to conceal the hard length underneath. “I'm not doing anything to jeopardize missing this.”

      “Good idea,” Oikawa breathed and he thumbed the hem of his briefs. Sitting up, his slowly pulled down the hem until he sprang free of the confines of the cloth. He pulled the briefs down until they rested low on his thighs exposing him completely.  

      “Fuck,” Iwaizumi exhaled, his eyes hungrily taking him in. 

      “Not just yet,” Oikawa breathed. 

      Keeping eye contact with Iwaizumi, he slowly stuck his middle finger into his mouth and gave it a long suck, coating it completely in saliva before bringing it behind him and circling his entrance. Relishing the slow wet sensation, Oikawa bit his lower lip between his teeth as he continued to massage himself. After a few moments, Oikawa reached over and grabbed one of the packets of lube, ripped it open, and poured most of the contents on his finger. 

      Bringing it back behind him, Oikawa kept his eyes locked on Iwaizumi's as he slowly inserted his finger inside himself. 

      Leaning a bit more forward, Oikawa closed his eyes as he worked the finger in and out of himself. After a minute he pulled his finger out to apply more lube and then reinserted adding an extra finger. He rested his forehead against Iwaizumi's chest breathing heavily as he quickened the pace inside himself. Panting softly into Iwaizumi's shirt, Oikawa felt Iwaizumi's hand slide up his thighs and rest on his lower back. 

      Once he hand three fingers in himself, Oikawa was moaning quietly against Iwaizumi's neck. He could feel Iwaizumi hard under him as he rocked back and forth onto his fingers. The need to have Iwaizumi inside overcame him. 

      “I need you,” Oikawa whispered pulling out his fingers. “Please Iwa, I need you now.”

      “Yes,” Iwaizumi breathed, fumbling with the condom. With one hand he undid his pants and forced them down just enough to let his dick out. Oikawa leaned back and admired a flustered Iwaizumi trying to get the condom on. 

      Moving forward, Oikawa ripped open the last packet of lube with his teeth and pour the contents onto Iwaizumi's dick, using his already lubed hand to work the gel all over him. 

      “Ready?” Oikawa asked. 

      “Oh god yes,” Iwaizumi exhaled. 

      Smiling down at him, Oikawa took a deep breath before placing the tip of Iwaizumi's dick at his entrance. He eased himself down, taking each inch slowly and carefully. Just as he reached the base, Oikawa let out a low moan, tilting his head forward and resting his forehead on Iwaizumi's shoulder. 

      “Fuck,” Oikawa gasped, moving his hips tentatively. 

      “Take your time,” Iwaizumi breathed, gently rubbing his fingers in small circle at the bottom of his spine. 

      “Iwa?” Oikawa said softly, lifting his head. He touched his nose to Iwaizumi's, suddenly feeling vulnerable and needy. Iwaizumi closed the gap between them and kissed him tenderly.

      “Are you ok?” Iwaizumi asked gently. 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa nodded. “I'm going to move now.”

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi said, placing his hands on either side of Oikawa's hips. 

      Starting off slowly, Oikawa started to move himself up and down on Iwaizumi's dick, getting used to the stretched full feeling with each move. The extra burn from not having had sex in a little while was too obvious by the way Oikawa bit down hard on his lip. Sensing Oikawa’s discomfort, Iwaizumi placed his hand right on Oikawa’s lower back and brought his other up to his cheek. 

      “Go slow,” Iwaizumi whispered softly. “There’s no rush ok?” 

      “Ok,” Oikawa breathed. Taking a deep breath, Oikawa started to move again. Finally after a few moments the discomfort faded away leaving only the pleasant stretch and burn in it’s place. 

      Feeling a bit bold, Oikawa sat up as best he could without smacking his head on the roof of the car, and starting moving his hips faster. He placed his hands on the door and dashboard next to him while he leaned back, tilting his head to the side as he began to lose himself in the feeling. Soon he found the position that had Iwaizumi brushing his prostate inside him and he let out a lengthy moan. 

      “Fuck,” Iwaizumi gasped, running his hands up and down his thighs. 

      “Iwa you—you feel so good,” Oikawa groaned, trying desperately to maintain the position that had him seeing stars. 

      “You–you’re amazing,” Iwaizumi panted. “Oikawa you—fuck—you’re so amazing.”

      “Iwa—Iwaizumi,” Oikawa gasped. He felt the pooling in his gut that told him that he was nearing the edge and fast. Letting go of the car, Oikawa leaned forward and placed his hands on either side of Iwaizumi’s head. Quickly he pressed their lips together, the feeling of his impending orgasm blanking out his mind completely. 

      “I’m–I’m going to come,” Iwaizumi breathed as his fingers tightly gripped at Oikawa’s hips, his nails digging into his skin as they both tumbled towards their climax. 

      “Iwa I’m—I”m,” Oikawa moaned as he leaned up on one arm, wrapping his other hand around himself. With a few quick tugs, he was coming into his hand trying to keep it from dripping down onto Iwaizumi below him. Whimpering as he worked himself through his orgasm, he felt Iwaizumi gasp and groan underneath him, his pace inside him becoming frantic and erratic. Following behind, Iwaizumi came with a low guttural groan, emptying himself into the condom while still inside Oikawa. 

      They both let their breathing return from the heavy shallow pants to the normal slow breaths before moving. Feeling blindly behind him with his clean hand, Oikawa grabbed a handful of napkins that he kept in the glove compartment. He wiped his come covered hand before easing Iwaizumi out of him with a slick wet sound. As quickly as he could, Oikawa cleaned what was left of the lube before more of it could drip onto Iwaizumi’s pants. 

      “Um, what should I do with this?” Iwaizumi asked, holding up the tied up condom filled with his come. 

      “Uh, good question,” Oikawa said pulling up his briefs. “Um, there should be a garbage right by the entrance to the trail.” 

      “Ok I’ll go throw it away,” Iwaizumi said hurriedly tucking himself back into his pants. 

      “Here throw this away too,” Oikawa said handing him the bundle of wadded up napkins. 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi said opening the car door. Tentatively, and very aware of only being dressed in his briefs and button down, Oikawa stepped out of the car so Iwaizumi could get up. Getting back in the car, Oikawa kneeled on the seat while he gingerly sat down, pulling his pants and shoes back on. “Are you ok?” Iwaizumi asked when he walked back over. 

      “Yeah, I’m ok,” Oikawa said looking up at him. “Are you?”

      “Very ok,” Iwaizumi smiled. 

      Somehow that was all Oikawa needed to hear from him. Standing up from the car, Oikawa placed his hands on Iwaizumi’s hips and leaned down slightly to kiss him. The kiss was different than the others kisses they had shared. It was slow and delicate, like they knew there was nothing they needed to find out or gain from the kiss other than to kiss each other. Oikawa reveled in the warm twisting in his gut as Iwaizumi’s lips slid against his. 

_       I could get used to this _


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little droplets of plot in this one. there's major angst coming in about 5 chapters or so. lots of plot. you might cry. not right now though, cause this is all fluff. enjoy it while it lasts 
> 
> *warning* minor descriptions of sexual situations

* * *

      It was the brightness coming from directly above him that woke him up. The inside of his eyelids wasn’t dark enough for Oikawa to ignore the light shining into his eyes. Twisting on the bed, Oikawa shoved his face into the pillow beneath his head, wishing for himself not to wake up completely and just go back asleep. But to no avail. 

      His eyes fluttering open, it took Oikawa a full minute before he realized where he was. Oikawa took in the sight of the lofted bedroom around him. The metal railing around the loft had slightly orange tinted glass that connecting it to the floor that gave the room a warm glow as the morning light from the huge floor to ceiling windows poured in through Iwaizumi’s apartment. But as Oikawa tilted his head up to the ceiling above him, he saw the source of the blinding light was the large skylight right above the bed, beaming light directly down onto him. 

      Throwing the warm downy covers off him, Oikawa lethargically got off the large bed. The feeling of the soft carpet underneath his feet was a warm surprise as he shuffled over to the cold metal spiral staircase. The smell of coffee grew as he descended the stairs and walked into the kitchen area. Standing over a bowl of eggs that he was whisking together, Oikawa could see Iwaizumi's entire exposed tattooed back in the bright kitchen.  

      “You didn't tell me you had a skylight,” Oikawa said sleepily coming to stand behind Iwaizumi, putting his hands low on his hips, fitting his chin right on Iwaizumi's shoulder. 

      “Oh sorry about that,” Iwaizumi said not stopping what he was doing as Oikawa pressed himself against him. “Yeah it's better than any alarm clock. Sorry, I'm used to it. I forgot to warn you.”

      “It's ok,” Oikawa sighed, placing a small kiss to the base of his neck. He glanced down at Iwaizumi's tattoo covered back. “I think this is the first time I've seen you with your shirt off.”

      “Oh?” Iwaizumi said twisting his head to look at Oikawa behind him. 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa nodded. “Now I get to see your tattoos in all their glory.” 

      “I've never shown you my tattoos before?” Iwaizumi said incredulously. Oikawa shook his head. “Oh well then I have to.” He put down the whisk in the bowl and and turned around slightly. 

      “Here on my back is a minimalist design Godzilla tattoo.” He pointed to his back where a a huge red and black scene of Godzilla rampaging over a burning city with the large red Japanese sun and its rays fanning out across his back and up into his neck and shoulders. But on his right shoulder and down to his elbow was an impossibly intricate labyrinth woven so tightly that only up close did it look like multiple lines. 

      “Whoa,” Oikawa breathed touching the tattoo. Even on Iwaizumi's slightly darker skin, the black lines stood out and looked incredible. 

      “It's actually all one line,” Iwaizumi grinned. 

      “Seriously?” Oikawa asked in awe. 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded. “I went to this specific Maori artist in New Zealand who specializes in that kind of tattooing.”

      “It's amazing,” Oikawa breathed. 

      “Thanks,” Iwaizumi smiled. He turned more to face Oikawa completely, and Oikawa could see the design extended all the way to encompass his entire right pectoral. “And yeah I have my snake sleeves and… What am I forgetting? Oh right, on my calves,” he lifted his sweatpants leg to reveal his tattooed calf muscles. “It's Newton's sleeves from Pacific Rim.” 

      “You nerd,” Oikawa grinned teasingly. 

      “Yeah I know,” Iwaizumi shrugged, letting go of his pants legs. “But they look awesome and Pacific Rim is awesome. Yamarashi is even named for one of the Kaiju. ”

      “Apparently you like that movie,” Oikawa smirked. 

      “Just a bit yeah,” Iwaizumi laughed. 

      “Well they are all amazing,” Oikawa said setting his hands on Iwaizumi's waist. “And you should cook with your shirt off more often.”

      “Don't objectify me,” Iwaizumi pouted feigning upset. 

      “I'm not,” Oikawa whispered, leaning down to mouth at Iwaizumi's neck. “You're just so hot, it's hard not to want to see you naked all the time.”

      “That can be arranged,” Iwaizumi grinned sticking his hands under his T-shirt that Oikawa was wearing and settling them on his waist. 

      “Then how about we start now?” Oikawa breathed moving his mouth down Iwaizumi's chest, looking up at him as he sunk down to his knees. He watch the grin grow on Iwaizumi's face as he bent his fingers under the hem of the waistband of his sweatpants.

* * *

 

**Two Weeks Later**

      “You look far too happy for someone that's just coming off a 12hr shift,” Yaku frowned as he pulled his lab coat on over his clothes. 

      “Actually it was 18 hours,” Oikawa smirked as he buttoned up his jeans. “I've been here since 2pm yesterday and I'm fucking exhausted.”

      “Then why are you smiling? Weirdo,” Yaku asked closing his locker. 

      “I'm not,” Oikawa said looking up at Yaku mid way through putting on his Tshirt. 

      “You literally have a small happy smirk on your face,” Yaku said pointing at him. 

      “Do I?” Oikawa asked pulling his shirt on completely. 

      “Yeah, it's creepy,” Yaku scowled. “Also is that a tattoo shop shirt?”

      “Oh,” Oikawa looked down at the Sovereign Tattoo Shop shirt he had pulled on. “It's not mine it's—”

      “Iwaizumi's, yeah I figured,” Yaku smirked. “So you guys are finally banging huh? How long?”

      “Um,” Oikawa coughed, trying to hide his blush. “A few weeks now. Like two-ish” 

      “Since the fundraiser?”

      “Yeah.”

      Yaku smacked him on his arm. “Why didn't you tell me?”

      “Ow!” Oikawa cried rubbing his arm. “Sorry?”

      “Yeah you should be!” Yaku admonished. “How could you be sleeping with him for two weeks and not even tell me?”

      “Ok well I'll call you next time I'm having sex with him just so you can hear,” Oikawa said sarcastically. 

      “Ew, no. Not what I said,” Yaku grimaced. “So are you guys together now or…?”

      “Not really no,” Oikawa shook his head as he packed his scrubs into his dirty clothes duffle bag. 

      “So you're just...hooking up?” Yaku frowned. 

      “Yeah sorta,” Oikawa shrugged, pulling on his sweater. “We haven't really talked about it. It's just kinda of… a thing.”

      “Well you should have told me,” Yaku said again. 

      “I'm sorry,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. “I promise not to keep any more secrets about my personal life from you.”

      “Good,” Yaku said. 

      “Yeah, goodbye Yaku,” Oikawa called out as he walked out of the doctors locker room. 

      He walked out of the locker room slinging the duffle bag over his shoulder. Oikawa had got out of the elevator on the main entrance when he heard his name being called. 

      “Hey Oikawa!” He turned to see Akiteru quickly walking towards him from the enterance having just arrived. “Hey I wanted to talk to you before you left.”

      “Ok?” Oikawa said stopping in the middle of the lobby. 

      “I um, last night I spoke with a friend of mine who works in this teaching hospital in France,” he said putting his hands in his pockets. 

      “Oh?” Oikawa said shifting in place. 

      “Yeah,” Akiteru continued. “They are talking about expanding and revamping their triage teaching and emergency room practices.”

      “Oh that's interesting,” Oikawa said. “But what does that have to do with me?”

      “They were throwing around names for who they wanted on the pioneering team,” Akiteru bit his lip, “yours was one of the names.”

      “...really?” Oikawa asked surprised. 

      “Yeah,” Akiteru nodded. “Nothing's set in stone and it's not definite, but just...keep an open mind.”

      “Why, are you trying to get rid of me?” Oikawa joked. 

      “Honestly I'd rather you stay here forever, you're an amazing doctor,” Akiteru shrugged. “But I would feel horribly guilty if I didn't tell you. It is an amazing opportunity if you do get it.”

      “I'll...I'll keep it in mind,” Oikawa promised. 

      “Good,” Akiteru said patting his shoulder. “Now go get some sleep.”

      “Thanks, see you later,” Oikawa said turning and walking out through the main entrance. 

      As he walked to his car, his mind mulled over what Akiteru had told him. The possibility of running his own department in a hospital. Starting a program from scratch. Being instrumental in teaching young promising doctors. Moving to France. 

      That last part gave him pause. Three months ago he would have jumped at the chance. He didn't think there was anything to hold him back, nothing to keep him from leaving because nothing and no one needed him. He had broken off any relationships he thought might be worth enough to dissuade him from leaving. 

      But as Oikawa drove home he thought about what it would mean to move to France now. No more lunches with Yaku and Ushijima. No more hanging out with Kageyama at the bakery. No more Iwaizumi. That last one made him pause the most. 

      Iwaizumi had become such a huge part of his life, he couldn't imagine just picking up and leaving him. Even without all the sex and the newfound intimacy they had, Iwaizumi was one of his best friends. He had carved out a non negotiable part of his life and Oikawa wasn't sure how willing he was to part with it. Compounded by Iwaizumi's promise to wait for him, Oikawa didn't see a life worth leaving for in France. Not when he was actually starting to like his life for the first time in a long time. 

      Thoughts of warm tan skin and fresh coffee filled Oikawa's mind as he crawled into bed once he arrived back at his apartment. Though the pull of exhaustion was enough to push Oikawa into unconsciousness, his dreams were restless and confusing. And when he awoke several hours later he didn't feel as well rested and refreshed as he wanted to be. But as had become his norm, Oikawa got up from his bed, showered, got dressed in his comfortable jeans and a warm blue sweater, slid on his glasses and headed for Iwaizumi. 

      By the time he had arrived at Sovereign Tattoos, he remembered that he hadn't picked up coffee for the both of them as he usually would. Momentarily debating going into SunFlour for coffee, Oikawa decided he still wasn't quite ready to deal with Hinata when Kageyama wasn't present just yet. Instead Oikawa entered the shop looking for Iwaizumi. 

      “He's in his work room,” Kuroo said from behind the front desk as Oikawa walked in. 

      “Oh ok thanks,” Oikawa said. “Can I go back there or does he have a client?”

      “I think he's drawing,” Kuroo said looking up from the computer. “Plus I'm sure he'd  _ love _ to see you.”

      “Um, ok,” Oikawa blushed as he turned down the hall walking toward Iwaizumi's work room. “Hey,” he said knocking on the slightly open door. Sitting at his drawing table, Iwaizumi looked up from the large sketch pad he had been drawing on. Oikawa could hear the tinny sound of metal music coming from the earbuds in his ears that grew a bit louder as he pulled them out. 

      “Oh hey,” Iwaizumi smiled turning off his music and swiveling his chair toward Oikawa in his doorway. “I didn't expect to see you here so early, I thought you'd be sleeping right now.”

      “I was sleeping, but I woke up,” Oikawa shrugged walking over to him. “Plus I wanted to see you.”

      “Oh really?” Iwaizumi smirked crossing his muscular arms across his chest. 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa said moving closer to him so their knees were touching. 

      “Actually I was just thinking about you,” Iwaizumi said, uncrossing his arms and taking Oikawa's hands gently in his. 

      “Oh really?” Oikawa said mimicking Iwaizumi. 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi said snarkily. He pulled Oikawa closer, having him straddle his lap as he sat down. “And how I haven't seen you in two days.”

      “I do work, you know,” Oikawa grinned leaning his face in close. 

      “I know,” Iwaizumi whispered, his fingers going under the bottom of Oikawa's sweater and lightly rubbing at his skin. “Doesn't stop me from missing you.”

      “I'm here now,” Oikawa breathed, moving his nose against Iwaizumi's tenderly. 

      “Thank god,” Iwaizumi exhaled before pressing their lips together. 

      Even though almost everyday since the fundraiser, Oikawa had kissed Iwaizumi in some form or capacity, he still was not used to the feeling. Iwaizumi's lips were surprisingly soft and gentle and as he pulled Oikawa's lip between his own, Oikawa couldn't help but think about how much he'll miss this feeling if he left. And as Iwaizumi slid his hands up his back under his sweater and pressed them closer together, Oikawa thought about how he'd trade a thousand teaching program opportunities just so he could be here with Iwaizumi forever. 

      He slowly ground his hips down against Iwaizumi's, looking to build some friction. Iwaizumi got the hint and held onto Oikawa's torso under the sweater with both hands as he slowly licked his way into his mouth. Oikawa's hands found their way into Iwaizumi's hair and he was about to let out a soft moan when there was a knock at the door. 

      “Um…” 

      Oikawa turned his head around, twisting in Iwaizumi's lap to see who was at the door. Standing in the doorway with the door ajar, was Kageyama watching them with raised eyebrows. 

      “Yeah?” Iwaizumi asked, clearing his throat, moving his hands down from inside Oikawa's shirt to rest on his waist. 

      “Kuroo says he needs you at the front desk,” Kageyama said quickly, obviously a bit embarrassed. 

      “Ok I'll be right there,” Iwaizumi said. Awkwardly, Oikawa moved backwards on his lap until he could stand up. “We'll continue that later,” Iwaizumi whispered as got up from the chair. Feeling himself flush from the whole situation, Oikawa nodded as he watched him walk past Kageyama in the doorway. There was a long awkward silence. Oikawa couldn't bring himself to look up at Kageyama who was still standing in the doorway.

      “So...you and Iwaizumi,” Kageyama said after a few moments. 

      “Um yeah, kinda,” Oikawa shrugged sheepishly looking up at Kageyama. He leaned over and smacked his upper arm. “Ow! What the fuck!? Why do people keep hitting me today?”

      “Why didn't you tell me?” Kageyama asked angrily. 

      “Because I don't know,” Oikawa said rubbing his arm. “I just didn't.”

      “You guys obviously aren't trying to keep it a secret with your open door policy and all that,” Kageyama frowned gesturing angrily at the door. 

      “There's nothing really to keep secret,” Oikawa shrugged. 

      “But you're...you're dating now right?” Kageyama asked. 

      “...no…” Oikawa said carefully. 

      “Really? But you and Iwaizumi…” Kageyama trailed off looking at him confused. “You guys were just…”

      “I know,” Oikawa said adjusting his sweater. “But we're just friends.”

      “He's not just friends with you,” Kageyama said seriously. “He's in—”

      “Hey Oikawa! I got you something!” Kuroo called from the front desk. Oikawa looked at Kageyama quickly and walked past him and towards the front. Iwaizumi was standing frowning at Kuroo who was looking very pleased with himself. 

      “What's going on?” Oikawa said trying to move past the awkwardness that still lingered in him. 

      “I told him no but then he yelled for you,” Iwaizumi scowled further at Kuroo who didn't look even a bit guilty. 

      “So I ordered more jewelry pieces for the shop supply,” Kuroo smirked. “And I got something with you in mind.” 

      “I don't have any piercings,” Oikawa said warily. 

      “Yeah I know,” Kuroo grinned. “Maybe this might change your mind.” He opened a long black box that he pulled out of a cardboard box and set it on the desk. Lifting off the lid, he revealed dozens of alien jewelry pieces. 

      “Oh my god,” Oikawa laughed as he looked through earrings and barbells and gauges all with varying alien designs. “These are amazing.”

      “I thought you might like them,” Kuroo grinned at him, sending a sly smirk at Iwaizumi who only frowned further. 

      “These are so cool,” Oikawa smiled picking up a small gauge with a grey alien face. 

      “Want a piercing?” Kuroo offered with a grin. 

      “Stop bullying him,” Iwaizumi said sternly. 

      “I'm not bullying him,” Kuroo said defensively. “I'm just thinking about how good he'd look with a navel piercing.”

      “Um,” Oikawa swallowed nervously, looking between them. 

      “If he doesn't want one leave him alone,” Iwaizumi said. 

      “A pretty little dangly thing from his navel,” Kuroo said wiggling his pierced eyebrows suggestively. “Or maybe a tongue piercing? You'd like that wouldn't you?”

      “Ok you're done now,” Iwaizumi said sternly putting his hands on his hips. 

      “Let him decide for himself,” Kuroo grinned. “You don't have to go all Daddy Dom on me.”

      “I am— I'm not! I'm just— he's not— shut up,” Iwaizumi stumbled. 

      “Look at you, wow I didn't know I was that right,” Kuroo laughed. “What you don't want your boy to have a pretty piercing?”

      “You have to stop,” Iwaizumi frowned. 

      “Well we'll just have to see what Oikawa here has to say,” Kuroo said looking at a very flustered Oikawa. 

      “Uh...I'm not… I don't have any— I'm not looking to get any piercings,” Oikawa stuttered. 

      “Not even with one of these bad boys?” Kuroo asked holding up a long thin rod that had a flying saucer at each end of it. 

      “I mean, would you really trust a doctor with a tongue piercing?” Oikawa laughed nervously looking between them.

      “I suppose the answer is no,” Kuroo sighed. “Oh well, it was worth a shot. But you come to me the moment you think you want something done. Industrials, rooks, navels… nipples… genitals…”

      "Ok we're done now,” Iwaizumi said cutting him off. “You can lock up tonight,” he said sternly. “I'm going home.”

      “Whatever you say boss,” Kuroo shrugged with a smirk closing the box of jewelry. 

      “Give me a second,” Iwaizumi said to Oikawa before walking back over to his workroom. 

      “Are you sure?” Kuroo asked again as he put the box away. 

      “Yeah, pretty sure,” Oikawa nodded. 

      “I don't know,” Kuroo shrugged. “I know that Iwaizumi has a thing for belly button piercings…”

      “You know?” Oikawa asked. 

      “For a fact,” Kuroo nodded. 

      “Hmm,” Oikawa thought, squinting his eyes at Kuroo who watched him with a smirk. 

      “Ok, let's go,” Iwaizumi said walking over carrying a large drawing pad. He quickly glanced between them. “He's not still trying to convince you is he?”

      “No of course not, I promised I'd lay off,” Kuroo said defensively putting his hands up in the air. 

      “Leave him alone,” Iwaizumi said opening the door with his free hand. “You coming?” 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa nodded following Iwaizumi out and waving goodbye to Kuroo. They quietly walked around the corner to the residential entrance on the other side. “You seemed pretty… set on me not getting something,” Oikawa pointed out curiously as the walked up the stairs to his loft entrance. 

      “I just don't think that any sort of body modification should be taken lightly,” Iwaizumi said as he pulled out his keys from his back pocket. 

      “Of course,” Oikawa agreed. Still he couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed that Iwaizumi didn't want him to be a part of something he was obviously very involved in. 

      “But I mean,” Iwaizumi said walking into the apartment and holding the door open for Oikawa. “If you really did want to get something, I wouldn't get in your way at all.”

      “Really?” Oikawa grinned closing the door behind him and walking slowly over to where Iwaizumi was arranging his drawing pad on his dining room table. 

      “Yeah of course,” Iwaizumi said just as Oikawa slipped his arms around his waist. “I'll support you 100% in whatever you do.”

      “So like,” Oikawa breathed against the back of Iwaizumi's neck, “if I got a belly button piercing you'd support me?” He slipped his hands under Iwaizumi's flannel and t-shirt and raked his nails softly against his abs. 

      “Yes,” Iwaizumi shuddered, tilting his head back against Oikawa's shoulder. 

      “What if I got a tattoo?” Oikawa whispered along his exposed neck. 

      “I'd–I'd support you of course,” Iwaizumi exhaled shakily as Oikawa grazed his teeth against the juncture where his neck met his shoulder. 

      “And what if I wanted...” Oikawa began quietly, digging his nails harder into his abs and moving his mouth up to Iwaizumi's ear, “...to fuck you here, right now, against this table? Would you be ok with that?” 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi choked out. “Ye–yes please.”

      “Good,” Oikawa grinned. He pulled his hands out of Iwaizumi's shirt and quickly fisted one hand in his hair and bent Iwaizumi over the table. “Kuroo seems to have a very clear picture of what our roles are. You the big tough Dom, and me the little sub.” He bent over to whisper in Iwaizumi's ear, pressing his other hand to the curve of Iwaizumi's ass. “But guess what?”

      “What?” Iwaizumi whispered out breathlessly. 

      “Guess who's about to become this Dom's little sub?” Oikawa breathed. He could feel Iwaizumi shiver underneath him. “I'm glad you know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things i love: Oikawa with a belly button piercing, Iwaizumi with lots of tattoos, the both of them being total switches


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy the fluff for now.......

      “Hey so are you busy this Saturday night?”

      It wasn't just the randomness of the question that caught Oikawa off guard. Turning in place on his bed, he turned his head to the side to look at Iwaizumi who was lying with one arm behind his head and the other draped over his abdomen, the vestiges of the slow morning sex still clinging to his nude body. They had been laying in Oikawa's bed in relative quiet, only the sounds of their breathing filling the otherwise silent early morning. 

      “Um,” Oikawa began shifting onto his side on the bed. He furrowed his brows at him; he normally spent his entire weekends with Iwaizumi, like he had been for over the past two months. He was more than confused by the sudden question. Blinking at him in the dark bedroom, Oikawa searched for an answer. “Not anything… definite.”

      “Oh ok,” Iwaizumi nodded, not continuing. He kept his eyes on the ceiling of Oikawa's bedroom, not saying anything further. The silence drove Oikawa crazy. 

      “Why do you...have...plans?” Oikawa asked carefully, tucking his hands underneath his cheek as he watched Iwaizumi's profile in the dim blue light of the pre-sunrise. 

      “Uh no—well, yeah sorta,” Iwaizumi said vaguely.  

      “Oh,” Oikawa said quietly, feeling marginally disappointed. “Well then we'll—”

      “Do you want to…” Iwaizumi trailed off biting his lower lip. “There's this restaurant that opens every year on the first weekend of May. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me? To the restaurant.”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa nodded, feeling much better. “Yeah sure, of course.”

      “Ok cool,” Iwaizumi smiled, turning his head to look at him. Even though his body still felt weak and numb, Oikawa could feel the twisting in his gut build as watched the soft smile grow on Iwaizumi's face. 

      “What time is it?” Oikawa asked softly. 

      “Um it's,” Iwaizumi turned and grabbed his phone off Oikawa's night table, “just past 6am.”

      “Ugh shit,” Oikawa groaned, burying his face in the pillow below him. “I have to be at work in an hour.” 

      “You should just not go,” Iwaizumi said,  leaning over and kissing Oikawa's exposed shoulders. “Stay here, in bed, with me.”

      “Don't tempt me,” Oikawa mumbled into the pillow. 

      “But that's exactly what I'm trying to do,” Iwaizumi whispered, trailing his fingers slowly down Oikawa's back until he reached the cleft of his ass. He dipped his fingers between the cheeks, lightly rubbing his entrance which still had residual lube from their activities only a little while ago. 

      “Come on, you're not being fair,” Oikawa groaned, unconsciously spreading his legs open more. 

      “I never claimed to be fair,” Iwaizumi chuckled softly, pressing his finger knuckle deep into Oikawa with ease. “Come on, one more quickie and you're only a little late to work.”

      “Fine,” Oikawa gave in with almost no resistance. Kissing his shoulder again, Iwaizumi slipped his finger out of him. “But only if we do it in the shower, I gotta multitask.”

      “Fair enough,” Iwaizumi agreed. 

      “Ok come on,” Oikawa said sitting up on the bed. He sat back on his heels, letting the sheets fall back behind him. Iwaizumi smiled up at him from where he laid back on the bed. “What?” he asked self consciously 

      “Nothing,” Iwaizumi smiled softly. “Your hair is very messy.”

      “Ugh, you're so mean,” Oikawa pouted, trying to pat down his hair. 

      “It looks cute,” Iwaizumi said. Oikawa had to fight back a smile. 

      “Now you have to wash my hair,” Oikawa said getting up from the bed and pulling Iwaizumi up by his hand. 

      Oikawa led him into the bathroom not turning on the light just yet. The small window next to the shower let in just enough weak sunlight from the sun rising to illuminate the room a dim blue.  Closing the door behind him, Oikawa eyes followed Iwaizumi's nude back as he pushed aside the translucent shower door and started the shower. His eyes landed on his hip where he saw something he hadn't noticed before. 

      “Hey is this a tattoo?” Oikawa asked putting his hand on Iwaizumi's waist. 

      “What? Oh,” Iwaizumi said looked down at himself. Oikawa's fingers traced the thin lines; a series of thin lines connected by solid dots. 

      “Is this...is this the Gemini constellation?” Oikawa asked in awe, astonished he hadn't seen it before. 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded looking at him with surprise. “I got it a long time ago, I guess I forgot about it.”

      “That's your sign?” Oikawa asked looking up at him. 

      “Yeah, June 10th,” Iwaizumi nodded. 

      “You have a constellation tattoo,” Oikawa grinned. 

      “I do,” Iwaizumi said, surprised by Oikawa's interest in it. Oikawa traced his fingers along the thin black lines smiling to himself. “Oh that's right, you love scifi and all that space stuff.”

      “Well,” Oikawa said sheepishly. “I do yeah.”

      “Hmm,” Iwaizumi hummed thoughtfully. 

      “What?”

      “Nothing,” he smiled softly leaning over and pressing their lips together. “Come on, get in the shower so I can fuck you.”

      “Wow, way to set the mood,” Oikawa snorted. 

      Nevertheless, he followed Iwaizumi into the shower, the water having finally gotten to a comfortable temperature. Oikawa's bathroom was not the largest, and the shower wasn't necessarily expansive. And with two grown men inside, space was limited. But, it provided a perfect reason for Oikawa to press his wet body against Iwaizumi's, as the water sprayed against his back.  Reaching behind Iwaizumi to the shelf packed full of various bottles and soaps, Oikawa grabbed the round purple bottle of shampoo. In the process he pressed his chest against Iwaizumi's and felt his hands rest low on his hips. The heat of water, coupled by the wet slick friction of their growing lengths Oikawa could already feel himself getting hot. 

      “Turn around so I can wash your hair,” Oikawa said pouring a small amount of shampoo into the palm of his hand. 

      “Every time I shower here my hair gets all soft and silky,” Iwaizumi said awkwardly turning in place in the cramped shower. 

      “It's an improvement,” Oikawa snarked running the shampoo through Iwaizumi's spiky wet hair. 

      “Hey,” Iwaizumi said elbowing him in the ribs lightly. “I might not be a pretty boy like you, but I'm no disaster either.”

      “All I heard from that is you think I'm pretty,” Oikawa said smugly as he worked the shampoo through his hair.

      “That's all you would hear,” Iwaizumi huffed. 

      “True,” he grinned. “Ok, I'm done. Do me.”

      “Isn't that what we came in here to do in the first place?” Iwaizumi joked, turning around, taking the shampoo from Oikawa and pouring some shampoo in his hand. 

      “Very funny,” Oikawa said, carefully trading spots with Iwaizumi so he wasn't in the path of the water. 

      “I thought so,” Iwaizumi smirked as he lathered the shampoo in his hands before working it into Oikawa's hair. “So can I give you a shampoo Mohawk?”

      “Do I even have long enough hair for that?” Oikawa asked as he poured body wash into his hands. 

      “We'll never know until we try,” Iwaizumi said, gathering Oikawa's hairs together and forcing them into a Mohawk–like shape. After a few moments of shoving hair between his palms Iwaizumi announced he was done. “Perfect. You look so punk. I dare you to leave it like that.”

      “You dare me? Are we twelve?” Oikawa laughed turning in place as he ran his soapy hands along his body. 

      “Um, twelve and a half,” Iwaizumi sneered. His eyes looked over the drooping spikes of Oikawa's hair and he let out a laugh. “I'm sorry, you just look so ridiculous.”

      “I thought I was punk?” Oikawa asked pouring more body wash in his hands. He lathered the soap and then started to rub the soap onto Iwaizumi's arms. 

      “Yeah you're punk,” Iwaizumi smiled softly. Oikawa's hands moved to cleaning his muscular tattooed chest, taking extra care to finger his nipples with each pass. Iwaizumi brought his hands up and pushed down the fallen spiked hair on Oikawa's head so it just appeared slicked back. 

      “Now how do I look?” Oikawa grinned as Iwaizumi gently ran his fingers through his hair. Instead of answering, Iwaizumi gave him a tender smile and leaned in closer, pressing their lips together. 

      Their kiss was soft and gentle. Oikawa could feel the heat curling his toes as Iwaizumi languidly sucked his lower lip between his own. Feeling a small nibble on his lip, Oikawa let out a small gasp that he felt Iwaizumi swallow immediately. The heat of the shower and their bodies made Oikawa's body loose and pliable, which Iwaizumi used to his advantage. 

      Sliding his hands down Oikawa's back and onto his ass, Iwaizumi got a firm grip on him, rubbing their groins together. Oikawa's still soapy hands found their way to Iwaizumi's waist where he dug his nails into the skin to keep from slipping. The air in the shower grew more and more warm and steamy and Oikawa found it harder to breathe, but in no way did he want to separate from Iwaizumi. 

      But the lack of air got to Oikawa and he pulled his mouth away with a gasping breath, turning his head to the side. Iwaizumi automatically latched his mouth onto Oikawa's neck, only to lift it off seconds later coughing. 

      “Bleh, soapy,” Iwaizumi grimaced sticking out his tongue. 

      “Maybe we should rinse out and condition before we continue,” Oikawa suggested with a smirk. 

      “Yeah good idea,” Iwaizumi agreed, letting go of Oikawa and taking a minuscule step back into the spray of the shower to rinse out his hair and body. “Here, switch,” Iwaizumi said having them switch places again so Oikawa could stand under the spray of the water. 

      “Thanks,” Oikawa said, tucking his head under the water to rinse out the shampoo and soap from his body. “Ok hand me that white bottle,” Oikawa instructed once he was rinsed of shampoo. “No, not that one, that's obviously a face wash. No, no, that's body wash. No, that one.”

      “Why do you have so many bottles?” Iwaizumi asked in a huff, finally handing Oikawa the bottle he wanted. “Who needs this many products?”

      “Me,” Oikawa said working the conditioner thoroughly through his hair. Once he finished, he poured a bit more into his hand before handing the bottle back to Iwaizumi and working the conditioner into his hair. “This is the good stuff. Expensive. You'll thank me later.”

      “Yeah ok,” Iwaizumi said sarcastically, closing his eyes as Oikawa ran his fingers through his hair. 

      “You're enjoying this,” Oikawa smirked as he watched Iwaizumi smile while he massaged the conditioner into his hair. 

      “A bit yeah,” Iwaizumi grinned. 

      “Only a bit, huh?” Oikawa asked moving his soapy hands down Iwaizumi's body. He thumbed his nipples as he moved them down, slowly grazing his nails against his abs making him shudder with anticipation. Gently, he wrapped one of his hands around Iwaizumi's hard cock, giving it a slight tug. 

      “Ok, maybe more than a bit,” Iwaizumi admitted. 

      “Just a bit more,” Oikawa smirked stroking him slowly. 

      Iwaizumi let out a low moan as Oikawa continued to work him in his hand, quickening his pace and grabbing a firmer hold on him. Spurred on by his reaction, Oikawa leaned in and kissed roughly Iwaizumi, trying to catch the next moan he let out. Their teeth and tongues clashed as they kissed, making the heated twisting sensation go straight down to his dick. 

      “Wait—fuck— I don't want to come yet,” Iwaizumi breathed, his voice almost drowned out by the sound of the rushing water. 

      “This was supposed to be a quickie,” Oikawa said not stopping his hand. 

      “I know but—f-fuck Oikawa— I have an idea,” Iwaizumi said, his voice growing strained with his impending orgasm. 

      “Alright,” Oikawa sighed letting up and letting go of him. 

      “Ok first, wash this shit out of our hair before it ends up in our eyes,” Iwaizumi instructed. They each took turns in the spray of the water, rinsing out the conditioner from their hair until it was completely soap free. 

      “So what now?” Oikawa asked, running his fingers through his hair. 

      “Now, you turn around and bend over as much as you can,” Iwaizumi said, his voice sounding low and thick. Oikawa recognized it as his domineering voice; it sent a shiver down his spine and he felt his dick twitch. 

      “Ok,” Oikawa said hoarsely. He bent over as much as he could in the small space of the cramp shower. Placing his hands on the built in shelf in the shower, Oikawa spread his feet apart firmly on the shower mat below. 

      “No, actually keep your legs together,” Iwaizumi said pressing Oikawa's legs together. Immediately, Oikawa knew what he was going to do. 

      “Make sure to hold my hips so I don't slip,” Oikawa said. “It'd be really embarrassing being sent into my own ER.”

      “I promise I'm not going to let you get hurt,” Iwaizumi said kissing along his spine. Oikawa felt the tip of his dick rub against the back of his thighs. 

      “I trust you,” Oikawa breathed unsure if Iwaizumi could even hear him over the water. 

      Slowly, Iwaizumi's dick slipped in between Oikawa's thighs sliding along his dick and balls, still wet from the thin streams of water cascading down Iwaizumi's body and onto Oikawa. After a few moments of adjustment, Iwaizumi found a pace that both gave Oikawa a bit of the friction he wanted and also held him just above the edge. He could feel his dick dripping precome with each thrust and he desperately wanted Iwaizumi to touch him. But his hand were firmly on his hips, holding him in place, his nails creating crescent shaped indents in his skin. 

      “Fuck—” Iwaizumi groaned. “Your legs feel so—so good. I've wanted to do this for so long. Your legs—ah shit—they're gorgeous.”

      “You should have seen me when I was in my twenties then,” Oikawa panted. “I was so hot. Oh no wait, me at 18 had better legs and a tiny waist.”

      “You're gorgeous right now,” Iwaizumi said, his voice deep as he approached his climax. “So fucking gorgeous.”

      “Iwa,” Oikawa moaned. “I need to come.” He felt Iwaizumi remove one hand from his hips and bend over to wrap it around his dick. Keeping his hand in time with his thrusts, Iwaizumi quickly worked Oikawa in his hand until his couldn't take it anymore. 

      “I'm going to—I'm gonna come,” Iwaizumi gasped, thrusting and pumping Oikawa extra quickly. 

      “Come,” Oikawa moaned. “Come on me.”

      With a small choked gasp, Iwaizumi let go of Oikawa and pulled out his dick from between his legs. As quickly as he could, Iwaizumi turned a very limp Oikawa around and held him up by one of his thick arms. The sun had almost completely rose and the small window let in a beam of warm orange light into the shower, casting an amber glow on Iwaizumi. Oikawa didn't know if he'd ever seen anything more beautiful. 

      “Come with me,” Iwaizumi whispered, pressing them together and wrapping a hand around the both of their dicks. 

      The feeling of them sliding against each other was too much and Oikawa quickly felt himself nearing his end. He could only place his hands on Iwaizumi's chest and shoulder as he brought them both to come. Iwaizumi worked them both through their orgasm, slowing his pace as the last of their come dribbled out. With a shuddering breath, Oikawa limply rested his forehead against Iwaizumi's shoulder. 

      “Here move towards the water so I can clean you up,” Iwaizumi said after a few moments.

      They shifted slightly in the shower so they could both reach the water spray. Iwaizumi rinsed the come off his hands and themselves, cleaning them again with some more body wash. After he was done he turned off the water and slid open the shower door into the now well lit bathroom after the sun had rose. 

      “Come here,” Iwaizumi said softly taking one of the towels off the rack on the closed door and wrapped it around Oikawa's shoulders. 

      “Thanks,” Oikawa smiled as Iwaizumi dried him off. 

      “No problem,” Iwaizumi said leaning in and placing a small, quick kiss on his forehead. 

      “I'm going to be so late for work.”

* * *

 

      “Yeah this is later than you'd normally be here, he's just about to close up,” Kageyama said as Oikawa walked into the bakery. 

      “Sorry, I got to work late so I had to stay an extra hour so my boss wouldn't be annoyed with me,” Oikawa apologized as he came to stand next to him by the counter. 

      “I totally get you,” Kageyama nodded. “And—”

      “Dr Oikawa!” Oikawa looked around Kageyama to see Aiko running around the opening in the counter and towards him. 

      “Hey, Aiko what did I say about running?” Kageyama said sternly. 

      “Sorry daddy,” Aiko said coming to a walk. She looked at Oikawa and took a quick leap into his arm. He caught her easily and lifted her up to sit on his hip. 

      “Hey Aiko, how are you? I've missed you,” Oikawa said tucking her hair behind her ear. 

      “Good,” Aiko smiled widely at him. “Actually—”

      “Aiko you need to come back and clean up the mess you just made,” Hinata said interrupting her, leaning his head out through the double doors. “Oh, hey Oikawa,” he said with mild enthusiasm. 

      “Hi Hinata,” Oikawa smiled setting Aiko back down on the ground. 

      “I'm coming dad,” Aiko sighed walking back around the counter and through the double doors to the kitchen. 

      “I got a ‘oh, hey’ this time,” Oikawa grinned at Kageyama once Aiko was in the kitchen. “We're practically best friends.”

      “Yeah,” Kageyama said dubiously. 

      “Well it's not a punch in the nose,” Oikawa shrugged. “I'm bruise free, so I'm calling it a win.”

      “Well I wouldn't say bruise free,” Kageyama said picking up the collar of Oikawa's sweater and revealing the faint bruises on his lower neck and collarbone. “Hickeys. Seriously? Are we in high school?”

      “Please, like I don't see Shouyou with hickeys,” Oikawa frowned adjusting his collar. 

      “That's different,” Kageyama said. “I'm dating him.”

      “Oh my god, this again,” Oikawa rolled his eyes.

      “Yeah this again,” Kageyama frowned. “I'm worried for you guys.”

      “Why? Concerned that we might be having too much amazing sex?” Oikawa grinned. 

      “No,” Kageyama said dryly. 

      “Jealous?” Kageyama only glared at him. “Sorry, old habits die hard.”

      “I'm concerned that you guys are going to ruin your friendship by sleeping together,” Kageyama said seriously. 

      “Relax, I sleep with all my friends,” Oikawa shrugged. Kageyama only sighed heavily. “Sorry. Again.”

      “Just… don't…,” Kageyama frowned, crossing his arms. “Iwaizumi may seem strong and tough but he...he's not immutable. This arrangement might be ok now but...it might not always be.”

      “I—” Oikawa didn't know how to answer. 

      “Just, promise me you'll keep it in mind,” Kageyama said. 

      “I...I promise.”


	21. Chapter 21

      Oikawa climbed the stairs leading up to Iwaizumi's apartment taking them two at a time. Feeling a fluttering mixture of excitement and nervousness. Even though he and Iwaizumi had been hanging out for weeks he still couldn't rid himself of the twisting feeling Iwaizumi gave him.

      Adjusting his burgundy pullover over the waist and of his dark black jeans. Marginally proud of himself that he wore all of his own clothes, even including the black boots Iwaizumi suggested he wear, Oikawa made sure that everything looked good before he knocked on the door. Running a hand through his hair, Oikawa listened to the sounds of Iwaizumi unlocking the door.

      “Hey,” Iwaizumi smiled as he opened to door.

      “Hey,” Oikawa said taking a step in and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “Sorry I'm here a bit late, I switched shifts with Tendou today so I was at work until like an hour ago.”

      “Oh,” Iwaizumi said closing the door behind him.

      “Yeah,” Oikawa said, hoisting himself up onto the breakfast counter. “And then Akiteru bombarded me again about—” Oikawa cut himself off. He wasn’t sure why, but he wasn’t ready to tell Iwaizumi about the job offer in France. And he definitely didn’t know how to explain why when Akiteru did bombard him as he was leaving, he had agreed to contact the coordinator for the program. Oikawa didn’t feel like now was the best time to discuss that.

      “About?” Iwaizumi asked concerned.

      “Uh,” Oikawa blinked, thinking of a fix. “About working too many shifts. He thinks because I’ve added a few extra 6 hour shifts to my schedule that i might be overworking myself.”

      “You should be careful, don’t overwork yourself,” Iwaizumi said. “Are you...too tired to go out?”

      “No, no,” Oikawa shook his head, “I'm very ready to go. And starving.”

      “Ok, good,” Iwaizumi said stuffing his hands into his jeans front pockets. “So… like right now?”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa said hopping down from the counter. “Where is this place anyway?”

      “Um, not too far but a bit of a drive,” Iwaizumi said vaguely walking towards the coat rack by the front door.

      “Well I kinda have to know if I'm gonna be driving,” Oikawa laughed.

      “Actually,” Iwaizumi began. He pulled off his black leather jacket from a hook, and then took a second lighter black and red striped leather jacket from the hook beneath it. “You're not gonna drive.” He tossed Oikawa the second jacket which he caught easily.

      “Ok…” Oikawa said confused. “Then how are we getting there?”

      “You'll see,” Iwaizumi smirked. Slipping on the jacket, Iwaizumi grabbed his wallet and keys from the counter and gestured for Oikawa to follow him. Holding the jacket folded over his arm, Oikawa walked out of the apartment with Iwaizumi thinking the entire time about what he could mean.

      “You're being very mysterious today,” Oikawa mused as they descended the stairs.

      “I like to maintain a certain level of intrigue,” Iwaizumi joked twirling the keys around his finger as they walked down the block along the residential entrances to the apartments above the line of shops.

      “Well I'm intrigued,” Oikawa smirked. They continued until they got to a small garage directly behind the building of Sovereign Tattoos. “Hey, I didn't know you had a car.”

      “I don't,” Iwaizumi grinned. Selecting one of the keys, Iwaizumi turned the lock on the garage door and pulled it up with a loud clicking sound. He leaned over to the wall of the garage and flicked on the dim fluorescent light.

      “Now the jacket makes sense,” Oikawa breathed. He watched as Iwaizumi removed a gray tarp over a shiny black and silver motorcycle.

      “She's an FJ–09 Yamaha, liquid cooled 3-cylinder 12–valve engine with fuel injection, with crossplane crankshaft and she gets about 50 miles to the gallon,” Iwaizumi said proudly, looking over his motorcycle.

      “I don't know what any of that means,” Oikawa said honestly.

      “It's a good bike,” Iwaizumi said simply.

      “It's shiny,” Oikawa commented.

      “Yes it is,” Iwaizumi laughed.

      “So this is how we're getting there?” Oikawa asked pulling on the red and black leather jacket.  

      “Nah I just thought I'd show it to you and then we could walk,” Iwaizumi said sarcastically. “Yes of course. Why else would we be here?”

      “You're right,” Oikawa said holding his hands up in defense. “Stupid question.”

      “Just a little bit,” Iwaizumi said tilting the bike off its kickstand and wheeling it out of the garage. “Would you grab those two helmets from the rack there?” he asked motioning with his chin to the metal rack against the right wall where two helmets, a black with a face shield and a gray one that only strapped around the head, on the uppermost shelf. Walking over, Oikawa reached up and grabbed them both before going over to where Iwaizumi had wheeled out the bike.

      “I've never ridden on a motorcycle before,” Oikawa said with a mixture of anticipation and nerves as he set both the helmets on the motorcycle.

      “It's actually easier and safer than it looks,” Iwaizumi said. “I sit here,” he pointed to seat just after what looked like a large metallic budge. “And you're going to seat behind me on this seat,”he patted the seat that was raised in the air on an angle to the main seat. “You place your feet on these rests by the wheel and you brace your hands on either side of my waist.”

      “Ok,” Oikawa nodded.

      “Now, it might seem counter intuitive, but the faster you go on the bike the safer you are,” Iwaizumi explained. “The speed actually forces the bike into an upright position and if the bike goes too slow it's more likely to topple over so I don't want you to be afraid if I go fast.”

      “I'm a grown man not a teenage girl,” Oikawa frowned.

      “I'm not implying anything, I go through this speech with everyone,” Iwaizumi said.

      “Ok,” Oikawa said reluctantly. He wanted to ask how many people were riding on the motorcycle with their arms wrapped around his waist but he decided against it.

      “Right, also when I turn the bike I actually have to move my body to keep the balance on the bike. Which means you have to move with me,” he continued. “Lean with the bike. It's actually a lot less frightening than it sounds. To be honest, it's kind of like...dancing?”

      “Dancing?” Oikawa repeated.

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded admittedly. “I'm leading and you follow.”

      “Ok,” Oikawa said, unable to stop the smile forming on his face.

      “I'll start slow until you get the hang of it,” Iwaizumi smirked. He grabbed the black full face helmet and stuck it under his arm, leaving the other for Oikawa to take. “Trust me, for your first ride, that one is going to be more comfortable.”

      “I trust you,” Oikawa said taking the gray helmet.

      “Good,” Iwaizumi smiled softly. “Also here,” he went into the compartment on the bike and pulled out two pairs of black leather gloves. “Wear these.”

      He watched as Iwaizumi walked over to the garage and shut off the lights and closed and locked the door as he pulled on the gloves. Walking back over, he swung his leg over the seat and stood straddling the bike placing the helmet in front of him. Oikawa heard the roar of the engine as he turned on the ignition and revved the engine. The loud purring of the bike was enough to send a shiver of anticipation down Oikawa's spine.

      “I won't be able to talk to you while I'm driving,” Iwaizumi said. “And I won't be able to hear you, but if you absolutely need my attention just squeeze my waist quickly twice. Also make sure to keep your feet clear of the wheels. And if I have to brake suddenly hold on to me really tightly.”

      “Understood,” Oikawa nodded placing his helmet on.

      “Ok, ready?” Iwaizumi asked with a small smile.

      “Ready,” he said.

      Iwaizumi pulled on his helmet over his head. Carefully, Oikawa climbed up to seat on the back, bracing his hands on either side of Iwaizumi's waist. Instantly he felt the rumbling of the bike under him and the heat against his legs from the engine and muffler. But most importantly, he was completely pressed up against Iwaizumi.

      He placed his feet on either side of the foot rest and shifted slightly in place to get comfortable while still remembering all of Iwaizumi's rules in his head. But just as he made himself comfortable, Iwaizumi kicked up the kickstand and peeled out of the driveway.

      No amount of Iwaizumi describing what to do or what was going to happen could have prepared him for the feeling of the motorcycle moving down the street. His hands sat on either of Iwaizumi's waist, just where the jacket ended and the joint of his hip, gripping tightly as Iwaizumi drove with experienced ease through the streets. The hot rumbling of the motorcycle shook Oikawa throughout his entire body and he found himself pressing against Iwaizumi's back more firmly.

      After a few minutes of what Oikawa assumed was his casual driving, Iwaizumi placed his left hand on Oikawa's thigh as they stopped at a traffic light. Somehow, he knew Iwaizumi was asking him for permission to start moving a bit faster. Nervous, but trustful of Iwaizumi, Oikawa lightly squeezed his hands on Iwaizumi's waist and he saw Iwaizumi nod and put his hand back on the steering handles.

      Faster was not what Oikawa expected. He knew it was going to feel terrifying and so exposed and incredibly fast, but he wasn't expecting it to feel like all of those and also so damn thrilling. As soon as the light changed, Iwaizumi hit the accelerator and the bike zoomed out of the there. Almost instantly Oikawa's hands tightened their grip on Iwaizumi's waist and he pressed further against his back. Oikawa was glad that he couldn't be heard because he knew he let out an embarrassing squeak when the bike accelerated so quickly.

      But Oikawa had to had admit it felt amazing. At the speed at which Iwaizumi drive down the long roads leading away from the city, Oikawa could practically feel the wind holding them up right. The rumbling of the bike between his legs was nothing compared to the warmth and pressure down his front from Iwaizumi's body pressed up against him. Everything felt heightened and extreme and Oikawa felt drunk on the overdose of sensations.

      He wasn't sure how long they drove for, or even how far they went. And to be perfectly honest, Oikawa felt like could ride behind Iwaizumi until the tank ran out of gas. But as the density of houses and buildings thinned and they were passing long stretches of forest and water, Iwaizumi began to slow. Right in the middle of a dip in the foliage was a small wooden house that stood isolated, miles from any other house.

      Pulling into the almost full wide dirt parking lot just to the left of the house, Iwaizumi parked the motorcycle. Turning off the engine, Oikawa could feel the residual rumbling of the bike in his body as he unfurled his hands from Iwaizumi's side. Putting down the kickstand, Iwaizumi pulled off his helmet with an exhale.

      “You ok?” Iwaizumi asked twisting his head around to look at Oikawa as he pulled off his gloves.

      “I'm—” Oikawa hadn't realized that his voice had become thick and his throat dry. “Yeah, I'm yeah.”

      “Good,” Iwaizumi smiled. “Do you need help getting up?” He asked.

      “Uh, yeah,” Oikawa nodded awkwardly getting off the back of the bike. Hoping to get his balance, he righted himself using Iwaizumi's shoulder to steady himself.   

      “Don't worry, you'll eventually get your sea legs,” Iwaizumi laughed. “But it wasn't so bad right?”

      “It was surprisingly awesome,” Oikawa admired pulling off the gloves and helmet. “Now I'm going to be marginally less judgemental when I see someone come into the ER after crashing their motorcycle. I see the appeal of going fast.”

      “And I kept you safe,” Iwaizumi said taking the helmet and gloves from him. “I'm a fairly experienced driver. I've been riding since I was in my early twenties.”

      “Iwa, I trust you,” Oikawa said placing his hand on Iwaizumi's arm.

      “I'm glad,” Iwaizumi smiled.

      “So what's so special about this restaurant?” Oikawa asked as Iwaizumi got off the motorcycle and put the gloves and helmets away.

      “I know the owners,” Iwaizumi said vaguely.

      “Oh, cool,” Oikawa said looking up at the wooden house.

      It was two levels with a low sloping tile roof. The large windows on the first floor were covered with gauzey white curtains which glowed orange from the light inside. The cobbled path leading up to the tall doors were the same stone as the arch that formed around the front door.

      Taking Oikawa's hand, Iwaizumi led them up the path and to the front door. The feeling of Iwaizumi's still very warm hand in his was the grounding that Oikawa needed and he felt instantly at ease. He absentmindedly ran his free hand through his hair as they walked.

      “You still look good don't worry,” Iwaizumi said pulling the door open.

      “Oh,” Oikawa said realizing that he was fiddling with his clothes. “Thanks.”

      “You're so weird,” Iwaizumi laughed softly as he held the door open for Oikawa.

      “Yeah but you like it,” Oikawa grinned walking in. He could see a faint blush on the tips of Iwaizumi's ears as he walked in past him, but he attributed that to the helmet he had just been wearing.

      He walked into the dining room and was surprised by the decor. A relatively small room, there were about a little more than half a dozen wooden tables seating three to six people all happily eating large portions of what Oikawa could tell were various breakfast foods. There were what looked like hand made glass lighting fixtures above each table bathing the room in soft colors of blues and greens while the string of fairy lights around the ceiling cast a warm orange glow once gauzey curtains.

      “Ayo, it's Iwaizumi.”

      Oikawa turned his head and saw a tall dark haired man with heavy eyebrows walking over towards them. His white t-shirt sleeves were rolled up on his shoulders, and a waist apron was tied on over his jeans. He came over with a half grin and clasped Iwaizumi's hand.

      “Yo, you finally made it,” he said giving Iwaizumi a manly hug.

      “Yeah ‘course man,” Iwaizumi said patting his hand on the taller man's face. “I'm always here for opening night.”

      “I know, you're our little exemption,” he smirked putting his hands on his hips. He glanced at Oikawa who felt at a loss of what to do.

      “Oh right, Oikawa this is one of my best friends Mattsun,” Iwaizumi said placing one of his hands on the small of Oikawa's back and gesture to his friend with his other hand. “He's the one of the owners and chefs.”

      “Hello,” Oikawa said feeling oddly like he was meeting a parent.

      “This is Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said with a level of seriousness that didn't go unnoticed by Oikawa. He and Mattsun shared a look that Oikawa couldn't read.

      “I'm glad to finally meet you Oikawa,” Mattsun said shaking his hand firmly. “We've heard a lot about you.”

      “We?” Oikawa asked.

      “He means him and Makki,” Iwaizumi said. “My other best friend.”

      “Oh,” Oikawa said, not feeling any less confused.

      “My husband,” Mattsun said.

      “Oh,” Oikawa said understanding.

      “Where is he anyway?” Iwaizumi asked looking past Mattsun towards the kitchen.

      “Slaving away over the stove,” Mattsun said wistfully.

      “Of course,” Iwaizumi nodded.

      “So, a table?” Mattsun said gesturing to dining room.

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded settling his hand around Oikawa's waist.

      “Here there's a special place for you,” Mattsun said teasingly motioning to a table for two placed in a bay window.

      “Thank you,” Iwaizumi said ignoring his tone. Oikawa was ushered into a seat and Iwaizumi took the seat across from him.

      “You're first course will be out soon,” Mattsun said patting Iwaizumi's shoulder.

      “But we haven't even ordered yet?” Oikawa said pulling off my he leather jacket he was still wearing as he walked away.

      “It's a chef’s table restaurant,” Iwaizumi said taking of his leather jacket and placing it on the back of the chair. “There's a preset menu for each night and it changes each week.”

      “Oh,” Oikawa said pulling himself more comfortably into the seat, and placing his own jacket behind him. “I've never been to a restaurant like that before.”

      “It's kinda like going to to someone's house for dinner and eating what they made for you,” Iwaizumi said unfolding his napkin and draping it a crossing his lap. “If that person is two people and they studied the culinary arts in Italy and are total dorks.”

      “You don't have to have studied the culinary arts in order to be a dork,” Oikawa snorted placing his napkin on his own lap.

      “You're right, you're a dork,” Iwaizumi smirked.

      “Funny,” Oikawa said kicking Iwaizumi lightly under the table.

      “I thought so,” Iwaizumi shrugged, trapping Oikawa's foot between his before he could get a second kick in. Oikawa pretended to be upset about it but just let their feet lock together under the table.

      “So are you gonna tell me about these best friends that I'm only hearing of now?” Oikawa asked leaning his chin in his hand.

      “Oh, yeah,” Iwaizumi said looking sheepish.

      “If I didn't know better I'd say that you were keeping me isolated from the rest of your life.”

      “Sorry, I didn't mean for it to look like that,” Iwaizumi said. “I don't mean to be kind of private I just honestly forget to share things.”

      “It's ok,” Oikawa said. “Plus I was only joking.”

      “I know but,” Iwaizumi looked off out the window through the gauzey curtains, “I didn't mean for you to feel...you know, isolated. I know I don't really say it often but,” he stared down at his hands on the table top, “you're… very important to me.”

      It wasn't often that Oikawa was felt speechless. He felt as if his stomach has started doing cartwheels from the churning twisting feeling he usually attributed to Iwaizumi. They didn't usually address the underlying truths of their relationship— or whatever it was. Barely did they mention Iwaizumi's previous declaration of love and willingness to wait for Oikawa to reciprocate it. Almost never did they put any definitions to what they were to each other. And not once had they acknowledged that a majority of what they done together were normally considered “dating practices”.

      But this small statement, Iwaizumi’s admittance that things may be a bit deeper between them than they'd care to admit, it brought all those things they never think about to the front of Oikawa's mind. He could see the way that Iwaizumi was fighting the blush high on his cheeks with a furrowed brow and slight frown. The sight of him pushing away embarrassment, coupled with the reaction to his statement, had Oikawa's heart racing.

      “You're...important to me too,” Oikawa said carefully. Iwaizumi looked up at him, his green eyes looking ridiculously hopefully and Oikawa swore he melted.

      “You're first course— oh hi Iwaizumi,” their waiter said in a slightly monotone voice, bringing over two small plates to the table. Oikawa turned his head to look up at a younger man with dark straight black hair parted in the middle with heavy lidded eyes and slightly sour expression.

      “Hey Kunimi,” Iwaizumi said with a quick change in tone. “I didn't know you were coming back this year.”

      “Well grad school is expensive so here I am,” he said setting the plates down in front of them. “Plus,” he scrunched up his face like he was debating on where or not to answer, “I don't...hate...working here.”

      “Oh I'm so telling Mattsun you said that,” Iwaizumi grinned up at him. Kunimi only frowned further. “Anyway it's nice to have my favorite waiter back.”

      “Thanks,” Kunimi said quietly. He cleared his throat and quickly looked between them before continuing. “This is your first course of DesayNueve; a nine course meal exploring breakfast foods. This course is an omlette and toast, and it is made with locally sourced eggs and bread made from a local bakery. Enjoy.”

      “Thanks,” Iwaizumi smiled. Kunimi nodded and turned and walked back towards the kitchen.

      Oikawa looked down at his plate. On it was the most perfect looking circle of eggs next to perfectly toasted bread with a fruit jam spread across the top. It smelled amazing and Oikawa could feel his mouth watering at the sight.

      “It's breakfast for dinner,” Oikawa said staring down at his plate. He glanced up at Iwaizumi who had a knowing smile on his face.

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded.

      “What are the odds that that's the meal they were going to make?” Oikawa said shrewdly grinning at him.

      “Oh you know,” Iwaizumi said vaguely, starting to tuck into his food. “It was a total coincidence.” Oikawa couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update!!

* * *

      Caught entirely off guard, Oikawa almost let out a shout when two large bodies descended upon the table he was sitting at while Iwaizumi was in the bathroom. Sitting still in shock, he watched as Mattsun and a man he didn't recognize, pulled up two chairs from another table and sat down. They both stared at him with serious expressions and Oikawa was suddenly very nervous. 

      “So,” said the man he didn't recognize, “who are you?”

      “Um?” Oikawa began thoroughly confused. He glanced at Mattsun for help. 

      “This is Makki, my husband,” he said seeing Oikawa's confusion. 

      “Ah,” Oikawa nodded understandingly. 

      “So who are you?” Makki said again, leaning forward on the table. 

      “I...I don't understand the question,” Oikawa hesitated looking between them. 

      “You're all Iwaizumi talks about recently,” Mattsun said shrewdly. “He's always talking about Oikawa this and Oikawa that. It seems like you guys are together all the time. And, though he hasn't said anything, we you know you guys are sleeping together. And now he brings you here.”

      “Um…” Oikawa swallowed feeling very overwhelmed. 

      “And yet,” Mattsun continued. “You're not together. So, who exactly are you to our Iwaizumi?”

      “I'm…” Oikawa looked between the two men who was staring intently at him with heavy lidded eyes and serious expressions. “...his friend. We're friends.”

      “No,” Mattsun shook his head. “We're his friends. We're his best friends. But you're something…  else.” Oikawa gulped.

      “What are your intentions with our Iwaizumi?” Makki asked. 

      “Intentions?” Oikawa repeated. He felt more like he was meeting his parents than his best friends. “Um… my intentions are… I uh, to be his friend I guess?”

      He watched the both of them exchange a look and they got up from the table. Replacing the chairs back to their original tables, Mattsun and Makki got up without another word and exited back into the kitchen. Still in shock, Oikawa barely noticed when Iwaizumi returned a minute later. 

      “Hey sorry about that,” Iwaizumi said sitting down at the table. Oikawa blinked up at him feeling almost annoyed that Iwaizumi let that happen. “There was a line for the bathroom.”

      “Oh,” Oikawa said realizing Iwaizumi was not talking about the ambush. “No worries.”

      “So I was thinking that now that we finished eating I'd bring you back to the kitchen so you can properly meet my friends,” Iwaizumi suggested. 

      “Um,” Oikawa let out a humorless laugh. “Right, yeah sure.”

      “They're gonna love you so don't worry,” Iwaizumi assured standing up from his chair. 

      “I'm not so sure,” Oikawa murmured under his breath getting up from his seat and taking Iwaizumi's outstretched hand. 

      Iwaizumi walked them through the dining room towards the kitchen pulling a very apprehensive Oikawa with him. With a small reassuring smile, Iwaizumi nudged open the kitchen door with his free hand. 

      “Yo, Iwaizumi's here,” Mattsun called out behind him when they walked in. He put down the large bowl he had been pouring dry ingredients into and set it aside with a large flat tray on top. He wiped his hand on his apron before clasping Iwaizumi's free hand again. 

      “Who let that asshole back here?” said a voice that Oikawa instantly recognized as Makki. Feeling on edge with nerves, Oikawa gulped as Makki came into view from the back of the kitchen.

      “Hey man,” Iwaizumi laughed as Makki walked over with a smile. Oikawa couldn’t believe that he was the same man who accosted him only a few minutes prior.

      “I poisoned your food you know,” Makki said clapping Iwaizumi’s hand. 

      “I’m sure you did,” Iwaizumi nodded. Mattsun came to stand behind Makki placing his hand on his left shoulder. There was a beat of silence and next to him, Oikawa could hear Iwaizumi clear his throat awkwardly. His hand tightened slightly in his own. “Um, so guys,” he began looking more anxious than Oikawa had ever seen him before, “I wanted you to meet Oikawa.” 

      “Ah yes, the famous Oikawa,” Makki nodded knowingly. “We’ve heard so much about you.” 

      “Makki,” Iwaizumi said threateningly. 

      “It’s nice to finally meet you,” Mattsun said amiably. “Iwaizumi talks about you very frequently. We were wondering if we were ever going to get to meet the object of his affections.” 

      “Guys, what the fuck?” Iwaizumi asked incredulously. “I said be cool.” 

      Oikawa, who was feeling more confused than he’d ever been before, looked nervously between Iwaizumi and his two friends who were grinning slyly at him. Feeling his palm grow sweaty from nerves, Oikawa pulled his hand out of Iwaizumi’s grasp and stuffed it into his pocket. Having Mattsun and Makki stand so close to him made him very on edge. 

      “We’re being cool,” Mattsun grinned. “We’re always cool. Right honey?”

      “Of course darling,” Makki smirked. 

      “You guys are assholes,” Iwaizumi shook his head. “Um, Oikawa, this is Matsukawa and his husband and my other best friend, Hanamaki,” pointing to Mattsun and Makki respectively. “Guys, this is Oikawa.” 

      “Hello,” Oikawa said feeling uncomfortable as two sets of scrutinizing eyes landed on him. “It’s nice to meet you.” They both continued to stare at him silently, making Oikawa grow impossibly more nervous. 

      “You guys are gonna hang out here for a bit right?” Mattsun asked after a moment, glancing over at Iwaizumi. “We just have to finish cleaning, and doing some prep for tomorrow, but we should be done in like twenty minutes. If you wanna wait upstairs for us, we’ll be up soon.”

      “Cool man,” Iwaizumi nodded. “Let me grab our jackets and then we’ll head upstairs.”

      “Wait, Iwa don’t—” Oikawa began to say as Iwaizumi gave him a quick smile and turned and left the kitchen. The last thing Oikawa had wanted was to be left alone with his two friends who seem bent on making him feel as uncomfortable as possible. Festering in the silence of Iwaizumi’s absence, Oikawa tried to speak. “D-dinner was delicious. Breakfast for dinner is one of my favorite things.” 

      “We know,” Mattsun said knowingly, eyeing Oikawa. 

      Balking under the pressure of failing to endear Iwaizumi’s friends to him, Oikawa swallowed thickly. All the delicious food he had eaten now sat in a pit in his stomach, hard and as heavy as lead. Iwaizumi couldn’t return fast enough.

      “Hey,” Iwaizumi said sticking his head into the kitchen. Oikawa let out a small sigh of relief. “Let’s go upstairs while they finish cleaning up.” 

      “Ok,” Oikawa nodded, grateful to not have to be alone with them again. 

      With a quick smile to the still frowning couple, Oikawa left the kitchen and followed Iwaizumi out the back door next to the bathroom. He lead him around the back to an outdoor staircase that led up to the second floor. Pulling out his keys, Iwaizumi fit one of the keys into the lock and let himself inside. 

      “You have keys to your best friend’s house?” Oikawa asked following Iwaizumi into the dark apartment. 

      “They travel a lot,” Iwaizumi said flipping on the light switch for the intricate handmade glass lighting fixture mounted on the ceiling of the large living room, “I water their plants.”  

      “Of course you do,” Oikawa smiled softly closing the door behind him. He looked around the apartment and seeing dozens of potted plants of all shapes and sizes and varieties covering the apartment. The furniture seemed to be incorporated into the living landscape that was their home. It reminded Oikawa more of a greenhouse than a living room. 

      “So, what do you think?” Iwaizumi asked apprehensively, turning around to face Oikawa who was still standing in front of the door. 

      “It’s a really cool house,” Oikawa nodded looking around at the hanging pots filled with overflowing vines and the potted plants surrounding the two couches that had leaves bigger than the pillows. 

      “No— well yeah, but I meant them,” Iwaizumi laughed, placing their jackets on the coat rack. “What do you think?”

      “Um,” Oikawa swallowed. “They seem...nice,”Oikawa struggled for a word, hoping it sounded sincere.

      “They can be a little overwhelming, I know,” Iwaizumi exhaled heavily placing his hands on his hips. “But they mean well.” 

      “I’m sure they do,” Oikawa agreed, having trouble believing it for himself.

      “They’ve actually gotten better, I’m surprised they didn’t corner you or something,” Iwaizumi laughed taking a step over to Oikawa and placing his hand gently on his waist. 

      “Well actually…”

      “Oh shit they did,” Iwaizumi said in realization, his hand sliding off Oikawa. “Damnit, I should have warned you.” 

      “It’s fine,” Oikawa assured, shaking his head. He took Iwaizumi’s and placed it back on his waist. Placing his hands on Iwaizumi’s shoulders he gave him his most assuring smile. “They care about you. It’s nice.”

      “They’re my best friends,” Iwaizumi shrugged, placing both hands on Oikawa’s waist and pulling him closer so they were chest to chest. 

      “And what am I?” Oikawa asked, breathing against Iwaizumi’s mouth. 

      “You’re…” Iwaizumi trailed off in favor of connecting their lips. 

      Oikawa much preferred this response to anything he wondered Iwaizumi might say. He had noticed that Iwaizumi had neglected to associate any title for him when he introduced him. There had been no “my friend Oikawa” or a hesitant “...Oikawa…” to distinguish their relationship, whatever it was, from any other relationship.  In the back of his mind, he had been worried that Iwaizumi would refer to him as something that they weren’t. For some reason, the word friend felt inadequate to describe them and boyfriend felt false. They weren’t partners, or lovers, or romantically involved, and the title “my friend who is almost worryingly important to me, who I make out with and have sex regularly with but I’m not dating” was too long and clunky for introductions.  

      But none of this stopped Oikawa from enjoying their kiss. In fact, Oikawa was glad Iwaizumi kissed him because had he not, Oikawa would have probably have to have done so. Kissing Iwaizumi was like being pulled apart, slowly and bit by bit. It was heady and dizzying and consuming and Oikawa could do it for hours. The slow pull of his lip between Iwaizumi’s combined with the slow caressing of his hands at his waist made him melt against him. The warm wetness of Iwaizumi’s tongue sliding against his own as he gripped his hands in Iwaizumi’s hair fueled the burning twisting in his gut. It was something he could do forever. 

      “Can I just say,” Oikawa breathed, tilting his head to the side as Iwaizumi slowly kissed his face, paying special attention to the juncture where his jaw met his neck. “I didn’t get to comment on it before, but you on that motorcycle is like crazy hot.” He could feel Iwaizumi let out a small laugh against his neck. “Why did you wait so long before taking me out on that thing?”

      “It’s an intimate experience,” Iwaizumi whispered, his mouth still hot on Oikawa’s neck as his hands slid slowly down from his waist to the curve of his ass. “It requires lots of trust. You can’t have that kind of trust in someone until they earn it.” 

      “And now you’ve deemed yourself worthy of my trust?” Oikawa smirked, enjoying the feeling of Iwaizumi’s teeth grazing his skin.   

      “Aren’t I?” Iwaizumi asked looking up at Oikawa. His dark green eyes boring into Oikawa’s brown one, making his mouth run dry. 

      “Completely,” Oikawa breathed. Pressing their lips together, Oikawa moaned softly into Iwaizumi’s mouth. He could feel Iwaizumi’s hands grabbing at his ass, pushing them closer together. His hands cradled Iwaizumi’s jaw, thumbing gently at his cheeks while they kissed. 

      “I told you they’d be making out,” Mattsun said from behind them, startling them apart. 

      “A little warning?” Iwaizumi said setting his hands on his hips.

      “Fuck you, I live here,” Mattsun laughed closing the door behind them. 

      “Still,” Iwaizumi frowned, looking nowhere near as embarrassed as Oikawa felt. 

      “Didn’t matter, we knew you’d guys would be making out up here,” Makki smirked taking off his shoes and kicking them towards the door. 

      “You mean ma _ king  _ out,” Mattsun laughed as he toed off his shoes. 

      “Enough we’re not in college anymore,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest. 

      “Um…” Oikawa looked between them, hoping for some clarification. 

      “Iwaizumi here is the making out king,” Mattsun said throwing his arm around his shoulders. “Better known as the maKING out,” emphasizing the king. 

      “Yeah basically he was the king of sucking face but in college,” Makki said grabbing the spray bottle from the counter to water the small line of plants on the windowsill. 

      “And now,” Mattsun added, earning a scowl from Iwaizumi. 

      “Yeah, and now,” Makki chuckled. Oikawa felt like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. “He could get anyone to make out with him.” 

      “No, it was more like people were lining up to make out with him,” Makki smirked. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to.” 

      “Shut up,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. 

      “I wanted to,” Mattsun said raising his hand that was on Iwaizumi’s shoulders. “I did.” 

      “Me too,” Makki said putting down the spray bottle. 

      “This is hilarious,” Iwaizumi said sarcastically. “I love going down memory lane. But how about we stop this trip right now?”

      “Yes of course my king,” Mattsun said facetiously. 

      “My liege,” Makki joked. 

      “Your highness.”

      “My sovereign.” 

      “Ok, ok,” Iwaizumi interrupted, now fighting a blush on his face. “You can stop the intimidation act now. It’s not going to work.” He looked apologetically over at Oikawa. 

      “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Mattsun lied walking over to the small kitchen. “Coffee?” 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi sighed uncrossing his arms and settling his hand around Oikawa’s waist. He gave Oikawa a small, warm smile and he felt the knot in his stomach start to unfurl just a bit. 

_       Yeah. I can totally do this for him. _

* * *

 

      “And this fucker,” Mattsun poked his thumb at Makki next to him on one of the couches in their jungle-like living room, “fucking followed me to the culinary arts program in Italy.”

      “Excuse me, but I’m the better chef,” Makki said haughtily. 

      “That’s debatable,” Mattsun said dubiously. “But anyway he followed me there.”

      “I seem to recall the both of you applying to the program,” Iwaizumi said setting his now empty mug of coffee on the coffee table, before leaning back and placing his arm back around Oikawa’s shoulder. 

      “Yeah but I applied first,” Mattsun said. 

      “Debatable,” Makki repeated with a smirk. 

      “You know what, it doesn’t matter,” Iwaizumi shrugged. “The long story short is, they went to Italy as best friends and came back married.” 

      “We went to go get married in Amsterdam,” Mattsun said smiling. “Amongst other things.”

      “They didn't even tell me they were getting married,” Iwaizumi said, turning to Oikawa who, over the course of a mug of coffee flavored by a generous amount of whiskey, was now feeling more at ease with Iwaizumi’s friends. 

      “You just came back and you guys were married?” Oikawa asked, lifting his mug to his mouth.

      “Yeah basically,” Makki shrugged. 

      “Without telling anyone?” 

      “Mhm,” Mattsun nodded. 

      “That’s hilarious,” Oikawa laughed. 

      “No it was mean not to tell me,” Iwaizumi frowned at his chuckling friends. 

      “Aw, come on,” Mattsun grinned. “It was kinda funny.” 

      “You guys had already gone halfway around the world, gone for so long, I barely got to see you,” Iwaizumi said. Oikawa looked down at his mug feeling a weird hollowness in his chest. “Then you come back and for months neglected to tell me you were together, let alone married.”

      “Dude we've been over this,” Mattsun sighed. “We just didn't know how to tell you.”

      “You still should've told me immediately,” Iwaizumi pouted. 

      “And how you propose we should have done that?” Mattsun asked. 

      “When you got off the plane you guys should have come to my apartment and told me,” Iwaizumi shrugged nonchalantly. 

      “Yeah ok, well remember that for next time,” Makki said sarcastically. 

      “Good,” Iwaizumi said seriously. “I will. I'm holding you to that.”

      “Don't you have a cat to go feed or something?” Makki teased. 

      “As a matter of fact I do,” Iwaizumi said downing the rest of his not spiked coffee. “We're gonna go, so you guys can have your opening night sex that you've been waiting to have.”

      “We're patient,” Makki shirted with a smirk. 

      “Not always,” Iwaizumi said to Oikawa. “Once they hadn't even waited for me to leave the room before they were pulling off clothes.” Oikawa grimaced looking between Iwaizumi and his smirking friends. “Actually, more than once.”

      “And on that note, we are going to have to rush you out of here, you understand,” Mattsun said getting up from the couch. 

      “Of course,” Iwaizumi said standing up. Oikawa stood up and took Iwaizumi's out stretched hand and followed him towards the front door. “Thanks again for dinner guys. I'll see you later,” he said. 

      “Yeah man,” Mattsun nodded, him and Makki following then toward the door. “We'll see you later.”

      “See you,” Iwaizumi waved as he started to walk through the door.

      “Bye, thank you again for dinner and coffee,” Oikawa said smiling at Iwaizumi's friends who were watching him. “Everything was delicious.”

      “It was good to meet you Oikawa,” Mattsun said with a slight nod. 

      That was enough to make him feel a thousand times better than he had two hours ago when he was ambushed. Somehow those few words felt more like he passed a test he hadn’t studied for. Following Iwaizumi out down the stairs and towards the motorcycle, he could not help but feel like he had just met Iwaizumi's parents. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so because it's my love's (Oikawa) birthday, i've decided to update this fic a bit earlier than i would have... and gosh do i love this chapter.  
> it's got fun for the whole family! fluff! sex!! emotion!! plot!! angst!!! 
> 
> *warning* sexual situations ;)

* * *

      “So where does it hurt?” Oikawa asked looking down Iwaizumi's body for anything that could need medical attention.

      “Right here in my shoulder,” Iwaizumi said rolling his left shoulder.

      “You should take off your shirt so I can get a better look,” Oikawa said tucking his fingers under the hem of the bottom of Iwaizumi's shirt.

      “Ok Doctor,” Iwaizumi said low and deeply. He grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it on the other other side of his sectional on the floor. Oikawa fit his knees between Iwaizumi's legs, placing his hands delicately on Iwaizumi's left shoulder.

      “Is this where it hurts?” Oikawa asked running his fingertips gently over the skin on his shoulder.

      “Yes Doctor,” Iwaizumi breathed staring up at Oikawa, his eyes dark and piercing.

      “How about here?” Oikawa asked moving his fingers slowly down his chest, lightly brushing past his nipple. He could feel Iwaizumi's breathing shudder and quicken. “How about here?” He slowly slid his fingers down his side towards the waistband of his jeans.

      “Um—ah hahahaha—fuck Oikawa stop—” Iwaizumi laughed squirming away from him.

      “Come on Iwa, you're ruining the mood,” Oikawa pouted, setting his hands on his hips. “I'm not trying to tickle you. This is supposed to be sexy.”

      “It is, you just happened to also tickle me,” Iwaizumi smirked.

      “Iwa, stay in character,” Oikawa scolded.

      “Maybe my character is very ticklish,” Iwaizumi suggested with a grin.

      “Ugh forget it,” Oikawa groaned, backing up from between his legs. “I just back from work being a real doctor, you're the one who wanted to play doctor.”

      “Aw come on, I'm sorry,” Iwaizumi apologized taking Oikawa's hands and pulling him back toward him. “Here come on. Let's pick where we left off.” Oikawa scowled at him skeptically as Iwaizumi moved his hands down to the curve of his asspulling him closer. “You're the hot doctor and you're here checking up on your sexy and willing patient who's ready to try any treatment no matter how _sexual._ ”

      “You're an idiot,” Oikawa smiled down at Iwaizumi, resting his hands on his shoulders.

      “Eh,” Iwaizumi shrugged, squeezing Oikawa's ass through his pants. “So are we gonna continue or what?”

      “No you ruined the mood,” Oikawa pouted.

      “Then I guess I should be the one to fix it,” Iwaizumi said moving his hands to undo Oikawa's jeans while keeping their eyes on each other.

      “Yeah you should,” Oikawa grinned.

      “Now what surprises am I gonna find today?” Iwaizumi asked as he slowly pulled down Oikawa's zipper. “Is it gonna be pink lace or…?”

      “Oh my god,” Oikawa rolled his eyes laughing. “It was one time. I told you, I hadn't done laundry. I just wore whatever underwear I had left.”

      “Oh I'm not complaining,” Iwaizumi smirked. “I'm hoping that it'll happen again….that maybe you have more lacy surprises for me.”

      “If I tell you then it wouldn't be a surprise then would it?” Oikawa grinned.

      “No I suppose not,” Iwaizumi smiled. Slowly, he peeled down the waistband of Oikawa's jeans to reveal soft white thin lace panties. “I thought you said it was the one time?”

      “Surprise,” Oikawa grinned wiggling his eyebrows at him.

      “And you were gonna let me play out the whole sexy Doctor thing and not even tell me you were wearing this?” Iwaizumi said pulling down the rest of Oikawa's waistband. Oikawa watched a slow smile grow across Iwaizumi's face as he exposed more of the white lace wrapped around his pert ass, pulling against his half hard cock.

      “Well this isn't exactly professional wear for doctors,” Oikawa teased moving his hips as Iwaizumi pulled his jeans down his thighs.

      “Oh really?” Iwaizumi asked, running his fingers over Oikawa's ass cheeks playing with the lace. “What do you wear at work Dr. Oikawa?” He leaned forward, lifting his shirt slightly and kissing his lower abdomen. “A silk slip?” He kissed just above the hem on the panties. “Nothing but these?” Iwaizumi looked up at Oikawa keeping his lips pressed against abdomen.

      “Scrubs,” Oikawa blurted. Iwaizumi raised his eyebrow. “I wear scrubs because I'm an ER doctor.”

      “That's… marginally less sexy than I imagined,” Iwaizumi chuckled against his skin. “But because it's you I'm sure it's incredibly sexy.”

      “I'm always sexy,” Oikawa smirked enjoying the feeling of Iwaizumi kissing through the lace on his hardening dick.

      “Very true,” Iwaizumi breathed mouthing at him.

      “And I also wear a lab coat,” Oikawa said running his fingers through Iwaizumi's hair.

      “That's sexy,” Iwaizumi whispered moving his right hand up Oikawa's stomach while dipping the fingers on his left hand under the hem of the lace and running his fingertips down the cleft of his ass and  fingering at his entrance.

      “You're sexy,” Oikawa smirked softly feeling Iwaizumi gently pull down the wet lace covering his dick. He sprung free from the lace, his length bouncing onto Iwaizumi's face in a way that made Oikawa harder.

      He tilted his head back enjoying the feeling of Iwaizumi licking slowly from his balls up his shaft. Gripping tightly on Iwaizumi's hair, Oikawa inhaled deeply as Iwaizumi swirled his tongue around the head. Iwaizumi's finger pressed against his entrance and Oikawa let out a low moan.

      “Fuck,” Oikawa groaned pulling at Iwaizumi's hair. “Fuck, your mouth Iwa—” he closed his eyes focusing on the feeling of Iwaizumi's mouth sucking on him. He thrust shallowly into warmth engulfing him. “You— fuck Iwa — you feel so amazing.”

      Iwaizumi hummed around him, sending a warmth up Oikawa's spine. He loved when Iwaizumi went down on him. He had a slow, deep way of pulling Oikawa apart, just like most things he did to him. It was always like that with him. Like being pulled under willingly and with avid enthusiasm. The best way to drown.

      “I feel so—” he was cut off by the sound of a notification and vibration from his phone in his pants pocket that was still around his thighs. “Uh,” he opened his eyes and tilted his head down. Iwaizumi was paused with his mouth still around him. “Um I'll just uh...get that.” He bent down slightly reaching for his pocket.

      “Rbight nowb?” Iwaizumi asked muffled by Oikawa's dick still in his mouth.

      “It could something important,” Oikawa teased fishing for his phone in his pocket. Iwaizumi just continued to stare at him with his hand and mouth still around him. “You can continue.”

      With a laughing huff, Iwaizumi closed his eyes and went back to sucking deeply on Oikawa. With a grin, Oikawa pulled out his phone, swiped the email notification, and quickly read he the subject line.

**Dr. Phillip L’Ore:Subject: ER Position Interview**

      Oikawa's reaction was almost immediate. The quickening of his heart rate had nothing to do with the way that Iwaizumi was taking him deeper and deeper into his mouth. He felt his face grow hot as he read through the email. Each line of “you've come highly recommended” and “we would love to do a Skype interview” and the perfectly panic inducing “you're at the top of our list and we'd love to have you come and visit our facilities” sent his breathing into a panting mess that had nothing to do with Iwaizumi still working him.

      “Oikawa?” Iwaizumi asked. Looking down from his phone, Oikawa saw Iwaizumi staring up at him his his softening dick in his hand. “Are...are you ok? What's wrong?”

      “Um,” Oikawa mumbled. He had no intention of telling Iwaizumi about the job offer yet. Oikawa honestly couldn't rationally work through why he didn't want to tell him. Something about not telling felt like lying, but the thought of telling felt like it would break the delicate spell they were under with whatever their “relationship” is.

      “Hey, are you ok?” Iwaizumi asked letting go of him and moving his hands up to rest on Oikawa's waist.

      “Yeah I'm…” Oikawa began, locking his phone. “It's from work. Hospital stuff. No big deal.”

      “But are you ok?” Iwaizumi asked, his voice and face filled with concern.

      “Yeah,” Oikawa lied. He tossed his phone further down on the sectional away from them. “I'm fine.”

      “Are you sure?” Iwaizumi said concernedly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

_God no I don't want to talk about. How can I tell you that I haven't completely turned down a job offer on the other side of the world? And that I can't even explain why. How am I supposed to talk about the idea of moving away from you when I don't even know what we even are? I can't bare to talk about the possibility of leaving because it might make you realize there's nothing worth waiting for me for. I just need you to want me for a little longer._

      “No I'm ok,” Oikawa lied giving Iwaizumi an assuring smile.

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi nodded. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on the still exposed part of Oikawa's stomach. “Do you want to continue?”

      “Yes please,” Oikawa smiled running his fingers through Iwaizumi's hair again.

      “Let's continue this upstairs,” Iwaizumi said moving Oikawa back and standing up. “I want to lay you down.” He brought their lips together in a slow, brief kiss.

      “Ok,” Oikawa breathed. Iwaizumi took a step to the side and Oikawa took that opportunity to completely remove his jeans which were still looked around his thighs. He tucked himself completely back into the stretchy lace panties and pulled off his socks, sticking them into his shoes. Leaving on Iwaizumi's green Godzilla shirt he was wearing, Oikawa grabbed his phone and walked up the metal spiral stairs to Iwaizumi's lofted bedroom.

      “I'll be up in a second I'm just trying to find my phone,” Iwaizumi called from the living room below.

      “Do you want me to call it?” Oikawa said leaning over the amber glass railing, amused by a shirtless Iwaizumi practically spinning in place trying to look for his phone.

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded. Oikawa picked up his phone and opened up Iwaizumi's contact. He pressed call and waited until he could hear the vibrations of Iwaizumi's phone from the living room below. “Got it thanks,” Iwaizumi said grabbing his phone from between two cushions on the sectional.

      “No problem,” Oikawa shook his head with a small smile placing his phone on the left night table.

      “Sorry about that,” Iwaizumi said as he quickly climbed the stairs. Oikawa climbed onto the bed, tucking his feet behind him.

      “It's ok,” Oikawa said, silently admiring his bare muscular tattooed back as he leaned down to place his phone on the night table as well.

      “Right so where were— why is that your contact photo for me?” Iwaizumi asked cutting himself off. He picked up Oikawa's still unlocked phone and held up the contact photo. It was Iwaizumi sleeping shirtless on the sectional with a sleeping Yamarashi on his chest. “When did you even take this?”

      “A while ago,” Oikawa said evasively. “It was cute. I had to.”

      “You had to?” Iwaizumi repeated with a smirk. He set Oikawa's phone down and picked his up. “Well then I have to take a picture of you now.”

      “What?” Oikawa blushed. “Why?”

      “Because,” Iwaizumi said crawling towards him on the bed. “You're cute.” He breathed against Oikawa's neck, kissing him softly.

      “I mean, of course I am,” Oikawa said smugly, a smugness that was heavily affected by his blush and increased heart rate. “So how shall I pose for you, _oh photographer_?”

      “Like this,” he grabbed Oikawa's legs and pulled them out from under him sending him falling against the bed with a hard bounce. Oikawa's arms fell outstretched behind him and the shirt he was wearing raked up just above his navel. His legs were bent to the side and his hardening dick was completely visible in his white lace panties. “Perfect,” Iwaizumi breathed kneeling above him.

      “This is nowhere near the same kind of picture I took of you,” Oikawa said fighting back a smile.

      “I know,” Iwaizumi said lifting his phone up to take a picture of Oikawa. “It's better,”  he smirked. Oikawa couldn't help but feel incredibly pleased as Iwaizumi took a photo of him. “Of course, you're super photogenic,” he said admiring the photo with a soft smile.

      “What did you expect?” Oikawa smirked leaning up on his elbows. “I'm gorgeous.”

      “Yeah, lay down gorgeous,” Iwaizumi said snarkily, putting his hand onto Oikawa's chest and pushing him lightly until he laid back down on the bed. “I'm not done with you.”

      “Hey, I only took one photo of you,” Oikawa said  feigning a pout. “You're turning this into a whole photoshoot.”

      “Don't worry, you can take more of me later in exchange,” Iwaizumi said moving Oikawa's legs so that they were spread open on either side of him.

      Iwaizumi knelt between Oikawa's open legs, grinning down at him as he slowly pushed  Oikawa's shirt up his clavicle, motioning for him to pull it off entirely. Lifting his head slightly, Oikawa pulled off the T-shirt and tossed it off the bed. Iwaizumi then pushed Oikawa down onto the bed with a small grin. Moving his hand back down his chest, he fingered Oikawa's nipples before raking his nails down to the waistband of the lace panties. Grasping onto Oikawa's thigh, Iwaizumi took another picture of him.

      “So am I going to get to do all this to you?” Oikawa breathed watching Iwaizumi put aside his phone.

      “Of course,” Iwaizumi whispered bending down and kissing above the waistband of the lace. He nuzzled his nose up to Oikawa's navel. “Do you trust me?”

      “Yes,” Oikawa exhaled losing himself in the feeling of Iwaizumi mouthing his way up his chest.

      “Do you trust me to take more pictures of you?” Iwaizumi asked softly licking around his nipple.

      “Yes,” Oikawa nodded. “I trust you Hajime.” He felt Iwaizumi's mouth still on his chest, and he watched his raise his head to look up at him.

      “Toru I…” Iwaizumi began, his breath heavy and warm on Oikawa's chest. Oikawa could feel his breath catch in his lungs. Iwaizumi's deep green eyes bore into him, making Oikawa's body heat up.

      He felt like they were standing on the precipice of something; something they were both scared of crossing. They were standing on dangerous ground, traversing around things that sat on the tip of their tongue but were too frightening to say. The air buzzed and burned with the electric atmosphere between them.

      Part of Oikawa wanted to give in, and tell Iwaizumi everything. Tell him about the possibility of him leaving. Tell him how he was so scared that Iwaizumi meant more to him than he ever thought possible. Tell him that he could no longer imagine his life without him.

      But instead they looked at each other in silence. Oikawa's mouth felt dry and thick as he searched for anything to break the weighted silence. He could see there was something they both wanted to say, but he wasn't sure what Iwaizumi was thinking. He never really knew what Iwaizumi was thinking.

      “I um,” Iwaizumi swallowed thickly. “I trust you too.”

      Oikawa could feel both of their hearts beating, fast and heavy in their chests. Somehow he knew that “I trust you” meant more than the face value of the words. There was something deeper, something unsaid in those words.

      He was torn. Half of him wanted to hear the unsaid words. He wanted to know what Iwaizumi was really thinking and feeling and saying. The memories of his Valentine's confession, though still clear in his mind, felt muddled by time and space between now and then. Oikawa wanted affirmation that he wasn't crazy for thinking Iwaizumi would still want him. That Iwaizumi was still willing to wait for him to figure himself out.

      But on the other half, he'd rather live in the unknown. Because if he were to find out that things had changed, that Iwaizumi no longer was waiting for him, that he he'd changed his mind since his confession, he didn't know what he'd do. He needed to believe he could be wanted. Oikawa wanted to be able to pretend for a little bit longer that somewhere in the future he had a happily ever after.

      “You're crying,” Iwaizumi whispered, reaching up and thumbing his cheek.

      “I…” Oikawa inhaled. He brought his hands up to his eyes and felt the wetness dripping from his eyes. “I didn't…”

      “Hey, shh, it's ok,” Iwaizumi breathed moving up to hover over him. Placing his hand on Oikawa's cheek he brushed their lips together. “We don't have to talk, we don't have to do anything.”

      “I want you Hajime,” Oikawa trembled cradling either side of his face in his hands.

      “I want you too,” Iwaizumi sighed quietly against him, nuzzling his nose against him. “God, I want you Toru.”

      “Take me,” Oikawa rasped, moving his legs along Iwaizumi's, lifting his hips up towards him.

      Not wasting any time, Iwaizumi sealed their lips together with a desperate kiss. Oikawa slid his hands down Iwaizumi's neck, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Iwaizumi moved his left hand down and gripped Oikawa's thigh, moving his leg up to hook around his waist.

      Iwaizumi's hand slipped under the lace of Oikawa's panties and grabbed a handful of his ass, massaging the skin gently. Pulling his lower lip between his own, Iwaizumi tenderly thumbed Oikawa’s cheek. With slow thrusting movements, Iwaizumi rolled his hips against him, the roughness of his jeans against the delicate lace of Oikawa’s panties drew low moans from deep in his throat.

      “I—” Oikawa gasped, rolling his head to the side as Iwaizumi began to kiss down his neck. Iwaizumi rubbed his middle finger against his entrance as he pressed himself down against him. “I need you. I— fuck— I need you now.”

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi exhaled against his skin. Carefully he removed his hand from under the lace and unhooked Oikawa’s leg from around his waist. Moving backwards, Iwaizumi reached back over to the night table and opened the drawer, picking up the half empty bottle of lube and placing it on the bed. “Come here.”

      He took Oikawa’s hand in his and helped him over to rest his head on the pillows by the headboard. Placing pillows under his neck and lower back, Iwaizumi then settled himself between Oikawa’s legs running his hands gently up and down his thighs. Carefully, he tucked his fingers under the lace and pulled down, letting Oikawa's dick bounce free of the confines of the lingerie. He leaked precum onto his lower abdomen as Iwaizumi slowly removed the lace. Oikawa could feel the dizzyingly familiar heady feeling take over as he watched Iwaizumi hungrily take in the sight of him.  

      “Can I…” Iwaizumi licked his lips unconsciously, his eyes flitting across Oikawa’s body. “Can I take a picture of you like this? I just…” he paused looking nervous, his breathing slow but shallow, “...you’re beautiful.”

      “Ye–yeah,” Oikawa swallowed nodding slightly. There was something about the hesitance as Iwaizumi asked for permission that was so endearing, Oikawa thought that Iwaizumi could have asked him anything in that moment and he would have said yes.

      Blinking down at him, Iwaizumi took a deep breath and bent over forward, his hand sliding up from Oikawa's thighs up his abdomen. He pressed his lips tenderly against him, kissing his skin as his mouth slowly moved up. Iwaizumi stuck out his hand and grabbed his phone on the bed next to them. Breathing heavily, Oikawa watched him place one last kiss above his navel, before leaning back. His hand not holding the phone slid back down and gripped the meat of his thigh as he held the phone up to take a picture of Oikawa.

      “How do I look?” Oikawa asked quietly after he saw Iwaizumi take the photo.

      “You look,” Iwaizumi set his phone on the bed and bent over and kissed Oikawa's stomach. “Amazing.” He kissed up his sternum tenderly. “Beautiful.” He mouthed at his clavicle, running his tongue in the dip of his neck. “Important.”

      “I look important?” Oikawa asked lifting his hand to rest on the back of Iwaizumi's head.

      “You always look important to me,” Iwaizumi whispered against his neck. “This just felt important. Like something I'd want to remember. You look like the most important thing.”

      “Iwa,” Oikawa breathed in awe and could feel his heart rate pick up.

      That statement treaded dangerously close to the things they weren't saying. Oikawa didn't feel he was important enough to be treated this reverently. He was lying to Iwaizumi; no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, a lie of omission was still a lie. He didn't feel like a good person, like someone who deserves this kind of pure attention from him. But it didn't stop him from craving it.

      “Iwa I…” Oikawa began. The words lay heavy on his tongue. It would only take a moment to ask him. He knew that an answer could end so many of his fears and hesitations. And he could feel Iwaizumi's emotions in every kiss and breath against him.

      He knew that Iwaizumi felt more for him, that he probably loved him. Or at least he hoped so. But Oikawa couldn't help but fear if that love was transient. If he felt like that for Oikawa because he was there, right there right now. That if Oikawa were to tell him about even the possibility of him leaving, Iwaizumi would lose interest because he was no longer constant in his life. Maybe the only reason he felt that way for him was because they were always together.

      Oikawa opened his mouth to say something but the words stuck in his throat. He feared telling Iwaizumi would sever their already delicate ties. Mind racing, he thought back to the night in the hospital. Sitting with Iwaizumi listening to him tell him that he knew he'd love him as soon as he saw him. Memories of days and nights of sitting and laughing and eating and smiling and kissing and fucking and just being with Iwaizumi mixed and melded in his mind as he stared into Iwaizumi's emotion filled eyes. He felt like he was giving Iwaizumi false hope. He felt like he was deceiving him. He felt like a bad person.

      “I'm...I'm not a good person,” Oikawa said throatily. “I'm not important. I can't be important.”

      “You are to me,” Iwaizumi said without hesitation. “No matter what you say, you're important to me. And I think… I think you'll always be important to me, Toru.”

      “How can you be sure?” Oikawa breathed.

      “Because I knew you would be the moment I saw you walk into my shop,” Iwaizumi whispered. “Because there's not a day I don't think about you. Because I lo—” he clamped his mouth shut and took a breath. “Because Toru, important things are worth waiting for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from here on out it's gonna be angst angst angst 
> 
> ALSO the lace and the Godzilla was totally inspired @seijhoe's art of oikawa in lace panties and Iwaizumi's Godzilla shirt.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's literally angst from here on out guys like a n g s t

      Oikawa wasn't sure exactly what time it was when he opened his eyes, but the light filtering in from the skylight told him it was sometime in the morning the next day. Fluttering his eyes open, he saw the gauzy white fabric Iwaizumi had put over the skylight a while ago to keep it from shining too much into his eyes. He twisted on the bed, turning towards the warmth of Iwaizumi's body seated up, drawing in his sketchbook on the bed next to him. 

      Hey, you're awake,” Iwaizumi said lowering his bent legs slightly to see Oikawa better over the side of his sketchbook. 

      “I am,” Oikawa sighed quietly tucking his hand under his cheek and looking up at Iwaizumi. “What time is it?”

      “It's just past 8:30,” Iwaizumi said. “I knew you didn't have work today so I let you sleep in a bit.”

      “Thanks,” Oikawa smiled softly. “Wait, but don't you have work?”

      “I don't have any appointments until the afternoon,” Iwaizumi shrugged picking up the small pencil box from the bed and exchanging the pencil he was using for a different one. “Plus Kuroo can open up the shop for me just as well. Plus I,” he bite the smile that grew on his face before he could stop it, “I didn't want to get out of bed and leave you just  yet.”

      “Good, I didn't want you gone either,” Oikawa said, already feeling the beginning of the twisting in his gut that being with Iwaizumi always gave him. “What are you drawing?” 

      “Oh, uh just some designs I've been working on,” Iwaizumi said looking down at his sketchbook. 

      “Anything interesting?” Oikawa asked, playing with the waistband of Iwaizumi's boxers. 

      “I think I'm working on something cool now but um,” he bite his lip and squinted at Oikawa as if debating whether or not to continue, “I've designed something you might think is cool.”

      “Cool, can I see?” Oikawa asked sitting up in bed. 

      “Er, yeah. Sure,” Iwaizumi said uncharacteristically nervously. “Um, you might think it's cool. I hope—hope you think it's cool.”

      “Iwa just show it to me,” Oikawa laughed. 

      “Right,” Iwaizumi swallowed. He flipped back several pages in his sketchbook. “Um, here it is.” He handed him the sketchbook quickly, nervously and without looking at him. Oikawa took the book from his hands and set it in his lap to get a better look at the drawing. 

      “Iwa this is…” Oikawa began in an awed whisper. His eyes traced over the page taking in the dark pencil lines. In the center of the page was an outline of a caduceus, with large outstretched  wings and two hissing snakes twisting around the rod. It sat in the middle, pierced through the sun in a diagram of the solar system, complete with all the planets and their ellipses. 

      “I don't know if you'd like it,” Iwaizumi said rubbing the back of his neck. “I was kinda going for a ‘medicine is universal’ theme.” Oikawa just stared silently at the page. “Because, you know, you're a doctor, but I know how much you love space and stuff, and it's really not  _ that  _ deep I just sort of liked the look of it. But you can totally hate it if you want to, it's just an idea—”

      “Iwaizumi,” Oikawa interrupted. He looked at Iwaizumi's nervous and flushed face. “I love it.”

      “You...you do?” Iwaizumi asked skeptically. 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa smiled. “It's…” He looked back down at the drawing in front of him. The twisting in his gut now felt like nothing compared to the words lodged in his throat. “It's incredible. I love it so much.”

      “Really?” Iwaizumi asked sounding happier. 

      “Really,” Oikawa nodded. “No one has ever done something like this for me before.”

      “What, designed you a tattoo?” Iwaizumi chuckled. 

      “Made something specifically for me,” Oikawa said quietly. 

      “Oh,” Iwaizumi breathed. They sat quietly for a long moment. Oikawa continued to look down at the page taking in the dark crisp lines and simple shapes that made up the design. 

      “I want it,” Oikawa said after a minute. 

      “What?” 

      “I want it. As a tattoo,” Oikawa nodded. “I want to get it.”

      “Oh uh,” Iwaizumi blinked. “You should really think about it. It's fairly permanent you know. You shouldn't do it on a whim.”

      “It's not a whim,” Oikawa said looking up at Iwaizumi's face. “I've been thinking about it for a while. And I pretty much knew I'd get whatever you designed for me, and this...this just so cool and beautiful.”

      “Are you sure?” Iwaizumi asked placing his hand on Oikawa's bare back. 

      “Yeah I'm sure,” Oikawa nodded. “Know any good tattoo artists?” he grinned. 

      “I might,” Iwaizumi smirked.

* * *

 

      “What the shit is that?” Yaku asked from behind Oikawa in the locker room. 

      “Um,” Oikawa twisted around to see himself in the reflection in the long mirror hanging from the door on his locker. His upper back, no longer red and tender, had the clean thin black lines of his brand new tattoo spanning from shoulder blade to shoulder blade. “Uh, it's a tattoo,” he said looking at it in the reflection. He lifted his head and saw Yaku's face staring at him in complete shock. 

      “When in the fuck did you get a tattoo?” Yaku asked gesturing to the ink on his back. 

      “Er, like a week ago,” Oikawa shrugged pulling off his scrub bottoms and folding them up, placing them in his bag to wash. 

      “Why didn't you tell me!?” Yaku cried. 

      “I don't know,” Oikawa said grabbing his jeans from his locker.

      Truthfully Oikawa didn't know why he didn't tell Yaku. He wasn't sure why he felt like he needed to keep it a secret. But to him it didn't feel secret, it felt like it was private; something Iwaizumi made just for him. Oikawa knew it was on his skin, and that anyone could see it as soon as he took of his shirt. Yet he didn't feel like he wanted to go showing it off. In his head that would make it seem less special somehow. 

      “Are we not friends anymore?” Yaku questioned, sounding hurt. 

      “What? Of course we are,” Oikawa said turning around as he buttoned up his jeans. “What would you say that?”

      “Because it doesn't feel like we're friends,” Yaku frowned. “You keep….I don't know, keeping things from me. Do you not trust me?”

      “Of course I do,” Oikawa said. “Yaku we're friends, I just have a lot going on. I've been busy a lot recently. Sometimes I forget to tell you stuff it's not a big deal—”

      “It is a big deal,” Yaku interrupted annoyed. “Like I don't have a lot going on? You're not the only who's been busy.”

      “Yaku, if you wanted to chat about what I'm doing you just have to ask seriously it's not—”

      “It's not that I want to talk about you but you're also supposed to ask about me you know,” Yaku said irritated. “That's how friendships work. Or is it because I haven't slept with you I'm not really your friend?”

      “That's mean,” Oikawa frowned upset. “Yaku where is this coming from?”

      “Anytime we talk to each other now all our conversations are just me finding out something new about you that you never told me,” Yaku said crossing his arms. “You've not once asked about me or how my life is.”

      “I…” Oikawa began, blinking owlishly at him. “I assumed you were fine, yo–you seemed fine.”

      “Well I'm not!” Yaku cried. 

      “Yaku,” Oikawa said after a long silence. “If something was wrong you should have just come talk to me, or called me or—”

      “All you do is spend your time with Iwaizumi now,” Yaku shrugged, looking away. “I didn't… I can't…” he let out a heavy sigh, covering his face with his hands. 

      “Yaku,” Oikawa took a step forward and placed his hand on Yaku's shoulder. “What's wrong?”

      “We broke up,” his wept into his hands. 

      “What?” Oikawa gasped. 

      “Me and Lev, we...we're over,” he said crying into his hands. 

      “But why?” Oikawa asked. “When did this happen?”

      “Last night,” Yaku said wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. 

      “What happened? You guys seemed to be doing so well,” Oikawa said. 

      “We weren't great but I thought it'd be better when he came back from school and was here for the summer,” Yaku said wiping his tears. “But last night he came to my apartment and we just… we just had the biggest, worst argument ever. One second we're planning what we're going to do on his time off, and the next we're screaming at each other.”

      “But why, like what did you fight about?”

      “Everything. Nothing. I don't even remember,” Yaku sighed. “All I know is it ended in us ending. We're over.”

      “Are you sure? Maybe this is just a big fight?” 

      “No, I'm pretty sure that was it for us.” He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm, and let out a low frustrated groan. “I knew this was going to be a mistake. Dating someone so much younger than me. We're just living in two different worlds, we were never going to last.”

      “You couldn't have known that,” Oikawa tried to reason. 

      “But we weren't going to last,” Yaku shrugged apathetically. “We were just too different.”

      “You guys seemed good together though,” Oikawa pressed. “Maybe it's something you can work out.”

      “Look, I've got my life and he has his. It was nice, for a while. But it was never going to amount to anything. I just wish…”

      “Wish what?” Oikawa asked. 

      “I wish...I wish I hadn't fallen in love with him before I realized this,” Yaku said quietly. 

      “Did you tell him?” Oikawa questioned. “Maybe that could change things. Maybe if he knew, he would come back. Maybe if—”

      “Yeah he knew,” Yaku said sadly. “It didn't matter. He knew I loved him and it changed nothing. He left. We're over. We should have never been anything to begin with. I'm not even sure if we really were anything to begin with.”

      “Of course you were!” Oikawa cried. 

      “Does it matter?” Yaku laughed humorlessly. “In the end I loved him more than he loved me. Does it matter what we were?” 

      “I don't know,” Oikawa breathed shaking his head. 

      “Look, I'm sorry,” Yaku sniffed, wiping his eyes with his hand. “I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. I was out of line. I only did that because I feel like shit.”

      “Yaku it's fine, seriously,” Oikawa shook his head. “I completely understand. You don't have to apologize at all.”

      “I do, I feel like an asshole,” Yaku said dryly. 

      “You're not an asshole, I'm the asshole,” Oikawa said. “I've been so wrapped up in my pathetic shit that I wasn't paying attention to my friend who needed me. I'm a dick, and I'm sorry.”

      “How about we're both assholes, ok?” Yaku suggested. 

      “I can live with that,” Oikawa said giving his friend a comforting smile. “So do you want to wallow some more or go out?”

      “I...I think I need some more wallowing time to be perfectly honest.”

      “That's fair,” Oikawa nodded. “But let me know when you're ready to quit wallowing ok?”

      “Of course,” Yaku nodded. 

      “Good,” Oikawa said patting his friend's shoulder. He turned around and pulled on his Tshirt and closed his locker before grabbing his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. 

      “Oikawa?” 

      “Yeah?” He said looking back over to his friend. 

      “You're a good friend,” Yaku said uncharacteristically solemnly. Words caught in Oikawa's throat at his small tough friends sudden display of affection towards him. “I hope you find happiness Oikawa.”

      “Me too.”

* * *

 

      Perhaps it was because he was unusually quiet. Or because of the fact that he had been staring into space for the past 20 minutes. Maybe because he had barely touched his coffee he'd bought. But the tone of concern in Iwaizumi's voice when he asked him if he was ok, shook Oikawa out of his trance. 

      “Um, yeah. I'm ok,” Oikawa said trying to sound convincing. 

      “Are you sure?” Iwaizumi asked turning his chair around to face where Oikawa was perched on top of the tattooing table in his work room. 

      “Yeah,” he nodded giving him a quick smile. 

      “You look worried,” Iwaizumi said suspiciously. “You're sure nothing is wrong?”

      “I've just got a lot on my mind. Stuff from work,” Oikawa said. 

      That wasn't necessarily a lie. Technically Yaku worked with him so it was a work concern. And technically the skype interview he had earlier with Dean of Medicine from the hospital in France was also a work issue. An issue he had still neglected to share with Iwaizumi. 

      “Do you want to talk about it?” Iwaizumi asked setting his pencil down on his sketchbook and resting his hands on Oikawa's thighs. 

      Oikawa had no idea if he wanted to talk about it. He wasn't even sure what  _ it  _ was anymore. Was it the fact that he's pursuing a job in another country? Or was it the fact that he had no idea how to tell that to Iwaizumi? Perhaps it was that he didn't want to tell Iwaizumi, because telling him would make it real, very real. And it could have even been that the process was going well too, that he almost was enjoying the fact that they wanted him for the job and he might just want the job too. It would even be possible that it was everything Yaku had told him that afternoon, and all the weird emotions that had been building as he thought about what he had said. 

      All of that was possible, and he couldn't choose. So he chose nothing. 

      “No I'm ok,” Oikawa shook his head. 

      “Are you sure?” Iwaizumi asked again. 

      “Yes, mom,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

      “Hey, I'm just being concerned,” Iwaizumi said pinching his thigh through his jeans. 

      “Ow!” Oikawa yelped smacking Iwaizumi's hand away and rubbing the spot where he pinched him. “That hurt.”

      “Sorry,” Iwaizumi said looking apologetic. He bent over and kissed the spot on his leg where he pinched him. 

      “It's ok,” Oikawa pouted. “Sorry, you're right. I'm not ok. I've had a weird day.” He prided himself on that not really being a lie. “I'm in a weird mood.”

      “That's ok, everyone's allowed to have off days,” Iwaizumi shrugged giving him a small smile. 

      “Yeah, I guess,” Oikawa nodded looking away. 

      “How about we go back up to my apartment now?” Iwaizumi suggested. “I'll make us some food, we'll watch something with aliens, and we can just chill. Just a super lowkey night.”

      “That sounds really good actually,” Oikawa exhaled. 

      “Good,” Iwaizumi said softly, leaning up and pulling Oikawa down to met his lips halfway. 

      Their kiss, like a lot of their kisses, made Oikawa quickly forget why he was upset. The soft warmth of Iwaizumi's lips on his never failed to make him feel instantly safe. There was something about the slow, tender way Iwaizumi's hand would cradle his face as he kissed him that made Oikawa feel like putty in his hands. 

      “I'm coming in, I hope you're decent,” Kuroo said before swinging the door open. 

      “Even if we weren't, that wasn't enough time to cover up,” Iwaizumi said separating their lips and tilting his head to look at Kuroo standing behind Oikawa. 

      “Yeah I know,” Kuroo smirked. “ANYWAY, I'm doing the alcohol orders, so I need to know if you have any preference  _ Oh Leader, one _ .”

      “Whatever you normally get is fine, you know I don't really drink that much anyway,” Iwaizumi shrugged. 

      “Very true, and what about you Oikawa?” Kuroo asked. 

      “Uh, alcohol for what?” Oikawa said turning his body towards Kuroo. 

      “The party? Iwaizumi's birthday party? The big bash I throw every year for this boring lug?” 

      “Oh,” Oikawa blinked, surprised that this was the first time he was hearing it. 

      “I thought Kageyama would have told you,” Kuroo raised his eyebrow at him. “Or more likely, Iwaizumi might have mentioned it while you were deep throating him or something.”

      “No,” Oikawa said flatly. “He hadn't.” 

      “I'm sorry Oikawa, I didn't intentionally not tell you,” Iwaizumi said quickly. “You know I just forget to mention stuff sometimes. I don't mean it as an insult.” Oikawa said nothing to him, keeping himself turned towards Kuroo. 

      “Um, well, the party is in two weeks, I just gotta order this stuff ahead of time,” Kuroo said looking guilty. “Uh, see you guys later.” He closed the door to the work room behind as he left. The resounding silence felt heavy and thick around them and Oikawa contemplated what he wanted to do next. 

      “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi began, moving his hands to Oikawa's waist, trying to get him to look at him. “I wasn't excluding you from it. I honestly just forget to tell you things sometimes.”

      “I guess,” Oikawa shrugged still staring at the empty spot where Kuroo had stood. He was annoyed that Iwaizumi never told him about things and he always had to find out from someone else. But he was more mad that his anger felt hypocritical and yet he still couldn't bring himself to tell Iwaizumi all the things in his mind. 

      “Hey, come on, look at me,” Iwaizumi said softly placing his hand on Oikawa's cheek, only to be brushed off. “I'm sorry, I want you there. I really  _ really  _ do.”

      “Look, I'm still in a weird mood and I think it'd be better if I just went home,” Oikawa said picking up Iwaizumi's hands off his waist and climbing down from the tattooing table. 

      “I'll see you later then?” Iwaizumi said hopefully. 

      “I guess,” Oikawa shrugged as he walked out of the work room. 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had the angst prepared and ready i just thought maybe you guys would want it sooner than later. don't worry there's plenty of leftovers for later

* * *

      “You shouldn't stay mad at him.”

      Oikawa looked up at Kageyama who was coming to sit next to him on the couch in his and Hinata's apartment. The smell of Hinata's freshly baked pies wafted in from the kitchen with him. That was one thing Oikawa loved about visiting their apartment; it felt like a home. 

      His apartment was just a place to sleep. Despite having moved in almost over a year ago, he never really made the space his own. He thought it was just a product of moving around a lot in the past ten years, never collecting anything really personal for his homes, he never really completely settled in anywhere. 

      But their apartment felt like their home. Like they lived there and it was evident everywhere you looked. Between the photos on the walls, and Aiko's toys and art supplies in bins everywhere Oikawa always loved how much it felt like a family lived there. 

      It was one of the main reasons Oikawa visited their apartment often. His family wasn't exactly the closest and he hadn't much cared for the idea before meeting Kageyama. Now, going there, even if just for a few minutes, made Oikawa feel safe and happy. 

      “Seriously, he's probably more miserable than you are right now,” Kageyama said handing him a mug of tea as he sat next to him on the couch. 

      “I guess,” Oikawa sighed taking the mug into his hands, feeling the small bit of happiness he managed to cultivate, leave him in a rush. 

      “When was the last time you spoke with him?” Kageyama asked. 

      “Like three days ago,” Oikawa tried to remember. “He texted me about if I wanted to go over and watch some movies.”

      “And I'm guessing you did not,” Kageyama frowned. 

      “I told him I was busy,” Oikawa shrugged. 

      “Why don't you want to see him again?” Kageyama asked. Oikawa opened his mouth to speak but was cut off. “The real reason. Not the whiny one you told me.”

      “The real reason?” Oikawa repeated feeling uncomfortable. He looked at Kageyama's expectant face and he knew that he was going to tell him. “I've been offered a job,” he said in a rush. 

      “Oh,” Kageyama said clearly surprised. “That's great.”

      “It's a really good job too,” Oikawa continued. “I'll be running the entire ER with a staff of doctors and nurses under me, plus it's teaching hospital so I also get to teach classes. And since I'd be in charge my work week is less and the pay is really good and the Dean of Medicine really likes me and I've been offered to come tour the hospital and campus as like a final interview.”

      “Oikawa that's amazing, but I don't understand—”

      “It's in France,” Oikawa said. He watched as realization grew on Kageyama's face. “The hospital is in France. They are being really accommodating and helping me get my visa and sitting for my licensing test so I can start practicing medicine as soon as possible there. But yeah. It's in France.”

      “That's...oh,” Kageyama breathed, looking like a mix between upset and congratulatory. 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa nodded. “And I haven't told Iwaizumi yet. At all. I've been going through the application process basically in secret.”

      “I see,” Kageyama said. 

      “I wasn't sure how to tell people,” Oikawa said looking down at his mug and saw his hand trembling slightly. His warbled reflection in the liquid felt like it was mocking the actual turmoil inside him at the moment. 

      “What about Iwaizumi?” Kageyama asked. 

      “I guess I'll have to tell him eventually,” Oikawa sighed. 

      “But you're just gonna...leave him? And you're not even going to talk to him about this?” Kageyama questioned. 

      “It's not set in stone, I can still say no,” Oikawa said. “Plus...Iwaizumi and I aren't even together, so...”

      “So?” 

      “ _ So _ ...I'm gonna tell him but it's not like this decision affects him,” Oikawa shrugged. 

      “How deep in denial are you!?” Kageyama huffed. 

      “What?”

      “He's in love with you, and you think that you deciding to pick up and move halfway around the world isn't going to affect him!? Are you out of your mind!?” 

      “He's not...” Oikawa let out a heavy sigh, “he's not in love with me.”

      “He really is,” Kageyama insisted. “How do you not know? I thought he told you that he was going to wait until you felt for him the way he feels for you? Which, might I say, is right fucking now.”

      “Look, I know you think that there's something between us because we're sleeping together but we're nothing more than what you and me are,” Oikawa said. 

      "So you're saying if I didn't ask you, one day you would have just left for France without telling me?” Kageyama asked looking hurt. 

      “No of course not, obviously if I decided to go I would have told you,” Oikawa shook his head.

      “But then what's the difference between me and Iwaizumi?” Kageyama pressed. 

      “I'm not in love with you!” Oikawa cried. It was the first time he had said it. He had thought it, months ago but he never voiced it aloud. For all intents and purposes, Kageyama had still thought he had feelings for him. 

      “Does… does that mean you're in love with him?” Kageyama asked quietly, ignoring the obvious implication of what Oikawa had said. 

      “No? Yes? I don't know,” Oikawa exhaled. 

      “But if you have feelings for him you need to tell him,” Kageyama said. “This is exactly what he's been waiting for; for you to reciprocate his feelings. You have to tell him.”

      “I can't,” Oikawa said tightly. 

      “What do you mean you can't? Of course you can.”

      “I really can't.”

      “Why not?”

      “Because if I tell I'm leaving he might not see a reason to love me anymore,” Oikawa confessed quietly. 

      “Oikawa that's…that's not…” Kageyama trailed off looking at him with concern. 

      “I'm not someone who people fall in love with, ok?” Oikawa said. “I'm the guy who sleeps around, who doesn't date, who just had friends. People don't fall in love with me.”

      “That's...that's not true,” Kageyama breathed. 

      “You didn't,” Oikawa mumbled looking down at his mug. 

      “That's not fair,” Kageyama shook his head. 

      “I know, I'm sorry,” Oikawa sighed. “Look, even if he does...love me, it's not real. He just thinks he does, because I'm here right now. Because I put out. Because he's not dating anyone else. But as soon as he finds out that I'm leaving, the fantasy is going to shatter and he's going to realize that there is nothing about me he wants. Because that's all it is, a fantasy. And it seems real because there is nothing that doesn't fit in the story. But a little while apart, and he'll move on from me.”

      “That's not true,” Kageyama whispered. “Please don't throw this relationship away because you're scared. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Before it's too late.”

      “I think,” Oikawa swallowed thickly, “I think I want to live in the fantasy for a little longer too.”

* * *

 

      It took a few days but Oikawa finally worked up the courage to talk to Iwaizumi. Taking a deep breath, Oikawa raised his hand to knock on the door to Iwaizumi's apartment. But just as he raised his hand to the door, it swung open before he could knock. 

      “Oh, Oikawa,” Iwaizumi blinked up at him from the doorway. He was in the middle of pulling on his leather jacket over his Tshirt and his keys to his motorcycle were in his hand. “I wasn't...um, expecting you.”

      “Yeah I thought I'd stop by…” Oikawa began all the courage leaving him a rush. “But you're obviously leaving so I'll just go now.” He turned around and went to go back down the stairs when he heard Iwaizumi call out to him. 

      “No wait,” Iwaizumi said quickly. “Oikawa don't go yet, hold on.”

      “Iwaizumi it's fine, I should have called or texted,” Oikawa sighed turning in place. 

      “It ok, I'm glad you're here,” Iwaizumi said smiling softly. “I haven't seen you in a while, I missed you.”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa exhaled, feeling his mouth go dry. “I've been really, um, busy.”

      “I texted you, I don't know if you saw it,” Iwaizumi said awkwardly. 

      “Uh…” Oikawa swallowed. 

      “It's ok, don't worry about it. What did you come here for though? ” Iwaizumi said trying to change the subject. 

      “I just, um… just wanted to tell you…” Oikawa trailed off. His eyes search Iwaizumi's face as he tried say the words it took him four days to come up with and had just rehearsed in the car on the drive over. 

      All he had to do was say three words. And Iwaizumi's reaction to those three words would then determine his decisions for what to do about all the current insecurities in his life. He would finally be able to have some sort of stability, and he might just have a chance at happiness. 

      “I just wanted to tell you…”

      “Iwaizumi— oh, am I interrupting something?”

      Oikawa turned around and saw Kindiachi standing at the bottom of the stairs. On a list of people Oikawa never wanted to see again, Kindiachi was number two, only beat out by his mom's second husband. The sheer fact of seeing him again was made worse by the lighter black and red striped leather jacket he wore that Oikawa recognized as Iwaizumi's instantly. 

      “No,” Oikawa said quickly, gripping his car keys tightly in his hand. “I–I was just going.”

      “Wait— Oikawa what were you going to say?” Iwaizumi said placing his hand on Oikawa's arm, keeping him from leaving. 

      “Nothing, I— it's not important,” Oikawa said thickly. 

      “Are you sure?” Iwaizumi said suspicious. 

      Oikawa wasn't sure at all. He wanted pull Iwaizumi close to him and kiss him. He wanted tell him that he loved him and that he needed to know if Iwaizumi still had feelings for him. He wanted to run down the stairs and never see Iwaizumi again. He wasn't sure at all. 

      His mouth ran dry as he tried to think of something to say. But the only things that were coming to mind were images of Kindiachi on the motorcycle with Iwaizumi. Kindiachi’s arms wrapped around Iwaizumi's waist, as their bodies were pressed together. Iwaizumi's hand resting high on his thigh as they came to a stop at a stoplight. The way the rumbling of the engine permeated through both of their bodies, creating a thick consuming heat between them. 

_       It only took a over week before I was replaced. I was right not to say anything. He can move on so fast from me. I'm not important.  _

      “Oikawa?” Iwaizumi asked softly. 

      The words in his mouth turned to cotton. He could barely hear Iwaizumi saying his name next to him. All he could hear were Yaku's words running through his head. 

_       We're just living in two different worlds, we were never going to last. _

_       I wish I hadn't fallen in love with him before I realized this. _

_       In the end I loved him more than he loved me. _

      “Oikawa? Are you ok?” Iwaizumi asked again, the concern growing in his voice. 

      “I…” Oikawa began. “I just um… I was in the neighborhood. I thought stop in. Ask you what you wanted for your birthday.” The lie felt hard and uncomfortable on his tongue. The words came out with tinge of regret. 

      “Oh,” Iwaizumi blinked. “You...you don't have to get me anything.”

      “I wanted to…” Oikawa breathed. “Nevermind then. I'll… I'll see you later.” He pulled his arm from Iwaizumi's grasp and ran down the stairs past Kindiachi and out on to the street. 

      Not stopping until he got to his car, Oikawa barely thought before he turned the key in the ignition and just drove. He had no idea where he was driving, he just let his body take him somewhere that wasn't where Iwaizumi was. It wasn't until he pulled into the parking lot at the beginning of the trail, did Oikawa realize he drove himself right to the place where he and Iwaizumi had sex for the first time. 

      Oikawa let out a gasping watery sob once he parked. His vision blurred with all the tears he had held back as he drove. Fishing his phone out of his jeans pocket, Oikawa quickly dialed Kageyama's number before bringing his phone to his ear. 

      “Hey Oikawa—what's wrong?” Kageyama asked hearing Oikawa sob into the phone. 

      “I tried,” Oikawa wept. “I went to tell him. I thought about what you said and you were right, you were so right. I love him.” 

      “Oikawa what happened?” Kageyama asked. 

      “He can move on from me, Kageyama,” Oikawa cried. “I'm–I'm just not enough. Him waiting—he didn't mean forever. It was never going to be forever.”

      “Wait, just calm down and tell me what happened,” Kageyama said frantically. 

      “It doesn't matter anymore,” Oikawa said through gasping breaths. “He said I was important but the truth is I don't matter.”

      “Oikawa what happened!?” Kageyama shouted into the phone. 

      “I waited too long,” Oikawa sobbed. “I love him and now it's too late because I waited too long.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very dramatique™


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to say that the comments on the fic have been AMAZING and you guys really have no idea how much the comments and the positive responses mean to me. seriously. i can't thank you enough.   
> that being said i just wanted to warn you guys that this fic is going to come to an end soon! from this chapter onward there's going to about 4–5 chapters plus an epilogue. but yeah. it's ending  
> also....this like... um... basically super long and angsty.

* * *

      Oikawa begrudgingly sat on his couch to pull on his shoes under the supervision of Kageyama who watched him from the where he leaned on the doorframe to Oikawa’s front door. Sending him a dark glare, Oikawa took his time putting on shoes earning a low groan from Kageyama.

      “Can you move, just a little faster?” Kageyama asked banging his head backwards against the wall in frustration. 

      “I'm getting ready as fast as I can,” Oikawa lied, slowing down. “I already said I didn't want to go to this party. And I'm going, against my better judgement, but I'm going.”

      “Yes, but can you get ready just a bit faster?” Kageyama asked. 

      “Fine,” Oikawa sighed pulling on his shoes at a normal pace. “There look, I'm done,” he said standing up from his couch.

      “Great, can we go now?” Kageyama asked exasperatedly, gesturing to the front door. 

      “Yeah whatever,” Oikawa sighed grabbing his keys and his phone and sliding them into his pocket. “Let's go.”

      “Finally,” Kageyama groaned following Oikawa out of the apartment. 

      “You know I didn't want to go to begin with,” Oikawa said locking the door behind him.

      “You can't not go to his birthday party,” Kageyama said looking at him annoyedly. 

      “I  _ can _ not go, but I'm going anyway,” Oikawa frowned as they walked down the stairs. “But I'm leaving early and you can't stop me.”

      “Yeah we'll see about that,” Kageyama said skeptically as they exited the building and began walking towards Oikawa's car. 

      “You know I don't need a chaperone,” Oikawa scowled. 

      “I'm not your chaperone,” Kageyama said. “More like your parole officer, making sure you're doing what you're supposed to be.”

      “He wouldn't even notice if I wasn't there,” Oikawa grumbled unlocking his car and sliding into the driver's seat. 

      “Now you and I both know that's not fucking true,” Kageyama said getting into the passenger side. “Of course he would notice.”

      “Whatever,” Oikawa frowned, turning on the car. “Let's just get this over with.”

      “That's the spirit,” Kageyama said as Oikawa drove off towards Kuroo's house. 

      The drive there was relatively silent. Despite the fact that Kageyama was forcing him to go to the party Kuroo was throwing for Iwaizumi's birthday, Oikawa had no intention of being out for very long. He had managed to spent the past week avoiding Iwaizumi in every possible way. Phone calls, texts, he even ducked from his line of sight at the supermarket two days prior. The embarrassment from his weird outburst in front of Iwaizumi and Kindaichi, and his overall feeling of dread when he thought about Iwaizumi, kept Oikawa from seeing him. 

      He knew that it was probably a dick move to just ignore Iwaizumi, but he had no other ideas on how to deal with his flood of emotions. Oikawa had no intention of telling Iwaizumi how he felt about him or that he might be leaving, and he did not want to deal with whatever fallout might occur. He knew that he'd never survive the process of watching Iwaizumi lose interest in him so he found it was better not to be present for the entire thing. The rationale was if he wasn't there to see it, he could pretend it didn't happen. That way, the pain of being in love with Iwaizumi wouldn't be amplified by the sight of watching Iwaizumi pursuing someone else. 

      By the time that Oikawa pulled up in front of Kuroo's house, he had already convinced himself that it was a bad idea to go inside. The thumping music could be heard from the curb, the bass vibrating his insides. Oikawa's heart felt like it was in his stomach as he watched groups of people pour into the house, all looking excited to be there. 

      “Ma–maybe I should just drop you off and go home,” Oikawa stumbled as he eyed the people going into the house. 

      “No, come on you have to come in,” Kageyama insisted. “Just for a bit. He just needs to see you were there.”

      “I…” Oikawa watched a band of hot looking guys and girls climb out of a van in front of them, each with more tattoos and piercings than the last.

_       We're from two different worlds _

      “Oikawa?” Kageyama said breaking him from his thoughts. 

      “Um yeah, I need to park,” Oikawa swallowed. “Maybe you want to get out and I'll go find a spot?”

      “Do I look like an idiot to you?” Kageyama frowned. 

      “It was worth a shot,” Oikawa shrugged, putting the car back into drive and moving to look for a spot to park. 

      Oikawa took a little extra time to find a parking spot. He hadn't wanted to admit that he was stalling, but he was stalling. 

      “He probably doesn't want me there,” Oikawa said in his most convincing voice as he and Kageyama walked towards the house. “I mean I haven't see him in like two weeks, sort of. I'm  _ kinda _ avoiding him. I’m an asshole. He probably doesn't want me there.”

      “I highly doubt that,” Kageyama said flatly. “Well, not the asshole part. That’s true.”

      “And I bet Kindiachi is gonna be there,” Oikawa grumbled. “Stupid lovesick puppy following him around, living near him, bringing him art supplies. You know it always starts off as art supplies.”

      “Does it now.”

      “Yeah, first it's art supplies, then it's sex.”

      “The natural progression,” Kageyama said dryly. They came to a stop in front of Kuroo's house. Oikawa stared up forebodingly at the house watching the silhouettes of the people move across the windows in dim lights inside.  “It's just a party. You don't even have to be there for very long. Just...just say hello to him, wish him a happy birthday, don't cry.”

      “No promises on that last one,” Oikawa said following Kageyama up the steps to the house. 

      The last time Oikawa had been to a proper house party he had still been in medical school. He was 25 years old, in the middle of his neurology rotation, and dating two guys at the same time. His first boyfriend, a fourth year medical student tall broad shouldered, had a not so friendly altercation with his second boyfriend, a smaller lithe pre-med senior who Oikawa had been making out with when his first boyfriend found them. Needless to say it had not a pleasant night and Oikawa had ended up boyfriendless for quite some time after that. 

      Since then Oikawa had associated house parties with trouble— self caused trouble, but trouble nonetheless. And it seemed like this party was on its way to following in the footsteps. 

      Oikawa's first thoughts were how loud the music was. He was someone who had regularly gone to clubs until about a year ago, and he found the music in the house loud. The bass drummed in his insides and the thumping beat of the music vibrated in his throat. 

      His second thought was how packed the house actually was. He had been surprised to learn that Kuroo lived in a house to begin with, and was doubly surprised when he saw how big it was. And it seemed like every square foot of space had a different tattooed or pierced person, often a combination of the two. He never felt more like he didn't fit in. 

      “I have to find Shouyou,” Kageyama said loudly in Oikawa's direction trying to be heard over the music, looking around the crowd of people. 

      “Is he already here?” Oikawa asked, leaning towards Kageyama's ear so he could be heard. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama shouted back. “He came over here way earlier with Kenma to help set everything up. So now it's,” he looked down at his phone, “past 9:30, so he's most likely already extremely drunk.”

      “Ah yes, drunk Hinata,” Oikawa nodded remembering their Christmas heart to heart. “I remember that well.”

      “Drunk Hinata turns into horny Hinata, which becomes pukey Hinata really fast,” Kageyama explained looking around as they made their way through the crowd of people. They pushed their way into the kitchen where they had a sight set before them. “Found him.”

      Held up by his ankles, Hinata had his hands on either side handles of a keg of beer that sat in a large metal bucket filled with ice. He had the hose from the keg in his mouth where he was drinking from. Holding his ankles was Bokuto who was simultaneously cheering him on and shouting with excitement incoherently. Next to him was Tanaka who was cheering him on with vigorous arm movements, spilling his cup of beer with each shout. Akaashi stood next to Bokuto watching with a look of mixed disapproval and fascination. On the kitchen counter sat Kenma who, for all intents and purposes, was engulfed by Kuroo who had his entire body pressed up as close to Kenma as he could. They weren't so much as kissing, as they were viciously attacking each other using only their mouth and wandering hands. It took Oikawa a few moments to take it all in. 

      “Wow,” Kageyama said watching the scene in front of them. 

      “Kageyama's here!” Bokuto shouted moving Hinata's ankles down to the floor. 

      With a gasping wet cough, Hinata let go of the hose from his mouth spewing beer out onto the floor. He clumsily got to his feet, swaying dangerously to left as he tried to take a step forward before being caught by Kageyama. 

      “Tosh—Tos—Tobio,” Hinata stuttered drunkenly. “I'm sho glad you're he–here. You came jusht in times.”

      “Apparently I didn't come fast enough,” Kageyama said sending a quick glare at Bokuto and Tanaka. 

      “Did you shee–shee that?” Hinata mumbled. I was—I was doin’ a… a… somethin’ awesome.”

      “I didn't realize this was going to be a frat party,” Kageyama frowned at Bokuto, holding Hinata up right. 

      “Is Iwa–Iwa-izumi's birthday,” Hinata continued slumping against Kageyama. 

      “Yeah I know,” Kageyama nodded. “Let's get you some water and food to soak up that alcohol ok?”

      “Foods sound g–good,” Hinata hiccuped. “I don't feel so good.”

      “I'd be surprised if you didn't,” Kageyama said supporting his boyfriend as they slumped over to the fridge. “Sorry, I gotta take care of him,” he said to Oikawa. 

      “It's ok,” Oikawa smiled watching Hinata try to contain his urge to puke. 

      “Don't worry Kags, we got him,” Tanaka grinned throwing his arm around Oikawa's shoulder despite being a bit shorter than him. 

      “Don't make him do a keg stand either,” Kageyama instructed as he walked Hinata to the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of water, closed the fridge with his hip, then shuffled Hinata outside into the backyard. 

      “Ugh fine,” Bokuto groaned. “Do you want to do one?” he asked Oikawa.

      “Um, no. Not really,” Oikawa shook his head. 

      “You seem less like a beer guy and more like a vodka dude,” Tanaka said thoughtfully. 

      “Well, you're not wrong,” Oikawa agreed. 

      “I'll get you some no worries man. Yo Kuroo! Where's the vodka!?” shouted at Kuroo who seemed to be halfway to clothed sex with Kenma on the counter. 

      Kuroo separated his mouth from Kenma's just long enough to say “in the freezer,” in Tanaka’s general direction, before bringing their mouths together again, just as roughly as before. 

      “Sweet,” Tanaka nodded jumping over to the freezer and pulling out one bottle from the comical pile of vodka bottles in the freezer. “So what do you mix it with?”

      “Uh, cranberry is fine,” Oikawa said unable to look away from the primal way Kenma and Kuroo were attacking each other's mouths. 

      “Got you, one vodka cranberry coming right up,” Tanaka said pouring the drink into a red plastic cup. 

      “You don't want something stronger?” Bokuto asked wiggling his eyebrows. 

      “Stronger than ¾ of a cup of vodka?” Oikawa questioned as he watch Tanaka make a barely pink drink.. 

      “True,” Bokuto nodded backing off, wrapping his arm around Akaashi's waist. 

      “Here you go, the first of many,” Tanaka said handing Oikawa the cup filled to the brim with alcohol. 

      “I'm not so sure about that,” Oikawa frowned looking at his cup. 

      “Awe come on, live a little,” Tanaka teased, jabbing him in the ribs with his elbow making him almost spill his drink. 

      “I'm…” Oikawa stared at the cup in his hand of the pinkish translucent liquid. He had a fleeting thought of whether or not to act in his impulse before he did. Bringing the cup to his mouth, Oikawa chugged the contents down all in one go. As the ice clinked against his teeth he could hear Tanaka and Bokuto cheering him on as he slammed the cup down on the counter. 

      “Fuck yeah! That's what I'm fucking talking about!” Tanaka cried clapping his hands. 

      “Make him another one!” Bokuto shouted. 

      “Oikawa you don't have to drink it if you don't want to,” Akaashi said seriously. 

      “I think I'm gonna just sip this one,” Oikawa grimaced watching Tanaka make another. 

      “But the chugging was awesome,” Bokuto groaned. “And you chugged it down so fast.”

      “You made him chug it!?” Kageyama said horrified, coming into the house from the backyard. 

      “Yeah man, and he did it like a champ!” Bokuto cheered happily. 

      “Unbelievable,” Kageyama rolled his eyes as he grabbed a big bag of chips from above the fridge. “Oikawa come with me.”

      “Uh ok,” Oikawa said dizzily following Kageyama, second drink in hand, into the backyard. 

      “Sit,” Kageyama instructed guiding him to sit at a patio table off to the side of the back yard. Across from him was Hinata who had his head down on the table with an empty bottle of water in his hands. “Eat.” He placed the bag of chips on the table and sat next to Hinata. Oikawa realized that last instruction wasn't for him but for Hinata, who groaned when he lifted his head to see what Kageyama put in front of him. 

      “Aw Tobio, I'm gonna throw up if I eat that,” Hinata complained. 

      “You're going to throw up regardless, so might as well puke actual food instead of just liquid,” Kageyama said opening up the bag of chips. 

      “Fine,” Hinata sighed, clumsily taking a chips from the bag and eating it slowly. 

      “So,” Kageyama sighed turning his attention to Oikawa. “I leave you alone for less than 5 minutes and you've already chugged a disgusting amount of alcohol?”

      “Uh…” Oikawa began suddenly feeling the effect of vodka in his brain. “I didn't plan that it sort of just happened.”

      “Well take it slow,” Kageyama said seriously. “I can't take care of the both of you.”

      “You don't have to take care of me, I'm perfectly fine,” Hinata grumbled drunkenly, leaning against Kageyama.

      “Of course you are,” Kageyama sighed rolling his eyes. Despite his annoyance, he placed his hand on Hinata's back and rubbed slowly in small comforting circles. 

      “I'm completely fine,” Oikawa said lifting the cup up to his mouth. 

      “Do not. Get drunk,” Kageyama said menacingly, stopping his hand from bringing the cup to his mouth. “In fact give me your car keys.”

      “What? No way,” Oikawa huffed. 

      “Give me your keys,” Kageyama asked again extending his hand with the palm facing up. “I'm not having you drink your problems away and then decide to drive off in a huff.”

      “Tobio, I'm not going to get into an accident.”

      “Well, I have a thing about possible car accidents so give me the damn keys.”

      “Fine,” Oikawa bit out, pulling out the keys from his back pocket and slapping them in his hands with excessive force. “There, happy?”

      “Yes, thank you,” Kageyama nodded putting the keys in his pocket. 

      “Oikawa,” Hinata said through a mouth full of chips. “Can you get me something else besides these super gross chips?”

      “Uh, sure,” Oikawa got up from the patio table leaving his drink. “I'll be right back.”

      He walked over to the back door, making his way past a group of people he could only describe as bikers, complete with studded leathers and bandanas, smoking and laughing loudly. The alcohol swam in his head making the noise and the smells feel extra invasive on his senses. Getting into the house as fast as he could, Oikawa looked around the kitchen for something he could take to Hinata. 

      Oikawa quickly noticed that the scene in the kitchen had changed. Bokuto had Akaashi pinned against the archway of the kitchen as was talking quietly into his ear, making him blush. Kuroo was leaning with his back against the counter, talking to a small blonde woman Oikawa didn't recognize while Kenma sat behind him on the counter with his arms still wrapped around him, his face buried in his neck. But Oikawa's heart didn't plummet into his stomach until he saw Mattsun and Makki walk in past Bokuto. 

      Quickly he tried to hide, making himself look busy searching through the cabinets for food. And he thought it had worked when he heard them greet Kuroo excitedly. But the few seconds he believed he had been spared were brief. 

      “Yo, Oikawa,” Mattsun said only seconds before his hand landed on Oikawa's shoulder. 

      “Oh...hey guys,” Oikawa turning around and giving them a smile that he hoped didn't show how uncomfortable he was. 

      “What's up man, how've you been?” Mattsun asked. 

      “Uh, you know,” Oikawa said uncomfortably. “Cool. Just like, hanging out.” He winced as the words came out of his mouth. Internally cringing at everything he said, he prayed for them to leave him alone so he could save whatever dignity he had left. 

      “Right…” Mattsun nodded eyeing him oddly. “We heard you got inked,” he said changing the subject.

      Oh, yeah,” Oikawa nodded awkwardly. “On my back. It was one of Iwaizumi's designs.”

      “Yeah we know,” Mattsun smirked furrowing his eyebrows at him. “You know where Iwaizumi is?”

      “No,” Oikawa swallowed. “I uh...I haven't seen him.”

      “Really?” Makki said surprised. They exchanged a look Oikawa couldn't read. 

      “Well when you see him let him know we're looking for him,” Mattsun said in a voice that Oikawa thought sounded cautious. 

      “Ok,” Oikawa nodded. 

      “See you around,” Mattsun said taking Makki’s hand and leading him out back towards the living room with the thumping music. 

      Turning his attention back to searching for food, Oikawa grabbed the first banana he saw and walked outside. He was beyond eager to get away from the party. Walking back over to the patio table and slammed the banana he had grabbed in front of Hinata and sat back down. 

      “The potassium with sober you up a bit,” Oikawa said as Hinata looked up at him. 

      “Thanks,” Hinata mumbled slowly pulling it towards him and peeling it. 

      “No problem,” Oikawa said dryly. 

      “Are you ok?” Kageyama asked.

      “No,” Oikawa said flatly. “I don't want to be here.”

      “Oikawa,” Kageyama sighed. 

      “I'm serious, I shouldn't have come,” he pressed. “I don't know where Iwaizumi is, I don't want to see him, and he doesn't care that I'm here. This is just a waste of time.”

      “It's not a waste of time,” Kageyama shook his head. “You're just being dramatic.”

      “I'm not being dramatic,” Oikawa said dramatically. Kageyama frowned at him. “Ok...fine but, still. Look I'm just not comfortable and I want to go home.”

      “Just, go find him. Wish him a happy birthday. Let him see you came. Then I'll take you home,” Kageyama sighed. 

      “Fine,” Oikawa said standing up from the table. “I'm holding you to that.”

      “And I'll ask him if you did what you were supposed to so don't think to lie,” Kageyama pointed at him. 

      “Ugh fine,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. He picked up his cup and took several long gulps from his drink. 

      “Oi! Relax,” Kageyama reprimanded. “I said don’t get drunk.” 

      “I'm done,” Oikawa said setting his now half empty cup on the table before leaving. 

      Walking into the kitchen, he quickly made his way past the kitchen, ignoring Bokuto and Akaashi making out in the archway. The living room had not thinned out but in fact looked more crowded since he last went through it. What looked like a sea of leather and black and metal band shirts and wild piercings made Oikawa feel like he stuck out like a sore thumb in his burgundy pants and thin navy cashmere pullover. 

      He slowly made his way through the room, carefully maneuvering the crowded room. With each passing minute he grew more and more nervous. Growing frustrated with himself, he placed himself by the entrance into the dining room hoping that he could shake off this awkwardness. This behavior wasn't like him and he was becoming annoyed that he wasn't acting like his smooth and comfortable self. He thought perhaps it'd be best if he really didn't talk to anyone. But, it wasn't until he had been standing awkwardly by the archway between the living room and the dining for just over 15 minutes, that he heard his name being called. 

      “Oikawa! Hey, Oikawa!” 

      Part of him wanted the voice to belong to Iwaizumi, but most of him dreaded the idea of seeing him. Oikawa was half relieved when he saw Lev’s gangly body coming towards him. 

      “Hey Oikawa,” Lev said squeezing his way past two heavily tattooed women who were in the middle of a deep discussion. 

      “Oh, hi Lev,” Oikawa said awkwardly. There was no protocol in place for talking to one of your best friend's much younger ex boyfriend. He couldn't help but feel uncomfortably lost at what to do. 

      “Hey, how are you?” Lev asked not looking nearly as uncomfortable as Oikawa felt. 

      “Uh,” Oikawa swallowed, not sure how much he wanted to tell him. “Fine I guess.”

      “Good, good,” Lev nodded. He looked away, eyes scanning the crowd as if the words he was searching for would be found resting atop their heads. “Actually...I um, I wanted to talk to you.”

      “Oh?” Oikawa said, seeing this coming a mile away. 

      “Yeah uh...how's… how's Yaku doing?” Lev asked, barely loud enough to be heard over the music. But Oikawa would have known what he was going to ask even if he never said it aloud. 

      “He's ok, not great, but ok,” Oikawa said honestly, seeing no point in lying. 

      “I see…” Lev said hanging his head. “Did he tell you… you know, what happened?”

      “He told me enough,” Oikawa nodded his head. 

      “Right,” Lev said quietly. “And did he tell you why or did he give you a reason or—”

      “Oikawa!” 

      This time, Oikawa didn't have to half hope that the voice belonged to Iwaizumi. It was barely a second before he felt a strong hand land on his shoulder. 

      “Iwaizumi,” Oikawa said turning to see Iwaizumi smiling next to him with his hand on his shoulder. 

      “I'll talk to you later,” Lev said quickly, pivoting in place and going back into the crowd before Oikawa could say anything. 

      “Oikawa, you actually came,” Iwaizumi smiled up at him happily. 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa nodded. “Kageyama forced me to come.” He winced as soon as the words were out of his mouth. 

      “Oh,” Iwaizumi flattered slightly. “But you're here now.”

      Iwaizumi's hand moved down from Oikawa's shoulder and took his hand as he made his way through the crowded room. Each person they passed greeted Iwaizumi happily, wishing him a happy birthday. The sea of unfamiliar faces made Oikawa shrink more and more into himself as Iwaizumi led them back to the kitchen. 

      “Did you get a drink?” Iwaizumi asked letting go of his hand and opening the fridge. 

      “Yeah um, Tanaka got me a drink a little while ago,” Oikawa said looking around the kitchen hoping someone he knew was in sight. With no luck. 

      “Beer?” Iwaizumi offered holding out an unopened bottle. Oikawa shook his head to decline. “Ok,” Iwaizumi shrugged putting it back in the fridge. 

      “You're not going to get a drink?”

      “Nah, I gotta pace myself. Everyone keeps offering me a drink, if I took them all I'd be smashed,” Iwaizumi chuckled softly, leaning back on the counter. “I'm glad you came,” he said after a moment. “Even if Kageyama forced you to come.”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa nodded. “I didn't–didn't mean it like that. Iwaizumi I—”

      “There you are!” a high bright woman's voice said cutting him off. 

      “Saeko!?” Iwaizumi beamed looking to the kitchen archway behind Oikawa. 

      Blinking in confusion, Oikawa turned his head and saw the short blonde woman Kuroo had been talking to earlier run towards Iwaizumi. Leaping into his arms, the small woman wrapped her arms around his neck and hooked her legs around his waist, placing a series of quick pecks on his cheek. Thoroughly confused, Oikawa could only stare blankly as Iwaizumi held her, swinging her from side to side. 

      “Happy birthday!!!” Saeko cheered hugging him closely. 

      “Oh my god, I didn't know you were coming?” Iwaizumi said excitedly putting her down on the floor. 

      “Our tour ended a few days ago so I thought I'd come here to surprise you,” she smiled. “I made my brother swear to keep it a secret.”

      “He did, I had no idea,” Iwaizumi shook his head happily. “Wow, I can't believe you actually came.”

      “Of course I would, dummy,” Saeko said punching him lightly on the arm. 

      “It's so good to see you again, I'm glad you're here,” Iwaizumi smiled. “I missed you.” 

      “Of course you did,” Saeko grinned. 

      Iwaizumi's words felt achingly familiar to Oikawa. It took him a moment, but he remembered that he had told him those exact words when he had shown up at his door just over a week ago. Suddenly the minimal comfort he had from those words evaporated. 

      “...and this is Oikawa.” 

      Blinking himself back to reality, Oikawa saw both of them staring up at him. The tightness in his chest filled his throat. Saeko was small but her presence felt overwhelmingly large. The words on the tip of his tongue felt heavy and impossible to say. 

      “Oh Oikawa,” Saeko said knowingly, smiling up at him. “You're the Oikawa I've been hearing so much about.”

      “I am,” Oikawa said more like a question than he'd meant to. 

      “Yeah, you're the Doctor right?” Saeko said. “Iwaizumi has told me all about you.”

      “Has he?” Oikawa asked, chancing a glance up at Iwaizumi who was smiling softly at Saeko. He quickly looked away, the twisting in his gut that he normally associated with Iwaizumi, now felt like a gut wrenching churning. 

      “Of course, all his emails are littered with  _ Oikawa this _ and  _ Oikawa that _ ,” Saeko grinned nudging Iwaizumi playfully in his stomach. “And these are like daily emails.”

      “That's not true,” Iwaizumi frowned through a smile at her. “I don't email you  _ every _ day.”

      “It so is,” Saeko giggled. “My mornings always have a cup of coffee, a fruit, and an email from Iwaizumi.”

      “You exaggerate,” Iwaizumi smirked. 

      Oikawa felt sick. He couldn't tell if his head was spinning because of the alcohol or the soft smiles that they kept sharing, but neither were helping. Part of him wanted to excuse himself, and go tell Kageyama he did what he promised he would. But the other part of him knew it wouldn't matter because Kageyama wouldn't relinquish his keys if he was still tipsy. 

      So he settled on staying right where he was. There was no way to avoid the painful sensation of watching the person you love look lovingly at someone else. And he knew from his experience with Kageyama, that the pain was the same if he was away or in the thick of it. 

      “If I email you everyday why didn't you email to tell me you were coming?” Iwaizumi asked. 

      “I told you, it was a surprise,” Saeko said punching Iwaizumi playfully. 

      “Well it's a good surprise,” Iwaizumi smiled down at her. Oikawa watched as Iwaizumi's hand settled low on her back. 

      “Where's the bathroom?” Oikawa blurted out, no longer able to stomach their cuteness. 

      “Uh, just down the hall from the dining room on the right,” Iwaizumi said slightly surprised at the suddenness of Oikawa's question. 

      “Thanks,” Oikawa said thickly, exiting the kitchen as fast as he could. 

      He walked through the crowded dining room as fast as he could. Taking care to not make eye contact with anyone, Oikawa stared down at his feet as he walked. Once he made it to the bathroom, he closed the door firmly behind him and took a deep breath. 

      If Oikawa wanted to leave before, he wanted to disappear now. There had been something so intimately familiar about the way Iwaizumi and Saeko interacted. The soft smiles and the playfulness of their touches screamed and wailed like alarms in Oikawa's head. 

      He racked his brain for a reason to hate her, hoping she had said something, done anything worth hating. But she hadn't. He hadn't even known of her existence long enough to generate some sort of reason to dislike her.

      It always felt like that with Iwaizumi; Oikawa was always the last to know. The sterile environment of their relationship, whatever it was, never included Iwaizumi telling Oikawa anything. He felt weirdly concealed from the rest of Iwaizumi's life, like he wasn't important enough to be let in. Like he was at one end of a very long hallway, opening doors as he went, never knowing how many doors there were left to open. It felt endless, constantly being left out of all the parts of Iwaizumi's life. 

      And it hurt more to know that others, even those who he rarely saw, knew all about him without him knowing of their existence. Like he wasn't worth talking to. Like he wasn't important enough. 

      Gripping the sink with both hands, Oikawa leaned over, trying to calm himself down. He knew that there was no reason to be having the reaction he currently was having. They weren't together. Iwaizumi had no idea of his feelings for him, and Oikawa was pretty sure Iwaizumi's feelings for him, if there were any left, were transient and conditional. He had no reason or claim to know more of Iwaizumi's life than what he was willing to share. 

      But it didn't stop Oikawa from feeling isolated and alone. It didn't make him feel any less like he was was a lost cause. That he fell into his favorite trap of falling in love with an unavailable guy. He felt angry at himself, at how predictable he was; only developing feelings for someone when he knew the slim chance of them being returned, pining hopelessly over someone who had no idea, trying desperately to hate the objects of his love’s affection. This was the same routine he'd been through for years. And here he was again, doing the same thing like he hadn't learned anything. 

      A hurried knock on the door shook him from his thoughts. Quickly, he splashed some water on his face, drying himself off with a hand towel on the back of the door. Opening the door, he moved past the sickly looking man who had pounded on the door looking like he was a few seconds from vomiting. 

      He made his way back down the hall and through the dining room, trying to make as little eye contact with people as possible. By the time he made it back to the kitchen, the scene in front of him had completely changed. A group of men and women he didn't recognize were all drinking and laughing, paying him no mind. To save himself from standing there awkwardly, Oikawa pivoted immediately and walked toward the living room. Looking for anyone he knew, he scanned the room until he saw Kuroo sitting next to Kenma on the loveseat. 

      “Oh hey Oikawa,” Kuroo said when he walked over to them. “I didn't know you’d come.”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa sighed sitting on the black coffee table in front of them. “But I might leave soon.”

      “Oh why, not feeling well?” Kuroo asked sounding genuinely concerned. 

      “Yeah, something like that,” Oikawa said running his hand down his face. “Plus I think I drank too much too quickly.”

      “I can get you a bottle of water if you want?” Kenma said speaking up for the first time. 

      “Oh, thanks,” Oikawa nodded. He watched Kenma get up from the loveseat and press a brief kiss to Kuroo's forehead before making his way towards the kitchen. “So that's your “own someone” that you were talking about?”

      “Kenma? Yeah,” Kuroo smiled sappily. “I love him.”

      “Wow,” Oikawa said with raised eyebrows. “So you guys are serious?” 

      “I am,” Kuroo shrugged. His answer raised a few more questions than answers in Oikawa's mind, but he was not in the emotional place to ask them. 

      “Uh Kuroo, can I ask you something?” Oikawa said changing the subject. 

      “Sure, what's up?”

      “Who's Saeko?” Oikawa asked.

      “Oh Saeko,” Kuroo smiled softly. “Lovely, amazing Saeko. She's probably the coolest person I know. The only woman I'd ever want to be with.” Kuroo's response immediately set Oikawa's insides to ice. 

      “I see,” Oikawa nodded. 

      “She's Tanaka's sister actually,” Kuroo continued. “Ryū probably got his job at Iwaizumi’s shop because of her.”

      “Really?” 

      “Yeah,” Kuroo nodded. “When Iwaizumi was still an apprentice, like many years ago, Saeko went into that shop to get a tattoo. They pretty much became friends instantly.”

      “Oh,” Oikawa blinked not expecting that. 

      “And then they dated.”

      “Ah,” Oikawa swallowed, that being more along the lines of what he had expected. 

      “They're actually really good together,” Kuroo said earnestly. “They are really good friends and stay that way even when they aren’t together. And when they are together they're like the perfect couple.”

      “Are they,” Oikawa said dryly. 

      “Them two have been on again off again for years though,” Kuroo shrugged. “It's not that they break up because they don't get along. Saeko is a musician, and when her band goes on long tours they usually break up. Iwaizumi doesn't do long distance. But when she comes back they fall back in together like they’d never broken up. It’s almost cute and adorable if it wasn’t disgusting.”

      “Is that so?” Oikawa said feeling his chest constrict.

      “With them it's never been chemistry, more just bad timing, you know?” Kuroo said. “They just never found each other at the right time and for long enough.”

      “I see,” Oikawa said thickly. “And now that she's back, are they going to pick up where they left off?” 

      “Um,” Kuroo faltered looking searchingly at Oikawa's face. “Well...they've never not...you know… picked up from where they left off…” Oikawa could feel the icy heat of unbridled jealousy snaking its way up his spine. He knew he had zero reasons to be jealous. He just wished that Iwaizumi had moved on after he left, not before. “But–but I don't know if that's true this time around,” Kuroo added quickly. 

      “And why is that?” Oikawa asked flatly. 

      “Well because…” Kuroo looked at him confused to why he was asking. “You know.” 

      “Here you go Oikawa,” Kenma said sitting back down next to Kuroo on the loveseat, handing him a ice cold water bottle. “Sorry it took me so long, I was helping Kageyama load Hinata into Hinata's car. He's taking him home, but he told me to tell you he'll be back soon to drive you home. Something about still having your keys?”

      “Yeah, he took away my keys because I was drinking,” Oikawa exhaled. “Thanks for this,” he said holding up the water bottle. “I'll see you guys later.”

      He got up from the coffee table and walked out of the living room. Deciding to wait for Kageyama somewhere devoid of other party goers, he walked up the stairs and went to the second floor. Carefully opening doors, Oikawa checked each room until he found what he thought to be Kuroo's bedroom. 

      Leaving the lights off, he crossed the room and opened the sliding door so he could sit out on the small balcony overlooking the backyard. He sat down on the warm cement, sliding the door closed behind him and crossing his legs under him. Taking the water bottle in his hand, he took a long drink from it before putting it beside him. With a sigh, he hung his head forward, trying to push out every fabricated image of Iwaizumi and Saeko out of his head. 

      He took out his phone from his pants pocket and looked at the time; he had only been there for just over an hour and he already wanted to leave. Oikawa fleetingly thought of walking and taking the bus home, but he didn't want to have to come back here for his car later. Instead he decided to wait it out; hide up there sobering up until Kageyama would take him home. He set his phone down next to him and waited.

* * *

“There you are.” 

      Startled, Oikawa turned around to see the sliding door slide open, and Iwaizumi walking onto the balcony. He closed the door gently behind him, and sat down next to Oikawa, crossing his legs. 

      “You found me,” Oikawa said quietly glancing at Iwaizumi. 

      “Yeah I went looking for you after you had been in the bathroom for over half an hour,” Iwaizumi chuckled. “I just managed to see you when I checked in the backyard and looked up. It's a good hiding place you've found.” Oikawa hummed in agreement. “Why'd you need a hiding place to begin with?”

      “I was trying to sober up,” Oikawa said holding up the now empty water bottle. 

      “I see,” Iwaizumi nodded. “Do you feel sober enough to come back and join the party again?”

      “Not really,” Oikawa swallowed thickly looking away from Iwaizumi. 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi said. “Then I'll stay here with you until you do.”

      “You don't have to,” Oikawa said shaking his head. 

      “But I want to,” Iwaizumi shrugged moving himself a bit closer to Oikawa. The extra inch closer felt too much closer and Oikawa could feel his heart rate increase. 

      “Yo-you should go back,” Oikawa said scooting away from him, adding back that extra inch of distance. “Go hang out with your friends. Mattsun and Makki were looking for you.”

      “Yeah they told me they saw you. And I am hanging out with my friend,” Iwaizumi smiled, nudging him. 

      “I meant like, your friends you don't get to see often,” Oikawa tried to say convincingly. 

      “It feels like I don't get to see you often anymore,” Iwaizumi said quietly. “I feel like I've barely seen you in the past few weeks.”

      “I've been busy,” Oikawa lied, his voice thick. 

      “I understand,” Iwaizumi nodded. “So I just wanna sit here with you.”

      “You really don't have to,” Oikawa said hoping Iwaizumi would just leave him alone. “You should go enjoy your party.”

      “The party will still be there,” Iwaizumi smiled gesturing vaguely to the party below. He sat back, resting his arms behind him leaning into Oikawa. “Plus there's still some people I wanted you to meet, and I don't want to lose you again.”

      “People who know all about me but I know nothing of them?” Oikawa said dryly. 

      “Uh…”

      “Look, I get why you don't want to tell me anything, but you don't have to then flaunt in my face that I'm the only person you don't share things with,” Oikawa bit out. 

      “What? Flaunt in your— what are you even talking about?” Iwaizumi asked confused. “Of course I share things with you. I…” He looked searchingly in the air as if he would find the answers in sky. “I don't understand why you're suddenly so mad.”

      “I'm not suddenly so mad,” Oikawa said tightly. “I'm just tired and annoyed at always being the odd man out.”

      “Oikawa you're not,” Iwaizumi shook his head. 

      “Then how come you never tell me about anything yourself? Why do I always have to find out things about you from other people?” 

      “I'm just...not a big sharer,” Iwaizumi stumbled.

      “But that's not true is it?” Oikawa scowled. “You tell everyone else all about me, but I don't even know their names. You've never mentioned half the people you introduce me to, and yet they all seem to know a lot about me.”

      “Because I talk about you,” Iwaizumi said hurt. “Because I lo—” he bit his lower lip and looked away, his lips and hands trembling. “Because you're important to me.”

      “Not important enough to be told anything I guess,” Oikawa snapped. 

      “That's not true,” Iwaizumi said just above a whisper. 

      “Well, it doesn't matter now does it?” Oikawa said dismissively. 

      “Why?” Iwaizumi breathed. 

      “Because Saeko is back and you guys can pick up where you left off,” Oikawa said not looking at Iwaizumi. 

      “We can...what? I don't understand, we're not…” he stumbled, blinking in confusion. 

      “She's nice, you guys seem good together,” Oikawa said flatly. 

      “Oikawa I don't… we're not…” Iwaizumi began, not knowing where to start. “Are you...are you jealous or something?”

      “Excuse me?” Oikawa questioned dryly leveling Iwaizumi a dark glare. 

      “Yeah are you like, jealous?”

      “I have literally no reason to be jealous,” Oikawa scoffed dismissively. 

      “Well  _ yeah _ , but it still seems like  _ you are _ ,” Iwaizumi said slowly. 

      “Iwaizumi, I don't care enough to be jealous,” Oikawa sneered looking away from him as if to further the point. He could practically feel Iwaizumi's confused, frustrated pain ebbing off him. “Plus, there's nothing to be jealous of. We're not in a relationship.”

      There was a long moment of silence between them as Oikawa words sunk in. Everything inside him was screaming to tell Iwaizumi that he was lying, that he didn't mean anything he was saying, that he was just trying to protect himself. But he remained quiet, staring through the white metal bars on the railing of Kuroo's balcony. 

      “You're right,” Iwaizumi said tightly. He stood up and reaching for the handle of the sliding door. “We're not in a relationship.” He walked out of the balcony, slamming the door closed behind him with a bang of finality. 

      The loud sound sent a jump through Oikawa's body but he didn't dare turn around. He could no longer fight back the tears that fell from his eyes, giving in the whole body tremors he had been suppressing. Crying into his hands, just like he did when he sent Kageyama away months ago. 

      He knew that this was most likely for the best. If he could make sure Iwaizumi’s feelings for him were squashed, he'd be free to make the decision whether or not to stay, free of bias. Then Iwaizumi would be free to be with someone who'd love him exactly the way he deserved, without holdbacks or complications. Perhaps Kindaichi and him would get together after him so obviously pining for him. Or Iwaizumi and Saeko would finally find the right timing and be together once and for all. But Oikawa needed to be out of the picture for any of that to happen. He knew Iwaizumi would never be able to be happy until he was gone. 

      Sobbing into his arms, Oikawa hoped it wasn't too late for himself to find happiness. There was no way for him to find it with Iwaizumi but it was nice trying while it lasted. He couldn't help but think back to Yaku's words again, his voice so often floating through his mind. 

_       We're just living in two different worlds, we were never going to last. _

_       I wish I hadn't fallen in love with him before I realized this. _

_       In the end I loved him more than he loved me. _

      Oikawa wasn't sure how long he sat on the balcony crying, but once he ran out of tears, he finally lifted his head. Wiping off his dried tears from his face, he took a few deep breaths just staring up at the clear night sky. Distantly he remembered that he was never going to stare up at the same sky through Iwaizumi's skylight again. That part of his life was over. 

      He stood up and dusted the back of his pants off before opening the sliding door. Feeling uncomfortably sober, Oikawa went back down to the party in search of Kageyama so he could get back his keys. 

      The living room was abrasively loud, especially after the moderate quiet of sitting on the balcony. The music thumped in Oikawa's ears, and the dim lights only made him overstrain his eyes, which were already raw from crying. Not seeing Kageyama anywhere, he began to get frustrated. More than anything he just wanted to leave and he just needed to go home. 

      Stepping into the kitchen, Oikawa froze in his tracks at the scene in front of him.

      The room was empty save for the two people hungrily kissing against the counter. Sitting up on the counter, Saeko had her legs spread open with Iwaizumi standing in between them, her feet hooked together behind him. One of his hands gripped the juncture between her neck and collarbone, while the other rested high on the inside of her thigh. Her hands roamed up and down Iwaizumi's chest, lifting his black T-Shirt up and letting her fingers glide up his abdomen. A series of breathy moans and wet slick sounds came from their mouths as they kissed; each pull of their lips more desperate than the last. 

      Not breathing, Oikawa ran out of the kitchen, tears already filling his eyes. He pushed his way out towards the front of the house and ran outside thinking he could hotwire his car if he had to. As he flew down the front stairs he ran into a hard chest that almost sent him flying backwards. 

      “Oikawa, hey sorry it took me so long, Hinata threw up and I had to clean it,” Kageyama grimaced. “But I'm here to take you home.”

      “I'm sober, please just let me have my keys,” Oikawa said trying his hardest not to sound like he had just been crying. 

      “Are you sure? Because I can drive you home if you're not up to it, I'm not—”

      “For fucks sake give me my keys!” Oikawa shouted sticking out his hand. 

      “Fine, Jesus Christ. You don't have to yell at me,” Kageyama frowned throwing his keys at him. “I was just being responsible. You don't have to be a dick.”

      “I'm sorry,” Oikawa said fiddling with his keys. “You're right I'm just…”

      “What happened?” Kageyama asked. “Are you ok?”

      “Go into the kitchen,” Oikawa said, his voice watery and thin. “You'll see.”

      “Uh, ok,” Kageyama nodded still confused. 

      “I gotta go,” Oikawa sniffled walking towards his car. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he hung his head and walked away, trying to fight out Yaku's words from ringing in his ears again. 

_       We're just living in two different worlds, we were never going to last. _

_       I wish I hadn't fallen in love with him before I realized this. _

_       In the end I loved him more than he loved me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not even sorry


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhh more angst!!! I'm sorry!! there's gonna be angst for the next few chapters!!   
> The responses to the past chapter have been amazing, I'm so thankful for all the comments!! And I'm just as sad that this is coming to an end you guys are :(

* * *

      “Oikawa you've been here for over 18 hours, you need to go home,” Akiteru said pulling the patient file out of his hands. 

      “I'm fine, I just need to work,” Oikawa said taking back the file. 

      “No, you need to sleep,” Akiteru said taking back the file. “You can't work on no sleep. It's just dangerous. For both your patients and your health.”

      “Fine,” Oikawa sighed closing the file and handing it to one of the ER nurses. 

      “Thank you,” Akiteru said patting his shoulder. “Get some rest ok? Don't come in tomorrow.”

      “Ok,” Oikawa nodded. 

      “Is everything alright?” he asked concerned. “ I mean I don't mean to pry, but you haven't been looking yourself recently, and yesterday you came in on a Sunday— which you never work— and then pulled an 18 hour shift. I'm concerned.”

      “I'm fine,” Oikawa said, feeling more like he was trying to convince himself than Akiteru. 

      “Ok,” Akiteru nodded. “But if you need to talk to anyone you can come to me.”

      “Thanks,” Oikawa said flatly, turning to walk away. 

      “Wait,” Akiteru said stopping him in his tracks. “I spoke with Dr. L’Ore earlier. He says you accepted their invitation to come to France for the interview. That you meet next Friday.”

      “If he told you all this then why are you asking me?” Oikawa said. 

      “Because I want to make sure you're thinking this through completely. Moving to another country is a huge change. It's not something to be taken lightly,” Akiteru said seriously. 

      “I'm not taking anything lightly,” Oikawa said. “I'm not making rash decisions. I've been going through this process for the past  weeks— a process that you recommended I go through by the way.”

      “What does Iwaizumi say about this?” Akiteru asked crossing his arms. 

      “What?” 

      “Iwaizumi, your boyfriend. What does he say about your going for this job in France?” 

      “He's… he's not my boyfriend,” Oikawa swallowed. 

      “Did you guys break up?” Akiteru said confused. 

      “No,” Oikawa said quietly. “We were never together. He doesn't even know I'm applying for this job.”

      “Why haven't you told him? I thought you guys were together? It seemed like—”

      “We're not.”

      “Are you going to France to avoid him?” Akiteru asked. 

      “No— why are you asking me all these questions?” Oikawa snapped. “What does it matter to you if I'm dating him or not?”

      “It doesn't, I just wanted to make sure you're making the right decision,” Akiteru frowned. 

      “Look I—” Oikawa sighed heavily, “you're right. I need some sleep. I'm not going to make any decision lightly.”

      “Ok,” Akiteru nodded. “That's all I ask.”

      Turning around, Oikawa walked out of the ER. Clenching his hand into a fist, he made a beeline for the doctor locker room. It took all his restraint not to punch his locker until his his knuckles bled. He settled for banging his forehead against the cold metal. 

      “Bad day, huh?” Yaku said sarcastically from behind him.

      “More like bad life,” Oikawa mumbled against the metal of the locker. 

      “Oh yes it must be so tough for the gorgeous Doctor, do tell me more about how hard your life is,” Yaku added snarkily, opening up his locker. “What was it you drive again? An Acura?”

      “Yes because having good genes and disposable income means I'm super happy,” Oikawa scowled twisting his head to look at Yaku. 

      “What is it this time?” Yaku frowned, pulling out his clothes from his locker. “Your _not boyfriend_ give you too much unconditional love? How sad for you. Maybe you should—”

      “Could we not do this?” Oikawa sighed. “I'm running on no sleep, I lost my phone, and I've had a really shit couple of days. I just…”

      “Sorry,” Yaku said quietly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

      “Not particularly,” Oikawa said standing up and pulling off his lab coat. 

      “So I'm guessing you haven't patched things up with Iwaizumi?” Yaku said as he hung his lab coat in his locker.

      “Do you wanna go get drunk?” Oikawa asked ignoring what Yaku said. “Like truly and properly smashed?”

      “You avoiding the question means I was right,” Yaku frowned. 

      “I'm thinking we go to that bar by the train station, the one with that hot waiter who wears those tight jeans,” Oikawa continued as he changed his clothes. 

      “It's 2pm, on a Monday,” Yaku said flatly. 

      “Yeah and?” Oikawa said pulling on a clean shirt. 

      “So you want to go day drinking because…?” Yaku looked at him like he was insane. 

      “You coming?” Oikawa sighed hanging up his lab coat. 

      “Yeah of course,” Yaku shrugged. “I'm gonna take the rest of the day off. Lord knows I need to let loose a bit.”

      “That's the spirit,” Oikawa smiled, patting him on the back. 

      “Should we ask Ushijima to join us? You know, maybe to drive us home when we get trashed? I think he has the day off.”

      “Good thinking, yeah let's call him.”

      “You do realize that this behavior is indicative of a problem?” Yaku pointed out. 

      “Oh completely,” Oikawa nodded. “But you're joining me, what does that say about you?”

      “That apparently I'm just as fucked up as you are,” Yaku smiled.

      “Welcome to the club.”

* * *

 

      “I'll take a barely amber rum and coke in the tallest glass you have,” Oikawa smiled at the waiter. 

      “And I'll have a vodka tonic,” Yaku said rolling his eyes at Oikawa's attempt at an attractive grin. 

      “Ok,” the waiter said blushing. “A–and you?”

      “A water,” Ushijima said oblivious to Oikawa making the waiter stutter. 

      “Ok, I'll be right back with your drinks,” the waiter said smiling, his cheeks turning pink. As he turned around and walked toward the bar, Oikawa leaned his head to the side to watch him go. His eyes slid up the long toned legs of the waiter in his tight black jeans. 

      “God I love this bar,” Oikawa sighed contently pushing himself back into the booth to sit up next to Ushijima. “What do you think, he's like 24? Maybe 25? I could probably hit that.”

      “So you're back to objectifying random guys,” Yaku said leaning back against the back of the booth, sitting across from his two friends. “I'll take it you no longer only have eyes for a certain tattooed pansexual?”

      “You can take it as none of your business,” Oikawa smiled sweetly.

      “Oikawa,” Yaku said threateningly. “You said you were going to behave.”

      “Fine,” Oikawa sighed heavily. “You can take it as I don't want to talk about it.”

      “Fair enough,” Yaku shrugged. “But you're not really going to try to pick up that waiter right?”

      “Why not?” Oikawa said eyeing him from across the room as he filled their drink orders. “Too young? Or is that just your thing?”

      “No no no, if you don't get to talk about it, then I don't have to talk about it,” Yaku said wagging his finger. 

      “Talk about what?” Ushijima asked looking between them. 

      “The fact that Yaku and I are both single and very eligible men,” Oikawa said gesturing between them. “Well technically, I was always single but you know what I mean.”

      “You and Lev are separated?” Ushijima asked Yaku. 

      “I said I didn't want to talk about it,” he responded frowning at Oikawa. 

      “Here are your drinks,” the waiter said standing over their table with a tray. “Your water, here's your vodka tonic, and your rum and coke in the tallest glass I could find, with barely any coke.”

      “Thank you, you're the best,” Oikawa grinned, flashing his most charming smile at the waiter who almost immediately blushed brilliantly. 

      “N–no problem,” the waiter stuttered under Oikawa's gaze . “So if you guys need anything let me know.”

      “We definitely will, thank you,” Oikawa said smirking. With an embarrassed smile, the waiter turned around and headed for the bar. 

      “Are you seriously trying to hit on our waiter?” Yaku said exasperatedly. 

      “Yeah why not?” Oikawa said taking a sip of his drink as his eyes followed the pert ass of their waiter all the way back behind the bar. 

      “Oh yeah, he's really gonna wanna go home with some creepy old guy who came in during the middle of the fucking day and got piss drunk,” Yaku said frowning and shaking his head at him. 

      “You never know,” Oikawa shrugged putting his glass down on the table. 

      “So you're just gonna go back to meaningless fucks from random dipshits who you don't give a shit about?” Yaku questioned with judgement in his voice. 

      “I said I didn't want to talk about it,” Oikawa said noncommittally. 

      “Then why'd we come here Oikawa?”

      “To get drunk,” he said like it was obvious. “I plan on getting ridiculously shitfaced so my life can truly look on the outside what it is on the inside.”

      “Messy?” Yaku said snarkily. 

      “Eh, you say messy, I say lively,” Oikawa brushed off. “As long as I'm drunk I don't really care.”

      “Well this should be fun,” Yaku said taking a long gulp of his drink. 

      Picking up his own drink, Oikawa held it up to him before gulping it down himself. The alcohol burned his throat as it went down. Having barely eaten during his whole 18 hour shift, it almost immediately went to his head. 

      It didn't take very long for Oikawa to start feeling drunk. After he downed his first drink, he ordered a second and then began work on a third before his head hit the table. His head felt like it was swaying from side to side even though he was faced down on the table, sitting completely still. He glanced up and could tell that Yaku was in no better condition. Having gone drink for drink with him, Yaku was babbling nonsensically to Ushijima who sat, completely sober, looking moderately interested. 

      “Ands then I to–told him that he needed needed to go  _ and he just didn't want to give me  _ so I just—” Yaku smacked the table hard, startling Oikawa so much he jerked his head up from the table. “I just told him I said I told  _ no way _ and he's just... gone now. Poof.”

      “Poof,” Ushijima nodded seriously. 

      “So now Lev is gone,” Yaku slurred. “I told him that we were…” he stared off drunkenly searching for the words he wanted to use.

      “Over?” Ushijima supplied. 

      “Yeah, over,” Yaku nodded. “Over.” He stared blankly at the table for all of five seconds before bursting out into tears. 

      “Um...” Ushijima began awkwardly, staring at his friend crying from across the table. 

      “I love him,” Yaku sobbed into his hands. 

      “I know,” Ushijima said comfortingly, in his own way.

      “I love him and he's not—I'm not—he's just—”

      “It's uh, fine,” Ushijima swallowed. “I should take you guys home.”

      “I need sleep,” Oikawa mumbled feeling very drunk.

      “I am going to settle our bill and then drive you both home,” Ushijima said sliding out on the other side of their booth, making sure that Oikawa don't fall over. 

      “You...you’re the one who broke up with Lev?” Oikawa asked, his mouth thick and dry once Ushijima was out of earshot. 

      “Yeah,” Yaku nodded solemnly. 

      “But you...you said you loved him,” Oikawa said, his brow furrowed in confusion. “You don't–don't want to be with him if you love him?”

      “I do,” Yaku said thickly, wiping his eyes off with the back of his hand. “But I was doing it to spare him. He he's not...not...we're not…” He took a deep breath before continuing. “He didn't love me like I loved him. To him I was just...a guy he was dating. To me, he was my boyfriend.”

      “Yaku,” Oikawa breathed out looking at Yaku through his blurry in focused eyes. 

      “It was easier to end it now before he felt like I was holding him back,” Yaku sniffled, rubbing his eye. 

      “The drinks have been paid for,” Ushijima said coming to stand by the booth. “I'm going to drive the two of you home now.”

      “Ok,” Oikawa nodded, still wanting to hear more about what happened between Yaku and Lev. Though he felt too drunk to process anything more the repeating  _ don't throw up _ in his head over and over as he slumped over to Ushijima's car. 

      Leaning the passenger seat back as far as it could go, Oikawa covered his eyes with his arm as Ushijima drove them back to their respective apartments. The slight rumbling of the car felt like a stampede of elephants in Oikawa's head, and each turn threatened to have him lose everything he drank. He had a small reprieve when Ushijima stopped the car to help Yaku get up and into his apartment, but as soon as he came back the movement of the car made him feel sick. 

      By the time they got to Oikawa's apartment building, he was really regretting drinking on an empty stomach with no sleep. Trudging into the elevator, Oikawa leaned heavily into Ushijima as they went up to his floor. Knowing home didn't have the hand eye coordination to open the door, he pulled out his keys and handed them to Ushijima while he covered his eyes from the bright hallway light. 

      “You need to drink water,” Ushijima said letting them into Oikawa’s apartment. 

      “Wow, di-did you learn that at med school genius?” Oikawa slurred sarcastically as he drunkenly tumbled into his living room. 

      “What?” 

      “Nevermind,” Oikawa huffed as he tried to kick off his shoes. “I feel sick.” 

      “You are very drunk,” Ushijima pointed out, collecting Oikawa’s shoes and placing them neatly by the open front door. 

      “I’m...I’m...yeah,” Oikawa mumbled. “This is’nt as better as I thought it was gonna be.” 

      “Why did you think it would be better to be drunk?” Ushijima asked helping Oikawa lay on the couch. 

      “Because drunk I don’t have to think,” Oikawa exhaled. “But I’m still...thinking.” 

      “What are you thinking about?”

      “How come you didn’t want to date me?” Oikawa asked while Ushijima helped him out of his button down. “I mean we fucked a few times...a lot of times...am I like that bad and undate-undateble—undatebale? Undateble.” 

      “I don’t think you are undateble, as you say,” Ushijima said folding Oikawa’s powder blue button down, leaving him shirtless and sweaty on the couch. “I just have no interest in dating. It has nothing to do with you or your datablity.” 

      “Is it ‘cause I’m bad in bed?” Oikawa slurred, fiddling with the zipper on his pants. “I’m probably—probably just bad. And I’m ugly.” 

      “You are not ugly, you are drunk,” Ushijima rolled his eyes, helping Oikawa out of his pants that he were caught around his calves. 

      “Ugh! I’m both!” Oikawa whined trying to kick off his pants, paying no mind that Ushijima was trying to help him, inadvertently kicking his arm. 

      “Ok,” Ushijima sighed tugging off Oikawa’s pants from his feet and folding it. “I’m going to get you some water.”

      “Don’t bother,” Oikawa called out dramatically to Ushijima who walked into his kitchen. “Just let me die. Alone, ugly and dehydrated.” 

      “You are not going to die,” Ushijima said handing Oikawa a tall glass of water. “Drink this and go to sleep, you will feel better in the morning.” 

      “No no no, wait wait,” Oikawa rushed out almost spitting out water from his mouth. “No, don’t go yet. Pleeease please please, don’t go.” He grabbed Ushijima’s arm and kept him from walking away. He fumbled with putting the glass of water on the coffee table and drunkenly got up from the couch only to fall back down. 

      “Oikawa, you are very drunk and you just need to sleep it off,” Ushijima said laying Oikawa back on the couch. 

      “But just stay, please. Just stay with me,” Oikawa pleaded holding onto his arm. He accidentally jostled Ushijima making him fall slightly, kneeling between his legs on the couch. “I hate being alone.”

      “O-ok,” Ushijima nodded, looking down at Oikawa sympathetically. 

      “Thank you Ushijima,” Oikawa whispered. 

      “It's fine—”

      “Um.” A knock at the door startled them both. In his struggle to get a very drunk Oikawa into the apartment, Ushijima had neglected to shut the front door. And standing in the doorway, looking the very picture of heartbrokenly confused, was Iwaizumi. 

      “Iwa,” Oikawa breathed not sure if he was real or just a drunk illusion. 

      “I just came to return your phone,” Iwaizumi said tightly, standing awkwardly in the doorway, trying not to look at them in the living room. Even drunk, Oikawa knew the scene, however innocent, looked to an outsider. “You left it. At Kuroo's party on his balcony. I came to return it.”

      “Oh,” Oikawa swallowed. His head was swimming and he was having trouble registering this entire situation as real. “Um…” 

      He pushed Ushijima off him, struggling to sit up right. Sitting up quickly, he felt immediately dizzy. His vision blurred and twisted as he tried to scramble off the couch. Hitting his knee on the coffee table as he fell onto the floor in his rush, Oikawa tripped his way towards the front door barely caring he was in nothing but boxers and his glasses.  

      “Here,” Iwaizumi said flatly, handing him the phone without looking over at him. 

      “Thanks,” Oikawa said taking the phone out of his hands. He held it awkwardly in his hands, regretting taking off his pants wishing he had a pocket to stuff it into. “You didn’t have to bring it to me.” 

      “Well it’s not like I could text you,” Iwaizumi said trying for a light joke but the tension in his voice made him miss the mark terribly. The unease ebbing off him was palpable and Oikawa was entirely too drunk to deal with how that made him feel. “Sorry,” Iwaizumi said suddenly. “I didn’t mean to...uh… interrupt…”

      “N-no it’s—it’s fine,” Oikawa said gesturing vaguely with the phone in his hand. "We weren't—"

      “Had I known I wouldn’t have…” 

      “Really, it’s ok,” Oikawa said, leaning one hand against the wall trying to keep his balance. “He was just—”

      “You don’t need to explain,” Iwaizumi said putting up his hand, and looking away. “I never assumed that we...um, well I said that I didn’t care that...I don’t mind if you—” he let out a harsh breath in a rush, “wow this is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.” He ran his hand down his face and turned away from Oikawa. “I'm—I'm gonna go. I'll see you later.” He turned quickly around and began walking down the hall, bypassing the elevators entirely and opening the door to the stairs. 

      “Iwaizumi wait!” Oikawa called out to him, but was decidedly ignored. “Fuck.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the messages and comments have been so awesome!! I'm sorry i killed you guys with the last chapter but like.....it's...it's not gonna get better just yet. fair warning.

* * *

      With two coffees in hand, Oikawa pushed the door to the tattoo shop open with his shoulder.  Stepping up to the main desk, he placed the two coffee cups on the counter and took a step toward the hallway. Looking down the hall Oikawa pouted when he saw that all the lights were off. 

_       Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe I should just— _

      “Oikawa?”

      He turned around to see Iwaizumi standing in the doorway to the shop looking at him with confusion. A week of not seeing each other and Oikawa felt the awkward tension between them. Iwaizumi looked no different than he had a week ago when he had showed up at his apartment, but it felt like that week apart was longer than the 6 weeks they hadn't spoken in during the winter. 

      “Hey,” Oikawa said, trying to sound friendly and not nervous at all. “I uh, brought you some coffee; black with four sugars and no cream.” He held the cup out to Iwaizumi who looked at it in his hand but didn't reach out for it. 

      “Can I help you?” Iwaizumi said looking back up at Oikawa. 

      “I came here to talk—talk to you,” Oikawa said awkwardly putting down his outstretched hand. Iwaizumi seemed to debate whether or not Oikawa was being sincere before sighing and giving him a small nod. 

      “Let's go upstairs,” Iwaizumi said shutting off the light and pulling out his keys to lock the front door behind him. 

      Silently, Oikawa followed behind him around to the side of the building and up the stairs to his front door. Holding the coffees in his hands, Oikawa awkwardly stood in the entryway of the loft apartment watching Iwaizumi toe off his shoes. Taking a bit of liberty he hoped he was still allowed to have, Oikawa toed off his shoes, walked over to the large sectional and sat down, placing the coffees on the coffee table in front of him. 

      He waited until he heard Iwaizumi walk over and sit down on the perpendicular part of the sectional to face him to look up at him. Under his stoic and cool exterior, Oikawa could see a layer of awkward nerves that somehow made him feel better. They sat in a brief silence before Iwaizumi spoke. 

      “If you're here to talk about what I saw—about you and Ushijima— I just want you to know that it's totally fine and you don't need to explain yourself. I told you that I didn't care if you dated, or slept with, or had feelings for other people. And I always assumed I just— I just never thought I'd have to see it. It was more than I thought I could handle, I'm sorry.”

      “Wh–why are you apologizing to me?” Oikawa asked completely thrown off. 

      “Because I realized that I've been acting like a dick to you,” Iwaizumi said looking up at him. “I still feel bad that I didn't tell you about party or about Saeko or Makki and Mattsun or anything else I've neglected to tell you. It's just when I'm with you, it's like the rest of the world gets left out there and I'm only focused on you. I don't mean to make you feel like you're being shut out, you're so important to me.”

      “I am?” Oikawa swallowed thickly. 

      “Yes,” Iwaizumi nodded sincerely. “But I reacted unfairly to you last week and I'm sorry. I let my imagination get the better of me and I thought we were more— well it doesn't matter. The point is I want us to be more honest so you don't feel like that anymore.”

      “Ok,” Oikawa nodded feeling apprehensive, pushing up his glasses on his face. 

      “So yeah,” Iwaizumi said shakily. “Um I think you already know, but Saeko isn't just my friend. She's my ex girlfriend.”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa exhaled. “I…I knew that already.”

      “We've kind of been on again/off again for the past few years,” Iwaizumi continued nervously. 

      There was a twisting in Oikawa's gut but it felt ice cold and horribly foreboding. He knew exactly where this was going and he wanted more than anything to stop it. It was one thing to see them kissing, a sight that still sent a boiling pang of jealousy surging through his body. But it was completely different to have Iwaizumi sit in front of him and tell him he's moved on. It was so much worse. 

      “Usually when she comes back from tour we go on again. We never really break up because we don't want to date, I just don't like long distance relationships. And...and last week...I kissed her— I mean, we kissed... but I just wanted to let you know that her and I are—”

      “I'm moving to France,” Oikawa blurted out before Iwaizumi could finish his thought. 

      A horrible, numbing silence fell over them. Oikawa could do nothing but stare at Iwaizumi's stunned silent face as the information processed and settled in his mind. The quiet was only broken by the quiet distant sounds of Yamarashi meowing from somewhere in the loft. 

      “You–you're moving?” Iwaizumi said slow and thick, like his mouth could barely push the words out. 

      “It's looking more and more likely that I am, yeah,” Oikawa admitted tensely. 

      “What...what do you mean?” Iwaizumi asked. 

      “There's a job for me in France. It's a good job—a great job actually and I leave in a few days for my final interview there in person,” Oikawa said his voice strangled with emotion. 

      “Final— when did you have a first interview?”

      “Um...a few uh, weeks ago,” Oikawa said looking away. “I've been going through this process for like two months.”

      “Why...why didn't you tell me?” Iwaizumi said in an astonished whisper. 

      “I..” Oikawa didn't know how to put into words all the half baked and ill formed reasons why he didn't tell Iwaizumi. Everything seemed to make no sense now that they were on the tip of his tongue. “You don't tell me things about yourself either.”

      “Fuck Oikawa,” Iwaizumi huffed exasperatedly. “There's a huge difference between telling you about a party and telling you about moving halfway around the world.” 

      “I guess...I guess I just didn't want to tell you,” Oikawa whispered looking down at his folded hands on his lap. 

      “—oh ok wow,” Iwaizumi laughed dryly. “Is there a more specific reason? Other than the general ‘fuck you’ vibe I'm getting?”

      “I didn't mean it like that,” Oikawa said quickly. 

      “Then how did you mean it?” Iwaizumi asked getting mad. He stood up from the couch throwing his arms in the air, gesturing wildly. “In what way did you mean it that wasn't just you not giving a fuck about me?”

      “That's not true,” Oikawa said feeling his throat close up. 

      “How is that possible!?” Iwaizumi cried. “It's not like I'm asking you something really hard!? I'm only asking why do you treat me like I don't matter!?” 

      “I–I don't…” Oikawa could feel the stinging of tears building up in his eyes. 

      “What am I to you, Oikawa?” Iwaizumi asked looking down at him. No words came to Oikawa as he looked at desperation on Iwaizumi's face. “When you think of me, what do you see?”

      “I... see…” Oikawa was stuck, his mouth feeling completely independent from his brain. 

      “You see what?” Iwaizumi pressed. “Some asshole you can jerk around? A loser hopelessly pining after you? Nothing? What do you see?”

      “A–a friend,” Oikawa managed through trembling lips. “You're my friend Iwaizumi.” All the fight seemed to immediately drain out of him and he hunched forward as he stood above Oikawa. 

      “A friend,” Iwaizumi repeated thickly, like the concept was new to him. He gave Oikawa a long look with emotion filled eyes before speaking. 

      “Toru, I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been for months, falling deeper and harder for you with every goddamn moment. I forget to tell you things because when I'm with you my head is so filled with thoughts of you that it pushes everything else out. You're the most important thing to me. And the reason everyone knows who you are is because you're the only thing worth talking about. And when I think of you,” he took a trembling breath and looked away gathering his thoughts, “I see the person that I love more than I ever thought I could, more than I ever thought I was capable. When I think of you I see pure happiness.”

      A fevered chill, both hot and cold, ran down Oikawa's spine. Never had he heard a speech like that before, and most definitely he never expected one to be delivered to him. Sitting on the sectional, staring up blankly with wide eyes filled with astonishment, Oikawa said nothing. 

      “I said… I said I'd wait for you,” Iwaizumi continued, sounding exhausted. “And I will. Fuck, I'd wait for you forever," his voice breaking, "I don't care if you don't want to be with me, or if you're in love with someone else, or if you never want to be with me. Because if there's a small chance that you might ever have feelings for me, I want to be there waiting for you. But...but Oikawa I have to know. After all these months... has there been  _ anything _ ?”

      Oikawa looked up at him, mind completely blank. It didn't matter how much Oikawa knew that he loved Iwaizumi, everything felt too much for him. And he just needed to get out. This wasn't how he imagined this interaction would go. 

      He just wanted to tell Iwaizumi he was leaving and then Iwaizumi could tell him to go, or stay—he didn't even know what he wanted anymore. Everything was confused and he didn't know where was up right now. 

      Everything that he had convinced himself of— that Iwaizumi would only love him if he was there but if he left he'd forget him, that whatever love he has for him wasn't real, and other bullshit that he rationalized his behavior with— was slowly breaking down around him. Nothing made sense to Oikawa anymore. He knew Iwaizumi had gone on some date with Kindaichi weeks ago. He also saw him kissing Saeko and that it was most likely that they were back together. 

      But yet Iwaizumi was telling him that he loved him. And that he would wait for him forever. That didn't compute with Oikawa. Everything he knew and felt told him the opposite. That there could be no way Iwaizumi actually felt that way for him, not really. 

      He wasn't someone who people waited for, or stayed with, or loved in any way. Oikawa drifted in and out of people's lives, never really leaving a mark, never really staying for a long time. This job in France, it probably wasn't going to keep him there for long, but it'd just be the next stopping place before he moved on somewhere else.

      If he left—when he left, Iwaizumi would be able to be with someone who loved him the way he deserved to be loved. He could forget—he would forget, everything about Oikawa and move on. And he might—he will, be happy. But not with Oikawa. He knew himself and how much of a disaster he was and he couldn't inflict that level of tumultuous chaos on Iwaizumi. He loved him. 

      “No,” Oikawa lied with a heavy breath. “N-no I–I haven't felt anything more for you than I did before.” He watched Iwaizumi deflate, but nod understandingly. 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi exhaled falling back into the sectional, his head hung. “Ok, that's ok.”

      “It is?” Oikawa swallowed, on the verge of tears. 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded. “You might not feel anything for me but these things take time and I'm willing to wait. And even if you never do, that's ok I just… I want to have you in my life.”

      “Why?” Oikawa asked feeling frustrated that Iwaizumi couldn't see that he was trying to get him to detach, to move on. “Why would you still wait for me!?” 

      “Because I love you,” Iwaizumi said calmly. “And if I can't be with you, then I just want to be your friend. I'm ok with that. I'm very ok with that.”

      “No!” Oikawa shouted standing up. “No! You can't be ok with that! You should demand more! You deserve more!”

      “I'm not going to demand you love me Oikawa, that's crazy,” Iwaizumi frowned looking up at him. 

      “No I meant in general you need to demand more,” Oikawa continued feeling incredibly frustrated. “You deserve to love someone who can give you everything you need. Someone who can be upfront and honest with you and not play mind games. Someone who won't make you wait for something they're not capable of doing.”

      “...You're saying that you're not capable of loving me?” Iwaizumi asked carefully. 

      “I'm not capable of loving someone who wants me,” Oikawa said seriously, slumping down onto the sectional. He suddenly felt like he'd been more truthful in this moment than he's ever been “No one wants me for me, it's always for what I can do for them. And anything more than that and I'm forgotten.”

      “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi breathed moving closer to him. He placed his arm around his shoulders and pulled him close just as Oikawa began to cry. 

      “I don't have anyone,” Oikawa sobbed into Iwaizumi's chest, his hand clinging onto his shirt. “I'm not someone people stay with or wait for.”

      “That's not true,” Iwaizumi whispered holding him. 

      “But it is,” Oikawa cried into Iwaizumi shirt. “My dad didn't stay for me, my sister left me as soon as she could. I have no friends besides the ones I met here when I moved.” He lifted his head up to stare at Iwaizumi so he understood the full impact of what he was saying. “I'm not a constant, Iwaizumi. I don't stay in people's lives for long. And if I do they find a way to leave. You might want to wait for me now. But that's going to change. It always changes.”

      “It's not,” Iwaizumi said with as much honest sincerity as he could force into those two words. “You might not be, but I'm a constant. I don't let go of anyone I don't want to. I'm willing to wait for you because I know  _ I can wait for you _ . Even if it takes years, or decades even, I will wait for you. Because if there's a chance in 50 years you'll love me, then I'm ok with that.”

      “Why can't you just let me walk out of your life like everyone else?” Oikawa whispered. 

      “Because you're not everyone else to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just 3 more chapters to go!!!!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want you all to know that all your screams and tears are cleansing me.   
> But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It's is the angst and Kageyama is the savior

      Oikawa awoke tired. Before he opened his eyes he knew he already had a pounding headache that was only made worse by the way he turned his head to shy away from the dim hazy light above him. The main reason he hated crying before he fell asleep was that he always woke up with a headache. And this time was no different. 

      Even the weak earlier morning sunlight filtered through the gauzy cloth suspended over the skylight above Iwaizumi's bed, sent sharp pain behind his eyes. Covering his face with his arm, Oikawa turned to the side where Iwaizumi slept to find it undisturbed, like he hadn't slept there at all. Slightly confused to where Iwaizumi was and to how he got into his bed, Oikawa gingerly sat up. He craned his neck to look over the amber glass of the railing but the loft was still too dark too see properly. 

      Slowly, he got out of the bed, noticing he was still in his jeans and T-shirt that he had shown up at Iwaizumi's apartment wearing the night before. Rubbing his eyes he picked up his glasses from the night table and put them on, ignoring his dizzying pounding headache as he walked down the stairs from the loft. The curtains on Iwaizumi's arched floor to ceiling windows had all been drawn, and the escaping light from the dark and dreary early morning summer rainstorm caused the entire apartment to look gray and bleak. Their untouched coffees sat cold and ignored on the coffee table where Oikawa had left them the night before. 

      Iwaizumi lay curled up on the long part of the sectional, with Yamarashi sleeping soundly on top of him. His arm was thrown over his eyes as he slept, blocking out the one stripe of weak dull light peeking out from behind the curtain. He was still in his jeans but his shirt had been haphazardly discarded on the floor behind him. Oikawa debated quickly whether to wake him or just leave until that decision was made for him. 

      “Oh Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said, his voice still rough with sleep. He lifted his head up, moving his arm so he could look over at Oikawa. “You're awake.”

      “Uh yeah,” Oikawa nodded. “I don't uh, remember falling asleep though.”

      “You fell asleep yesterday after you cried for a bit,” Iwaizumi said carefully lifting Yamarashi off his chest and placing him on the couch. 

      “Yeah I can tell,” Oikawa said, rubbing his temples. “I'm sorry I fell asleep on you.”

      “It's fine,” Iwaizumi said giving him a soft smile as he stood up. “I carried you upstairs so you could sleep more comfortably on the bed.”

      “But you didn't sleep there?” Oikawa asked even though he knew. 

      “...It'd feel like I was taking advantage of you if I did,” Iwaizumi said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I didn't want you to think I was...well, I just felt like it was be awkward especially since…”

      “I understand... I just feel bad that I intruded,” Oikawa swallowed looking away. “You didn't have to sleep down here. I would have gone home if you'd have woken me up.”

      “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said with a exhale. “Please don't...don't… Look, we don't have to talk about this anymore, just understand that you being here would never bother me.”

      “Ok,” Oikawa said feeling his gut twist. 

      “Do you want breakfast?” Iwaizumi said changing the subject. “I'm pretty much out of everything but I was going to run over to Hinata's bakery real quick and get us some pastries or something—”

      “What time is it?” Oikawa asked realizing his phone was dead. 

      “Uh, like just past 6 in the morning, why?” Iwaizumi said. 

      “Because I need to get to the airport by 10am,” Oikawa said quietly. 

      “Oh," Iwaizumi breathed. “Of–of course. Do you need me to drive you or...?”

      “No, but thanks,” Oikawa said shaking his head. “I'm just gonna drive myself. I can leave my car there.”

      “Are you sure?” Iwaizumi asked. “I don't mind. I can drive you to—” 

      “I think,” Oikawa began cutting him off. “I think it would be best if you didn't take me there. That maybe I just went by myself.” 

      “I see,” Iwaizumi nodded looking mildly hurt but understanding. “Of course.”

      “Right…” Oikawa said looking down at his feet. “I'm gonna go now…”

      “Ok…” Iwaizumi nodded. “You're coming back right?” They stared at each other in a long silence. “Like, after your interview and stuff. This...this isn't goodbye...right?”

      “No, this….this isn't goodbye,” Oikawa swallowed. “I'll be back after a week. I have to look for an apartment...visit my sister… get everything settled to move.”

      “Ok…” Iwaizumi nodded looking down. “So...so this isn't goodbye. I'm going to see you again.”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa said thickly. “This isn't goodbye.”

      “So, um, I'll see you later?” Iwaizumi said fighting through the forlorn expression on his face to give Oikawa a half smile. 

      “I'll see you later,” Oikawa said turning around before Iwaizumi could say anything else. Barely getting his shoes on, Oikawa had opened the front door ready to run down the stairs. But one thing plagued his mind and he knew he was only going to spend all week obsessing over it if he didn’t say anything. “Iwaizumi.” 

      “Yeah?” he said sounding far too hopeful for Oikawa.

      “I…” he turned back around to face Iwaizumi and immediately regretted it. “I...I saw you kissing Saeko...at your party. I went to go find you to apologize for what I said… I didn’t mean to watch you or anything I just happen to see you guys.”

      “You…” Iwaizumi began looking mortified. 

      “I need you to forget about me ok?” Oikawa said earnestly. 

      “What?” 

      “You should just forget about me and be with her,” Oikawa continued. “You and her...I don’t want you to wait for me. I don’t want you to love me. I can’t… I can’t love you the way you think, or the way you want me to. Especially not the way you deserve. She can, I’m sure of it. And so just… move on. Forget me. Even if it's not her, or Kindaichi you should just be with someone who loves you like they do. Where they can be there for you the way I'm never going to be. You don’t like long distance and I’m not coming back for a while, if ever, and—”

      “I can try long distance,” Iwaizumi said quickly, taking a few steps closer. “If you want to do long distance I can, just please, don’t shut me out anymore.” 

      “No, that’s not what I meant,” Oikawa shook his head. “I don’t want a long distance relationship.” He watched Iwaizumi face deflate. “I want you to be happy, Iwa. ” 

      “You make me happy,” Iwaizumi breathed helplessly. 

      “I’m here with you right now,” Oikawa said with a sigh. “Are you happy right now?” There was a long pause. “I didn’t think so.” 

      “Wait—yes, I’m happy,” Iwazumi said quickly. 

      “See you later Iwaizumi,” Oikawa said quietly before opening the door more and walking out.

* * *

 

      Loading his suitcase into his car, Oikawa was fairly startled by the sound of phone ringing from where he placed it on the dashboard of the car to charge. Banging his head on the open trunk of his car, he rushed to close it before scrambling over to the driver’s seat to grab his phone. He saw Kageyama’s name on the screen and knew that it wouldn’t be anything good. 

      “Hell—”

      “What in the fuck is wrong with you!?” Kageyama shouted into the phone before Oikawa even had a chance to finish. 

      “Many things apparently,” Oikawa said dryly, slumping down sideways into the driver’s seat, his feet tapping at the open door.

      “Are you trying to make everyone around you miserable?” Kageyama asked. “Why are you like this? Can’t you just get over your bullshit for one fucking second and think about someone else for a change?”

      “I am thinking about someone else,” Oikawa said annoyedly. “I’m not doing this for me, I’m doing this for him. He’s better off without me anyway. Trust me.” 

      “I DID TRUST YOU,” Kageyama shouted so loudly that Oikawa had to pull the phone away from his ear. “Don’t you get it!? Do you really think I give out my friend’s number to someone and tell them ‘yes please go pursue this person who is super important to me’ without trusting that they weren’t going to fuck it up!?” 

      “I…” Oikawa had nothing to say. He’d never really thought about Kageyama having given him his blessing in a way when he’d given him Iwaizumi’s number and told him that he liked to stay late at the shop to draw. It had never occurred to him that Kageyama, someone who kept everyone he cared for close to him, actually trusted Oikawa not to mess things up with Iwaizumi. And that made him feel about as bad as he ever had. 

      “How could you!?” Kageyama continued. “He loves you and you know it and you still dismiss him like that!? I could understand if you didn’t have feelings for him but you do!” 

      “Wh-what happened?” Oikawa asked thickly. “Why’d you call me? Something must have happened, what happened?”

      “Well he came into the shop late for one, and he looked like he had been crying his eyes out,” Kageyama said angrily. “So I had asked him what was wrong.”

      “And what did he say?” Oikawa asked dreading the worst.

      “At first he tried to tell me nothing was wrong,” Kageyama sighed frustrated. “But eventually I got him to talk to me. He told me that he fucked things up with you. Which I’m sure that really meant  _ you  _  fucked things up.”

      “Yeah, pretty much,” Oikawa swallowed.

      “He told me that at the party he kissed Saeko,” Kageyama said.

      “But I told you that,” Oikawa frowned. 

      “No, you told me ‘go into the kitchen’ and when I did all I saw was Saeko and Iwaizumi having a quiet, serious conversation. I thought you were just being jealous,” Kageyama said dismissively. 

      “I saw them!” Oikawa cried out. “They were full on making out on the kitchen counter and I just lost it ok? I know you guys think I might not have feelings or whatever, but I do!”

      “What? No one thinks that.” 

      “It really hurt,” Oikawa choked. He could hear Kageyama go silent on the other end. “He says things like he’d wait for me and he loves me but then… then he doesn’t really mean it. He can't mean it.”

      “Oikawa, don’t you think that’s a tad bit unfair?” Kageyama said. “It’s a bit manipulative of you to force him to keep waiting for you, as you say, and want him to only want you when you also push him away at every turn. Plus, it’s not like you even maintain a level fidelity to him.”

      “What?”

      “Oikawa, you’re still hooking up with Ushijima,” Kageyama said like it was obvious. 

      “What? No I’m not,” Oikawa huffed incredulously. 

      “Dude, Iwaizumi told me when he went to go return your phone he saw you like, in process of hooking up,” Kageyama said. 

      “We were not! I was drunk! Ushijima was helping out of my clothes so I wouldn't puke on them,” Oikawa shouted. 

      “And you weren't hooking up with him?”

      “No! You don't believe me?”

      “Well…” Kageyama trailed off. 

      “Oh my god,” Oikawa scoffed. “You don't believe me. Why would I hook up with Ushijima?”

      “Well you made it very clear to Iwaizumi that you are not in a relationship from what he told me.”

      “Ok but did he also tell you that he basically told me he didn't care if I slept with other people as long as we remained friends— not that I did, it just seems a little hypocritical of him to get so fucking upset.”

      “Oikawa, there's a huge difference between him saying ‘I'm not going to pressure you to sleeping with me by telling you who you sleep with is your business’ and ‘ _ I'm upset because I just saw the guy I'm in love with laying naked with another guy’ _ — wait did you just say you didn't?”

      “What?”

      “Did you just say that you hadn't slept with anyone else?” Kageyama asked. 

      “Yeah—I mean, no I haven't been with anyone else.”

      “Even though he said that he didn't care?”

      “Kageyama, I know everyone thinks I just sleep around and whatever but no, I haven't been sleeping with random people just because Iwaizumi said I could,” Oikawa hard harshly. 

      “Wait so they whole time you've been with Iwaizumi you've  _ just _ been with Iwaizumi?” Kageyama clarified. 

      “That's what I'm saying is, we aren't even together but he's the only person I'm with. Like in general. For fuck’s sake when would I even have the time? I'm with him constantly,” Oikawa said. He sighed heavily, leaning his head to the rest to rest against the headrest of the seat. “I  _ was _ with him constantly. And then I fucked that up. Royally.”

      “You idiot,” Kageyama exhaled. 

      “Yeah I know,” Oikawa sighed. 

      “No,  _ you idiot, _ ” Kageyama repeated. “This whole time Iwaizumi thought you were sleeping with him just because he was there. And he went with it in a pathetic attempt to keep you close—his words not mine. You're an idiot for letting this awesome guy think you were just using him as an easy fuck as he fell deeper and deeper in love with you. And you're a bigger idiot for proving him right and making him feel horrible.”

      “I...I thought he only had feelings for me because I was there,” Oikawa whispered. “I thought he'd forget me as soon as I left or as soon as something better came along.”

      “Yeah, and you're an idiot.”

      “But...but,” Oikawa shut his eyes trying to make sense of the millions of thoughts running through his brain. Nothing made sense anymore and everything was confusing him. All his reasons and answers, all so seemingly well thought out before, just disintegrated under scrutiny. 

      “Oikawa, you couldn't have really thought he was lying to you this whole time?” Kageyama asked softly. “That everything he said was an exaggeration. It wasn't. Oikawa, he loves you and you hurt him.”

      “But...but he… He couldn't have meant it,” Oikawa breathed. “He couldn't have meant that he would wait. He'd forget me, I'm...I'm not important. Had I told him—had I talked to him about how I'm not someone who people want, he wouldn't love me anymore.”

      “Does that honestly sound like Iwaizumi though?” Kageyama asked. “Iwaizumi who hired a 22 year old dad with a newborn. Who made sure his ex girlfriend’s younger brother had a job. Who will go above and beyond to help anyone who needs it just because he's like that. Does that sound like someone who would forget you because you weren't there?”

      “I've made a terrible mistake,” Oikawa whispered in realization. 

      “Finally,” Kageyama exhaled on the other end. 

      “Kageyama, I've got to go,” Oikawa said turning to sit properly in the driver's seat, pulling the car door shut. 

      “Yes, good. Go to him.”

      “I need to get to the airport,” Oikawa said turning on the car. 

      “What? No no no, we were on the same page,” Kageyama said. “You need to come here. Sweep Iwaizumi off his feet. Beg for forgiveness. Do that stuff.”

      “No trust me, I have an idea,” Oikawa said. “I gotta go and hopefully this all works out—and Kageyama? Thanks.”

      “Of course,” Kageyama said mildly exasperatedly. “What are best friends for?”

      “You're the best.” 

      Hanging up the phone, Oikawa scrolled through his contacts until he found the number he was looking for, put the phone on speaker and placed it on his dashboard. After a few rings he heard a voice on the other line. 

      “Oikawa? What's wrong? Aren't you on your way to the airport?” Yaku said on the other end. 

      “There's been a minor change of plans,” Oikawa said as he drove. 

      “Ok…” Yaku said confusedly. 

      “Two things,” Oikawa said. “Number one, you're an idiot…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only 2 more chapters!!!! ahhhhh


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sad to see this end but I love all the comments I've been getting!!! I'm so happy to see such positive responses to the story and that so many people are so invested in the ending. It makes me feel so awesome that people like my stupid little story. thank you all so much!!!  
> Also I've gotten so many comments and messages asking if i'm going to writing more in this AU. As of right now I don't have plans to write more in this AU right now HOWEVER I'm not opposed to writing more if people wanted more or if i just come up with a story I like lol

* * *

      Oikawa had barely unbuckled his seatbelt before he was throwing open the car door. Haphazardly parked in front of Iwaizumi's shop, Oikawa slammed the door behind him in his rush to run inside. Already hot from the damp muggy weather, Oikawa felt nervous sweat bead on his forehead as he pushed the door open. Kuroo, who sat behind the desk talking to a customer, looked at him in confusion and surprise.

      “Oh hey, Oikawa. What's—”

      “Is Iwaizumi here?” Oikawa asked cutting Kuroo off.

      “Uh yeah,” Kuroo nodded. “He in his workroom with a cu—”

      “Thanks,” Oikawa said quickly going towards Iwaizumi's work room.

      The door to Iwaizumi's workroom was closed, and Oikawa could hear the sounds of low metal music and the buzz of the tattoo gun on the other side of the door. Taking a deep breath, Oikawa felt his nerves make his hand tremble as he knocked on the door.

      “Come in,” Iwaizumi said from inside muffled through the door. Carefully, Oikawa pushed the door open. “Kageyama can you get Tanaka for me I need—” his voice cut off as soon as he looked up and saw Oikawa standing in the doorway. He stared up at him, moving the tattoo gun off the chest of the hugely broad muscular man he was tattooing. “Oikawa,” he said in awed surprise.

      “I...I did something a little insane,” Oikawa began, his throat dry from nerves. “I changed my plane ticket.” There was a long awkward beat of silence.

      “...That's not insane,” Iwaizumi said flatly after a moment.

      “No, what I meant I was, I changed my ticket to a later flight,” Oikawa said feeling the prickling heat of nerves crawl down his back.

      “...Oikawa I don't have time for this, you said that—”

      “I mean, I changed my ticket to a flight that leaves later tonight,” Oikawa said in a rush. “I changed it to that flight because it had an available seat…I bought a second ticket.”

      There was an uncomfortably long pause. Oikawa knew it was a gamble, but he wanted to do some great and grand gesture. The problem with those being they could so easy blow up in his face.

      “You bought a second plane ticket,” Iwaizumi repeated flatly.

      “Yeah,” Oikawa swallowed, shifting awkwardly in place. “I...I bought it for you…I want you to come with me.”

      “You what?”

      “Look, I'm an asshole ok?” Oikawa said taking a step forward. “I'm an actual selfish dick who thinks of nothing but himself. And the one time I thought I was being selfless by keeping you at arm's length and rejecting you, turns out that was just me being incredibly selfish again.” He took exhaled heavily as took another step closer. Iwaizumi stared up at him, eyes wide in shock.

      “So I'm going to do more selfish things,” Oikawa said. “I'm going to tell them I don't want it, the job. I'm not moving to France. I don't want to leave my life here and all my friends but especially, I don't want to leave you Hajime. I...I love you.” There was another long beat of silence.

      “You're a fucking idiot you know that,” Iwaizumi said flatly.

      “I've been told,” Oikawa nodded swallowing thickly.

      “This morning you tell me you can't love me, and that I should move on and forget about you. You say that you're leaving and that you've never felt anything more for me than friendship,” Iwaizumi said growing angrier with each statement. “And now, you burst in here telling me that you love me? How...how am I supposed to believe that? Why should I even believe that?”

      “Because it's true,” Oikawa said feeling tears prickling behind his eyes. “I love you Iwaizumi.”

      “Then why tell me all that?”

      “Because I thought I was protecting you,” Oikawa said weakly. “I listened to some very bad advice from a friend who said they broke up with their partner to save them from the eventual heartbreak in the future. But he and I now see how stupid that was. I thought I was saving you—and myself— from pain. But I was wrong Iwa, I was in so much pain.”

      “And I wasn't in pain!?” Iwaizumi yelled angrily. “I wasn't already heartbroken at the fact that the guy I was in love with didn't really want me? And to add insult to injury you thought you were _helping me_? Are you out of your mind!?”

      “I'm sorry,” Oikawa said, not stopping the tears that slipped down his face. “It was a mistake. This was all a mistake. I shouldn't have— this was a bad idea, I shouldn't have come.”

      “Did you really think you could come in here and apologize and everything would be fine?” Iwaizumi practically shouted. “Like I wasn't hurt by what you said? Like your feelings were the only ones that mattered?”

      “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight,” Oikawa wept. “I thought— but I was wrong, I was so wrong.”

      “Don’t you understand how much you hurt me?” Iwaizumi said frustrated. “I tried so hard not to let it get to me, not to get upset or hurt by how obviously you didn’t think of me as important to you especially when I knew that you knew my feelings for you. But I couldn’t let go of you, and I’m mad at myself for being so masochistic. And now you tell me that you were just faking? Just to save yourself from pain? I’m so hurt Oikawa.”

      “I understand,” Oikawa sniffled, trying not to show how truly heartbrokenly fucked he felt. “You have no reason to return my feelings, not anymore, not after everything I have said and done. I’m…. so sorry Hajime. I should have told you how I felt about you earlier, and about the job, and everything that I can’t even remember anymore. Just everything. But if you… if I ruined things too much between us… I understand. And I know I don’t deserve to ask you, but can you tell me...tell me if it’s too late for us. I just need to know. Because if it is...if it is I’ll leave and I won’t bother you again. Just… just let me know.”

      “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi sighed heavily looking annoyed. “I can’t believe you—”

      “Hey man,” the brawny, heavily tattooed man still laying down on Iwaizumi's tattooing table cut in. They both look down at him as he put his hand gently on Iwaizumi's arm. “He made a mistake ok? He's just trying to make things right. This guy seems sincere. Cut him some slack.” Oikawa watched them in surprise.

      “I…” Iwaizumi stared down at the guy, blinking back tears. He dropped the tattoo gun on the metal tray almost spilling the small cups of ink. Forcibly he removed his gloves, chucking them in the garbage next to him before placing his head in his hands. Letting out a strangled breath, Iwaizumi wiped away the tears that gathered in his eyes.

      “I'm sorry,” Oikawa whispered. “I really am sorry. And I really do love you.”

      “I don't know...” Iwaizumi began, running his hand down his face. Oikawa felt his heart sink into his stomach as he prepared for the worst. “I don't know if I want to punch you or kiss you right now,” he laughed dryly.

      “I'm ok with either,” Oikawa smiled, letting out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

      “When does the flight leave?” Iwaizumi sighed looking up at Oikawa with a slight smile.

      “Just before 6pm,” Oikawa said smiling in full now.

      “Here,” Iwaizumi said reaching over to his desk and grabbing his house keys from his desk, and tossing them at Oikawa. “My suitcase is in my closet. Don't pack anything stupid. I'll be up after I finish with my client.”

      “Wait...seriously?” Oikawa said catching the keys awkwardly.

      “Yeah seriously,” Iwaizumi said fighting a smirk. “Didn't you want me to go with you?”

      “So much,” Oikawa breathed.

      “Well, I'm coming with you. Go pack my stuff. I'll be done soon,” Iwaizumi said leaning over and grabbing a new pair of latex gloves off the desk.

      “Ok,” Oikawa grinned ecstatically. “Ok yeah, I'll see you soon. Um, I love you.”

      “I love you too,” Iwaizumi grumbled looking away embarrassed.

      “See that wasn't so hard,” the guy said nudging Iwaizumi with his elbow.

      “Shut up,” Iwaizumi mumbled, fighting a blush.

      “Uh, would you mind if I just?” Oikawa asked the guy gesturing over him to Iwaizumi.

      “Oh no, go right ahead,” the guy said happily.

      “Thanks,” Oikawa smiled taking a step forward and leaning over the guy's chest. He slid his hand behind Iwaizumi's head and cradling his jaw, he brought their lips together in a sweet, brief kiss.

      “Toru,” Iwaizumi breathed as their lips separated.

      “Yes?” Oikawa whispered against his mouth.

      “Go pack my bag.”

      “Ok, I'm going, I'm going,” Oikawa said letting go of Iwaizumi and taking a step back. “I'll see you later.”

      “I'll see you later,” Iwaizumi smiled softly.

      “Have fun in France!” the guy called out to Oikawa as he left the room and closed the door behind him.

      He couldn't even stop himself from smiling as he walked out to the front desk. Gripping the keys in his hand, Oikawa barely even noticed Tanaka, Kageyama and Kuroo staring at him.

      “Well I'm gonna say it was successful then,” Kuroo smirking from his seat behind the desk.

      “Look at him he's practically glowing,” Tanaka said as he lifted himself to sit on the desk.

      “I'm just glad my yelling worked,” Kageyama sighed, leaning against the desk.

      “Hey lover boy,” Kuroo called out to Oikawa just as he went for the handle of the door. Oikawa turned around not even realizing they had been there. “Aren't you gonna tell us how it went?”

      “Oh,” Oikawa said with a smile. “He's coming with me to France.”

      “What!?” the three of them said in unison.

      “No, not to live there,” Oikawa clarified quickly. “I'm taking him with me for the week. I'm gonna turn down the job, but you know, the hotel is already paid for…”

      “Damn that's smooth,” Tanaka whistled. “Fuck man, next time I screw up I'm showing up with tickets to France for Kiyoko. I wish I thought of that before.”

      “You really came in clutch with that one,” Kuroo grinned. “Tell him I wanna watch Yamarashi. Kenma would die of happiness.”

      “I'm glad my yelling at you made you come to your senses,” Kageyama said looking pleased. “Now just don't ever fuck up again.”

      “Yeah,” Oikawa said looking apprehensive.

      “We're serious,” Kuroo said suddenly looking incredibly serious. Oikawa looked between the three of them and saw that they each were looking at him with matching flat expressions.

      “G-got it,” Oikawa gulped, thinking that Iwaizumi has more people protecting him than he could ever know. Fleeting he hoped to join their ranks one day as Iwaizumi's number one protector, but that would be after he no longer was seen as a threat.

      “Good,” Kuroo smiled, as they're expressions all melted away into smiles. “Have fun on your trip.”

      “Use protection,” Tanaka called out as Oikawa turned back towards the front door and walked outside. No longer needing to hide his blush, Oikawa grinned the entire way up to Iwaizumi's loft.

* * *

 

      “I should have known you were an over packer,” Iwaizumi said climbing the stairs to the loft as Oikawa tried to close the clearly over filled trunk.

      “I don't want you to say I forgot something,” Oikawa said huffing as he sat on the trunk on the floor to close it.

      “I'm not worried,” Iwaizumi whispered bending over and kissing the back of Oikawa's neck. “Besides,” he stood up and started taking off his shirt as he walked over to his closet, “I don't expect we'll be wearing much clothes anyway.”

      “Is that so?” Oikawa grinned watching Iwaizumi unzip his jeans. He moved to lean against the door of the closet.

      “Mhm,” Iwaizumi hummed tossing his jeans in the hamper. He reached for a pair of folded black sweatpants on on the racks in his closet, but Oikawa stuck out his hand to stop him. “Well I have to get dressed to get on the plane,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

      “That's true,” Oikawa nodded, pulling Iwaizumi close to him. “But the plane doesn't leave for several more hours.”

      “And?” Iwaizumi grinned, playing along.

      “And I want to make up for some lost time,” Oikawa breathed as he pressed his lips against Iwaizumi's, pulling him close.

      Wrapping his arms around his neck, Oikawa kissed Iwaizumi with an almost desperate desire. Iwaizumi responded in kind, gripping at Oikawa's waist and pulling their hips close. The meeting of their lips was studded with small breaths and grazing teeth, each kiss more biting than the last. Their grips on each other went from steady and gentle to frantic pulls, holding themselves together as if they were a lifeline.

      Walking him backwards towards the bed, Oikawa fell on his back as Iwaizumi climbed on top of him, straddling his waist, never separating their lips for more than a moment. He slid his hands down to Oikawa's pants unzipping his jeans quickly. Hands jerked down his pants until they fell onto the floor, making their way up his legs followed closely behind with Iwaizumi's soft lips.

      Oikawa panted heavily as Iwaizumi's fingers dipped under the waistband of his briefs, feeling his hot, wet breath on his hardening dick. He lifted his head up, leaning up on his elbows watching Iwaizumi pull his briefs down to around his ankles and off him entirely. Slowly, Iwaizumi spread his legs and settled between him, kissing the inside of his thighs. Letting out a gasping moan, Oikawa stopped Iwaizumi just before he began to lick up his shaft.

      “W-wait hold on a second,” Oikawa said tapping Iwaizumi's head and shoulders.

      “What's wrong?” Iwaizumi asked concernedly.

      “I can't do this until I know,” Oikawa sighed throwing his head back against the bed with a bouncing thud.

      “Know what?” Iwaizumi asked moving to lay next to Oikawa on the bed. He laid on his side, resting his head on one hand and placing the other under Oikawa's shirt on his chest.

      “You're not going to regret coming with me, right?” Oikawa said just above a whisper, turning his head to gaze up at Iwaizumi.

      “Not a chance,” Iwaizumi said firmly.

      “Are you sure?” Oikawa pressed. “Because I feel horrible enough as it is over everything I've done and said to you, I'd hate to have made things worse by forcing or guilting you into coming with me.”

      “Ok two things,” Iwaizumi began. “One, nothing you've said or done was so horrible that I hadn't already forgiven you the moment the words ‘I did something a little insane’ came out of your mouth.” Oikawa couldn't help but smile a little. “And two, even you could never make me do something I didn't want to do. I'm going with you because I want to. Because I love you. Because I definitely need a vacation.”

      “Fair enough,” Oikawa laughed softly. “I love you Hajime. And I know I fucked up really badly—like really badly. But I'm going to do everything possible to prove to you that you didn't wait for me in vain.”

      “It was never going to be in vain,” Iwaizumi said gently. “I would have waited for you forever.”

 

>   
>  _Being your slave what should I do but tend_   
>  _Upon the hours, and times of your desire?_   
>  _I have no precious time at all to spend;_   
>  _Nor services to do, till you require._   
>  _Nor dare I chide the world without end hour,_   
>  _Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,_   
>  _Nor think the bitterness of absence sour,_   
>  _When you have bid your servant once adieu;_   
>  _Nor dare I question with my jealous thought_   
>  _Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,_   
>  _But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought_   
>  _Save, where you are, how happy you make those._ _  
>  _ _So true a fool is love, that in your will,_ _  
>  _   Though you do anything, he thinks no ill.
> 
> _— _Shakespeare,_ Sonnet 57  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter!!!!   
> the next chapter is the epilogue!!


	31. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it feels so weird to be posting the final chapter of this story. I feel like i've been writing it forever and it feels so weird to me that i'm done.  
> I just want to thank all the people who have been reading this, every comment and message on this fic has meant so much to me and honestly it got me through a very draining part of my life. thank you so much.  
> also special thanks to @forthezap who has beta'd every single chapter of this behemoth: you're literally one of my best friends and i love you so much

**One year later**

      “Oh my god, you're gonna mess up my suit,” Oikawa giggled, trying to slap Iwaizumi's hands away from where they rested low on his waist. 

      “Let it get messed up,” Iwaizumi murmured against Oikawa's neck. He had pinned Oikawa against the wall, working one of his hands under Oikawa's black blazer. The other cupped Oikawa's cheek and jaw as he kissed his throat. 

      “But you're not the one who has to show up at the ceremony with a wrinkled suit,” Oikawa said not really fighting Iwaizumi's wandering hands. “What would people say?” 

      “They'll say ‘wow that guy has the best boyfriend who loves him to death’ or something like that,” Iwaizumi smirked as he kissed under his jaw. 

      “Well they wouldn't say boyfriend they’d say—”

      “Hey are you guys gonna make out in our room the whole time?” Kageyama asked from the other side of his and Hinata's hotel room. 

      “Not the whole time, no,” Oikawa grinned as Iwaizumi continued to kiss at his neck. 

      “Ok but how about you guys stop,” Kageyama grimaced sitting on the bed in his dark navy suit to pull on his shoes. 

      “Aw fine,” Oikawa sighed pushing Iwaizumi off him. They both adjusted their suits, smiling softly at each other. 

      “You guys are disgusting,” Kageyama said with a frown. 

      “Oh yeah, because you and Shouyou are totally not sappy and gross all the time,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

      “Not all the time no,” Hinata said walking out of the bathroom fully dressed in a slim light gray suit with a pale yellow skinny tie. He walked over to Kageyama and bent over and gave him a long, deep kiss. “But most of the time yeah,” Hinata grinned thumbing Kageyama's cheek. 

      “Gross,” Oikawa booed from where he leaned against the wall by the door. Iwaizumi stood next to him in a fitted black suit that mirrored Oikawa's, with his hand resting low on Oikawa's hip. 

      “Says the people who have been making out like teengeers since you got here,” Kageyama frowned tilting his head to the side to look at them. “Why are you here anyway?”

      “We got here early,” Iwaizumi shrugged. 

      “Well since you're doing nothing can you go downstairs and make sure that Aiko is dressed in her flower girl outfit?” Kageyama asked standing up from the bed and adjusting his suit. 

      “Of course,” Oikawa sighed taking Iwaizumi's hand in his, hearing the light clink of metal as they clasped hands. “You're just trying to get rid of us so you can make out.”

      “Sure,” Hinata nodded sarcastically. 

      “Come on my love,” Oikawa said tugging Iwaizumi out of the room. “We know when we're not wanted.” The door shut behind them with a definite click of the lock and Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked at each other before laughing quietly to themselves. 

      “Do you think they noticed?” Iwaizumi asked smiling at Oikawa. 

      “Them two? No way,” Oikawa shook his head. “Besides, I kinda like it this way. It's like our secret and we get to be all sneaky. It's fun.”

      “Yeah I kinda like it too,” Iwaizumi grinned up at him. “I totally see the appeal of doing it like this now, I see why Makki and Mattsun did it like this.” 

      “Me too,” Oikawa said pressing a brief kiss to Iwaizumi's lips. “Let's go check on Aiko.”

      They walked over to the elevator, holding hands as they waited. As they got into the elevator to go up to the 12th floor, Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa close to him. Not even kissing him, just holding him close, nuzzling his nose right under Oikawa's ear at the juncture of his jaw and neck. 

      As the doors opened, Iwaizumi took a slight step back, still holding Oikawa's hand in his as they walked over to Yachi's room. It was obvious which room was hers. The door had been left slightly ajar and there was buzz of talking and laughter coming from inside. Oikawa knocked on the door with his free hand, opening it more to peer inside.  

      “Hello? Yachi? Aiko?” Oikawa said looking into the room full of women in flowy lavender dresses walking around and talking all in the process of getting their hair or makeup done. In the midst of the chatter and the refined chaos, sat Yachi in a beautiful ivory lace wedding gown fixing a crown of stephanotis flowers to Aiko's head. 

      “Doctor Oikawa!” Aiko cried seeing them standing in the doorway. “Iwa!” She hopped down from the ottoman that she had been sitting on and skipped towards them, her cream colored dress bouncing with each step. 

      “Oh Aiko you look so beautiful,” Oikawa said letting go of Iwaizumi's hand and bending down to be at eye level with Aiko. 

      “Thank you,” she beamed twirling her dress back and forth. “You guys look so handsome.”

      “Thank you very much,” Iwaizumi said tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear. “But we just can't compete with you or your mom. You both look wonderful.”

      “Thank you Iwaizumi,” Yachi said walking over carefully in her long wedding gown. 

      “Oh Hitoka, you look so gorgeous,” Oikawa gasped looking at Yachi. “You look like a dream.”

      “Oh thank you, Toru,” Yachi blushed touching the sides of her delicate lace dress. “You think Tadashi will like it?”

      “There's no way that Yamaguchi won't absolutely melt when he sees you,” Iwaizumi said smiling at her. 

      “Mommy is the most beautiful bride ever,” Aiko beamed looking up at her mother with a bright smile. 

      “Thank you sweetheart,” Yachi said gently touching the crown of flowers on Aiko's head. 

      “Hey, no boys allowed in here,” Yachi's mom scolded from the other side of the room as she helped a bridesmaid into her dress. 

      “We were just leaving Madoka,” Iwaizumi called out to her. “We'll see you later Yachi,” he said bending over and pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

      “Congratulations,” Oikawa said pulling her into a hug. “I have to say it now because later I can't promise I'll be able speak.”

      “Because he'll be crying so much,” Iwaizumi stage whispered to Aiko, who giggled quietly into her hands. 

      “Ok well get out of here before I start crying,” Yachi said pushing Oikawa away. “I'll talk to you guys later. As a married woman...oh my god...”

      “Oh no Kageyama had warned me about this,” Iwaizumi whispered to Oikawa who was watching her warily. 

      “Mom!” Yachi shouted turning around and walking towards her mother as fast as her dress would allow. 

      “I got this,” Aiko said looking seriously between them, before following her mother. 

      “Let's take that as our cue to leave,” Iwaizumi said taking Oikawa's hand in his. “Come on, let's go down and get our seats.”

* * *

      “You cried through the whole thing,” Hinata said accusingly pointing at Oikawa from across the table over the centerpiece of an overflowing basket of various flowers. 

      “What, no I didn't,” Oikawa said waving his hand dismissively at Hinata. 

      “Yes he did,” Iwaizumi said taking a sip of his champagne. 

      “Traitor, you're supposed to be on my side,” Oikawa frowned turning to Iwaizumi seated next to him. 

      “You did cry through the whole ceremony though,” Iwaizumi smirked placing his hand on Oikawa's thigh gently. He leaned in and brought their foreheads together and smiling at him tenderly. “It was really sweet.”

      “Gross, don't start kissing again,” Kageyama grimaces from next to Hinata on their side of the table. “Honestly have your own wedding so you guys can do all this lovey shit for a constructive reason.”

      Oikawa and Iwaizumi shared an amused look that went unnoticed by Kageyama and Hinata. Moving their left hands into their laps under the table and effectively out of sight, they both grew a knowing smile. Gently, Iwaizumi played with the solid gold band around Oikawa's ring finger that perfectly matched his own. 

      “Where’d Aiko go?” Kageyama asked looking around the large reception room. 

      Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked up to glance around.The room was lined with a dozen large circular tables each with over half a dozen or more people talking and eating. At the the long bridal party table at the head of the room were Yachi and Yamaguchi sitting in blissful joy with Aiko seated happily on Yamaguchi’s lap eating a comically large plate of food.

      “She’s fine,” Oikawa smiled softly watching Yachi and Yamaguchi exchange a small kiss before handing Aiko more food off their plates. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata said looking fondly at them. Oikawa watched as his smile slip slightly as he wrung his fingers on the table. 

      “Hinata are you ok?” Oikawa asked eyeing him worriedly. 

      “Shou?” Kageyama asked turning to his boyfriend. Quickly, Hinata rid the look off his face before Kageyama could notice. 

      “Yeah I’m fine,” Hinata said giving Kageyama a bright smile as he reached for his hand. Kageyama sent him an unamused look. “I’m really ok.” 

      “Ok,” Kageyama nodded after a moment, clutching his hand.

      “Hey I’m gonna go get a drink from the bar, anyone want anything?” Hinata asked getting up from the table.

      “I'll take a rum and coke,” Oikawa said stretching his right arm behind Iwaizumi's chair to rest on his shoulders. 

      “I'll come with,” Kageyama said getting up.

      “No it's ok, I'll be right back,” Hinata said not as confidently as he had wanted to. 

      “Ok,” Kageyama said looking at him with thinly disguised concern as Hinata walked towards the bar on the other side of the dance floor. 

      “Um...is everything ok between you guys?” Oikawa asked carefully looking at the slightly bewildered look on Kageyama's face. 

      “I...I don't know why it wouldn't be,” Kageyama breathed turning around to look at Hinata's back leaning over the bar as he waited for his drinks. 

      Oikawa and Iwaizumi exchanged a brief look. Placing his left hand in Iwaizumi's lap on top of his hands, he gave him a warm smile as he clinked together their thin gold bands. Instantly Iwaizumi smiled back, weaving their fingers together. 

      The upbeat music thumped throughout the reception hall. Pairs and groups of people were dancing to the music as the band played inciting the crowd to jump and dance around. The couple of honor were dancing at the center, each holding onto one of Aiko's hands as they jump and twirled along with the music. 

      Oikawa, who had managed to coerce Iwaizumi out onto the dance floor with him, was dancing closely to him with his hands on Iwaizumi's hips, moving with the beat of the music. He had been pleasantly surprised to learn that Iwaizumi, who normally didn't dance, didn't do so because he couldn't. On the contrary; Iwaizumi was able to keep pace with Oikawa with a level of finesse that Oikawa found overwhelmingly attractive. 

      “We should probably stop dancing soon,” Oikawa said leaning in to talk quietly in Iwaizumi's ear as they moved with the music. 

      “Why is that?” Iwaizumi asked looking genuinely surprised. 

      “Because you moving like this is giving me non–public appropriate thoughts,” Oikawa whispered into his ear. He watched a light blush color Iwaizumi's cheeks and a smirk spread across his mouth. Taking his hands on Oikawa's hips, he moved them closer together. “This is defeating the purpose.”

      “Maybe that is my purpose,” Iwaizumi grinned as he moved their bodies to the beat. 

      The twisting in his gut that now felt so comforting and familiar to Oikawa, threatened to dip lower to his groin as Iwaizumi slowly slid his hand under his blazer. But just as his hand made it to his lower back the song ended and a slower, much more gentle song began. 

      “Ok we're going to change things up a little,” the lead singer of the band crooned into the microphone. “I want all the couples, young and old here on the dance floor. 

      Couples from both sides of the family and friends took hold of their partners and made their way to the dance floor. Out of the corner of his eye, Oikawa could see Aiko running off to sit with her grandmother while Yamaguchi took Yachi's hand and pulled her close. Even Kageyama who looked mildly uncomfortable placed his hands on Hinata's waist, the only betrayer to his veneer of awkwardness was the warm look in his eyes as he looked down at Hinata. 

      Taking Iwaizumi's hand in his, Oikawa placed his other hand on Iwaizumi's waist. He pulled them as close as the could stand, leaning their foreheads together. A string of romantic notes floated out into the room as the band began to play in earnest and the lead began to sing. 

__ Somewhere, beyond the sea  
__ Somewhere waiting for me  
_ My lover stands on golden sands  
_ __ And watches the ships, that going sailing 

      “I love this song,” Oikawa said softly as they swayed to the music. 

      “Me too,” Iwaizumi whispered, nuzzling his nose against Oikawa's cheek. 

_ Somewhere beyond the sea _ __  
_ She's there watching for me _ __  
_ If I could fly like birds on high _ __  
_ Then straight to her arms _ _  
_ __ I'd go sailing

      “It makes me think of that time when we were on that boat on the Canal du Midi last year,” Iwaizumi smiled against Oikawa's skin. 

      “You got so burnt,” Oikawa chuckled. “You were so cute.”

      “Were?” Iwaizumi asked with a smirk. 

      “Are,” Oikawa corrected with a soft smile. “You're always cute. And gorgeous and perfect and amazing and—”

      “Whoa slow down, people might get the idea that you love me,” Iwaizumi joked. 

      “Oh we wouldn't want people thinking that,” Oikawa laughed. Their bodies so close as they swayed with the music, their breaths drifting across the sides of each other's cheeks. 

_It's far beyond the stars_ __  
_It's near beyond the moon_ __  
_I know beyond a doubt_ __  
__My heart will lead me there soon  
__  
       “This is a nice wedding,” Iwaizumi said after a moment. Oikawa gazed around the candle lit room. The sun had almost completely gone down and the last vestiges of the summer sun were just falling behind the horizon. All the pale yellow and lavender flowers glowed softly under the tall candles that littered the room. There were over a dozen couples all dancing slowly holding their loved ones close as the band played. The floor was a hush with whispered conversations between lovers and the light tapping of shoes under the melody.  It was beautiful. 

      “I've been to better,” Oikawa grinned against Iwaizumi's cheek. “The last one I went to was pretty great I have to say.”

      “I was at that wedding,” Iwaizumi said fighting a smile. “I have to admit it was pretty good.” Oikawa glances at the gold band on Iwaizumi's hand that he was holding. A warm flush swept through him and he barely fought the impulse to kiss him. 

      “It was perfect,” Oikawa whispered as their lips separated. 

      “You think so?” Iwaizumi said with uncharacteristic apprehension. 

      “Yeah of course,” Oikawa nodded. 

      “You didn't want all this?” Iwaizumi asked looking around at the grand room and all the guests. “With all your own friends and family?”

      “This is nice,” Oikawa said with vague gesture with elbow to the room. “But being with you is better. No matter how that happened for me whether we are here in some of party or you know, in Amsterdam, as long as I'm with you I'm happy.”

_ We'll meet beyond the shore _ __  
_ We'll kiss just as before _ __  
_ Happy we'll be beyond the sea _ _  
_ __ And never again I'll go sailing

      “I love you,” Iwaizumi breathed looking into Oikawa's eyes. 

      “I know,” Oikawa whispered with a small smile. 

      “Don't Solo me,” Iwaizumi frowned, betrayed slightly by the loving look in his eyes. 

      “I knew getting you to watch those movies was a good idea,” Oikawa grinned. 

      “You're an ass,” Iwaizumi shook his head. 

      “But I love you,” Oikawa said nosing against his cheek. 

      “I know,” Iwaizumi whispered, holding Oikawa just a bit closer as they danced. 

* * *

      “You look really uncomfortable.”  Kageyama turned his head from looking down at the bar to where Oikawa was sitting down next to him. 

      “Was that supposed to make me less uncomfortable?” Kageyama asked turning towards him a little bit.

      “No, it was just an observation,” he smirked motioning for the bartender. “Can I just get a glass of water?” The bartender nodded and grabbed a glass off the shelf. 

      “No more drinking?” Kageyama asked watching the bartender fill the glass with ice. 

      “Nah, I learned a while ago that while drunk sex is fun, sober sex with Iwaizumi is about a thousand times better,” Oikawa grinned thanking the bartender as he handed him the glass. “So are you gonna tell me why you're here looking all sulky? Where's Hinata?”

      “He's with Aiko, he took her to the bathroom because she didn't feel well, probably too much cake,” Kageyama said rubbing his eyes tiredly. 

      “He's really great with her,” Oikawa smiled at Kageyama. “She and you are lucky to have him.”

      “Thanks,” Kageyama said with a slightly surprised smile. “He um...he's really wonderful actually. Like amazing and perfect, even. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve him.”

      “Of course you do,” Oikawa insisted. “You're kind and good natured and you deserve all the good that comes your way.” 

      “I'm just glad you guys are no longer at each other's throats,” Kageyama chuckled. 

      “Hey, I spent months apologizing. I did my time.”

      “I'm glad you did, you're my best friend. I don't know what I would have done without you.”

      “Fall into a depression, spiral out of control, have life lose all meaning,” Oikawa suggested facetiously. 

      “Yeah probably,” Kageyama agreed jokingly. 

      “But seriously Hinata is great for you and Aiko,” Oikawa said. “I…” he bit his lip debating on whether or not to say what he was about to, deciding that their friendship was strong enough to handle it. “I don't think I would ever been able to be as good for you as Hinata is.”

      “What do you mean?” Kageyama asked surprised. 

      “I'm not… well Hinata is…” he sighed heavily. “There was a long time that I thought there'd still be a chance that maybe you and I would… but I know now that I wasn't meant for you and you weren't meant for me. And Iwaizumi,” he smiled softly, his left thumb rubbing the gold band on his ring finger on his lap, “he's just perfect.”

      “I'm glad you're happy Oikawa,” Kageyama said placing his hand on his shoulder. 

      “I really am,” Oikawa said like even he was surprised by it. 

      “Good,” Kageyama nodded. “You deserve it.”

      “I have my doubts some days but, yeah. I do.” Oikawa smiled softly to himself as thoughts of Iwaizumi filled his head. “So do you, you know. I don't know why you're over here looking sad when you have a perfect and beautiful family here.”

      “I'm not looking sad I'm…” Kageyama exhaled heavily. “Worried.”

      “Worried?” Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows. “About what?”

      “Hinata,” Kageyama said. “I'm wondered he's having doubts.”

      “Doubts? About what? Not you.”

      “Uh,” Kageyama began unsurely. “We um, last night we um… we decided we wanted to have another child. Together.” 

      “Oh my god, that's so exciting for you guys,” Oikawa congratulated. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama nodded. His smiled faded just slightly as he looked down at the bar. “But all day Hinata has been acting all weird. Maybe he doesn't actually—”

      “Ok I'm going to stop you right there,” Oikawa said putting his hand up to stop him. “You and I both know Hinata wants a big family of his own more than anything. And we both know he loves you more than anything. Also that he loves being a dad to Aiko more than anything.”

      “That's a lot of anythings,” Kageyama smirked. 

      “The point is,” Oikawa continued. “He's not having doubt about having a family with you or any of the stupidly destructive thoughts you're having. To be honest, he's probably just nervous and doubting himself.”

      “Really?” Kageyama asked. 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa nodded. “I saw the way he was watching Yamaguchi and Aiko. He was probably wondering if he was as good with Aiko as Yamaguchi is. Or if he could even be a dad to multiple kids. Or any of the intrusive doubts that come along with big decisions and change. But I'm 100% positive he would never doubt you.”

      “Thanks,” Kageyama said, his voice thick with emotion. “I… I didn't see it that way. I was just worried that it was me, that I did something wrong. It never occurred to me it was him. So yeah, thanks.”

      “Of course,” Oikawa nodded. 

      “I feel actually a bit better now,” Kageyama exhaled happily. “I'm glad we talked. You're always my go to when I need to work out a problem, or just to tell you something. I'm glad I have you Oikawa.”

      “Me too,” Oikawa smiled. He felt the warm metal band on his finger clink against the glass. “Actually… I have to tell you something.”

      “Oh?” Kageyama raises his eyebrows in surprise. 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa swallowed nervously. “Um, so last week… Iwaizumi and I didn't just go Europe for our anniversary...we went to Amsterdam. We got married.”

      “You what?” Kageyama asked practically choking on his words. 

      “We got married,” Oikawa repeated. He picked up his left hand and showed Kageyama the golden wedding ring on his finger. 

      “Why...why didn't you tell me?” Kageyama asked bewildered. 

      “It was all spur of the moment anyway,” Oikawa shrugged. “We’ve actually been enjoying keeping it between the two of us. We're gonna tell everyone eventually we just… we had spent so much time not telling each other things, it's nice to have something only we know.”

      “That's… That's…” Kageyama could put words together. 

      “So yeah, I'm married,” Oikawa smiled. “You don't know how good that feels to finally say out loud. I've kinda just been saying it in my head. But saying it aloud is a thousand times better.”

      “That's...That's amazing,” Kageyama finally said. “I'm in shock.”

      “Hopefully not because you think it's a bad idea,” Oikawa ventured. 

      “Not at all, I think you guys are meant for each other,” Kageyama shook his head. “I'm just...kinda surprised you didn't have a big wedding. With everyone and all the pomp and circumstance that goes with it.”

      “You know, Iwaizumi asked me the same thing,” Oikawa said. “And the truth is, I don't really care about all the wedding planning things. I mean sure, would have been nice? Of course. Would it have been beautiful? Absolutely. Would it make any difference in how I feel about Hajime? Not a bit.”

      “That's very mature of you,” Kageyama noted. 

      “Well the way I see it is that I love him and he loves me so what more would we need from a wedding besides a huge bill?” Oikawa shrugged. “Besides,” he looked down at his ring, smiling softly to himself. “I'm happy. I don't need anything else.”

* * *

      “Ugh it's so good to be home,” Oikawa groaned toeing off his shoes as he flopped onto the sectional. 

      “I'm just glad that I can take off this fucking suit,” Iwaizumi said as he began to pull off the blazer. 

      “No leave it,” Oikawa said leaning up on his elbows to look at Iwaizumi. 

      “Why?”

      “Because I like looking at you in it.”

      “Shut the fuck up,” Iwaizumi laughed, rolling his eyes as he continued to undress. 

      “Aren't I supposed to think you're hot?” Oikawa questioned getting up from the sectional and crossing the apartment to where Iwaizumi was undoing his tie by the dining table.

      “Definitely, it's part of the marriage rules, look it up,” Iwaizumi nodded facetiously. 

      “Oh is that the rule next to the one about excessive sarcasm?” Oikawa said sarcastically, sitting up on the table watching Iwaizumi undo the buttons on his shirt. 

      “No, that's part of  _ Dealing With Oikawa 101 _ .”

      “That's a good book series,” Oikawa smirked, eyeing the tattooed skin slowly being exposed. 

      “I’ve read all of it, don’t worry,” Iwaizumi grinned folding his button down and placing it on the back of the dining chair. “Especially the book called  _ Eating Ass: The Art of Keeping Your Oikawa Happy _ .”

      “Oh my god,” Oikawa smacked Iwaizumi’s arm laughing. 

      “What? It was a good book. I enjoyed it,” Iwaizumi grinned moving to stand between Oikawa’s legs, placing his hands on either side of Oikawa’s waist

      “Not as much as I enjoyed the book  _ You and Your Hajime: The 73 Uses of a Vibrator _ ,” Oikawa smirked, hooking his arms around Iwaizumi’s shoulders. 

      “I think,” Iwaizumi breathed against Oikawa’s jaw, “that we should do a collaborative book. Something that blends together both of our vast skill sets and wealth of knowledge.” 

      “That could be both mutually beneficial and informative,” Oikawa whispered, tilting his head back letting Iwaizumi mouth at his neck. “We could write an encyclopedia.” 

      “Let’s start with A,” Iwaizumi said kissing the juncture of Oikawa's jaw and neck. “Affection.”

      “Aw that's cute,” Oikawa cooed dragging his nails lightly Iwaizumi's back. “You're so sweet.”

      “You're so beautiful,” Iwaizumi smiled pulling them closer, his hands moving up Oikawa’s body. “And amazing. And perfect. And I love you.”

      “I love you,” Oikawa sighed happily. “What's B?”

      “Bondage,” Iwaizumi said moving his hands up to Oikawa’s upper arm and gripping the under part of his arm and quickly moving it up and off his shoulders. He brought Oikawa’s arms together, pinning them above his head as he grazed his teeth against his neck. 

      “Jesus Hajime, you’re gonna give me whiplash from your quick changes,” Oikawa said stunned, but amused. “I thought it was gonna be like, body worship or someth—  _ ah ah _ ,” he gasped as Iwaizumi licked a stripe up his neck. 

      “Maybe we should move onto C,” Iwaizumi breathed, keeping Oikawa’s arm pinned above his head. “Coitus.” 

      “Well that was fast,” Oikawa laughed. “You just bypassed all the fun foreplay.”

      “That's F,” Iwaizumi said using one hand to hold up Oikawa's arms while the other started undoing Oikawa's tie.

      “You skipped letters,” Oikawa said as Iwaizumi pulled off his tie. Letting go of Oikawa's hands, he moved his arms down and wrapped the tie around his hands in front of his chest. “Oh I see we're still on B.”

      “I like to skip around,” Iwaizumi smirked as he deftly undid the buttons on Oikawa's shirt. He pushed up Oikawa's arms so he could mouth at his chest, spreading the open shirt passed his shoulders. 

      “Well now I can't get it off,” Oikawa said looking at his shirt as Iwaizumi kissed down his chest. 

      “That's ok,” Iwaizumi breathed licking around his nipple slowly. “I like you half dressed anyway.”

      “Oh Hajime, you always like me no matter what way I am,” Oikawa teased while Iwaizumi flicked his tongue on his nipple. 

      “You've gotten far too smug ever since we got married,” Iwaizumi chided, placing his hand down on Oikawa's chest and pressing him onto his back on the table. Slowly, Oikawa laid back, lifting his head up to watch as Iwaizumi moved his hands down his torso. “You think just because I made a promise to love you until death do us part, that means I love you or something? Where would you have gotten that idea?” he joked. 

      “Oh I don't know,” Oikawa grinned watching Iwaizumi undo his suit pants slowly. “Maybe by the way you profess your love for me on the daily.” Iwaizumi smirked to himself as he worked Oikawa's pants down his thighs. “Or the fact that you are so good and kind to me.” Iwaizumi's smirk melted into a soft smile as he pulled off Oikawa's pants completely. “Or maybe because I just know you that well.”

      “Oh yeah?” Iwaizumi asked. 

      “Yeah,” Oikawa grinned. 

      “If that's true what am I thinking right now?” Iwaizumi said raking his nails down Oikawa's thighs. 

      “You're thinking  _ how did I end up so lucky that this amazing guy agreed to marry me? _ or something to that effect,” Oikawa said mimicking Iwaizumi's much deeper, gravelly voice. 

      “Actually I was thinking about how I could probably make you cum untouched in under 10 minutes,” Iwaizumi said haughtily. Words caught in Oikawa’s throat as he watched the smug grin spread on Iwaizumi’s face. “But that too I guess.” 

      “I-I’m going to take you up on that challenge,” Oikawa swallowed, feeling himself grow harder at the thought. 

      Iwaizumi’s hands gripped at Oikawa’s thighs, spreading his legs apart on the table. A comusing heat curled inside Oikawa’s gut as he watched Iwaizumi lean over him. He could feel his hot breath against his dick, never getting close enough to provide any real pleasure, always just on the cusp of what Oikawa needed. 

      Fingers dipped under the waistband of his briefs, pulling them down at an excruciatingly slow pace, his dick bouncing free against his abdomen. He let out a low moan as Iwaizumi pressed biting kisses to the inside of his thighs, soothingly licking each one with his tongue. The soft pads of his fingers dug into the meat of Oikawa’s thigh, spreading his legs further. His tongue traced his skin, pulling mewls from deep in Oikawa’s throat. 

      “Ha–Hajime,” Oikawa whimpered, pulling at the tie keeping his hands locked together on his chest. “ _ Please _ .” 

      “Yes?” Iwaizumi asked, raising his eyebrow smugly at him, standing up. 

      “No more teasing,” Oikawa whined, writhing on the table. Iwaizumi traced a finger gently up and down Oikawa’s thigh. “Please.” 

      “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Iwaizumi grinned.

      “This isn’t a very husbandly thing to do,” Oikawa pouted, arching his back off the table. 

      “Is that right?” Iwaizumi asked putting his hands on this hips. His eyes raked up Oikawa’s body for a moment, before reaching for his phone in his suit jacket pocket. Oikawa watched as he lifted the phone up above him, centered it, and took a photo. 

      “More photos?” Oikawa said looking up at Iwaizumi through heavy lidded eyes. 

      “I have a whole album,” Iwaizumi grinned. 

      “I know,” Oikawa sighed smugly, “so do I.” Iwaizumi’s grin grew. “Remember when we compared them in that hotel in Madrid?”

      “Yours was surprisingly bigger than mine,” Iwaizumi chuckled walking away from the dining table and into the bathroom, leaving Oikawa naked and tied up on the table. 

      “Oh Iwa don’t sell yourself short. You know it’s not size that matters, but what you do with it,” Oikawa teased tilting his head back to glimpse Iwaizumi stepping into the bathroom.

      “Ha ha, very funny,” Iwazumi called out from the bathroom. “You’re very hilarious.”

      “I know,” Oikawa shrugged laying his head back flat on the table, moving his arms to rest above his head. After a few seconds of listening to Iwaizumi rummaging through the bathroom cabinet, he twisted his head around to try to see what he could from his upside down vantage point. “Babe? What are you doing?” 

      “Trying to find a not empty bottle of lube,” Iwaizumi said from in the bathroom. “I thought we had an extra bottle of that warming lube.” 

      “We do,” Oikawa said looking at Iwaizumi upside down, “it’s upstairs, remember? We used it before we left for the airport.”

      “Oh right,” Iwaizumi said flicking off the bathroom light, and walking out of the bathroom. “Sit tight honey, I’ll be right back,” he called out, jogging up the spiral staircase leading up to their lofted bedroom.

      “Sit tie’t, that’s punny,” Oikawa huffed jokingly, looking up at the amber glass of the loft railing. Iwaizumi’s head peered over the edge and looked down at him quizzically. “Because you _tie’d_ my hands together,” he said holding up his hands which were bound together by his tie. “And told me to sit _tie’t_.” After a full second, realization dawned on Iwaizumi’s face and he gave Oikawa a massive eye roll before disappearing further into the loft and out of sight. 

      “Appreciate my humor!,” Oikawa cried out. “This is what married life is—unnf.” A small plastic bottle hit him hard on his stomach with a hard smack.

      “Oops,” Iwaizumi said sarcastically, looking down at Oikawa over the amber glass railing. 

      “ _ Ow _ ,” Oikawa groaned watching Iwaizumi walked down the steps. He was no longer wearing the suit pants but only had on his dark green briefs. “That really hurt, give a little warning next time, would you?”

      “This is what married life is,” Iwaizumi parroted back his words, picking up the bottle of lube, and pouring some on his fingers. 

      “You better not think you’re just gonna just stick your fingers inside me after you dropped that shit on me—  _ ah ah _ ” Oikawa gasped as Iwaizumi pressed in his well lubed middle finger past his ring of muscle. Pistoning his finger in and out, he quickly reduced Oikawa to series of breathy moans and gasps. 

      “You were saying?” Iwaizumi said smugly, as he pressed a second finger in. 

      “Sh–shut up,” Oikawa keened, moving his hips along with his finger’s movements. Heat pooled in his gut as Iwaizumi stretched him, the warming lube making each motion feel more like a consuming burn each time Iwaizumi grazed his prostate. By the time he had three fingers inside him, Oikawa was whimpering and writhing on the table. “Pl-please Hajime. Just fuck me already. I can’t take much more of this.” 

      “So impatient,” Iwaizumi tisked withdrawing his fingers from inside Oikawa. 

      “Didn’t you boast about being able to do this in 10 minutes?” Oikawa asked panting on top of the table. “Time’s running out hubby.” 

      “Oh, I’ve got plenty of time,” Iwaizumi said sliding on a condom. He took the bottle of lube and pour some into his hand, working it all over himself and spreading the excess around Oikawa’s entrance. The extra warming lube sent a fevered chill up Oikawa’s spine as he grew more and more impatient.

      “Hurry up,” Oikawa moaned, throwing his tied up arms over his head. “Or else you’re going to have to forf—  _ fuck _ .” 

      “Like I said,” Iwaizumi breathed, pushing himself slowly into Oikawa inch by inch, “I have plenty of time.” 

      “Shut up and fuck me,” Oikawa gasped arching his back while Iwaizumi bottomed out against him. 

      “Of course dear,” Iwaizumi grinned. 

      He grabbed onto Oikawa’s hip and lifted them slightly off the table. Starting of slow but with precision, Iwaizumi began to thrust in and out of him, each motion gathering more speed. With nothing to hold onto, Oikawa could only close his eyes and lose himself in the overwhelming heat between them. Each time his prostate was brushed he’d let out a whimper, reducing himself a sweaty mess. 

      As Iwaizumi’s thrusts became faster, the heat inside him began to grow more and more unbearable. The twisting in his gut had move lower until his dick was practically jumping as he leaked precum. Sooner than he would have liked, he felt himself rapidly tumbling towards his orgasm. The excessive warmth combined with the deep animalistic grunt coming from Iwaizumi above him was enough to push him towards his end. 

      “Fuck, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum,” Oikawa panted involuntarily twisted away from Iwaizumi as the feeling grew in his groin. 

      “Cum for me,” Iwaizumi whispered roughly, quickening his pace even more. 

      Without needing any other encouragement, Oikawa released, cuming hard all over his abdomen in a thick white stream. He could barely catch his breath as Iwaizumi sputtered inside him for a moment before picking up his pace with even more frenzied motion. Oikawa was almost completely spent and at the point of overstimulation when he felt Iwaizumi cum with a gasping groan, mouthing at his skin around his nipple. 

      Taking a few moments to breathe, Iwaizumi pulled out of Oikawa and took off his condom. Putting on his briefs, he tied up the condom as he walked over into the kitchen to dispose of it. Oikawa was too beyond tired to follow him with his eyes but he heard his footsteps returning a few seconds later. He wiped Oikawa’s torso clean with a damp paper towel, before tossing that also in the garbage. Gently he untied Oikawa’s hands from the tie and helped him down from the hard wooden table. 

      “You ok?” Iwaizumi asked thumbing his cheek. 

      “Yeah I’m great,” Oikawa smiled kissing him quickly. 

      “Good,” Iwaizumi nodded, reaching over the table for his phone. “So not including the past minute or so of clean up, you came in just under 9 minutes.”

      “You actually timed me?” Oikawa asked, taking off his button and folding it. 

      “Well yeah,” Iwaizumi shrugged, putting down his phone eyeing Oikawa’s nude body pick up all of their clothes that had ended up on the floor. “I said I’d do it.” 

      “I never doubted you for a second,” Oikawa smiled grabbing the armful for clothing and walking up the spiral stairs up to the loft. 

      “I'm glad you believe in my sexual prowess,” Iwaizumi said following up behind him. 

      “Of course I do,” Oikawa said dumping their clothes in their hamper. Pulling on a clean pair of briefs, he turned around and walked over to where Iwaizumi was sitting on the bed. Crawling up in the bed, he moved to straddle his lap, hooking his arms around his neck. “I wouldn't have married you if I didn't.”

      “Oh good to know,” Iwaizumi feigned assurement, placing his hands on either side of Oikawa's hips. 

      “Nah I'm joking,” Oikawa said running his fingers Iwaizumi's hair. “I would have married you no matter what.”

      “Also good to know,” Iwaizumi smiled softly. 

      “This is where you say something nice about me,” Oikawa said teasingly. “Like about how beautiful I am, or how much you love me. Something along those lines. Here I’ll start you off:  _ Toru you are the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen and I’m blessed that to call you my husband _ . Ok so take it from there.” 

      “Toru you are the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen and I’m blessed that to call you my husband,” Iwaizumi repeated back to him with a grin. 

      “You’re supposed to add more,” Oikawa said pouting. “You’re supposed to talk about how you’ve always loved me and how all other people have been ruined for you because they can’t live up to me and how you’ll never love anyone else the way you love me. Stuff like that.” 

      “Stuff like that huh?” Iwaizumi said thoughtfully. He looked off in thought for a moment before nodding like he’d decided something. “Can you get up for a second?” 

      “Uh,” Oikawa said confused as to what was happening. “Sure.” He moved off Iwaizumi’s lap and sat on the bed, pulling his legs up and crossing them underneath him. 

      His eyes followed Iwaizumi to the closet where their suitcases still sat unpacked in front of the door. Unzipping the main pocket, Iwaizumi rummaged through the clothes until he found what he had been looking for. He reached into the pocket of his black leather jacket but Oikawa couldn’t see what he pulled out. 

      Iwaizumi turned around, holding whatever he had gotten tight in his hand so Oikawa couldn't see what it was. Feeling suddenly nervous, Oikawa felt his body heat up as he watched Iwaizumi awkwardly stand in front of him looking like he was internally debating what to say. Trying to break some of the awkward tension, Oikawa tried for a joke. 

      “If you’re gonna propose to me, I have to inform you that you are too late. I already have a husband,” Oikawa joked lightly eyeing the way that Iwaizumi’s fist was clenched around whatever he was holding. 

      “I’m...I’m not very good with words, so you’ll have to forgive me if this doesn’t come out right,” Iwaizumi began looking down at the ground between them. 

      “...Ok…” Oikawa said feeling more anxious than before. 

      “We um… we kind of got married on a whim,” Iwaizumi said glancing up quickly at Oikawa. “There wasn’t any real planning or anything besides just getting to Amsterdam and buying the wedding rings. It was all just so fast.” 

      “Hajime, where are you going with this?” Oikawa asked apprehensively. “You’re not… you’re not saying you regret it...right?” 

      “No, no, not at all,” Iwaizumi rushed out quickly taking a step towards Oikawa. “No, god no. I don’t regret it at all. I love you and I want to be with you forever.” He came closer and placed his empty hand on Oikawa’s cheek, thumbing at his cheekbone. “I don’t regret anything.” 

      “Me neither,” Oikawa breathed turning his head slightly and kissing the inside of his palm. 

      “But, what I meant was,” Iwaizumi continued taking back his hand. “In our wedding we just did the basic format because it was all so short notice. And I never got to tell you how I felt about you— feel, about you.”

      “Hajime, you were marrying me,” Oikawa laughed nervously. “I kinda guessed how you felt about me.” 

      “Yeah,” Iwaizumi nodded taking a deep breath. “But...I wanted to tell you. I…” he unclenched his hand revealing a small crumpled piece of paper. “I wrote vows. Even though I didn’t say them. I wrote them. And...and I wanted to read them to you, if that’s ok?” 

      “That’s more than ok,” Oikawa whispered feeling tears gathering in his eyes, taking in the sight of Iwaizumi standing nervously before him. 

      “Ok,” Iwaizumi said, lifting a trembling hand up to read the paper. “I’m going to just read it ok?” 

      “Ok,” Oikawa nodded. 

      “Right,” Iwaizumi swallowed. “So um...ok.” He let out a shaky breath, his hands trembling slightly, gripping the paper close to his face he began to read aloud. 

      “Between you and me, I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. Longer than our relationship. Longer than I’ve known you. Probably longer than I even knew. All I’ve ever wanted was to love someone with everything I have, and for them to love me too. And I was prepared to wait for it. I was willing to wait for the ends of earth if that meant I would be waiting for that person who was going to make me half as happy as you do. I know now, that all my waiting paid off.” 

      Through thick tears, Oikawa could see Iwaizumi glancing up at him, looking at him in a similar state. A sweet smile grew on his face as he swallowed and looked back down at his paper. 

      “When I met you I knew instantly that I was going to fall in love you. It was all the cheesy goodness of a bad romance movie. And though we had our hardships and times where we didn't see eye to eye, I know that all the waiting we've done was worth it.”

      He looked up Oikawa, a heavy tear streaming down his face. It hit the paper with a wet splat, creating a small dark patch on the page. Oikawa could barely take his eyes off Iwaizumi.

      Every feeling of love and affection and want and need and everything in between bubbles up to the surface. He felt like he was being consumed alive by how much the man in front of him, his husband of only 6 days and the love of his life, was so beautifully perfect. 

      “I love you Toru,” Iwaizumi said no longer looking down at the paper. “I love you and I'm done waiting. I'm here to solidify what is already true in my heart. That is, that I will be by your side through heartache and hardship, and through happiness and success. I will be there to support you when you need me and to watch you flourish when you don't. I will promise to be open and honest with you and to love you always.” 

      There was a long beat of silence as Iwaizumi's words rung in the air. The only sounds were the occasional sniffle and the slight crinkling of the paper in Iwaizumi's still trembling hands. 

      “I— um,” he coughed awkwardly, “I know that it's not the most well written vows, but I was more—”

      “That was so beautiful,” Oikawa wept wiping tears off his face with the back of his hand. “I don't even know what to say.”

      “You don't have to say anything,” Iwaizumi shook his head. He quickly placed the paper down on the night table and climbed into the bed next to a crying Oikawa. Gently placing his arms around Oikawa's shoulders, he pulled him close to his chest where Oikawa cried. “I just… wanted to read that to you. I know I don't...I'm not a very big sharer and I've been trying to be more… more… open with you. And I don't write very well, but that was the best way I could put how I felt, you know, into words.”

      “It was perfect,” Oikawa sobbed into his chest, clinging onto Iwaizumi. “God it was so perfect and you're perfect and everything you said was perfect and I love you so much.”

      “I love you too Toru,” Iwaizumi said tenderly holding Oikawa close. 

      “I can't believe how much I'm crying right now,” Oikawa said through his tears and gaspy breaths. He lifted his tear streaked face to look up at Iwaizumi who was smiling down at him. “I just… everything you said— sometimes I can't help but wonder if I deserve it. I know I love you and you love me but...but… I would still wonder. But now,” he brought his hand up to thumb at Iwaizumi's cheeks gently, “now I know. I'll never doubt again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sad to see it end, but i welcome anyone who wants to talk to me about it on here or tumblr!!! (I'm @accordingtomyresearch)
> 
> thank you again!!!


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